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What is the best way to break up with someone in a healthy way?

43 Answers
Last Updated: 11/19/2019 at 1:43pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
South Africa
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Claudette Pretorius, MA Counselling Psychology

Licensed Professional Counselor

I know how overwhelming it can feel when you're having a tough time. I offer clients a space that is non-judgemental and empathetic whilst navigating these times together.

Top Rated Answers
November 7th, 2014 1:07pm
We all know that breaking up is a very difficult thing to do. The best way to break up with someone in a healthy way is to pick up the right time and place, do it in person and talk in a calm way to bring closure to the relationship. Nobody wants to be dumped but it is still the best to try to be honest so as not to make things more complicated. And most of all, try to be civil when your partner turns out to be yelling or screaming. Understand that not all people can handle rejections well. Try to be more considerate and act accordingly.
November 4th, 2014 8:46pm
Be direct and honest with them. Be kind, polite, and respectful of the other person and their feelings. Gently explain your reasoning as to why you want to break up and why you feel that way. In my opinion, I think it's important to allow the other person to speak about how they feel about what's going on too.
April 24th, 2015 3:50pm
First you must face up to the truth. Problems are plenty and many, and unhealthy relationships are caused by the fact those in them know it should be ended but drag it out causing alot of mental stress and in most causes a minor depression, since there are alot more worse cases of depression. I find that women tend to already get mentally broken up a month before the actual breakup, but a more healthy way would be to face the problem direct, express your breaking up, opinions won't matter at this point because they only cause circles, its best to say it simple and leave. focusing on your own state of mind is more important than trying to figure out everyone else's feelings on the subject, you need to start afresh start afresh, you can recover from anything.
October 30th, 2014 9:30pm
There's no way that I know because no matter what feelings are going to be hurt, the best you can do is be compassionate and explain why politely. Think of how you would want to be treated in that situation.
November 5th, 2014 2:17am
Sit down and talk to your significant other in person. It might be terrifying but the best thing you can do is be honest and remain calm. They may be upset which is okay but remain firm yet kind. Set your boundaries. Do you still want to be friends? Are you going to block each other on social media?
November 5th, 2014 4:48pm
Tell them that somehow you can't love them unconditionally and that they deserve someone who truly loves them.
November 7th, 2014 5:39pm
Just tell that person what you really feel...Be nice and talk things out.. Respect each other's feelings.
November 14th, 2014 4:16pm
Tell them carefully, be warm, be kind, say that you are sorry for your mistakes, explain them why you want to break up, tell them that you will always remember them and tell them that you will miss them
May 24th, 2015 6:49pm
First of all, make sure that you go to a comfortable place and meet up face to face. Explain to the person how meaningful the relationship has been to you up to this point and all the things that you like about them. Then start a conversation on all the things that you are unhappy with in the relationship. It's really important that you keep these reasons pertaining to you. Don't blame the other person or accuse them of not being a proper partner. Just express your own values, boundaries and limits and how this relationship is no longer in line with them. Ex. I am no longer happy with the distance I have to travel to see you. It has been really difficult for me to do this regularly and I have decided I can no longer handle it. Make sure that you are adamant about this being the end. Don't give them hope that maybe one day you will get back together or offer friendship. It is far healthier to cut contact and keep to yourselves than to leave the relationship on confusing ground.
October 31st, 2014 7:47am
It is best to break up with someone in person if possible, even if breaking up over the phone, text, or e-mail is tempting. Talking about it in person shows maturity and can help to bring some closure. It is also best to choose a time that is relatively stress-free for the both of you. It is important to be clear and concise about it while also being as kind and gentle at the same time -- to find a balance between making it clear that you are breaking up with them while also not doing or saying anything hurtful or out of anger. If you feel comfortable, try practicing what you want to say to someone else you trust and see what their feedback is.
October 31st, 2014 5:05pm
Just sit, discuss why you want to break up. Be calm and patient with the other person as they are bound to feel upset and hurt, be prepared for it and dont expect things to go smooth. You being prepared will probably make it a little easier to deal with.
November 2nd, 2014 7:49pm
Be honest, but not insensitive. Don't beat around the bush. Be clean, be understanding, do it in person.
November 3rd, 2014 10:17am
Confront them in the best way you can. Explain them the situation, have a long conversation, and make sure that you mutually agree on the topic. Otherwise it won't be a healthy one.
November 5th, 2014 8:28pm
If you are determined to break up, you will inevitably have to have a difficult conversation. Realize that your partner may not react well and try your best to be mature and patient. Let the person deal with the difficult news and give him/her time to fully process it before you judge his/her reaction.
November 13th, 2014 6:21pm
I believe that every situation is different, but I think the best way to end a relationship is to be honest with the person. Meet with them in person if you can and simply talk it out.
November 18th, 2014 2:48am
I personally believe that you need to confront all of your problems head on. The only way through something is to face it. It is healthier in the long run to talk to the person face to face even if it is uncomfortable for you and them. This will make you a stronger more respectable person.
April 1st, 2015 6:59pm
Sit down with them and calmly discuss why you believe it isn't working and how it is making you feel. This will help them to understand the break up and leave them without the pain of wondering why.
April 4th, 2015 12:13am
The best way to break up with someone is to just tell them in person, don't lead them on and be sure to tell them why you broke up with them. Don't be mean about it though.
April 10th, 2015 7:38am
Talk to them! Sit down with them, and tell them your true feelings. If your heart is set on breaking up, make sure to be very clear and firm about that. Don't try to spare their feelings, but also try to be as kind about it as you can. If you need space after the relationship, let them know that.
June 5th, 2015 7:21pm
A good break up is one that both parties kind of sense is on its way, so when you talk about its reality, it shouldn't come as a surprise. If you have a problem, breaking up is not the right way to solve it. Talk to your partner about your feelings and in all likelihood you will be able to sort it out. However, if there are certain things about your relationship that you will never be happy with, it is time to break up. Talk in person and try to be as calm as possible. When you are emotional, you start saying things you don't actually mean, so it wouldn't be a bad idea to write some points down. Make sure your partner understands why you think a break up is the only solution and make it a conversation so the other person can talk too. Although it will be difficult to know if you will remain friends after, it is important to end things amicably.
June 12th, 2015 3:17pm
The healthiest way is to tell the truth. You might hurt somebody's feelings but at least you're being honest.
July 7th, 2015 4:00pm
The best way is to be respectfully honest. Do not say or do anything that demeans or demoralizes the other party or the relationship. Be sure to make your feelings known as soon as possible. In many cases, the other party is totally unaware of the impending dissolution. Being upfront may lead to a mutual decision.
August 10th, 2015 5:42am
Try to be as honest with them as possible without being mean. It often hurts more to find out someone you trusted wasn't completely honest than to hear the truth.
August 10th, 2015 11:09pm
meet face to face tell what you feel and what he feels from there and say you guys can't work out as if know as you feel this from this relationship you feel you need to move on and thats it after all its your life..and you don't want to hurt the person but you can always feel what you feel, be honest thats it ..its healthy
August 17th, 2015 7:21pm
First and foremost, it is best to be sure of your intention. Nobody wants to be rejected but when it is already time to separate ways, be sure that it is what you really wanted to do and your reason is firm [meaning it is well thought off and not just because of external factors like emotions that can be on the spur of the moment]. Set the right time and place where both of you are calm and collected and explain calmly why you need to separate ways. When the other person reacts negatively, avoid reacting in the same manner as it would only increase the intensity of the reaction and the situation. Please do not do the following: - Breaking up through text. Breaking up is to be done face to face. - Breaking up with someone when they are going through a difficult problem or they are stressed out. The person would not be able to handle the sad news you'll bring to them so please be considerate. - Pinpoint all the wrong things the person has done that made you decide to breakup. Breaking up already hurts, how much more when you pinpoint all the wrong things that person has done? Remember that you were once happy together but if things did not work out no matter how much you wanted to make your relationship work, please choose your words carefully. There's nothing wrong telling them what made you decide to break up but words are so powerful that it can destroy someone leaving them broken inside and out.
August 18th, 2015 7:04pm
Straightforward approach works for me. A honest voice is louder than the crowds. Being honest and direct isn't always intense.
August 31st, 2015 7:40pm
Staying calm and honest is the best approach. You can explain to them why you think they are not working out, and explain why this is the best choice for you. Face to face is the best way, on neutral ground. If two people are dating each other, then they have to heave respect for each other. So, they have to respect your choice, just as you are giving them respect with honesty and compassion. If they react badly, then they are not the one you needed to be with anyway. Because if they cannot take you talking to them like a fellow human being, then they will not treat you well if anything else happened in the relationship that they did not like. Be true to yourself.
November 9th, 2015 7:15pm
Honestly, it completely depends on your situation and your dynamic as a couple. However, generally speaking, a face to face, honest conversation tends to work well for both people. It'll give you a chance to say everything you want to and listen to what your partner has to say to you. It WILL be difficult, but you'll be okay. Good luck x
November 10th, 2015 9:19am
According to me,the best way to break up with someone in a healthy way is to describe your situation to your partner clearly. Sit with him/her, explain to him/her that why this relationship is not working. If your partner understands you truely,respects you and your decisions then, I'm sure he/she will understand the problems and take it sportingly. So, don't hesitate, just speak the words of your heart. ALL THE BEST... :) :D
November 16th, 2015 11:59pm
Confront them personally. Tell them everything you have to say. But of course be sure you arent mad or anything. Make sure youre fair and open minded. Resolve any conflicts.