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What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?

268 Answers
Last Updated: 03/23/2024 at 11:25pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Tracy-Kate Teleke, PsyD, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
CosmicCalm
November 2nd, 2016 3:06pm
I know that it may be tough when you feel like you are not good enough, but you have to remember that there is no such thing as not being good enough for someone. If someone isn't happy with what you give them or who you are, then they are the ones who are in need of help. They are seeking something that you just can't give them. The right people will always see you as more than enough.
Teaandnetflix
September 25th, 2016 7:52pm
If you feel the pressure to be good for someone and to 'be as good as they're it's probably not meant to be.
2cupsofteaa
September 25th, 2016 6:56pm
Question why you feel that way. Is it because someone is making you feel that way? Is it because you're feeling low in confidence? Talk to that person about it, sometimes that might help clarify some issues.
broadfemmelovelive
January 3rd, 2023 9:41pm
A healthy relationship between two human beings that came together to become a family can bring great things to both partners. If you are struggling to feel self-worth this inner critic can cause self-doubt in yourself, your partner and your relationship. The good news is that you have awareness of this negative self-talk which is the first step in your path toward self-love. After awareness, the second step is communication with a trusted family member such as your parents, friend, partner and/or therapist. Who you voice this information with is up to you and who you feel most comfortable with. 7 Cups provides 1:1 chats, forums and group chat discussions that are anonymous and supportive if you feel like you need a smaller stepping stone towards discussing it with your loved ones. When I'm overwhelmed with feelings of self-doubt I know that communicating my feelings and needs has to be a goal in itself. After communicating your struggles to some of your trusted supporters, generating goals to define your path toward self-love is the next step. You may have even found other goals you have such as deeper intimacy with your partner, or more comfortable communication surrounding mental health. I like to use my supportive listeners on 7 Cups to help brainstorm what my best steps toward my goal look like. One method for defining these goals is SMART goal design. SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, timely or time-bound) goals can help with our whole life and at the end of the day can hold us accountable. Finally, know you are doing your best and trust that you are a good person. It's hard to reach out to therapy and it's perfectly normal for us human beings to resist change so I commend you for your efforts toward researching and reaching out. You're not alone 🤗 The following links helped me generate this answer and may be helpful for further information: https://www.7cups.com/experts/article/3-tips-to-accomplish-your-short-and-long-term-goals https://www.7cups.com/experts/self-esteem/ https://www.hss.gov.nt.ca/professionals/sites/professionals/files/resources/smart-goal-setting-guidelines.pdf
Anonymous
July 1st, 2017 9:23pm
Remember that you are a person with just as much worth as any other person on this earth. Nobody is better than you, even if you have made mistakes. You deserve to be happy.
uniqueMango45
July 27th, 2016 1:10am
Remember that improvement is always great - but your comparison comes from a strong bias. You can always compare yourself to those who will make you seem less great, and those who make you feel awesome and lucky.
Anonymous
July 15th, 2016 2:19am
I had the same kind of feeling before with my SO. I was depressed that it even caused too much damaged with my relationship. Thinking that I just can't mope around the corner, I started to do some things I haven't done before. I tried to look at the things I can do better and challenged myself about things I find difficult. I looked for a job I wanted the most, I gained confidence through that. I think confidence is what we lack why we are feeling that we. Try to list thing you can do and you can do better
Anonymous
September 10th, 2016 2:10pm
Sometimes we do burden ourselves with expectations.. and try to be perfect..but perfection is nothing but an illusion. In a relationship.. its not necessary to be perfect, but to be genuine. You're good enough for them.. just don't overthink about it.. rather try to put your thoughts in action. If you feel like you are not good, try to make yourself better.
annegray2018
November 25th, 2020 3:24pm
The moment you start to feel ou ain't good enough for someone kindly take a step back. It could be he or she doesn't like the way you dress or laugh, or cook. They feel your company isn't enough when you guys go out so they needs a plus 1. It could be they just don't see you fitting the real deal. Once someone shows you such signs and you feel you ain't doing better or good enough kindly step back from the relationship and reconsider or evaluate your decision to be with them. A person who loves and cares for you relationship or friendship will always ensure that even by you just being there for them and doing nothing you are enough. No matter how weird you may be you will be enough for the right person or real friend.
Sunshine201
February 17th, 2017 2:27pm
Every day is an opportunity to change in a better way, if there is something you want to improve in yourself, make little efforts day by day in that direction, but it's also important not to let this voice overpower your peace of mind, that says you are not good enough. Remind yourself of your positive acts, dont be so harsh to yourself, be kind to yourself my friend.
SammyD05
April 18th, 2017 2:27pm
I keep my distance from that person because I will be constantly comparing myself to them. Keeping my distance will help me focus on bettering myself and accepting myself as I am.
caringFriend21
August 16th, 2018 7:57pm
The answer is difficult to accept but talk to them. From personal experience I did not feel better about myself in regards to my boyfriend until he and I talked it out. Chances are you are more than enough for the person you are referring to. No one is more worthy than anyone. Something to do about the feeling is look in the mirror and declare 3-5 reasons you are valuable, worthy, and necessary. Build up some self confidence and in the end you should feel as though they are just as lucky to have you as you are to have them. Keep your head up and believe in yourself.
Katishereforyou
March 31st, 2018 6:20am
Think about your relationship and why you are feeling this way. Do not let anyone make you feel like you are not good enough
Anonymous
April 20th, 2018 9:22pm
"You are enough, a million times enough" you may not feel like a good enough sister or girlfriend or boyfriend or child or anything else but just waking up everyday shows that you were worth the death of a moon and rebirth of the sun. You are a good enough human being, everything you are was intricately put together to create a beautiful soul and anyone who doesn't make you feel that way should not be allowed to get to you. You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for so for now I'd say just remember that and repeat it to yourself as much as possible.
Anonymous
May 3rd, 2018 11:56am
I think, you don't have to change to be good enough for that someone. Just be who you are. You are good enough for other people❤
Anonymous
June 1st, 2018 3:45pm
Remind yourself that you are enough for anyone and if someone cannot accept you and see your worth, then they are not needing to be apart of your life and in fact could hold you back from your true calling and purpose. Write yourself an affirmation each day to help you see your worth and just know that you don't have to ever feel not good enough for someone else as long as you feel good enough for yourself.
uqhkenzi
October 10th, 2018 7:25am
When I feel that I’m not good enough for someone I look at myself in retrospective, and consider if there’s a genuine reason for me to not be good enough. More often than not it’s just nerves getting to me. If I establish there is something that I could work on in relation to this person or myself as a whole I usually try to include that person in my journey. Say for example I felt that I wasn’t informed enough on something this person was interested in or good at, I’d try to learn more about the subject and find a way to involve the person in myself doing so.
LovetoGod
May 15th, 2021 2:11pm
In our lives, we met so many different people with different personalities. Everyone is not same. Everyone has different thinking and different perceptions. Sometimes, we meet people who don't like us. We can meet them in our real life as well as at social media or online sites. If we see in our real life, there are some people who don't like us especially for some things. Like we can take example of some of our friends or even our partner or parents. They don't hate us for sure. But sometimes they don't like us for some particular reasons or it can be anything behind it. And after knowing about it, we feel bad and it's obvious to feel bad. Due to this,we start doubting ourself, negative thoughts starts coming, our self confidence starts getting down. And it's natural to happen because sometimes we get to know this from them whom we love or trust. But, we should believe on ourselves. It's not possible that everyone whom we meet they will like us. So, we can't expect same from everyone. They have different thinking to understand you. But, you know yourself better than anyone else. And you know that, you are an amazing person. Moreover, everything has two aspects, Positive and negative. And, we should always try to focus on positive. And, the positive aspect is to think about those people who likes and trust you. There are lots of people like your family and friends who loves and care about you. Moreover, it's not just about people, it's about yourself and you should trust and love yourself most. No one is perfect. But we can improve day by day. So, we should try to become better person and focus on our self confidence. If we are right own our place, then we shouldn't be sad or feeling down if other people are trying to prove you wrong because you know yourself that you are right and good. And live for yourself, love yourself, believe yourself, care for yourself because you are really awesome ❤
Heavenlyhorizons
January 20th, 2023 1:28am
Many things might lead us to feel like we are not good enough for someone. This can stem from our relations with our parents, partners and, in general, with each other as human beings. It is important to communicate and see if these thoughts are founded in the truth or are negative self-talk. It is essential to acknowledge our thoughts but know at the end of the day, they are not always indicators of the facts. It is also vital to pour self-love and remember that as long as you are good enough for yourself, that’s all that matters. No one cannot pour from an empty cup. There is no actual definition of good enough. Therapy might do great things to help you sort through this. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy might help you sort through these thoughts, and in a healthy relationship, you do not have to feel good enough for someone; you are.
Raspberrycheesecake
March 10th, 2023 3:31pm
Question: What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone? Firstly, I want to thank you for reaching out and asking this question. It's hard to feel self-love and have self-confidence. We all listen to the small voice that is communicating with us in our mind which usually gives us negative self-talk and fills us with self-doubt. We can be our own worse inner critic, which can give us low self-esteem. I can assure you that you are enough. One good tip I'd suggest is using social media and finding things that made you feel happy and make you feel like an amazing person that you are. The first step is to realise that you are good enough for someone, the best way to do this is surround yourself with your friends and family members or any healthy relationships that you have because this will help you with your relationship with yourself. At the end of the day, you are valued and more than enough, we all just need o learn our self-worth and there is no one way about doing this, we are all different. You are worth it and you always will be - you are now and forevermore enough ❤️
empatheticpie
December 20th, 2022 12:05am
Sometimes we might feel like we’re not good enough for the people around us, whether that be our parents, children, our partner, or other family members in our lives. One reason we might feel this way, could be social media. Social media may negatively impact our self-worth by amplifying our inner critic and supporting negative self-talk and self-doubt. The good news is that it can also help. Through social media, you can find resources for therapy or other forms of self-improvement to become a better person than you already were. Using these resources will allow you to regain the self-confidence you deserve by helping you realize you are an amazing person with a voice that deserves to be heard for your whole life. You can also discover how to have healthy relationships by learning great things like better communication and other information on a healthy lifestyle and social life. At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that we are all human beings, and we are all capable of improvement with the right resources.
azuladragon34
August 24th, 2021 12:05pm
Talking from personal experience, when you feel you are not good enough for someone, it can cause a great deal of self esteem. You'll be increasingly critcizing yourself and having self-doubt when someone compliments you. Thus it can be tough, depressing and sad. It can lead to negative self-talk. However, think about it this way. You are you. So if you focus on yourself, by developing your amazing qualities and rectifying that not so good ones, you will begin to feel better. Therefore if someone, it can be parents, partner, extended family members, say you are not good enough, ignore their words. You know you are amazing person and you are worthy of you alone. At the end of the day, be yourself, be amazing and be kind to yourself.
Anonymous
March 23rd, 2024 7:28pm
Feeling not good enough for someone, whether parents, partners, or peers, often stems from self-doubt and negative self-talk influenced by social media and comparisons. 1) The first step towards overcoming these feelings is recognizing your self-worth by ignoring others' opinions. 2) Practicing self-love and addressing the inner critic can boost self-esteem and self-confidence. 3) Open communication with family members or a partner can clarify misunderstandings and reinforce your value in these relationships. 4) Therapy is a valuable tool for unpacking these feelings, understanding their actual reasons, and developing strategies to counteract them. Remember, you're a fantastic person deserving of healthy relationships. You can strengthen your sense of worth by self-acceptance and pursuing personal growth.
Sunisshiningandsoareyou
July 1st, 2021 1:20pm
Not feeling good enough for someone is natural specially in the age of social media , which aids to comparison amongst different people , I understand and relate with how difficult it is to sit back and think why aren't we enough. Maybe it's a good question to ponder upon - "what's making me feel not good enough for this person ?" Or rather "what is exactly good enough ?" , I can assure you there's no concrete answer for what's good enough because we all humans are perceptive in nature and have our own judgements and assessments based on experiences which are personal to us , what may feel good to one wouldn't necessarily feel good to others , but so long we stay true to ourselves and have a healthy relationship with self , we can always start working on bettering ourselves, improving our confidence , esteem , self worth , relationships and interaction with others around us . Know that it is natural to feel pressured by the inner self critic , we all do feel the inner voice telling us we are not enough sometimes, and it's okay to take a pause and let that thought simply flow , the negative self talk and self doubt does get to us and make us question our worth or if we are good enough . The first step towards reducing the intensity with which this negative inner voice affects us ,is to accept that no one is perfect , accept ourselves as we are only with the intention to work on what we can improve in us for ourselves, not to please someone else . There will be someone who will always be dissatisfied by us in one or the other way , but as long as we know we are a work in progress, an incredibly amazing person who knows themselves through and through and is striving to work on themselves continually to be a better person each day , it is what matter at the end of the day , our self love and acceptance and the strive to improve for ourselves. I do feel healthy relationships and our self esteem are complementary to an extent , for instance when we are feeling good within ourselves we won't tolerate anything less of a good and healthy relationship with a person , unfortuantely when we do struggle to keep up with our self esteem , we may sometimes give others the authority to control our emotions and so there's a higher chance we pay more attention to their emotions and behaviour towards us than our own in general leading to some very closed off relationships with not much space and understanding , therefore to aid our self esteem, it is needed we align ourselves with people who accept us for us , encourage us to be a better us and support us when we need them , also a good communication and expression of feelings is also the basis of a healthy relationship, be it with our family members or with a partner, friend etc , super needed to be gentle with ourselves, introspect with ourselves, our needs and wants and communicate them frequently whenever required to . It is definitely not an easy road towards self acceptance and self love , but the good news is that you're capable of right about everything you wish for yourself , with some self belief and confidence and ofcourse a small step forward whenever you feel ready to take one . Good luck, I hope there are great things in store for you in your life journey ahead .
followup
March 9th, 2021 1:38am
To feel you are not good enough for someone can provoke an overwhelming feeling of self-doubt, disappointment and loneliness. In your mind you are asking yourself "Where do I start with this?" or "How do I go by talking about this?." There can be reservations sharing what is in your heart with family, friends and a therapist but talking may be able to relieve you of those negative thoughts and feelings you have repressed in you. Its completely ok to share your vulnerabilities. Worried about your own anonymity? Please do not hesitate to communicate your thoughts and feelings with any listener on our site. There are also self-help guides (e.g. managing emotions, self-esteem) to refer to for further support and information. To realize your own self-worth, be kind to yourself and silence that inner critic. To be in a better place in a healthy relationship takes a willingness to work on your own self-confidence to help you realize the amazing qualities you possess as a person! At the end of the day we are all human beings none better than the other!
Anonymous
March 28th, 2020 2:58am
Remember that you are worth as much as any other person. If you are good enough for another is not for you to decide, be confident in yourself, and as a relationship progresses you will be good enough if you let yourself be. When you feel you are not good enough it's easy to let yourself fall down that path, remind yourself that you are valid, and that someone loves you for who you are. Be brave and kind toward yourself, believe that you are good enough for anyone. You can express this feeling to the other person, try to make them understand how you're feeling.
Anonymous
February 23rd, 2021 9:24pm
Parents play a vital role in developing children & their thought process. Their presence is important in our lives since childhood because their teachings, values & principles that they instill in us help with choosing the right partner & building up our self-esteem. There are instances when people make us feel that we are not good enough for them either by appreciating random girls/guys more on social media or by comparing us with them which leads to damaged self-worth as a result we tend to think we are worthless. Such thinking patterns build as a result of low self-esteem. The good news is that we can break the chain of faulty thoughts in the best way with the help of 3 easy steps. The first step would be to identify all the negative thinking. Secondly, replacing them with positive ones such as from "I am worthless & not good enough for them" to "I am the best one can have, I am enough for myself & others". Lastly, by practicing positive affirmation frequently. According to researchers, Human beings including children have a tendency to focus more on negative aspects of life than the positive ones. Therefore, practicing positive thinking is a crucial part of therapy against the vicious cycle of faulty thinking patterns. Practicing self-love, spending quality time with family members is equally important. If our significant other is full of criticism, we must move ahead & find a better person who would accept us the way we are. I strongly believe that good time & good luck accompany those who know when to leave a relationship when nothing seems to work out. When we are with someone who constantly criticizes us, inner critic, self-doubt, negative self-talk becomes our lifestyle which is the real reason behind further lowering our self-esteem. Our whole life can be changed if we are compassionate towards ourselves & decide to move away from toxic people. Everyone loves to be around an amazing person with self-confidence which comes naturally to those who are unapologetically, authentically themselves. Hence, we must be comfortable being ourselves instead of being someone else. In order to have a healthy relationship, we must be patient as they say great things take time. At the end of the day, One must not forget that the feeling of not being good enough comes from within so we alone can change it & nobody else can do that for us.
Anonymous
August 22nd, 2019 9:44pm
Everyone has a different definition of "good". So what really matters is whether or not you are good enough for yourself. Because YOU are what you need. People change, and they leave. You should be enough for yourself. To fight back. To rise after falling down hard. You don't need anyone's validation and you clearly don't need anyone's approval as to how amazing you are and what you're capable of! So ask yourself, is the other person "good" enough for you by your definition of what should be "good"? And you'll know when they will accept and appreciate you the way you are! Cheers! :)
Anonymous
April 7th, 2021 3:42am
As human beings, it is natural to struggle with self-doubt and negative self-talk. When we feel that we are not good enough for others, it is often the voice of our own inner critic that is actually making us question our self-worth and which is undermining our self-confidence. By comparing ourselves with others—which we often do through communication and the exchange of information on social media—these hurtful internal voices can become louder and more frequent, reducing our self-esteem in the process. The good news is that at the end of the day, no matter what anyone tells you, you’re an amazing person who deserves nothing but self-love and compassion. The first step is to recognise that there are real reasons for your existence on this planet: you are worthy in the fact that you are here. You can be the better person who does the right things. You can be the person who is already inside of you and has been their your whole life even if you haven’t noticed them right in front of your eyes. One of the best ways to develop a healthy relationship with yourself might include going to therapy. In good time, it might help you to see the the great things you are capable of doing. If you have close relationships with your parents, children, family members or any other loved ones like your partner; they’ll remind you that you are enough when you are uncertain about this. Good luck on your journey friend! Be kind to yourself. I believe in you. Just take it one day at time.
VerseArt
May 3rd, 2021 12:33pm
In life, there comes a time when we cannot help but ask ourselves whether or not we are good enough for someone. Do I deserve my partner and their love? Am I worth it? Do I make my parents proud? These questions slash our self-worth and self-esteem to a point where we do nothing but doubt ourselves. The best way to avoid these questions is to answer them affirmatively. Accept that we all are humans, trying our best to become a better version of ourselves. With some luck and a lot of practice, you will be able to overcome all the self-deprecating, negative, criticizing talk. And look at the world with confidence and self-love. Forget about what other people expect from you. Do what you wish to. Remember, you are good enough. You are worth it. You deserve it. Strive for the best, work towards the best, and you will get the best. Great things will happen when you set your mind to it.