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What to do if a guy cheats on his girlfriend with you?

203 Answers
Last Updated: 01/24/2023 at 3:46am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Tracy-Kate Teleke, PsyD, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
March 1st, 2018 8:04pm
Leave him. If he cheated on a girl to get you, it could mean he can do it again to get someone else.
Anonymous
March 5th, 2018 6:24pm
I will think he is not happy with his actual relationship and he has to talk about it with his girlfriend... I will not proceed to have something with him if I know he has someone waiting at home. I will put a stop on him if he tries to have sex with me.
AbreeSmiles
March 31st, 2018 12:22am
Confront the boyfriend, and let him know you know, and talk to the other girlfriend and possibly break up with him.
Vivian4
May 11th, 2018 9:55am
This all comes down on your personal boundaries and moral compass. If you want to be involved or if you want to stay away from this triangle. If he did that once but he want to be with his GF, its more about him loosing it because of some issues in relation,but he doesn't want to leave her. If he coming back to you over and over again then you can decide if YOU want to play the second violin. But do not get involved with her. Stay in your own life position. Also you can say NO to him. Take Care.
Beautifuldreamer98
May 29th, 2018 7:54am
Well you should know that it is wrong to begin with but stop the relationship the moment you know about it. It isnt nice to break a relationship and you wouldnt want someone to break yours
Bran21
June 10th, 2018 2:08am
You got to walk away mentally and physically , it’s not okay for you to get hurt and constantly get hurt because you were afraid to walk away
Anonymous
June 22nd, 2018 6:30pm
Dump him, and tell him that is not a way to treat women. Or anyone. People should be treated with respect and kindness. And if you are going to chest maybe you shouldn't date.
Anonymous
June 23rd, 2018 10:34am
Put your self in that girls shoes and know that a cheater will always be a cheater and if he did that with his girlfriend then what to expect from him
Anonymous
June 23rd, 2018 6:39pm
I would not continue to see the boyfriend. In addition, If you knew he girlfriend you would tell her because she is in a relationship with someone who is cheating. Therefore, you can’t keep it to yourself.
NickE
July 21st, 2018 8:20am
Gather many different opinions from people you are close to. If that is not available, take a step to talk to the guy's girlfriend and bring it to her awareness. After this, do not contact the guy in any way, shape, or form.if appropriate, block contact from both people.
Anonymous
July 21st, 2018 9:13pm
Talk to both him and possibly his girlfriend if needed. Remember, you know your friends and significant others best.
Allears247
July 25th, 2018 10:09am
I don't see much that you can do on your part. He will have to work that situation out on his own. If he was willing to cheat on his girlfriend with you don't you at the very least wonder if he'd do the same to you. Thats just not an ideal way to start a relationship, but I have seen some weird situation work out.
Anonymous
August 9th, 2018 11:48pm
You should let him know it's not ok and tell the girlfriend if you feel you won't be in danger. It is partly your fault but make sure you are completely safe when you do these things.
Anonymous
August 11th, 2018 12:13pm
This is not something to be forgiven! Try to find the details, listen his part. If it does not sound acceptable, move on! If he can do this with his girlfriend today, he'll do the same to you tomorrow.
MarianaBessa
September 6th, 2018 9:04am
Unfortunately this has happened to me in the past and it surely wasn't a good experience. What I tried to do was convince him to tell her the truth, which he did, and I stayed away for a while to let them work through their relationship together. I knew she would have negative feelings towards me and it would be harder if I were around. So I think you should always stick to the truth but let the guy be the one to tell it. Sometimes it ruins relationships but lying destroys them in an uglier way, more intense and with no chance of rebuilding it.
thoughtfulArrow88
September 26th, 2018 9:11am
If a guy decides to cheat on his girlfriend with you, there's just one thing you should do: LEAVE. A guy who thinks its okay to cheat on their partner will never be the guy worthy of your love. The next thing you know, he will cheat on you with someone else and so on. Even if the guy claims that you're his true love, the least you can expect is the guy to have some respect for his girlfriend where he can just break up before dating you. It is really the bare minimum he can do. However, if he refuses to breakup, then you should leave. You deserve much more than being somebody's side chick.
Anonymous
October 21st, 2018 9:38am
I would call and ask him why he cheated on his girlfriend with you, then I would call his girlfriend and explain to her what happened and apologize!! if she wants all the details I will give her all the details and any evidence I may have. The best thing you can do is stay away from the guy because he's already a cheater and possibly a liar. Cheating is not okay it's a very hurtful thing to do to somebody. Well that's what I would do in a situation like this there's not much you can do but confront him if you didn't know he had a girlfriend until later and I would definitely go speak to his girlfriend either on the phone or by letter or email
Brittneym101
November 24th, 2018 4:27am
Well, there isn't much you can do, but move forward and learn from that mistake. Ask yourself why this happen and how did I get here. Since you are asking this question you're likely feeling guilty about it. Don't read to much into it. If you are wanting to be with him it is a high chance that he will do the same to you. Keep that in mind. Everyone's situation is different, but if you know he has a girlfriend then you are just as wrong as he is and he needs to be single if he can't be faithful for sure. It just depends on your particular situation though.
BestMoon1
December 21st, 2018 9:10pm
Do the right thing! Be respectful of her and tell her. It'll hurt all those involved but no one deserves to be hurt in that way. If you do the right thing it'll show your strength and dignity. Save her the pain of this, of you tell her yourself it'll save her from hearing it from someone else. It'll cause pain but it'll be the right thing. He clearly doesn't care for his girlfriend and probably doesn't care for you if he can just go and cheat. Also if he promises to be with you while cheating on someone else, he'll do it to you too.
Anonymous
January 12th, 2019 9:43pm
Well to start all you should have tried to stop it. But if it happened anyway then the best thing to do is to tell his girlfriend about it. And that's supposed to hurt but life lessons aren't always good. The important part is that it will make this relationship more real. And then it's up for the couple to decide it. And if it ruins the relationship well a good relationship is not supposed to have cheating in it or hidden things. So whatever happens just make sure she knows the truth. And try to still do it nicely enough to not make her very sad. Or at least try to.
Michael32
January 24th, 2019 5:44pm
It is not a healthy situation to be in. If you are just looking for a hookup there are plenty of single guys. If you have a real attraction to this individual then you need to come to terms with what the relationship would look like. It is possible that because the guy cheated on his girlfriend to be with you that he would not be above cheating on you to be with someone else. You will also have to deal with the possible guilt of having broken up a relationship. It is generally not a good idea to become romantically involved with someone in a relationship.
Anonymous
March 13th, 2019 2:28am
Just remember, as they say, "Once a cheater, always a cheater". If he cheated on his girlfriend with you, he would likely cheat on you with someone else, so I would definitely avoid a relationship with him. If you don't want to be a part of him cheating, then distance yourself from him. You might even consider talking to his girlfriend about the situation if you know her because she should be aware that she is in a relationship with a guy who doesn't really love her like he says he does. She might be upset with you, but it would save her in the long run.
makebelievelove
September 29th, 2019 6:17pm
Depends how close you are with the girl, if you are best friends its best you tell them straight and be honest, if you dont know the girl drop her a message as its very likely the girl wants to know, although a way to think about it is to think if you were the girl getting cheated on would you want the girl that he got with messaging you telling you he got with your man, but its best to tell them no matter what, so i suggest if you decide to tell them be polite and dont come across as rude.
Anonymous
October 6th, 2019 2:45pm
I’m so glad I found this page. 2 years ago, an old high school acquaintance started pursuing me after we met up for lunch while I was on vacation in New York. We hadn’t seen each other since high school. I had had a Facebook crush on him for years but I figured we were just getting together as friends because I thought he might have a girlfriend. This was his second attempt to meet up with me while I was in NYC and I agreed to meet for lunch. He immediately greeted me with a kiss on the lips, and dropped all kinds of hints (as if the kiss wasn’t enough) that he was interested. He expressed his unhappiness in his current relationship when I inquired about it and said, “we’re not getting married” with a laugh when I asked him if they were living together. He started texting more after I got back to my own state after my vacation and eventually told me he was interested in me and that he was ending his current relationship. He told me to just give him some time. This was all him. I wasn’t pursuing him or trying to make contact. He basically told me I was everything he wanted. He is a good looking Ivy League educated man who seems to be a great father to his teenage daughter. I always had him on a pedestal and never thought of him as a shady player type. I was smitten and I gave him the benefit of the doubt. In the meantime, I confided in another old high school friend (female) about what was going on. She is also friends with this guy on Facebook. Confiding in her seemed to be a huge mistake. She had me all worked up and anxious about everything and wanted to know every detail of what was going on. She had me questioning everything he said and did and it started coming out with him in our interactions. He later ended things because he said I was too pushy. I blame my girlfriend for seeming to play head games with me. I wonder if she was jealous. He and I don’t talk anymore and I can’t seem to get over what happened. I had never fallen so hard for anyone in my life and I was 50 when this happened. He is still living with the same woman. He never posts anything about her on Facebook. Never mentions her or posts pictures, but I have seen pictures she has tagged him in that he won’t allow on his page so I know they are still together. I also found out early on that he has Aspergers Syndrome and I was making all kinds of exceptions for him because of it. He seems highly functional but I did see signs of the Aspergers. I still haven’t been able to come to grips with what happened, and part of me thinks I should say something to the girlfriend. He practically had our wedding planned, and told me he had told his mother about me. I also met his daughter and sister when he was visiting his family in my home state. Any kind and helpful advice would be appreciated.
sweetNatural3752
October 13th, 2019 11:00am
Well do you want to even be with a guy like that? sometimes we have to stop and ask ourselves. Things happen yes they do, but what if that was you on the other hand I always say. So you could end it and move on to someone who is single so that in the long run Karma doesn't find you and repay you in the same manner. Besides it's not safe to be with a person who hides such secrets. Being with more than one person should be by choice. And if he's sleeping with you and not telling the other party. What if there is an STD spread among the three or maybe even more of you, that would be even more devastating. So do the right thing and think about if that was you.
Anonymous
October 27th, 2019 4:13pm
I am a heterosexual man so I am flipping this around a bit. I would tell that other guy about his girlfriend, explain to him what happened, after all his relationship is needing some maintenance. I wouldn't fell guilt for something that I was not the one to blame... Unless the situation being that I am in love with his girlfriend, then I would try my best to have her for myself after all she was already unhappy and searching for me either, this whole situation is just too complex with many many variables to put on the table I would like a more specific question on that topic.
peacefulSunrise5464
December 8th, 2019 9:39pm
It all depends on how you feel about the guy, I reckon. The whole problem is, if he is cheating on his girlfriend, why wouldn’t he cheat with you? You may want to come clean to her, or may want him to come clean to his girlfriend. An ultimatum is never pleasant, but being a second choice is not so great either. Try to define the relationship you three are supposed to have, and don’t let him decide everything. Don’t get alienated because you don’t want him to be upset, you should all be happy, whatever the cost may be
enchantingSky79
January 17th, 2020 11:59am
You never see that guy again, it’s over! He’s a cheater and you deserve better, you are nobody’s side chick. You block his number and focus on dating single people or taking a break from dating for a while. It is not fair on you and neither on his girlfriend to continue this. Whether to tell her, that’s up to you but it might cause drama. You don’t need a guy who cheats, if he cheated on her, he will cheat on you if he dumps her for you. It’s about self esteem and doing what is better for yourself no matter how much you love him.
Anonymous
March 7th, 2020 12:24am
I believe that a relationship is between the people who are within that relationship. Therefore, I believe only these people are responsible for staying faithful towards one another. If a guy cheated on someone with me, I would try to not take that personally because the arrangement between the two of US does not involve being faithful. However, I do not want to be part of a lie or trouble within someone else’s life, which is why I would try to stay away from someone who has trouble staying faithful and honest with their loved ones. To me that is an indicator that that guy does not appreciate the people who are close to him enough. I don’t wish to be part of such a circle
Anonymous
March 14th, 2020 3:32am
If a guy cheats on his girlfriend with me (but I didn't know he had a girlfriend in the first place), the first thing I would do is confront the guy and let him know how wrong it is. I would also let him know how I feel about the situation and then cut contact/communication/interaction with the guy. In this situation, we would feel obliged to come clean and tell the girlfriend about what had happened but I believe that it is the guy's job or responsibility to confess to his own girlfriend. After this happens, if you feel like you should, you can then contact the girlfriend and let her know whatever your true intentions were.