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What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?

268 Answers
Last Updated: 03/23/2024 at 11:25pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Tracy-Kate Teleke, PsyD, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
SirenSymphony21
February 16th, 2021 2:33pm
That has something to do with your self-concept and self-esteem. You need to point out the root cause for it and work toward it. For example, one root cause is the constant negative self-talk that you have. Whenever you have those negative thoughts, just write it down on a piece of paper,put a strike on it and write down a alternative, positive thought. That might work.
Anonymous
March 4th, 2021 9:39am
Realize that it’s you that matters. Feeling like you’re not worth it is a bad feeling and one you should never have to have. You are one of a kind and no one can take that from you. You are brave and outstanding. Realizing your worth is the main goal. Don’t let someone else determine your worth through your eyes. Whoever that someone is might think that they aren’t good enough for you. It’s all in what you believe about yourself. You probably already know your worth and your beauty, it’s just hiding from you. And it’s very easy to get that part out of hiding if you I’m just look a little longer in the mirror and know your worth
mvpeng
March 7th, 2021 4:28pm
It can be really tough to feel like you are not good enough for someone. This can come from many different sources including self-doubt and negative self-talk. Sometimes we are our own biggest inner critic, but we can gain greater self-confidence if we can improve our inner voice and practice self-love instead. Improving your communication with others including your parents, your partner, your children, or other family members can also help with these feelings. If you are open with the people around you, they can help you with your self-esteem and help shush that negative inner voice. It also can be helpful to avoid social media if you are struggling with these feelings, as these platforms can increase feelings of low self-worth. At the end of the day though, the best way to deal with these feelings is to take care of and be kind to yourself. 
Anonymous
March 17th, 2021 9:08pm
We are all human, we are the same but also different in many ways. I encourage you to become independent and do your best in what you do or love to do, find happiness within yourself. When you focus on yourself, others will start to realize that they are not good enough for you. If they are miserable, they have no right to drag you down with them. I wish you to try your best in everything you do, find happiness, and the world would never be good enough for you.
gracefulWords4388
March 18th, 2021 2:19am
You're always good for everyone. Everyone is unique, if someone doesn't like you, there will be the one in the world to love you. Trust me! There will be someone to match with you. Always have confidence. If people see you with confidence, then, you will be liked. At the end of the day, if the person doesn't like you, nothing really happened. You can still be friends and go on. If you check deeply inside you, you will find the real you. You will literally learn to admire yourself. If you feel good about yourself, then others will feel good about you. So what you need to do: Get self confidence. Like yourself, love yourself.
helpfulBlanket727
March 18th, 2021 2:28pm
I think you should find your value and worth and know that you do matter and are very important to many people! I understand value and worth can be very difficult to find, but once you do find it, you'll know for sure that you are good enough for people to love you, although you should lover yourself first. Self-love is very important. You are the most important person in your life, so you should take care of yourself first. Know that you certainly do matter to people, you are human and deserve all the love in the world!
Anonymous
March 23rd, 2021 9:46am
Many things can cause us to feel like we are not good enough for another person. Self-esteem, social media, self-worth, self-doubt, negative self-talk, our inner critic, and other human beings can all influence this. Maybe you feel this way around a certain family member, a parent, a partner, children, friends, or any other person in your life. It's important to know your own worth, but I promise you that it's a high one. The good news is that there are many ways to overcome this feeling, lots of great things to do. Personally, I think the best way is to practice self-love, cultivate and maintain healthy relationships, grow your self-confidence, and remember you are an amazing person. One of the first steps towards those actions is remembering that that little voice that says you are not good enough, or that you need to be a better person, or even sometimes that there's no real reason to anything or your whole life, it's wrong. That voice is wrong. Some people may need therapy for this, it can provide more information, and more open communication, though that is up to what you feel is the right thing for you to do. At the end of the day, know that you are not alone in this, many people, including myself, have struggled with this same thing. It's ok not to be ok sometimes, we cannot expect life will always be a good time, but you have people willing, ready, and wanting to help and support you. I wish you all good luck and feel free to message me whenever to talk. You're all amazing *offers hugs if wanted*
Clarisse29
March 24th, 2021 2:56pm
Feeling not good enough for someone is an absolutely normal and common thing. As human beings one of our primary psychological needs is the need for a healthy amount of self-esteem in order to be fully functional and self-actualized about our potentials. Almost all people spend their whole life in an environment which conditions them to base their self-worth on others’ opinion of them, to do the right thing in order to gain the approval of people like their parents, family members and partner. However, what is learnt can be unlearned through altered behavioral practices and the best way to do so is to get the required help via therapy and other means which assist us in reducing our self-doubt. They help us in dealing with the real reason for our low self-esteem, that is, our inner critic, that prods at us whenever we are about to do something or are done doing it, and negative self talk, which only adds on to the feelings of worthlessness. In this age of social media and information, the content we expose ourselves to matters profoundly as well. Consuming good news and positive information exponentially helps us in elevating our moods, self-confidence and optimism. At the end of the day, we must remember that self-confidence resides where self-love does and the first step to loving ourselves is consciously acknowledging our current state and making the active choice to improve it. Through proper communication of our needs and listening to others, there is no doubt that we will come off as an amazing person to our peers. We progress on our way to be a better person by being disciplined yet gentle toward ourselves, establishing healthy relationships with others and setting proper boundaries.
fruityAngel1891
March 31st, 2021 6:14pm
On the inside, I can really hear that you feel you are not on the same level or up to the same standards as someone or feel unworthy of someone. It's easy to tell someone in your situation to trust the other person but this difficulty to trust or confide in others can be due to betrayal in a past relationship through neglect and abuse. It can seem difficult especially when you have low self-esteem. But being a friend or a significant other is something others appreciate and want. Try to look inside yourself to see where these feelings come from, did someone say something to you in the past that made you feel this way? If they did and you still talk to them, communicate what their words made you feel to them. I can understand you may worry about what will be said to you if you ask them. This is a choice for you to make. Are there sometimes things you wish others would tell you? Are there things others would wish you tell them? If you're trying to be friends with someone else, know that your past doesn't define you and you can be good enough for someone today, just be your best self and that's more than good enough! You are welcome to reach out to one of our listeners for further support. Thank you for your question!
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2021 1:34pm
As human beings we spend a lot of our time on social media, looking at all these amazing people living their best life. They’re full of self-esteem and confidence and their whole life seems full of great things. Looking at that, it’s easy to forget our own self-worth and start giving ourselves negative self-talk. The good news is that you are also an amazing person, even if your inner critic doesn’t agree with that right now. Just ask your family members, your friends or your partner. You don’t need to change yourself to have a good time with people who care about you. . You are enough just as you are. When you start to doubt that, remind yourself to talk to someone you care about, or even your therapist. Communication is the first step to healthy relationships. At the end of the day, great things will come your way too.
seraphicseraph
April 30th, 2021 8:23pm
When you feel like you aren't good enough for someone a lot of the time it can stem from self deprecating feelings. You will only feel good enough if you yourself know that you are, so practicing self care and helping yourself feel loved by you is very crucial. If someone is making you feel like your effort is going unseen then communicate it to them because more often then not people feel that same way. Theres been many times in my life where I've felt unworthy of a specific individuals love or even just there presence, but the only thing that made me feel true value was searching for love in myself. Know that you are good enough and being self aware is the first step.
caringOasis9956
May 1st, 2021 7:35pm
When you feel like you are not good enough for someone, look inside yourself, and know, and believe that you are good for yourself. That you are good for someone else. Also that they may have not been good enough for you. Timing in life sometimes may not make sense and a connection from your view may be stronger towards a person that may not feel the same. Remember that, that is ok. Someone that isn't interested or who may feel as though you are not good enough is simply that, their opinion. Not everyone's opinion.
Anonymous
May 5th, 2021 8:14pm
When you feel like you are not good enough for someone you should first appreciate that you are feeling anxious which is completely fine. Then you should try and rationalise these feelings by writing them down in a logical way. By writing how you feel down your feelings can become a lot easier to manage and it can help you to see where you can start to work from. Even if you don't get to the point where you rationalise and process these feelings, venting how you feel can help to reprieve a huge amount of pressure. The most important thing is to remember that you are always worthy of the best things in life, everyone is, and this includes you. Repeat positive affirmations to yourself to help boost your self-worth. Finally, do try and speak to someone about how you have been feeling as they are likely to be able to help you as well. Keep smiling :))
Anonymous
May 27th, 2021 6:59pm
First things first, ask yourself whether YOU think that YOU ARE good enough for yourself. Ask yourself why and try to work on loving yourself. You won’t feel good enough for someone else if you don’t feel good enough for yourself. Try positive affirmations and meditate & journal your thoughts in order to work on this. Remember that you are, always have been and always will be good enough😼 don’t let anyone else ever tell you any different. If the person is the one that is making you feel mediocre, I suggest that you talk it out with them and see where to go from there
fluiditymentor
June 5th, 2021 1:34am
When I find myself questioning "Why am I just not good enough?" the first thing I do is take a step back. I work re-evaluate the relationship I have with the person and what I've done that could have been wrong. If I find I'm fabricating reasons I am the problem I then evaluate the ratio of give/take and if the relationship is beneficial to my personal growth or well-being. If and when I find that the relationship is toxic and the person is hindering my ability to grow as a person I take the hard steps to sever the ties.
giggleBubbles6722
June 9th, 2021 7:09pm
We have all felt this way at some point in time. The most important thing to remember is that it's okay to feel this way. We all have an inner critic and it helps us improve ourselves to become a better person. However, it is important to distinguish when to listen to that inner voice and when to shut it down. Negative self-talk breaks our self-esteem and creates self-doubt. The most important part to focus on is whether or not you are good enough for yourself. Everyone is unique and shines in different ways. The rainbow has different colours and they're all beautiful. However, some people like blue more than green and that's okay. In the same way people like other people for different reasons. Because no one can ever be good at everything. Not everyone knows where they shine or what they are good at that is okay too. Self-discovery is a beautiful thing and it supports self-confidence. The key is to feel good enough for yourself and to accept who you are. You are unique and an amazing person. You are the best you. Your self-worth is not connected to what others think of you. If they think less of you it usually means they're not comfortable with the person they are. Nothing exudes more confidence than accepting yourself with your flaws. To reiterate, it's okay to feel this way. Don't allow yourself to indulge in negative self-talk. Only you truly know your self-worth and your true strengths. Focus on that and embrace it until you believe it with your mind heart and your soul. There's something beautiful and worthy in all of us.
BlueTurtle5
June 13th, 2021 8:09am
Not feeling good enough for someone in your life is a common experience, I think all human beings want to become a better person, whatever that means to each of us. Some of us have felt like we could never please our parents, or other family members, others have felt we were not good enough for our partner. Or perhaps you don’t think you are good enough as a parent to your own children. Everyone experiences self-doubt at some point in their lives, I know I have many times throughout my whole life! When feeling this doubt of being good enough it can be hard to practice self-love and one’s self-esteem and self-worth can suffer. A good first step when feeling like you are not good enough for someone is to pause and think about what the real reason you feel this way is. Has the person you don’t feel like you are good enough for actually said or done something that proves this? Or has your inner critic and negative self-talk convinced you of this based on incomplete information, misinterpretations in communication, etc. Maybe they didn’t say the right thing to make you feel loved and cared for but it was an awkwardness in how they said it, and they did not mean you were unworthy. Perhaps you saw something out of context on social media you thought was referring to you when really it was about something silly like a disagreement with an acquaintance or a game lost to a friend. The best way to find out how someone feels about you is to discuss it with them. Any healthy relationship requires good communication. Find a good time to talk uninterrupted and voice to them how you are feeling. If talking about it with that person feels too difficult right now, the good news is there is help. You can practice what you will say to the person in your life you are not feeling good enough for with a 7cups listener or if you have the funds or insurance to involve a professional you can find a therapist to help build up your self-confidence and help you work through many issues in your life. And try to remember, at the end of the day, what really matters is that you are an amazing person who can do great things, regardless of what other people may or may not think about you.
caffeinatedcatio
June 13th, 2021 3:05pm
Quite often, when I find myself questioning "Why am I just not good enough?" the best way I tackle this is by taking a step back and evaluating the real reason that is making me feel this way. And, quite often, it comes down to that nagging voice inside me that just won’t stop bashing my self-esteem. Especially when it comes to relationships – be it with family members or with a romantic partner – there’s always a pressure to constantly do the right thing to appease the other. It’s absolutely normal to sometimes question your actions in order to be a better person to your friends or significant other – what isn’t right is to have that inner critic take over your whole life, so much so that you end up being consumed by self-doubt. But worry not; there’s always a first for everything, and the first step to ending this constant negative self-talk is replacing it with acts of self-love. It doesn’t have to be as extravagant as social media makes us believe, either: just take some time out of the day to connect with yourself, reminding yourself that you’re an amazing person bound to do great things in life. You’ll find that building strong positive communication with your inner self will do wonders for your self-confidence, and gradually, for your relationships with others. Before striving towards a healthy relationship with someone else, you need to establish one with yourself because, at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to live with you for the rest of your life. I know this isn’t something that will produce immediate results, but the good news is that you can start immediately ☺️ Good luck!
Anonymous
July 1st, 2021 7:46pm
That is a question that I have even caught asking myself a lot. It is a very heavy feeling. Everyone is different. It depends on if you're comfortable enough talking to the specific person about it. If that's not your cup of tea, then that's okay too! The best that I can say is nobody deserves to feel like they aren't good enough for someone, if that person can't see how wonderful and unique you are as a person then just know that they are missing out on someone that could possibly change their life in a positive way. Eventually someone else will come along that will appreciate you and find you the most amazing person that's ever come into their life and that's something to look forward to!(:
Mel
July 25th, 2021 6:01pm
It's for sure reasonable to feel like you're not good enough for someone. We're usually out toughest critics when it comes to our own value, doubting our self-worth and lacking self-esteem. This doesn't mean you're really not enough for them - as this is mostly negative self-talk. It's important to work on your self-confidence in order to have a good relationship with strong communication whether this is with your partner, parent or a family member. A good first step is to gather enough information on what they expect from you and if you're really needing to work on something. We're all human beings after and are allowed to make mistakes, learn from them and be a better person! Good luck!
Cazzy8752
July 26th, 2021 7:08pm
I understand and can relate to how your feeling about not being good enough for someone. So often when we are going through our own personal battles, they can overwhelm us and make us feel that we are no longer good enough for someone. From your question I'm wondering if this may be the situation for you? When we feel like this it is important to discuss how you are feeling with the other person as opening up and communication is key to all relationships. I think the first best step to take is to let the other person know how you are feeling, open up with your what is going on with your thoughts and emotions so they can help you because it is difficult to manage this alone.
Anonymous
August 3rd, 2021 9:32am
Well to be honest there's nothing called as good enough for someone as because I think everyone is good it's the situation that makes the person worst. When I feel like that way the only thing I do is make sure the person knows that I am with him or her whenever they need me and give some space to fill the awkwardness. Make sure the other person knows about your feelings and if they doesn't want to they take a step back and let them live their live as because we can't force someone to stay with us. The thing is we can't really hold someone cuz the tighter we hold them the more they want to slip away so the least we can do is make sure the person knows that no matter what the odds are you will always be there for them.
Damonchandio
August 7th, 2021 4:09pm
There are 7 billion people in this world. You think you might be good for someone but they might not think the same. because we find our reflection in other people. we find love and empathy. we find a spark when we are looking for someone. and that feeling has to be mutual in order to build a deeper mental and physical connection. You will be good for someone else. you just have to realize that. one day you will find a perfect person who is capable of loving you. so you just have to sit tight and wait for the right person
amomtessa
August 10th, 2021 12:32pm
I can completely understand how hard and painful it must be to feel like you are not good enough for someone, be it your parents, partner, etc. With the increasing use of social media, our self-esteem has been dramatically affected and we somehow judge ourselves and question our self-worth. It definitely brings a lot of negative feelings. We all have this inner critic who always creates a sense of self-doubt. As a result of that, we engage in negative self-talk and become harsh on ourselves. This is the real reason for having such a feeling. We all are human beings and we experience such moments in our lives. But there is a good news. All you have to do is take the first step towards the path of self-growth, i.e. to be a better person. That is the right thing and the best way to deal with this unpleasant feeling, If this feeling is hampering your relationships with your family members, children, partner, etc. and you find it difficult to have a good time with them, you can definitely approach a professional and go for therapy. It can provide you with accurate information and can aid you in enhancing some basic skills such as effective communication. Remember one thing. You are an amazing person and you have your whole life waiting for you to create beautiful moments with your loved ones. You just have to find your inner voice which can help you in building your self-confidence. A healthy relationship takes a two-way street. So self-love is necessary to feel confident because at the end of the day, you are with your true self. Good luck to you.
ComfortZone03
September 12th, 2021 4:28am
Figure out whether they are good enough for you. If the relationship between you is mutual, you would not be questioning whether you are good enough. If it is equal and not a one sided relationship, you will know, and they will make it clear to you that you are more than good enough for them, this applies to relationships , friendships etc. You shouodnt question if you are good enough for them but in fact , if they’re good enough for you. Questioning this, can make you unhappy and you should always put your happiness first!
Anonymous
September 26th, 2021 10:08pm
It’s natural to feel like you’re not good enough for someone, and I’m sure many others can relate or have gone through this at some point in their life. I would suggest first taking a step back to see if you can identify the root problem. In a sense, what’s causing you to feel this way? Did something change recently causing your self-doubt to kick in? Is there some negative self-talk going on that’s unaddressed? Next, reach out. This could mean talking to a trusted friend or counsellor or even therapist. There’s no shame in seeking reassurance. Self-love is something that’s often easier said than done, but it’s definitely important. As cliche as this may sound, but our inner critic is often our worst critic. Last but certainly not least, challenge yourself to get out of your comfort zone! This would help you build your overall self-confidence and address some of the issues that arise from self-doubt.
NinaBee
November 5th, 2021 11:25pm
Why do you feel you are not good enough for them? Analyze that, then write out all the reasons. Which of those reasons do you control? What can you do to make yourself good enough, or make yourself FEEL good enough for them? What can't you control? You can only hope they overlook that and love you for who you are, especially as you are becoming the best version of yourself! At the end of the day, when you like someone, you overlook their flaws. Ideally, they'll give you the same benefit of the doubt. Regardless, you can always find things to change or improve yourself as you wish!
SCRNSWCULA
November 19th, 2021 2:43am
If you ever feel that you are not good enough for someone, recognize that you ARE enough. Sometimes in a relationship, two people just are not the right fit. maybe take a step back and try to figure out why you feel this way. Is it low self-esteem? Anxiety? Depression? Have you been put down in the past? While it may feel like the end of the world and challenging to feel this way, you have the power to change it. With knowledge, support from others, and consistency you can change your way of thinking and build your confidence.
Anonymous
December 23rd, 2021 9:34pm
The good news is that this is a very common experience for people. The bad news is that it’s uncommon to know how to deal with these feelings. Here are some self-help techniques on how to improve your self-esteem: The first way of improving your self esteem is talking about yourself in a positive manner. Avoid using exaggerated language and don't put yourself down when speaking about yourself or comparing yourself to others. If you have no one else around looking in the mirror when speaking to yourself, it's time to get self-compassionate. Treating yourself with self-care can also help boost self-esteem. The second way of improving self esteem is by seeing the big picture. Self-esteem is often affected by how well you are doing in life compared to others - this is called social comparison. This has been explained as a self-defeating strategy because self-esteem is a self-evaluative process that varies from person to person. If you compare yourself with others you will always come up short, which can make you feel worse. This doesn't mean no comparisons should be made at all though since sometimes it's useful to know how well you are doing in comparison to others - just don't make self-esteem decisions based on self-evaluations. The third way of improving self-esteem is understanding that perfectionism can be a killer. Perfectionism is not always bad but it often leads to negative consequences if it is really high. Perfectionism is often associated with high levels of anxiety and depression as well. So instead of perfect try 'good enough'. The fourth way of improving self-esteem is learning to say no. Saying yes when you mean no can create a lot of inner conflict and guilt. Learning how to say no is a great way of increasing self-esteem because it helps you feel more in control and confident about yourself. Remember that you are not alone when it comes to not feeling good enough. The way you talk about yourself to yourself, your willingness to see the bigger picture, choosing to be ‘good enough’ vs. perfect, and learning to say no are starting points to improving how you feel about yourself.
xValeriex
January 14th, 2022 5:10pm
Talk to them and tell them what did they do or say that create the unpleasant feelings, respect yourself and love yourself, confidence is the key. If you love yourself you'll feel like you're enough. Take time to leand and understand yourself. Maybe it's not you. Maybe it's the others persons. They shouldn't be making you feel that way in the first place, or maybe you've just misunderstood them? The truth is that you're worth it and you're enough, and if the other person doesn't see it, its their fault, learn to love yourself... I have felt like that too, to be honest, and I don't really have anything else to say cuz I have said everything that was on my mind but this thing has to be 100 words long.