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What is the best way to stop myself from calling my ex whenever I'm lonely?

30 Answers
Last Updated: 06/09/2020 at 2:11pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lisa Groesz, PhD


With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.

Top Rated Answers
May 10th, 2015 9:11am
I always stick to the motto "Ex's are ex's for a reason". Never forget why the relationship ended. The reason most people will for back with an ex is because they remember the good times. People don't just break up. It usually has to be for a very good reason. If you're lonely, try finding someone to talk to, finding a new hobby or taking up an old one, going out places with any people you know etc. I know it's hard to be lonely and not have anyone there for you, believe me but contacting an ex is usually one of the biggest mistakes you'll ever make.
April 8th, 2015 3:49am
There are several options, I wouldn't necessarily call one of them the "best" You can come on here: we have several group chats or you can one on one with a listener. You can call a friend, whether it's through skype or whatever. You can watch a movie or a tv show. You can play a game. You can clean your room. Anything to distract you and remind yourself that you are worthy.
May 30th, 2015 12:58am
I order to give yourself a moment to hesitate before doing this, perhaps change their name in your phone to 'wait' and give yourself a breathing time to question whether it is really what you want to do. If not, call up a friend or parent instead to stop yourself feeling so alone :)
March 13th, 2015 5:24am
I understand that this is very hard, but direct your thoughts elsewhere. When your ex comes into mind, push those thoughts away. You can control the direction of your thoughts. Try calling someone else, finding other company, or occupying your time with things that you like and are fun. Take your time to fully get over your relationship. Good luck!
April 10th, 2015 4:43pm
one must accept the fact and move on :) the more you will hang on the more you will tend to hurt yourself :)
December 19th, 2016 10:20am
Ask yourself if they are really worth it. I've struggled with relationships in the past where the other person simply didn't care for me, or was using me. If they themselves haven't bothered to reach out to you, then they do not care for you like you do for them. Would you really want to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about them?
January 15th, 2015 5:14pm
You can erase his number, find someone else to talk with, connecto to 7cups, distract yourself by practising sport or art, and remember that even if you FEEL lonely you're not alone. :)
June 17th, 2015 10:42am
The best solution is don't put yourself into a lonely state. For example, you can make new friends, focus on other things which interest you, which makes you forget about loneliness and make time passes faster. The ultimate way to stop yourself from calling your ex whenever you're lonely is to get rid of that lonely thoughts. Don't think that you're "lonely", get rid of it and replace with better positive words.
August 31st, 2015 8:25pm
Find a new hobby, get into a new show, exercise, hang out with a friend or friends if possible, family if that's an option, but if all else fails, block their number. If they try to get ahold of you in some other way, like social media, you can choose not to respond, but you can also choose to explain to them that you are trying to focus on you and recover, and don't want to be tempted to call them. If they don't understand, then it justifies the breakup even more.
April 22nd, 2015 1:01pm
Well, you should remind yourself that he/she is already your ex and it's over between you two. You dont need to ask him to talk to you whenever you are lonely. Try to meet other people who can make you happy!
June 4th, 2018 8:31am
Delete all forms of communication with them, this will prevent you, also blocking them will be good as it gives you a choice wether or not to call them. In addition to this you can surround yourself with other positive people and environments. Creating a secure base around you is important to feel supported this could be with friends or family.
August 17th, 2015 9:55pm
How about calling someone else, like a friend or relative? Also do u know if she minds when you call her?
November 3rd, 2015 9:56am
you can take a minute and do some breathing and think to yourself about why you are broken up and write it down or call a friend or family member that supports you
January 12th, 2016 12:52pm
You can always try to do something else. For example, I like to watch TV/read books or just chill with other people.
March 22nd, 2016 2:57pm
Giving myself some me time by reading books, seeing films or spending time with friends and family members...realizing that there are better ways/people who can keep you engaged.
April 19th, 2016 5:29am
Learning to love being alone is quite difficult but once you get the hang of it, you will not only be ' not lonely' but you will also discover how truly adorable and loveable you are.
April 18th, 2017 5:40am
Delete their number and block them on social media. When you feel yourself getting lonely go hang out with other friends or family. You could even do a hobby that you like.
April 9th, 2019 4:24am
Spend your time doing something else. For instance, watching a favorite show or movie, cooking, painting, learning a new language, reading a new book, etc. Try to enjoy being with yourself. Talk to your friends or any memeber of Invest all those emotions to yourself rather than investing it on someone else.Trust me it feels great to rediscover oneself again. :) If your ex is not potentially harmful then it's okay with reaching out to him/her. Sometimes talking and catching up a little might also help with the anxiety you are feeling but if they are not understanding, it's the best for you to distance yourself from them. It's better to be alone than being with a bad company.
June 9th, 2020 2:11pm
I had hard break up. Everyday I thought about that and got hurt. Tried anything possible to get back to my ex, whenever I felt about her. Initially it was tough resisting from reaching her. As days passed by I felt, more I try getting back with her, more I get hurt. I started to something new to divert myself and it helped. Whenever I think about her, I start to do something I love like listening a song or reading a article or playing a game. It's a bit difficult at starting but starts to get better with day
May 22nd, 2015 7:19pm
Find someone else that makes you feel the same way to text. I know this may be hard to do at first but if you want to get better you need to take the steps.
June 22nd, 2015 11:35am
Go out with some friends, leave your phone at home maybe, enjoy life and do something to take your mind off of it! I know how hard it is to stop contact with an ex, it's not easy, but everything happens for a reason. If you really feel like you need some closure maybe then contact him/her, but if not then just let things play out
October 6th, 2015 10:10pm
One way to make sure that you don't call him is to call someone else instead like a friend or a parent. You can even tell them why you called "I really wanted to call [insert name], but I called you instead, I really miss him." I am sure that they will be happy that you called them instead, and will be there to help you talk through your feelings.
November 30th, 2015 6:58pm
when ever you think about calling your ex, take you phone and instead of calling her listen to some cool music..Fresh up your mind and engage yourself with your fav things.
January 25th, 2016 7:08pm
It's hard, especially when you're feeling lonely. But it is never a good idea to contact your ex, you'll only end up missing him/her more and you will hurt yourself by doing so. Instead try to take your mind of it. I'd advise you to focus on yourself and your own hobby and interests. Also important is to lean on your friends and family during a break-up, so you can contact them instead. Moving on is hard and can take a while. There is no right way to do it, everyone is different. Just give yourself time to heal and it will be okay. And after that, you won't feel the need to cantact him/her anymore. And remember – baby-steps and one day at a time. Good luck! x
May 10th, 2016 11:08pm
Get a different friend to call instead. If you have something else to go to, or something else to do, you won't have the need to call them. If you're lonely, a friend can fill that empty space or even just keeping busy can focus you from not calling them. Good luck!
June 7th, 2016 5:00pm
The best way to stop yourself from calling your ex: Walk away from your phone or switch it off. Remind yourself why they are your ex and not your current. Getting over a breakup can be tough but it isn't impossible.
August 15th, 2016 11:59pm
Call a friend or family member that you can talk to when you're lonely who will distract you from your ex!
May 8th, 2017 5:53pm
The best way to stop yourself from doing 'what you know you shouldn't be doing' is by distracting yourself from that train of thought. It goes something like this: The more time you idle alone, the more you end up brooding over the past. The more you brood on your ex, the more chances you'll make that call. So a way to stop this from occurring is to consciously deny you time to let your mind loiter. If you're jam packed, you don't get free time to brood. If you're dead tired, you don't have the energy to think about the past. Is this the solution? No . It is a way to cheat yourself and yes it works.
February 13th, 2018 3:09pm
Well, look back on why you guys break up. If it's a really bad break up know it's for a reason, try not to call him, instead try to move on
February 24th, 2020 8:03pm
find some good freinds who can support you or keep you company when you feel lonely