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what does it mean when he says he doesn't want to break up but he is not sure if he loves you anymore?

190 Answers
Last Updated: 03/17/2022 at 5:03pm
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Brenda King, PsyD


I treat life changes, women’s issues, and issues of aging using evidence-based treatments with healthy doses of warmth, empathy and humor to enhance healing and growth.

Top Rated Answers
May 24th, 2015 5:13pm
His confusions should not be a problem of yours and if he's not sure if he loves you anymore, why stay? He doesn't want to break up with you mostly because he got used to you. Think of yourself first
September 14th, 2016 2:13pm
There can be a lot of different reasons why he said such thing. He's most likely feeling confused, just like you are, a relationship requires hard work and dedication, sometimes it becomes quite difficult to manage, depending on the type of relationship shared, it's duration, intimacy and several other factors playing a role on both you, sometimes being in a relationship can become some sort of a routine, and as consequence the person turns into a habit, we tend to get too attached to our partners and develop a dependency instead of a viable love connection. My point is, he might be having second thoughts concerning his feelings and the relationship in general, but his attachment to you probably keeps him from making a decision, he fears the possibility of regretting his choices, and not being able to get you back later on. Have some patience and try to be understanding of the situation, avoid conflict and frustration as it won't be beneficial for you. Maybe this is the right moment to invest more time in the relationship, trying to reconnect with each other, remember why there is a relationship in first place.
April 16th, 2015 12:20pm
I would rather break up then. How can you be with someone in a relationship, but they don't love you?
January 19th, 2016 5:40am
Give him space. Let him think. Maybe he's going through a rough phase and does not want you to involve you in it. Whatever his problem is, you don't hurt yourself in this. Hope that helps.☺
January 26th, 2016 3:23am
Maybe he is thinking if truly thinks your the one. Some men and woman to, can be nervous to know if they are making the right choice by being with this person. He may just be wondering if he is truly making the right decision. (Some people get scares if they don't know immediately)
March 17th, 2015 4:39pm
Granted all situations, relationships and people are different. I believe its fair to say there is something going on within the relationship that isn't being communicated. Attempting to figure out what it is without communication will prove to be exhausting and futile. I believe that if he says he is not sure that he loves you but does not want to separate, means that there is something that is pushing him away from you. Whether it be a behavior or behaviors of yours. I believe that when you meet someone romantically there are things that you fall in love with about a person, those small things about someones personality, habits, smile, or even their appearance. Whatever it may have been that you fell in love with is always there. I believe with time you get to know more about someone, including all the stuff you didn't fall in love with. What I am getting at is maybe there is something about yourself he doesn't see working out in the long run. This could also mean there is another reason as to what is making him think or feel that he is in love or loves you. There is no sure way of knowing what he means when he says that without communicating. But to me it means that there is something in the relationship that is causing him to think or feel the way he is.
October 27th, 2015 3:18pm
He's having second thoughts. Try to give him time to himself more to think. He needs to live himself and understand what it's like without you.
April 14th, 2015 1:05am
This sounds like a person that is confused or either want their cake and ice cream too. Be careful not to take yourself down an emotional roller coaster.
March 28th, 2016 10:02pm
It could just mean that he doesn't want to take things too fast, but he still wants to be with you.
December 29th, 2015 1:51pm
Everyone goes through times when they question themselves and the state of their life. While it's always hard to hear, it also shows that your S.O. is able to be honest with you, despite his doubts and interrogations. Take this as some solid ground to be able to listen to them and their doubts :)
October 30th, 2016 7:56am
It means he is very confused and isn't sure he can handle breaking up. He might feel very dependent on you and is scared of loosing your support emotionally but at the same time isn't interested in you romantically anymore.
November 18th, 2016 12:51am
In this case, it seems like he can't make up his mind, but he isn't willing to commit to you. People want the best of both worlds, and have a hard time making decisions. He's breaking up with you without having the courage to go all the way. Love is a fickle thing. I'm really sorry you're going through this (it's happened to me before, and almost everyone in their lives at some point) just hang in there and you will get through it! : )
May 28th, 2017 11:53pm
He is confused. The best thing that you could do is give him time and support. he obviously cares about you but he is just unsure how to proceed at them moment. Be supportive and give him time and he will come around. He is just confused and needs to sort out how he is feeling. Boys have this problem all the time, they dont know how to be in touch with their feelings
February 24th, 2017 1:16pm
He could be trying to express that he is looking to change some of the things about the relationship, because, for whatever reasons, he doesn't want things to end, but he doesn't feel the same way about you as he did when he was 'in love' with you. It doesn't mean the relationship is over, or even that he doesn't love you - just he is just looking for a way to open a conversation about how he feels, how things have changed, why, and what can be done about it.
April 17th, 2015 1:43am
Not to be harsh it sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. He needs to get off center and make a choice. You deserve to be loved. He needs to accept the consequences
February 2nd, 2016 11:07pm
If he does not love you anymore, then that person probably just wants to be with you but not date...
June 10th, 2017 7:31am
Sadly, that's not usually a good situation. If he's not sure and you need time apart, that's one thing. But not breaking up makes it sounds more like he's taking advantage of being comfortable in the situation. I had a difficult time in one relationship where a guy did this to me multiple times - it finally turned out that he was looking for someone else, but came back to me if they didn't pan out. Really painful to finally figure out and it caused me a lot of self-worth issues, but I did finally realize that someone can't just put me and my feelings "on hold" while they sort things out. True partners should want you to work through those things with them, not on the back burner.
June 30th, 2015 11:00pm
that is a very hard statement to interpret most of the time it just means that there is something that is bothering him and he thinks that he cannot make it work anymore. It is not that you did something wrong it just means he knows it deep down that for some reason like family, finances or something else he cannot keep this relation in long run. He doesn't want a break up because he loves being with u, he is used to having u by his side and he does not want to hurt u by saying he wants a break up for the most part of it. But he is not sure if he loves u or not because he does not see his future with u for some reasons that are major for him and usually in that situation people end up being just fine for a long time and the some decide to come back to knock your door while others don't.
July 7th, 2015 1:22am
Sometimes it means he likes your relationship but the connection isn't as strong as it used to be such as when he was in love with you
September 22nd, 2016 11:03pm
It means he wants you to stick around so he can use you as a replacement... Or he probably wants to be friends with benefits
December 21st, 2015 4:54am
Love is easily one of the most complicated and difficult emotions to process and express. The fact that he doesn't want to break up likely stems from a desire not to throw something away while he is still uncertain about his own feelings. It could also be that he is afraid to be alone; the truth is nobody can really know the mind of another. The only way to know for sure is to ask.
November 25th, 2016 10:21am
From personal experience, if I cannot love someone anymore, but I don't want to leave the relationships, that means I am still with them because of the sense of comfort that instilled between us. It is not easy to leave a relationship in which you perhaps built so many things, but my sincere recommendation is to simply face the truth. Continuing with the relationship would only hurt both parties. Instead, a clean break up might be the solution - life goes on, after all.
July 14th, 2018 12:21am
It means he does want to break up but he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. He wants to let you down slowly but doesn't know how.
August 17th, 2015 8:20am
This seems like quite the confusing sentence to have to hear. I would think that he himself is unsure of his feelings towards you, but also that he wants to keep you close in case his mind is wrong in its thoughts. Talk to him about how you both feel, and where you would want your relationship to go from that point.
December 15th, 2015 2:34pm
if he doesn't say he loves you, maybe you could try to work on repairing your relationship with him. remember not to depend on a boy to make you happy.
February 2nd, 2017 4:22pm
It might mean that something in the relationship is missing, but the person is willing and has feelings that are worth not giving up for, so the person probably is trying to find something that is necessary for him in a relationship with someone, having hope that the love he felt will rise again.
February 1st, 2017 2:30am
His head may be a little all over the place. Allow him some time to think about what he wants, but in that time also take it and use it to think about what you want
February 23rd, 2017 3:49am
Has something in your lives changed recently? Is he able to pinpoint it? If he is having doubts it might be best for you to try seeing other people so that you could both figure out what you want. Breaking up with someone you loved and might still love is very difficult and scary but if you both really love each other you will find your way back to each other. I think what he means is that he is confused, it is a good sign of your relationship that he feels comfortable enough to share his feelings with you. I would try asking him what he means by he's not sure that he still loves you. He is probably the only one who can actually clarify his meaning.
February 26th, 2017 1:10pm
I'm not sure. Obviously this is different for different people. It's very possible he does not want to end the relationship because he might still have feelings for you. Also, another possibility is that he wants to be able to be free of you but still have you be attached to him in case he wants you back, but still have access to other dates. This is not right. Possibly you can see a relationship counselor, or get support in an online or in-person group.
July 16th, 2017 2:19am
It could mean that he is going through his own issues and needs some time off. It is not a reflection on you but his own internal conflicts.