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What to do if a guy cheats on his girlfriend with you?

203 Answers
Last Updated: 01/24/2023 at 3:46am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Tracy-Kate Teleke, PsyD, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
April 3rd, 2018 8:14pm
It depends if you feel something for him, or if you just feel bad for his partner. If you knew and did it regardless, you should keep it to yourself. If he promised to be with you or told you he would leave his partner for you and hasn't done it, then you can either move on or tell his partner. Just be aware that some partners will not want to believe things, so they might accuse you or intend to harm you in some way. My advice beyond everything is to just move on, it's the best thing you can do.
Anonymous
April 11th, 2018 3:55pm
Depends on what you want to do. Would you like to tell her? If so, how would you like to tell her? I think you should think through what you would like to do
Anonymous
April 27th, 2018 2:21am
I cant say that I know what would be right here. The thinking behind what you do now might help. You should think about some of the behaviors and how'd you'd like to approach it. To reiterate, he cheated on somebody which is wrong for them but also shows that he is on a path where you might enable him to do further bad things. They may seem happy but he is fundamentally troubled which will put their relationship in BAD trouble. So I suppose the answer is what will you be able to do? Whether it is, to tell the truth, to hurt the sensitivities and relationships of others, or to withhold. It all depends on what you'd prefer for their lives.
Anonymous
April 27th, 2018 1:30pm
The right thing is to confront the guy and tell him he needs to tell his girlfriend. If he chooses not to although it is not your place you need to try and put yourself in her position and think about what you would want
MorganConstance
May 4th, 2018 11:11am
A guy actually did cheat on his girlfriend with me. I have no excuse for what happened because I knew that he had a girlfriend back then. It was messy and it messed up a lot of friendships. My advice is that when you find yourself in this situation, take a moment to think it through. Is it really worth the break and mess? I won't judge but a lot of people out there can and maybe will. But it's always going to be your choice in the end.
Anonymous
November 25th, 2018 3:23am
Personally, if I discovered a guy was cheating on his girlfriend with me, I'd first ask him to do his best to make amends with her, before ending things. I'd also reach out to his girlfriend to apologise and clear up any confusion, and let her decide how far she'd want to go meeting up- whether becoming friends is something she'd want to do or if a simple text conversation would be enough. I'd also just try to be more sure in the future about the people I choose to date and what their relationship status is before I get into a relationship with them.
Lizsen
March 30th, 2019 5:55pm
I would say that depends on whether or not the guy was honest about the girlfriend in the beginning. Either way, it's important to start by owning it and accepting that it happened, but also understanding that cheating shouldn't be justified. There are multiple people's feelings at stake and ultimately the goal is to have respect, compassionate and love for not only ourselves, but for other people as well. Self love and self worth are important and should be a part of the building blocks for a healthy relationship. If you have developed feelings for someone who has a girlfriend, I understand it can be very hard to switch those feelings off, but knowing that you deserve someone who will be committed to you and only you, should make it much easier to not settle for someone who is already in a relationship. Happiness is your birthright, and knowing your worth could potentially bring you so much happiness and joy. 💙
Anonymous
May 4th, 2019 2:03pm
If a guy or anyone cheats on someone with you and you knew that he had a girlfriend, #one, reflect on your actions. Then tell the girl what happened. She will be appreciative of you telling her because you would never want to be in that situation, so neither would she. Also probably follow up with the guy and ask him what he was thinking or something of the sort so that way he too will reflect on his actions. The main thing is it’s not only his fault, it’s yours too. You both took the action so it’s both your responsibilities.
Anonymous
April 9th, 2020 8:32pm
You’re worried about what to do if a guy who already has a girlfriend cheats with you. Am I correct? If I was in a similar experience, what advice would you give to me? What are some different ways you feel you could approach this? In what way would each impact your life? I can understand that this would be a sensitive topic. How do you feel about everything? How is this impacting you? From your standpoint what do you think would be the best choice that would yield the best outcome in this situation? How do you feel about this situation?
Anonymous
June 11th, 2020 5:44pm
First of all think that did you know that he had a girlfriend? If not then it’s definitely not your fault! You found each other attractive and you’ll continued. Also even if you knew he was in a relationship its majorly his fault because he knew the fact that he would be cheating and hurting his girlfriend but still continued. If he cheated on her girlfriend then probably things werent good between them anyway. If in any way you feel like you owe it to his girlfriend and need to tell him ; go ahead. She deserves to know be calm with your words and relax
Anonymous
July 23rd, 2020 11:39pm
There is really no right answer. It really depends, there are many issues involved. But one thing to consider is would you be willing to continue the relationship with somebody who could lie? Especially to the person that they are dating. Would you be able to trust them afterwards? But some things to consider are - did you know that he was in a relationship before something happened between you? If you didn't - did the person lie or deceive you? It is definitely no a sign of a healthy relationship. If you knew then you should consider your own moral grounds, and think about why you did it.
elgor6744
July 30th, 2020 6:44pm
If a guy cheats on his girlfriend with you, understand that it was his fault instead of yours. If you had no idea he had a girlfriend, try to reach out to her and tell her the full story. Chances are she won't blame you, but will have a conversation with her boyfriend that cheated. Be there for the girlfriend and defend her. Don't reach out to the boyfriend and if he tries to reach out to you, simply ignore or block him. He doesn't deserve you or his girlfriend he cheated on. That was his choice and now he must face the consequences. Best of luck!
Anonymous
August 27th, 2020 5:56pm
If you didn't know he was dating someone and found out later on, you should tell the girlfriend and provide evidence (because most girls will blame you and accuse you of ruining their relationship) once you tell her apologize and make sure she knows you weren't aware he was dating her. If you don't want to tell the girlfriend just block the guy and never talk to him again. When this happened to me, I blocked the guy and tried to avoid him (because we kept running into eachother), I didn't tell his fiance because I didn't know her or even knew how to reach her but I made sure people around him know he's a cheater.
Anonymous
September 15th, 2020 6:30am
My husband and I have an open marriage. That means we sleep with other people. Where I happen to live, in a large metropolitan area, I come across a lot of unattached or semi-attached men who I end up enjoying spending time with and maybe a little bit more. My relationship with cheating is complex. While I have never myself cheated -- (I was actually a superstar monogamist before becoming open) -- I have been cheated on. No one deserves that experience, and in my view, it is no one's fault except the cheater's. The way I see it, if one enters an agreement with their partner to be exclusive and then see other people, cheating is a form of lying. At the same time, I see a lot of unattached guys with what we call "girl things." Starting here, I am speaking from personal experience. This "girl thing" believes she's in a serious relationship with the fellow, yet he had barely thought to mention her over the course of my knowing him. Meeting her at a party, I was surprised to find out they were making all sorts of plans, like getting dogs, moving in together, moving to another country together in the future. None of this ever came to fruition in over a year since it was mentioned. When I see a woman put herself in this position, it reminds me of myself when I was cheated on, an experience that left my heart in tatters. He said all the right things but with none of the deeds to back it up. I wish I had been smarter. Now that I am married but have a lot of unattached male friends and even hook up partners, I do not make it my responsibility to investigate their relationships. I make sure to only get to know and sleep with men who I regard as trustworthy. But in the case that I do find out another relationship he has in has turned exclusive -- or if I can tell that the girl involved believes it to be, even if he fails to bring it up with me -- I put an end to the romantic parts of our relationship. To be honest, when I went through this, I struggled to remain friends after. I did not appreciate the way he strung her along while also wanting to have access to me. In short, I do not consider myself the relationship police; if a man says he is single, I will generally take his word for it and continue to get to know him as I wish. However my advice to all girls -- no matter which side of the equation -- is this: be smart. Don't be overly invested in a relationship that is bearing no fruit. And tread lightly when a man claims to have a complicated or unattached relationship status.
Anonymous
June 4th, 2021 10:52am
It means he is not worth you time and effort obviously love. Telling you to move on is really easy. But it is you who should believe that you can. Take time for you to heal. Spend time with your family , friends and pets. Try to develop new hobbies. Focus on your dream at least keep yourself busy to not remember him. Think about the day you will be a better person. You can do it. I believe in you now it's your chance to believe in yourself and be yourself . All the best friend. Take care
SpArKliNg101BuTTeR010FLY
June 5th, 2016 5:40pm
You need to tell his girlfriend that he cheated on her with you, that he is not good enough to deserve her or you. You may experience guilt.
Anonymous
June 6th, 2016 9:56am
If you didn't know, immediately cut off all contact from the guy. Reach out to the girlfriend in a polite informational message.
Anonymous
June 9th, 2016 9:53am
Consider how it might have made the girlfriend feel. If it were you being cheated on, would you feel upset or angry? Perhaps talk to the boy and ask that he tell his girlfriend what happened.
Anonymous
June 9th, 2016 1:40pm
Actually, I probably tell him that he cheats, next thing I do probably would be talking with him seriously about this and if he doesn't stop cheating I would leave him forever...
gentleVision89
July 8th, 2016 10:21am
Speak to that guy directly , if you don't want to get involved between them tell him straight away and leave, and be happy you came to know about the matter soon enough.
Anonymous
July 31st, 2016 2:23pm
Calmly contact the girlfriend and tell her about it, if she doesn't believe you try to show her proof if you have any. Refrain from insulting her or the guy, stay calm the entire time and explain what he did. If she starts acting up, don't do the same. Try to calm her down in a nice and friendly way and end the conversation in a friendly way.
sweetCandy976
August 4th, 2016 8:53am
If I was in your situation, I would speak to the guy about what happened and tell him that he must tell her, otherwise you will tell her. It is unfair to keep her blinded by it and I think you should let her know, in my personal opinion it is the right thing to do. It will save even more of a heartbreak if she finds out further down the line. Good luck :)
thoughtfulPomegranate86
September 7th, 2016 4:46am
The girl has the right to know who she's dating, i would make sure she found out that he cheated on her
allnaturalUnicorns70
September 8th, 2016 2:17pm
One thing is to decide if this is the kind of person you want to be associated with. If his qualities are so strong that you choose to be with him, prepare yourself for him doing the same to you with someone else.
Weliveonlyonce
September 25th, 2016 8:30am
I would ask the girl for forgiveness becose even though I have done it without knowing it is still a mistake
miaaM
October 21st, 2017 5:28am
Ask him what he intends to do about cheating and if he plans on telling his girlfriend about cheating on her. If not then make sure that he knows that his girlfriend has the right to know that he has cheated and know that there are consequences for the both of us.
Anonymous
November 24th, 2017 6:49pm
That all depends on how you feel about it. You should probably talk to the guy, see what is up with him cheating with you.
TogetherForeverAlways
December 22nd, 2017 5:21pm
First, if you were already aware this guy had a girlfriend you might feel bad at yourself. because this is such an unpleasant situation. Then, considering talking to the guy if you have the chance, asking him if he's willing to come clean and confess to her girlfriend he has cheated. I would suggest this first approach before talking to his girlfriend directly.
Imperfect84
January 24th, 2018 4:48am
You have to question this man's loyalty. I mean if you to were to start a relationship for example, the chances of him repeating this cycle of behavior is pretty likely. Definitely be cautious and keep your best interest in mind.
Cpcoleman1WSU
March 1st, 2018 10:30am
That's a very sticky situation. At day's end, you weren't the bad person in this unless you knew he had a girlfriend and enabled him to cheat.