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What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?

267 Answers
Last Updated: 03/23/2024 at 7:28pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Tracy-Kate Teleke, PsyD, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
ItsAlyssa
July 28th, 2016 10:34pm
By moving on and accepting there can't be anything anymore and at the end of the day just make the right choice you think is best for you
ChloePryce
September 3rd, 2016 8:17pm
I live for myself, I'm just me. If I don't please to someone it's not important. There are people will love me for what I am.
Anonymous
August 6th, 2016 6:42am
Identify the faulty thought that causes you to feel so and eradicate it.. Repeat the positive feelings for yourself and try to believe then :)
Nephalem98
September 4th, 2016 12:36am
Try to talk with that someone and settle things down, you know, build up personalities together and if that someone really cares about you, he/she will help you solve this matter!
Zac001
August 7th, 2016 6:04am
I think at some point we all feel this way. I know I do a lot. I have found it best to be open with this person and let them know how you are feeling. You both can work it out together!
Eyesoh
August 7th, 2016 9:07pm
When I feel that I am not good enough for someone, I ask myself what about that person it is that I am attracted to, and write down all the things that are good about me.
Supergirl94
August 17th, 2016 10:44pm
Think of why you feel that way, for every reason think of a reason you are good enough for them
Therhythmofheart
August 20th, 2016 2:31pm
Try to talk to someone who has always been there for you no matter what came in your way...and surely you will realise that you are important for someone and it is not necessary that everyone whom we value will reciprocate the same thing.
cosyheart21
September 17th, 2016 11:40pm
It's not important whether or not you're "good enough" for someone. What IS important, is that you are good enough for YOU! If anyone makes you feel like you're not good enough for them, then you have to remember that you need to put yourself first. There's no such thing as being good enough for someone. There is, however, such a thing as not being right for someone, and in that case, do your best to move on to something that you are right for.
Anonymous
October 2nd, 2020 2:21pm
If you feel you are not good enough for someone you may want to take a step back and think about what exactly makes you think that, if you cantalk to that person about not feeling good enough this will help alot not only will you be helping yourself by further understanding that feeling. a benefit of this would be that whoever you dont fell good enough for will know that and such they will be able to understand what you are going through and may be able to help you more than if you just asked yourself the exact same thing.
seraphicseraph
April 30th, 2021 8:23pm
When you feel like you aren't good enough for someone a lot of the time it can stem from self deprecating feelings. You will only feel good enough if you yourself know that you are, so practicing self care and helping yourself feel loved by you is very crucial. If someone is making you feel like your effort is going unseen then communicate it to them because more often then not people feel that same way. Theres been many times in my life where I've felt unworthy of a specific individuals love or even just there presence, but the only thing that made me feel true value was searching for love in myself. Know that you are good enough and being self aware is the first step.
Anonymous
October 24th, 2020 9:27am
I tell myself all the great things about myself. All the things I love about myself. I remind myself that there’s people who love me no matter what. Also, in times like these you need to give yourself the love you give others. Listen to your favorite music, perhaps take a bath, meditate. I also have a collection of kind words from my friends saved in my notes and when I feel down, I read them and my heart fills with warmth and love. It helps me. And last but not least, put on a song and DANCE AROUND YOUR ROOM. It releases so much serotonin.
beautifulFlower8404
October 29th, 2020 7:03pm
If I am in this situation I make sure I do self care. I eat right, get enough sleep and do thins I like. In addition, I write out positive Affirmations and read through them daily. Also I try to turn my negative thoughts about myself to positive every time I catch myself feeling negatively. It is hard to do this at first, but with practice it does get easier. I am still working at this myself, but if you are consistent with it and dont give up it hopefully will make a difference. The biggest thing to remember is these negative thoughts are ingrained and it will take time, effort and repetition to break the habit of thinking negatively.
DarkPiT23
November 14th, 2020 1:10pm
“We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.” ~Lori Deschene Sometimes I am really terrible to myself and relentlessly compare myself to other people, no matter how many times I read or hear about how good enough or lovable I am. On an almost daily basis, I meticulously look for evidence that I am a nobody, that I don’t deserve to be loved, or that I’m not living up to my full potential. There is generally a lot of pressure to “stack up” in our culture. We feel as if there is something wrong with us if, for example, we’re still single by a certain age, don’t make a certain amount of income, don’t have a large social circle, or don’t look and act a certain way in the presence of others. The list could truly go on forever. Sometimes in the midst of all the pressure, I seem to totally forget all the wonderful, unique things about myself. I get stuck in my head and allow my inner critic to completely tear apart my self-esteem until I hate myself too much to do anything except eat ice cream, watch daytime television, and sleep. The other day, while I was beating myself up over something I can’t even recall at the moment, I read a comment from one of my blog readers telling me that one of my posts literally got them through the night. Literally. And if that one simple word was used in the intended context, this person was basically telling me that one of my posts saved their life. I get comments like these on a pretty regular basis, and they always open my eyes to just how much I matter, regardless of my inner critic’s vehement objections. Such comments also open my eyes to all the things we beat ourselves up over that don’t matter—like whether or not we look like a Victoria’s Secret model in our bathing suit, or whether or not we should stop smiling if we’re not whitening our teeth, or whether or not the hole in our lucky shirt is worth bursting into tears over. Lately I’ve been trying harder to catch myself when I feel a non-serving, self-depreciating thought coming on. And I may let these thoughts slip at times, but that’s okay because I’m only human. While my self-love journey is on-going, here are a few things I try to remember when I’m tempted to be mean to myself: 1. The people you compare yourself to compare themselves to other people too. We all compare ourselves to other people, and I can assure you that the people who seem to have it all do not. When you look at other people through a lens of compassion and understanding rather than judgment and jealousy, you are better able to see them for what they are—human beings. They are beautifully imperfect human beings going through the same universal challenges that we all go through. 2. Your mind can be a very convincing liar. I saw a quote once that said, “Don’t believe everything you think.” That quote completely altered the way I react when a cruel or discouraging thought goes through my mind. Thoughts are just thoughts, and it’s unhealthy and exhausting to give so much power to the negative ones. 3. There is more right with you than wrong with you. This powerful reminder is inspired by one of my favorite quotes from Jon Kabat-Zinn: “Until you stop breathing, there’s more right with you than wrong with you.” As someone who sometimes tends to zoom in on all my perceived flaws, it helps to remember that there are lots of things I like about myself too—like the fact that I’m alive and breathing and able to pave new paths whenever I choose. 4. You need love the most when you feel you deserve it the least. This was a recent epiphany of mine, although I’m sure it’s been said many times before. I find that it is most difficult to accept love and understanding from others when I’m in a state of anger, shame, anxiety, or depression. But adopting the above truth really shifted my perspective and made me realize that love is actually the greatest gift I can receive during such times. 5. You have to fully accept and make peace with the “now” before you can reach and feel satisfied with the “later.” One thing I’ve learned about making changes and reaching for the next rung on the ladder is that you cannot fully feel satisfied with where you’re going until you can accept, acknowledge, and appreciate where you are. Embrace and make peace with where you are, and your journey toward something new will feel much more peaceful, rewarding, and satisfying. 6. Focus on progress rather than perfection and on how far you’ve come rather than how far you have left to go. One of the biggest causes of self-loathing is the hell-bent need to “get it right.” We strive for perfection and success, and when we fall short, we feel less than and worthless. What we don’t seem to realize is that working toward our goals and being willing to put ourselves out there are accomplishments within themselves, regardless of how many times we fail. Instead of berating yourself for messing up and stumbling backward, give yourself a pat on the back for trying, making progress, and coming as far as you have. 7. You can’t hate your way into loving yourself. Telling yourself what a failure you are won’t make you any more successful. Telling yourself you’re not living up to your full potential won’t help you reach a higher potential. Telling yourself you’re worthless and unlovable won’t make you feel any more worthy or lovable. I know it sounds almost annoyingly simple, but the only way to achieve self-love is to love yourself—regardless of who you are and where you stand and even if you know you want to change. You are enough just as you are. And self-love will be a little bit easier every time you remind yourself of that.
ThatsCherry
September 10th, 2016 3:05pm
You don't have to be afraid of being not ''good enough''. I'm sure you are a nice and friendly person, always respect each other and spread the love
Jackisherenow
December 18th, 2020 5:12pm
You have to remind yourself that this is a negative thought and it simply isn't true. We all have negative thoughts from time to time and sometimes we have to be reminded that they are not grounded in reality. It's important to find an alternative positive means of thinking. Instead of focusing on how you don't feel good enough for someone, you focus on all the ways that you are the best for this person. If you keep letting negative thoughts into your mind then they will overwhelm your life and control how you live. It is best to focus on positivity and surround yourself with positive thoughts.
sallie04
January 24th, 2021 12:26am
I try to work out why I feel this way and then decide if it is me that's telling myself I'm not good enough or the other person. Most of the time it was me so I had to try and understand what made me feel this way and what did I need to do to stop feeling like this. In the cases where it was the other person's opinion that I was not good enough for them, I had to decide if I should keep them in my life or not which hasn't ever been easy. Sometimes just talking it through with the person helps.
blissart
January 25th, 2021 3:46am
Human being's social life is all about relationships, be it parents, partners, friends, neighbors, colleagues, children etc and for one thing, all relationships come with certain privileges and certain responsibilities and most of the relations we develop during life time are need based. So it happens that at times we can feel we are not good enough for someone. and this feeling comes out from the reactions of the other person where they can be direct in sharing this or giving hints in some other ways like lack of interest, less respect, cold treatment etc. One more point to check is that sometimes it can be our own creation, when we misunderstand or judge wrongly or simply expect too much from our own selves and it can hurt our self esteem, self worth and instill in us self doubt. Good news is that with conscious awareness along with self love, support of family members, therapy we can help us better. The best way is replacing negative self talk with positive self talk. When we feel not good enough for someone surely we were good enough for them at some time so finding the real reason is the first step. A clear communication is a key to healthy relationships. So finding the rt reason, making sure its not our false notion, talking out to someone close, an open communication with relation in concern, seeking therapy , accessing information can all help finding our self confidence and self worth back and feel more amazing, productive and contented. Maintaining a monthly relationship guide helps ,hearing our inner voice is that good time to reflect on our relations. At the end of the day , It helps to remember that we all are unique, amazing in our own ways and at times "to let go " is important . Good luck !
SirenSymphony21
February 16th, 2021 2:33pm
That has something to do with your self-concept and self-esteem. You need to point out the root cause for it and work toward it. For example, one root cause is the constant negative self-talk that you have. Whenever you have those negative thoughts, just write it down on a piece of paper,put a strike on it and write down a alternative, positive thought. That might work.
Anonymous
September 9th, 2016 3:01am
There are more fish in the sea as they say. Move on there is someone that's will like you for who you are.
helpfulBlanket727
March 18th, 2021 2:28pm
I think you should find your value and worth and know that you do matter and are very important to many people! I understand value and worth can be very difficult to find, but once you do find it, you'll know for sure that you are good enough for people to love you, although you should lover yourself first. Self-love is very important. You are the most important person in your life, so you should take care of yourself first. Know that you certainly do matter to people, you are human and deserve all the love in the world!
avanef
April 18th, 2020 9:42pm
The most important thing is knowing you are good enough in general. You need to know that you're still an amazing person with or without that person in your life. I understand in today's generation, we put so much on everyone trying to tell them they need to mean something to someone or a mass amounts of people to feel true "acceptance" and "meaning" in life. That is not true. What matters is if you feel good enough for you. Many people like a confidence person who knows their own worth and doesn't care if they aren't for everyone's liking. That's okay! There are so many people on this planet, you'll find somenoe who likes everything the same ways you do too. To go back to your original question, there's nothing you can do really. If you are in a situation where you are sensing you're not good enough for someone for whatever reason, you could try talking to them and see why it might be that way. But, if it's something you just can't control you just have to get up and see that as a wake up call that they're not for you. Again, that is okay. You will get through it. Surround yourself with people who enjoy your company, do things that make you feel alive and clear your mind of them and just go back to your original roots.
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2021 1:34pm
As human beings we spend a lot of our time on social media, looking at all these amazing people living their best life. They’re full of self-esteem and confidence and their whole life seems full of great things. Looking at that, it’s easy to forget our own self-worth and start giving ourselves negative self-talk. The good news is that you are also an amazing person, even if your inner critic doesn’t agree with that right now. Just ask your family members, your friends or your partner. You don’t need to change yourself to have a good time with people who care about you. . You are enough just as you are. When you start to doubt that, remind yourself to talk to someone you care about, or even your therapist. Communication is the first step to healthy relationships. At the end of the day, great things will come your way too.
fruityAngel1891
March 31st, 2021 6:14pm
On the inside, I can really hear that you feel you are not on the same level or up to the same standards as someone or feel unworthy of someone. It's easy to tell someone in your situation to trust the other person but this difficulty to trust or confide in others can be due to betrayal in a past relationship through neglect and abuse. It can seem difficult especially when you have low self-esteem. But being a friend or a significant other is something others appreciate and want. Try to look inside yourself to see where these feelings come from, did someone say something to you in the past that made you feel this way? If they did and you still talk to them, communicate what their words made you feel to them. I can understand you may worry about what will be said to you if you ask them. This is a choice for you to make. Are there sometimes things you wish others would tell you? Are there things others would wish you tell them? If you're trying to be friends with someone else, know that your past doesn't define you and you can be good enough for someone today, just be your best self and that's more than good enough! You are welcome to reach out to one of our listeners for further support. Thank you for your question!
Clarisse29
March 24th, 2021 2:56pm
Feeling not good enough for someone is an absolutely normal and common thing. As human beings one of our primary psychological needs is the need for a healthy amount of self-esteem in order to be fully functional and self-actualized about our potentials. Almost all people spend their whole life in an environment which conditions them to base their self-worth on others’ opinion of them, to do the right thing in order to gain the approval of people like their parents, family members and partner. However, what is learnt can be unlearned through altered behavioral practices and the best way to do so is to get the required help via therapy and other means which assist us in reducing our self-doubt. They help us in dealing with the real reason for our low self-esteem, that is, our inner critic, that prods at us whenever we are about to do something or are done doing it, and negative self talk, which only adds on to the feelings of worthlessness. In this age of social media and information, the content we expose ourselves to matters profoundly as well. Consuming good news and positive information exponentially helps us in elevating our moods, self-confidence and optimism. At the end of the day, we must remember that self-confidence resides where self-love does and the first step to loving ourselves is consciously acknowledging our current state and making the active choice to improve it. Through proper communication of our needs and listening to others, there is no doubt that we will come off as an amazing person to our peers. We progress on our way to be a better person by being disciplined yet gentle toward ourselves, establishing healthy relationships with others and setting proper boundaries.
Anonymous
March 23rd, 2021 9:46am
Many things can cause us to feel like we are not good enough for another person. Self-esteem, social media, self-worth, self-doubt, negative self-talk, our inner critic, and other human beings can all influence this. Maybe you feel this way around a certain family member, a parent, a partner, children, friends, or any other person in your life. It's important to know your own worth, but I promise you that it's a high one. The good news is that there are many ways to overcome this feeling, lots of great things to do. Personally, I think the best way is to practice self-love, cultivate and maintain healthy relationships, grow your self-confidence, and remember you are an amazing person. One of the first steps towards those actions is remembering that that little voice that says you are not good enough, or that you need to be a better person, or even sometimes that there's no real reason to anything or your whole life, it's wrong. That voice is wrong. Some people may need therapy for this, it can provide more information, and more open communication, though that is up to what you feel is the right thing for you to do. At the end of the day, know that you are not alone in this, many people, including myself, have struggled with this same thing. It's ok not to be ok sometimes, we cannot expect life will always be a good time, but you have people willing, ready, and wanting to help and support you. I wish you all good luck and feel free to message me whenever to talk. You're all amazing *offers hugs if wanted*
Anonymous
March 17th, 2021 9:08pm
We are all human, we are the same but also different in many ways. I encourage you to become independent and do your best in what you do or love to do, find happiness within yourself. When you focus on yourself, others will start to realize that they are not good enough for you. If they are miserable, they have no right to drag you down with them. I wish you to try your best in everything you do, find happiness, and the world would never be good enough for you.
mvpeng
March 7th, 2021 4:28pm
It can be really tough to feel like you are not good enough for someone. This can come from many different sources including self-doubt and negative self-talk. Sometimes we are our own biggest inner critic, but we can gain greater self-confidence if we can improve our inner voice and practice self-love instead. Improving your communication with others including your parents, your partner, your children, or other family members can also help with these feelings. If you are open with the people around you, they can help you with your self-esteem and help shush that negative inner voice. It also can be helpful to avoid social media if you are struggling with these feelings, as these platforms can increase feelings of low self-worth. At the end of the day though, the best way to deal with these feelings is to take care of and be kind to yourself. 
WNoelle10
September 8th, 2016 4:14pm
I check in with myself; remind myself that the truth about me is that I have people that love me and accept me. Then I can choose to give the person the benefit of the doubt- each person has his or her own reasons for acting a certain way, and I know not everything is meant to be taken personally. Only I can decide what I will carry with me and let define me.
Anonymous
March 4th, 2021 9:39am
Realize that it’s you that matters. Feeling like you’re not worth it is a bad feeling and one you should never have to have. You are one of a kind and no one can take that from you. You are brave and outstanding. Realizing your worth is the main goal. Don’t let someone else determine your worth through your eyes. Whoever that someone is might think that they aren’t good enough for you. It’s all in what you believe about yourself. You probably already know your worth and your beauty, it’s just hiding from you. And it’s very easy to get that part out of hiding if you I’m just look a little longer in the mirror and know your worth