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What to do if a guy cheats on his girlfriend with you?

203 Answers
Last Updated: 01/24/2023 at 3:46am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Tracy-Kate Teleke, PsyD, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
March 22nd, 2020 8:00pm
In the first place, I won't allow this to happen if I knew he already has a girlfriend. If I didn't know and knew later, I would definitely dump him and apologize for his girlfriend. Because there is a chance of him cheating at me too. I just won't let this happen again. I don't know if I would feel as guilty as I should be if he was innocent. Some things in life cannot be forgotten especially breaking someone's heart is never OK. I would also let him know that what he did is wrong. I hope this is a helpful answer.
Anonymous
March 28th, 2020 6:25am
If you have feelings for him remember, If he cheats on her he'll cheat on you, leave it alone and don't do it again so you won't get hurt by him, if you know his girlfriend tell her so she can leave him and won't get hurt again, its not fair to her. So my suggestion would be to tell her even tho it will be hard to tell her and might lose his friendship,either way who would want a friendship with some one who think its okay to cheat on their partner. Think about It :).
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2020 2:58am
I would ask the guy the reason why did he do it and why me. I want to ask if he thinks cheating on the person he had committed to was the right choice and will immediately ask him to confess to his girlfriend for the choice he did and if he does not I would Immediately contact his girlfriend and inform her and tell her and help her in anyway as possible and be clear and precise that I never wanted to ruin their relationship and it was never planned in any sort of way she might've think.
Anonymous
May 8th, 2020 3:04pm
I leave him alone right away when I found it out. If his gf finds out, I'd tell her I am genuinely sorry for what happened, that it was unintentional from my end. However, I would not hold this responsibility with me as he is the one to blame. Most likely I would leave them alone and follow my path, trying to find an honest man to love and to be loved without competing with other women as I hate rivality between women. He is just not worthy and he will never be, that's what I would have done in this case.
FriendlyEagle316
June 7th, 2020 4:31am
Be the bigger person and leave the secret relationship because if that happened to you would you like it. Treat other the way you want to be treated. That is the simple golden rule that we all were taught when we were just a little kid. Never forget the basic training you were taught it will help you along the way. Use this saying all the time when you come across this sit situation. Once you remember this saying you will never cheat in your life again because these words will be marinated in your brain when you cheat again.
TalkwithChloe
June 18th, 2020 10:39pm
Take some time to process how you feel about this tricky situation. Consider if you knew he had a girlfriend before becoming involved with him and ask yourself why you may have felt attracted to someone already in a relationship. If you didn't know beforehand then try to extend compassion towards yourself. You entered this relationship without all of the facts so this isn't your fault. Express your disapproval to the guy and explain how this has made you feel. If possible, create some space between yourself and him so that you can focus on your own healing and progress.
Anonymous
July 26th, 2020 11:53pm
I personally think there are two things that you could do depending on what kind of a person you are. If you're feeling guilty because of what happened you could always talk to him about it or straight up talk to his girlfriend and tell her what had happened. There is the other option as well, you could refrain from saying anything to her and just go on with your life. It's up to you to decide what to do. It also depends if you know the person well or not - or if you're very close to him or not.
Anonymous
August 6th, 2020 10:49pm
You may have not known he had a girlfriend. I would explain to the girl what had happened exactly, and explain how you didn’t know he was currently dating someone. It isn’t your fault at all, it’s the guys! But if you did know, you must acknowledge that you’re both in the wrong. Maybe explain to the girlfriend that it’s not good to stay with the guy as he may continue to cheat, and for you to also stay out of it relationships as you may have a tendency to cheat too, and that’s not good is it? :)
Anonymous
August 16th, 2020 8:33am
I would tell her what happened and apologize to her. She should know the truth so she can make an informed decision about her relationship. If he's cheating, he is probably being dishonest in other ways, and telling her might be the wake up call she needs to evaluate her relationship. I would also tell the guy that his behavior is unacceptable to both me and his girlfriend because we both deserve to be a priority in our own relationships. I would then stop talking to him or contacting him and if he bothered me again, I would ignore it.
04sryan
August 19th, 2020 1:28am
I have had a guy cheat on his girlfriend with me before. What I have done is reach out to the girlfriend personally and let her know what was going on. I felt terrible about the situation, but I kept in mind that it was not my fault that he didn’t inform me of his girlfriend. I also kept in mind that I am not responsible for another persons loyalty in their relationship. Only they can be. It’s totally messed up that somebody else used you to be unloyal, but it is not a reflection on who you are as a person.
gigantPoetry28
August 24th, 2020 8:20pm
First of all remove yourself from this guy, he is just there to have fun with every girl. Secondly, go and tell his girlfriend whatever he had been doing behind her back, after that leave this guy and his girl alone to do whatever they want to do. You just stop every contact with this guy. Life's is too short to waste on such guys. They are no loyal and can't stay loyal with any women. You do what's right by telling his girlfriend so that she gets alerted and it could stop her from wasting many more years of her life after this guy.
Keola
September 9th, 2020 10:21am
This will probably sound odd but first questions I would ask myself are 1) Why? 2) Did I know about the girlfriend? 3) If I did, did I know what the circumstances of their relationship was? After asking those questions and answering them, next questions would be 1) How do I feel about being the one he cheated with? 2) What does he think about me? 3) Could I live knowing this? If I could answer these honestly then I would talk with the guy, ask him about his relationship and why do what we had done. If he can’t answer honestly or openly, I would then decide to end whatever relationship we have and talk with the girlfriend. If he would cheat on her with me, he could cheat again with others. I know the girlfriend would be hurt and angry (so will he) but in the end, conscious will be clear and I may save her from getting hurt by him one way or another if she chooses to leave.
sanabanu
December 13th, 2020 6:08pm
Not in any judgment, but if you didn’t know that he had a girlfriend when he was with you, then according to me, you should find out her details and warn her about it and tell her to confront him (girl code). It’s not only about your own guilty conscience but also about how no one deserves to be with a cheater. And if you knew that the guy was in a relationship when you were with him, then as much as it is his fault, even if it is his fault more, you’re still to blame. So what to do in my opinion is to go and apologize to his girlfriend and once again tell her that she should not be with him. Sometimes mistakes happen but according to the experience you had you can only be the best judge of character with how the guy behaved with you.
Anonymous
January 16th, 2021 11:06am
If it was a mistake, then try and not get involved it this again. However, if you truly believe you love this new guy, then speak about it to him. Understand how he is feeling, whether he's not just using you but maybe wants to start something serious with you. If that is the case, then tell him that you won't go any further until he breaks up with his girlfriend. The worst thing to do to someone is not to be honest with them. When that is done and he's been truthful to her and has told her everything than maybe think about going into something serious if that's what you desire.
peqchybliss
March 18th, 2021 5:48am
if i knew i wouldn’t do it. if i didn’t i would apologise to the girl many times and delete the contact of the guy from my phone no matter how much i like him. it’s none of my business especially when he is with another girl. i would cut off all contact with him and block him on all social media, because that’s what a normal human person would do. if you were being cheated on, you wouldn’t want the person to keep getting with your guy. recap.. if you know, don’t do it with him or her.
Anonymous
April 18th, 2021 5:59pm
Personally, if I discovered a guy was cheating on his girlfriend with me, I'd first ask him to do his best to make amends with her, before ending things. I'd also reach out to his girlfriend to apologise and clear up any confusion, and let her decide how far she'd want to go meeting up- whether becoming friends is something she'd want to do or if a simple text conversation would be enough. I'd also just try to be more sure in the future about the people I choose to date and what their relationship status is before I get into a relationship with them.
Anonymous
June 30th, 2021 5:14pm
It can be difficult to know what to do if a person cheats on their partner with you, regardless of whether you knew they were partnered at the time or not. If you feel what happened was unethical, negatively changes how you feel about yourself, or negatively changes how you perceive the person, it's perfectly reasonable to cut ties with them and let them know you have no interest in continuing to see them. Cheating on a partner may be a sign that they do not know how to communicate their needs, honor another person's boundaries, be honest and open, or have a healthy relationship. They might need time to work on themselves, and you're not required to help them with that, especially if you're worried they could end up being similarly dishonest with you. There are mental health professionals and relationship specialists who can help them with that in a professional and productive manner.
Anonymous
July 21st, 2021 5:13pm
I've been in a similar position - guy cheated on his wife with me and I didn't know he was even married (eventually I found out). The key takeaway is that if he can cheat on her, he can cheat on you too. If you did not know he was in a relationship, you weren't in any wrong then but now that you are aware, you have a role to play in all this. Nothing justifies cheating; his girlfriend needs to know what's going on. She's owed at least that. If you got with him knowing that he was in a relationship, it's time to evaluate things going on in your life that you're settling for less than what you deserve.
naturalhelper6843
January 6th, 2022 4:36pm
That would depend of if you knew that they were doing it. If you didn't know that they were cheating, but found out, it is best to cut it off immediately. Then you need to decide if you want to go to her with the truth, or hide it and risk her finding out another way (this way will most likely be worse). If you did know that he was cheating, however, you are in a harder spot to get out of. you have to decide if you really want to be that kind of person. And if you still want to do it you should think about this. How would you feel if you were in the girlfriends position?
Anonymous
January 12th, 2022 4:42am
This may be a stress-inducing experience for you, so be sure to evaluate and process your emotions and feelings arising from this event. Feeling frustrated, sad, guilty, and/or hurt is normal in this situation, so giving yourself a moment may be helpful. Additionally, if cheating makes you uncomfortable, then perhaps you should consider and reflect on this relationship. Cheating can be an invasion of trust, so evaluate if you need to take a step away from this relationship. Communicating one-on-one with the said individual is a potential first step to pursue before making any final decisions regarding your relationship.
Bre4Me
January 15th, 2022 5:34pm
Honestly, there isn't anything you can do for the guy who's cheating. It's between him and his girlfriend. What you can do is take care of yourself. You may want to ask yourself why you were with him, especially if you knew at the time that he was cheating on his girlfriend with you. Ask yourself if you want to be with this type of guy and why. I'm not saying you did anything wrong here. All I'm saying is you need to look out for yourself because that's all you can do. In case, you didn't know about it, it isn't your fault and the responsibility lies on him. You can't worry about him or his girlfriend. Getting involved there may result in bigger issues in your personal life.
Anonymous
April 17th, 2022 1:32pm
Get powerful emotional affair healing books to read, join a support group for infidelity and learn from other users experiences, get some support from family or friends you can trust. Try to work on your own self love and self worth and try to find ways to not be codependent on him. If you already knew he had a girlfriend it might make you feel shame or guilt, try to work through those emotions by journaling and try to understand your worth, the situation was about them, not you. Social Media has made having affairs alot easier, so perhaps try to implement healthier boundaries.
AmarahSofia
January 24th, 2023 3:46am
You have to consider some facts such as are you aware that he has a girlfriend? If no, I feel sorry for the both of you. You and his gf are both victims. Sometimes people are very good when it comes to hiding their personal lives in order to achieve whatever they want. However, if you’re aware you should know that cheating or involving yourself in between relationship wont do you any good. Save yourself from the mess, save yourself from the pain and trouble. Know your worth, no one deserves to be a second option. Do the right thing, ignore him and message his girlfriend that his man is trying to cheat. Let us support each other as women.