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Who do I feel worthless and unlovable after being broken up with?

24 Answers
Last Updated: 07/13/2020 at 2:48pm
Who do I feel worthless and unlovable after being broken up with?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Elena Morales, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I believe silence creates a cycle. With empathic and collaborative therapy, we break the cycle. I help clients feel validated and supported passed anger, shame, and anxiety.

Top Rated Answers
Katheryn
April 3rd, 2015 5:33pm
Can I tell you a secret? You're not the only one who feels like that. It's actually a normal thing to feel. When we get broken up with, it signifies to us that something is wrong with us, or that we weren't good enough. But those are just negative thoughts playing tricks with our heads, and they can really do us harm. It's up to us to challenge those negative thoughts and turn them into neutral or positive ones. Why didn't the relationship work? No matter how it ended, a relationship takes two people. So if it didn't work, maybe it means that you weren't a good pair. If you feel unlovable after being broken up with, maybe that means that you have to work on your confidence. Sometimes relationships don't work, and that's okay. Being broken up with is not a reflection of your worthiness to be loved, because you're amazing.
Ashleena
September 27th, 2014 12:15pm
Because you were once treated so special that once all that has been taken away from you all you've left with is grief over what happened. It's just a stage of grief and with time you will feel better. You just have to be strong enough to do it
Anonymous
September 29th, 2015 5:10am
You feel worthless and unlovable after being broken up with because you loved that person so much but they apparently didn't feel the same way. It crushes you and you want nothing more than for the person to come back, explain it was a cruel joke or something and apologize. You feel like this because you loved this person with everything in you but they can just break up with you. You feel as if nothing matters anymore and that nobody else will love you. Because you feel lost and broken. And I still don't know how to get over it, but I'm working on it.
Anonymous
October 31st, 2014 4:59pm
Sometimes we seem to judge ourselves based on how people we value look at us, and even though they might have broken up with you for no fault of yours.... it can really make you doubt yourself as suddenly this person who you admire doesn't love you back. And you feel if this person doesn't love you back, nothing will make you feel happy and so you tend to feel unlovable.
Youarebeautiful93
August 1st, 2016 8:47am
It's okay to feel like that, especially after a breakup, however it's not okay to believe that. Many a times after breaking up we feel like we're not worth it, like we're not capable of giving and receiving love. But that's just because of the fact that you've recently broken up and you're heartbroken. A broken heart tends to think like that you know. The pain after the high you feel when you're in love is unimaginable, especially if you were really in love with that person. It feels like choking, suffocating and drowning. Under all this pressure it's likely that people start questioning their worth. But let me tell you something, you're worth it, you're perfect and you're beautiful. Just because things didn't work out this time doesn't mean they won't work the next time. In these times never give up on yourself and wake up everyday thinking that somewhere out there, your true love lies, somewhere out there that person hasn't given up on you and somewhere out there they're fighting for you because they know, they know that you're worth it.
Rach97
October 7th, 2014 6:33pm
My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years. Although it wasn't the longest relationship ever, it was very hard to come back from. I ended up crying myself into mononucleosis after it, and it took a few months to finally get over that. But after i started hanging out with friends and telling them what i needed help with, they were happily there for me.
TeaWithAFriend
November 9th, 2014 2:06am
You feel worthless and unlovable after being broken up with because you value things you believe you do not possess.
Anonymous
August 15th, 2016 11:47pm
The other person doesn't want to be with you any longer. Thus, you begin to question yourself, since you wonder what it is about yourself that appalled the other individual to the point that they couldn't be with you any longer. And, as you search for an answer, you inspect yourself harshly, and critically, thus, magnifying the negative aspects of yourself to the point that you feel like you're unworthy of affection. Since someone else couldn't love you, you feel like, you can't love yourself either.
Julietteshay
November 10th, 2014 10:42pm
Sometimes, after a relationship ends, you are left feeling as though the heartache you feel will never go away. You think that you'll never move on or that you'll never feel the same way about anyone else. It really just takes time. The best thing to do is surround yourself with people who love you and to do activities that make you feel as though you are worth something! Because you absolutely are lovable and valuable!
sleepingKitten101
January 3rd, 2015 4:15am
It may be because you're not quite sure why you were broken up with. You may feel you did something wrong to provoke this. You may have also always had these feelings as if you're not really loved and this break up could have made them more real for you
Anonymous
October 30th, 2014 6:57am
Because you just lost the person you shared your love and world with. You feel as if you weren't good enough because they left you when you wanted a forever or long time with this person.
Teikeji
September 29th, 2015 12:28pm
The chemicals in your brain make you love somebody, they are oxytocin and I think norepinephrine (oxytocin is the same chemical that goes through a woman's brain when she has a baby, it makes her uncontrollably love her baby. Even if she didn't want it). When the person you love breaks up with you it decreases your seratonin level, controls your mood, and makes you depressed. The initial love chemicals are still there but there is a decrease in seratonin. Basically you feel unlovable because the person you cared so much for didn't have the same chemicals towards you
CompassionateGirl90
December 20th, 2016 12:27am
It's likely that you're interpreting "being broken up with" as a rejection. You may take it a little further and even say that it's the other person's way of letting you know that you aren't good enough for them. It's natural to feel hurt after parting with someone you care for deeply or love. It hurts even more if you're seeing it as a statement about your worth. How might you view this situation in a different, more empowering way? Maybe instead of focusing on the feelings of rejection and worthlessness, you could think about how it frees you to experience other relationships or get to know yourself better?
Anonymous
August 28th, 2016 1:26pm
You feel as if you gave your all to this person and they didn't appreciate what you did. You ask yourself why? You didn't do anything but love them. Those negative confusing feelings, bring you down and you feel as if you wasted your time on somebody. You even wonder if you did anything to make them feel that way. Everyone tells you it takes time but you just say to yourself they don't understand how I feel.
helpmeHelpyou61
November 3rd, 2014 10:25am
Everyone does. It is like the end of an era. But the most important point is to accept whatever has happened is your past and make a new future from it. It might not be easy, but it sure helps a lot.
Anonymous
December 15th, 2015 4:11pm
Because you may not be seeing things clearly due to the feelings that you had for the person you broke up with. You could still be focusing on all of their good points and the good things that they did and ignoring all of their bad points and the negative things that they did that lead to the break-up in question.
Anonymous
November 20th, 2014 6:12pm
You feel that you are worthless and unlovable simply because the person you thought is the one broke up with you...you feel that you are not good enough but YOU ARE!!
Anonymous
January 30th, 2018 7:24am
It is easy, after a breakup, to blame yourself for everything that went wrong. You just have to try to remind yourself that it was not all your fault, and no matter how great you may have been, you can not control another person's happiness.
TheHelpfulPillow
September 16th, 2019 10:27pm
You feel that way because someone you loved and cherished has just admitted they no longer see you as someone they want to spend the rest of their life with. It's completely naturally to feel like that, especially when you've poured your heart and soul into the relationship, believing you can make this work, and your partner will do the same. But they haven't done the same. They no longer want you in their life, or at least not in a romantic sense where they love you more than anyone else in the world. But there are people that love you, whether you've met them yet (parents, siblings friends) or not, people will be in your life that look at you as someone worth having around.
Anonymous
November 12th, 2014 4:55pm
I believe it is because your heart broke. If you loved that person and they said they loved you back and then They broke up with you, they are an awful person. You could use somebody that will love you for you instead of a person that says they love you when they really don't mean it.
Anonymous
April 29th, 2015 10:32pm
It's just normal emotions. You feel that way because you are asking yourself over and over why the break up happened. You aren't worthless or unlovable!
Uniqueg
October 23rd, 2014 9:38pm
I believe its a common feeling after a breakup, everything seems wrong and hopeless, but support from friends and family and time will help you move on and get better.
Anonymous
January 23rd, 2017 2:00pm
It is normal to be hurt and down after a break up. Perhaps you had higher expectations of this individual, perhaps it is out of the blue. There is no rush than recovering from a broken heart, take your time, allow your friends and family to help and support you.
caitanya
July 13th, 2020 2:48pm
Breakups will make you feel worthless and unlovable, you will feel like you're not worthy or you're not good enough. It's normal to feel like that after being broken up with. But also remember that you were doing just fine before this relationship. Cry it out. Let it out. But after that remind yourself and there is more out there to explore. Go on adventures. Do all the things you weren't able to do when you were in a relationship. Hang out with your friends, check on them. Contact a family. When you get out of that phase, you will realise that "hey, I am loved. I am worthy." you just have to be with the right people. They will lift you up when you're feeling down. And they will remind you of how strong and amazing you are.