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What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?

210 Answers
Last Updated: 04/07/2021 at 3:42am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Tracy-Kate Teleke, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
July 5th, 2019 3:49am
Say so. "I don't think I'm good enough for you. But I hope you're okay with me just being here for you." Sometimes your presence is more than enough. And of course you won't feel good enough. Because if it's someone you love, you want to make them feel happier with you. So you tried your best to make yourself better. But you felt like something is missing. And that's probably your honesty to yourself. If you feel like you're not perfect enough, then why not accept it? "Alright, I'm not perfect. But I'm glad for being myself." I hope you'll realize how much you're worth soon. I'm glad you're willing to ask.
MurphysLaw1
July 11th, 2019 6:13pm
Remember to love yourself enough that you don’t seek approval from others, which is no easy feat. Loving yourself takes practice & time, however you are certainly worth it. Often when we compare ourselves to others, we tend to dwell on our flaws & shortcomings. Part of loving yourself is recognizing & embracing all of your positive traits. More often than not, whoever you think you’re not good enough for is every bit as insecure as you. Loving yourself means you strive for a better, happier life, & you become confident & sure of yourself. You can always better your life, but you’re never not good enough for someone.
Anonymous
July 24th, 2019 7:55pm
It can be so easy to feel unworthy or unimportant. I have found that making a list of my positive qualities helps me to see my worth more clearly. If you have trouble thinking of any, ask someone close to you who you trust. They will most likely point out things that you don't even notice about yourself! Always remember that you are more than enough, just the way you are. Do not compare yourself to others or point out any flaws you may feel you have. Talk to yourself in an affirming way and spend time with people who bring out the best in you. Stay positive, love, you are MORE than enough!
Lucidunicorn
August 7th, 2019 1:21am
Please please please know your worth. No body, i mean nobody is better than anyone. People are different for reasons. You should be with someone who makes you feel equal. Most importantly, you should care for you first and find a good relationship with yourself and find love within yourself. Find out who you are. Get hobbies, live free from others judgements. Everyone deserves to feel completely loved and as an equal person to everyone else. Love also should never have to fulfill you before you fulfill your own self first. Live for you first then find your true love
Vulpixofthedawn
September 1st, 2019 3:18pm
When I feel like I'm not good enough for someone I try hard to take a step back and question why I think that and what proof I have. Chances are that there is no real proof and, the person who you don't think you're good enough for believes that you are more than good enough - why else would they have you around? It's really important to remember that deep down you have an intrinsic value as a human being and so long as you're being true to yourself and your ideals you're good enough for anyone, sometimes you may even need to ask, are they good enough for you?
LoneWolf1010
October 27th, 2019 5:21pm
It is an Instinct.. when you love a person and the value and respect you have for them makes you feel inferior and make you feel that person deserve better than yourself. Best way i found very effective was to mentally list down why do i feel so? Pros and cons. At the end i end up with lot of positives in self than negatives. This builds self evaluating and to give importance to self. It's is very surprising that many a times when it comes to setting priorities we give top priority to others we love.. and then for self. How can one just assume stuff without logical experimentation? 😉
OriganalZ0005
December 11th, 2019 5:29am
When you feel your not enough to that someone he/she doesn't deserve your worth. Go and find another person that will appreciate your worth. Always remembered we have different worth and we should find who would care understand us. Don't stick to someone who doesn't care about you. There are many people living on earth, maybe one of them secretly admires you. Either one of your friends or a special someone you doesn't meet yet. Lets forget those person cause we meet them for reason, Maybe for us to learn, or make us to be a better person in future.
SnailsAndStars
February 9th, 2020 11:10am
No one in the world is perfect. We all have our own flaws and weaknesses, but we also have our strengths and the beautiful, unique things that make us different from everyone else. The most important part is to always work on yourself and strive to improve, as well as to congratulate yourself for the person you’ve evolved to be. Think about how far you’ve come, instead of how far your goal is. Make peace with yourself and stop feeling like you have to constantly live up to certain expectations people put upon you. You are enough, and you are loved.
PrettyDiver
February 20th, 2020 10:07am
When you feel you are not good enough for someone, do a self check, pamper yourself. You need to be there and love yourself more cause that is within yourself. Its a lack of self love.
spectacularTruth8568
February 26th, 2020 6:01pm
You are never not good enough. If you do feel that way with someone then that someone may not be the right person for you. You won't be good enough of you are not yourself. So be yourself. And if you still feel something is missing then improve yourself to be the person you want to be. Never change yourself to fit in or for someone else. That is a huge mistake. This would lead you to hate yourself later for you will never be satisfied with the person you have turned out to be. If you plan to change, change for yourself.
LC1225
March 14th, 2020 8:31am
If you feel like you aren't good enough for someone you should question why you feel that way. Is it something they have said that made you think that? Is it something they did? It might be worth directly asking if they think you are or are not "good enough" for them. Maybe you work on some self-improvements. Maybe you realize that this person doesn't deserve you. Every situation is different though. I wish you the best of luck and don't be afraid to walk away from someone who may or may not deserve you. If you want to become better then do that but don't do it for them. Do it for you. -LC
Anonymous
March 14th, 2020 2:10pm
I don't think that doing something for it will make you feel good enough. There are no steps to follow. Insecurities don't just disappear. I guess, you learn to deal with it as time goes by. Not deal with it but you know understand. At this moment, you might feel this way for whatsoever reason but slowly,slowly you will understand what happened, what made you think this way, was it the person's actions that made you feel that way.Basically, it starts to hurt less and you gather diffrent views on it. Maybe after some time you will realise that, that person was not worthy of your time. Let it hurt. For only after hurting, the process of healing start. For a phoenix first, must burn to rise from the flames.
Anonymous
March 28th, 2020 2:58am
Remember that you are worth as much as any other person. If you are good enough for another is not for you to decide, be confident in yourself, and as a relationship progresses you will be good enough if you let yourself be. When you feel you are not good enough it's easy to let yourself fall down that path, remind yourself that you are valid, and that someone loves you for who you are. Be brave and kind toward yourself, believe that you are good enough for anyone. You can express this feeling to the other person, try to make them understand how you're feeling.
walkingpresent
April 8th, 2020 1:51am
We can't sugar coat this feeling especially when it is quite severe, because we deep down know that is the case. But to note that this can also be a result of your own overthinking, you worry so much that you create a situation where you are always in the lower part, and it feels so real it became so because the brain does not know the difference between imagination and reality If you feel that you are not good enough for your partner in romantic relationship, you may discuss this with him / her openly so to clarify and sort your thoughts. Because sometimes you may be too focused on the good of other people that you forgot your own because our focus is expensive, the one thing that we focus on becomes crystal clear while we are blind to other things that we do not focus. If you were happen to be lacking in some department and it is true, one thing to do before you can make any difference is that you must first accept it. Accept that you are lacking in that department, you still have some room of improvement where, if you start taking actions solely to improve on it, you will be able change it slowly but surely.
victoryhavealittlefaith5555
April 10th, 2020 9:03pm
As an active listener I will try to follow all suggestions from the training. I can offer supportive conversation that will give space, time and empathy to the person in need to be heard and see more clearly their problem. If my answers do not help the person in need, I can recommend them to check 7 Cups Specific Guide, or contact a therapist. If the issue is more urgent and the person in need express possibility to hurt themselves or others I would urge them to contact the therapist as soon as possible or call a suicide hot line.
Anonymous
April 12th, 2020 1:36pm
I think a lot of people can relate to this question. Most of the time, we encounter someone or the other who is very critical of us for no apparent reason. A lot of times, we ourselves do this job of being too hard on our decisions and personality. This constant negative feedback can lead to feelings of insecurity and it is very difficult to break out of this loop. However, please try to remember that you are not alone in feeling this way. Maybe the other person thinks they're not good enough for you! So, the only possible way to get the thought out of your mind is a conversation with them. And if it turns out that the other person is truly not into you, then it isn't because you are not "good enough." Please remember, these measures are all extremely subjective and arbitrary, so nobody can actually make that decision :)
avanef
April 18th, 2020 9:42pm
The most important thing is knowing you are good enough in general. You need to know that you're still an amazing person with or without that person in your life. I understand in today's generation, we put so much on everyone trying to tell them they need to mean something to someone or a mass amounts of people to feel true "acceptance" and "meaning" in life. That is not true. What matters is if you feel good enough for you. Many people like a confidence person who knows their own worth and doesn't care if they aren't for everyone's liking. That's okay! There are so many people on this planet, you'll find somenoe who likes everything the same ways you do too. To go back to your original question, there's nothing you can do really. If you are in a situation where you are sensing you're not good enough for someone for whatever reason, you could try talking to them and see why it might be that way. But, if it's something you just can't control you just have to get up and see that as a wake up call that they're not for you. Again, that is okay. You will get through it. Surround yourself with people who enjoy your company, do things that make you feel alive and clear your mind of them and just go back to your original roots.
HannahChu777
April 24th, 2020 3:32am
I believe this means there's not enough trust in your relationship. You should talk to that person and this personal conversation will strengthen your bond. That way, you can confirm your role in that relationship with the help of that someone. But anyways, I don't think this should be your mindset because it is unhealthy. Know that you are worth MORE than you think.
3rik
April 30th, 2020 3:58pm
The question before me is "What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?" As I remember it was Friedrich Nietzsche who said "You need to know, what kind of a monster you are" For me I dissected that in to "we are all unique", "we all have our strengths and weaknesses", "we all need to know about them". So, to answer this question (and I am assuming that we might be talking about anyone - including parent, partner, co-worker, boss, child etc.) I would recommend You to ask: - why is this meaningful for me? - can I speak to the "someone" and clarify what is it, that they need/expect (from me) and how they need it (dont forget to ask yourself if you are willing to accept)? - how can I tell them what I need in return (to feel meaningful/enough) - where is my limit (where there is more harm than good in the exchange and I need to back off/try something else, in order to save myself)
Anonymous
May 3rd, 2020 5:00am
Remind yourself of all the great qualities you know you have and tell yourself that someone will accept you for you. Because at the end of the day, you'd wanna be with someone who you know is good enough for you, not the other way around. And if anything try your best to either see what good enough is for someone and maybe achieving that, but really one does not have to change for someone unless change is for the good of yourself. Sometimes we may have bad habits we don't always notice, so we see the not so good of ourselves, but we can always change...our habits and actions are in our control.
Understandingempath
May 7th, 2020 5:55pm
I find that the only person we should feel good enough for is ourselves. Everyone grows and learns at different paces. It is not the place of another to determine we as individuals are not good enough. They may say we are not good enough for them which is their choice to make. I still do not allow this to deter me from being the best me I can be on any given day. No matter what any one person says, somewhere in this very big planet is a person who will love you for being you. The fun part for me has always been finding those people. I hope it can be just as fun an experience for all who read this.
Anonymous
May 9th, 2020 3:26pm
The first thing is to stop thinking that you're not good enough or you're never gonna be enough for someone or even yourself. Stop feeding such negative things to your brain. Instead, input lovely things like: I'm worth it. I love myself. Because I'm so lovable, there are many people who love me. If someone is making you feel like that, then you need to distance yourself from them; they're not a good influence on you and are stopping you from loving yourself and others. Remember: think positive thoughts about yourself. Don't be your own worst critic; be your own best friend.
Anonymous
May 16th, 2020 10:58am
Be a little kinder to yourself. If someone is making you feel that way, as clique as it sounds, it's not you, it's them. You ARE good enough. End of. There is no questioning that. Some people just aren't as compatible with each other as you might like them to be. The fact that they are making you feel that way in the first place proves that whatever relationship you have with them isn't healthy. Trust me, wait for someone who makes you feel good enough because you will find them soon. A person worth your time doesn't make you question your worth. If you were meant to be together you wouldn't be asking this question because you would know that you are enough. Please, surround yourself with other people who make you happy. You deserve so much more than this.
Anonymous
May 16th, 2020 5:10pm
I understand how you feel, and it makes you feel like you're not worth it and that everyone in comparison seems perfect and you're just there longing to be like them. However, in life, being able to take risks and chances makes everyone nervous, and stepping into a new atmosphere brings doubt on themselves because it's hard to reach your full potential and to show people you don't know, but people admire you for who you are and they want to know who the real you is, with your goods and your bads because that makes us human. It will make you happier knowing people love you for who you are and not the person you're trying to be, and you are perfect just the way you are, that's why we're all unique and special in our own way.
zealousWinter25
June 4th, 2020 1:38pm
Not feeling good enough for someone might stem from not knowing your own worth. When you value yourself and know your worth, you will be able to see that someone's behaviour or expectations of you, are a representation of them and not of you. It's important to not allow someone else's behaviour to define your worth. Write down your worth and your value and if anyone or anything comes against that, you will know who you are and then you can take it on but not dwell on it because if it doesn't match up with who you think you are, don't pay attention to it. Easier said than done I know
Nichole19x
June 5th, 2020 12:21am
Form me it is best to be your biggest supporter even if you are your biggest critic. By feeling inadequate you suppress your true self and emotions causing more distress since you are trying to be something you are not. If the person likes you in the first place there must be a reason that they do. That is because you are good enough, better even. If someone tells you that you aren’t good enough. It just means that they are not good enough for you. Surrounding yourself with negativity like that only plagues your image of yourself. Even though it is cliche positive vibes not only makes you happier but lifts your image of yourself also.
cuddlyPainting2116
June 17th, 2020 5:20pm
Being good enough for yourself is always enough. Be enough for yourself first and then you'll be enough for anyone that matters. I used to really struggle with not feeling good enough for people. But since I have started to feel like I am enough just as I am the right people have started coming into my life. If it is a partner I have also found talking about it with them really helps. I opened up to my partner about my insecurities and I was so shocked to find that he actually felt the same. So don't feel like you're the only one because I promise you aren't. As long as you are yourself and you're trying then trust me that's enough xx ❤️
caringHand989
June 19th, 2020 1:13am
It depends on the relationship with that person. If that person makes you feel unwanted and doesn't respect you, then it's better to leave that person. Sometimes it can be hard to step away, but if you take this problematic sept, your future self will thank you. Soon you'll find someone whom you feel good enough for, who will empower you, respect you, and love you just like you deserve to be treated. But first, know that you are entitled to be respected, loved, and honored. You don't need anyone else conformation to know your worth. Be proud of yourself and thank the creater who made you so beautiful.
EnchantingIcicle99
June 24th, 2020 2:38pm
No one is not good enough for anything. You are a human and you may have flaws and you have done mistakes, but those mistakes and flaws don't define who you are. it's what you've learned from them and how you tried to fix them that does. If someone ever tries to undermine me, I leave. If they won't say something constructive, then I automatically stop listening. No one has the right to tell me what I'm worth, and I shouldn't listen to the ones who do cause they don't really know me, or know what I have been through.
Smilingfuture
July 3rd, 2020 2:20pm
When you feel you are not good enough to get others approval, do a reality check of yourself: am i good enough for myself, what insecurities are prompting me to look out for external validation, do i feel low in self-worth, has something/someone caused me to disregard my self respect and become dependent on others. This process of inward looking, confronting your thoughts and inner chatter will help you to have a reality check and take stock of your mind matters. Then watch your emotions whenever it seeks /feels insecure. Observe and affirm within yourself -- that " you are good enough, that you are "sufficient" within yourself. Cheers!!.