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What do I do if my ex keeps contacting me?

309 Answers
Last Updated: 03/20/2021 at 5:12pm
What do I do if my ex keeps contacting me?
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Elena Morales, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I believe silence creates a cycle. With empathic and collaborative therapy, we break the cycle. I help clients feel validated and supported passed anger, shame, and anxiety.

Top Rated Answers
November 2nd, 2014 11:57pm
I would recommend that you do not respond! Even if you still wish that you were with your ex, speaking to her will only hurt you more.
July 1st, 2015 12:43am
Depending on the situation, if an ex continues to contact you, either hear them out or ignore them. If they ex broke up with you because they decided to pursue another relationship, I would suggest not picking up the phone. Chances are they are only talking to you because they are no longer happy with the relationship they left you for. If you broke up on mutual feelings and nothing has negatively escalated in your relationship, then I say hear them out. But it all depends on your understanding of the relationship.
August 1st, 2015 1:13am
You don't contact him back! It's the same as anything else, you don't want to encourage the bad behavior. They're your ex for a reason, remember that! Respect yourself and leave it alone. If it gets out of hand, you can tell them to stop, or just go to the authorities. But other than that, stay away.
August 7th, 2015 4:47pm
i think it all depends on what you want... In my case I like to stay friends with the people i've dated because they become someone I care for even if it cant be until a few months after the break up. Its hard for me to imagine that I would stop caring about someone i once loved. If its too hard to be friends after the break up I think you can be straight with them and let them know its not helping you to keep being in contact
December 13th, 2015 3:03am
Do you want your ex to be contacting you? Maybe you want to be friends, in which case be nice and maybe you will be friends. If you dont want to be talking to your ex, then there are many things you can do. You can block their number, not respond, tell your ex to stop contacting you. Remember that you have the power here. If your ex is bothering you, you have the ability to think to yourself "no, I do not have to deal with you bringing pain into my life by contacting me" and you can not respond. I know I have an issue doing this because I feel bad, but dont light yourself on fire for someone else to feel warmth. If it makes you uncomfortable to contact your ex, remember not to feel bad and protect yourself first.
October 25th, 2014 2:26pm
If I were in your shoes, I would tell them to leave me alone and then block any way for them to contact me.
February 7th, 2016 11:59am
Never answer. Block them, change your number and just erase therefrom your life. People leave for a reason so they should stay gone.
February 5th, 2016 5:47pm
Believe it or not, I was the one who was hung up on the girl who broke up with me a few years ago. If someone feels that the relationship ends on bad terms, it's hard for the dumpee to accept because there simply isn't any closure. If you're trying to avoid your ex after dumping them, I'd say you give them if only a few minutes of your time to make sure he/she understands why you had to do what you did.
August 8th, 2015 4:20am
It's okay to talk to them. Just keep the conversations short; fifteen minutes at the most. Sound happy and do not get personal. If they start to get personal just keep your distance and remain friendly but not intimate. Ex is short for excommunicated. You can be friendly without being you ex's friend.
November 20th, 2014 6:22pm
block him....seriously, if you don't really want him to contact you, there are ways...AND YOU KNOW THE WAYS YOU JUST HAVE TO DO IT!!
November 15th, 2014 4:39pm
I think it really depends.if you do not want them to contact you, you could ask nicely for them to stop. However, if they continue then there is always a first step of blocking them from your phone and anything else they could get in touch with you on. IF you do want to talk to them.... I would cautious of their true intentions An ex is an ex for a reason! Never forget those reasons why you broke up to begin with. In my experince in that they only wanted to come back around when another girl didn't work out.
August 13th, 2015 4:50pm
If your ex keeps contacting you against your will, it's best to set firm boundaries with them and tell them that you need space. If they ignore these boundaries, this is a form of harassment and you may need to get someone else involved. Depending on the level of harassment they're going to, this could qualify as stalking and you should get trusted loved ones or the appropriate authorities (or both) involved.
November 15th, 2014 2:29pm
Don't be mean by not responding. They either still still like you and are trying to get over you or they want to make sure that everything is okay between you two
September 17th, 2016 11:21pm
No Contact. It's hard going cold turkey, but it's so worth it in the end. If your ex contacting you is preventing you from moving on, blocking them, whether on text or social media, will really help.
November 3rd, 2014 12:31am
I had something similar to this happen. You need to sit him/her down, or call them and tell them that it's starting to bother you and you're trying to distance yourself. If that's not helping, maybe it's time to get some of your friends involved to tell them your thoughts and feelings to show your sincerity about the situation. Block them on your social media accounts if necessary.
August 6th, 2015 6:50pm
Ignore it,if it does not work the first time why go for it a second time,in other words I suggest to your change phone number.
June 24th, 2015 4:29pm
Well it depends on the context in which he is contacting you. If he is sending you unwanted messages and calls, you can politely ask them to refrain. The reality is, if you were together for a long time, you were an important figure in their life, and it isn't easy to lose someone you've known for time. So it is important that you're understanding of their behavior as well. If after you ask them to stop contacting you, they continue to do so, stop replying/begin ignoring them. If they do not stop, you can contact the authorities. If you feel the situation merits it. For the most part, with some ignoring, they'll give it up. (They're just broken).
August 16th, 2015 3:27pm
block them. dont engage because it usually cant end well whether they are being hurtful or otherwise. block their number, block them on social media. stay in groups of people in public...harassers are afraid of groups of people and are less likely to provoke you if they see you in group.
October 19th, 2014 3:22am
If you do not want to keep in contact with him, let him know, be clear and honest. Also being mature and respectful helps. Remember that you dont have to do anything that disturbs you.
October 8th, 2014 6:10pm
Ignore them. Let them know that you are no longer interested. Show them you are happy without me and never speak poorly of them.
October 25th, 2014 10:40pm
Don't Ignore he/she. They could be very well having a hard time getting over you. Just tell them how you feel even if it may not be the same as they feel and they may stop. If you ignore them it could get them false hope into thinking that you just don't want to talk at that very moment and that you may come around on down the line.
September 30th, 2014 7:51pm
I would block their number, remove and block them from any social media and if they do manage to contact you, ignore them! They'll soon get the message that you don't want to talk to them
July 12th, 2015 2:23pm
You tell straight out how you feel about it, and make the person see the things from your point of view.
October 16th, 2014 3:57am
Consider blocking their number, talk with the phone company they may be able to assist with this. Some smart phones have the ability to block certain callers. You might also consider changing your number and going unlisted.
August 15th, 2015 3:23am
Well, I think it depends of the situation... If he or she has hurted you physically or psychologically you should NEVER respond his/her messages, for your own good block that person from every social media and try to avoid all contact. If it was a calm breakup and you think its a good idea to be friends with that person.. It's up to you, but I have never end up with a happy ending myself.
August 15th, 2015 7:16pm
Find a way to block all ways that he has to contact you. If he continues to pursue you, then you can get a restraining order on him.
February 11th, 2016 7:18am
Change your phone number. Block 'em on every site known to man. Gather evidence if they're harassing you. Then eat some popcorn or something.
February 7th, 2016 9:00pm
If your past hurt or past love is there around you, then it's a sign of choosing something for you. You can either choose to say yes to the past Love or you can simply say No to the past hurt. However it all depends on the past conditions and the person you are now.
August 13th, 2015 9:41pm
Maybe you should think about the situation again. You might have still feelings but are they the rest of the feelings you had or is there still a fire burning inside for the other person? Also think about why you broke up: Was it a serious reason? Would the reason why you'd broken up still be a problem? And if you are really sure what you feel tell your ex your feelings.
July 4th, 2015 12:25am
Contact them telling they need to stop or you will contact authorities. Be firm, dont leave any gray lines, and be clear.