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Why are we fighting over small and stupid things?

201 Answers
Last Updated: 04/16/2023 at 2:04pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
Listener1995
December 13th, 2017 9:38am
If you’re talking about being in a relationship then I’d say that couples arguing about little things is common. It happens to a lot of couples and can be seen as normal. HOWEVER, if you’re arguing all the time and feel miserable all the time then it’s worth having a conversation about what’s going on. Maybe theirs things that are both annoying you but you haven’t talked about. Communication is key in relationships.
KuyaEthan
December 21st, 2017 6:41pm
Because within ourselves, we see different views. You may see something as "small" but for someone else they might see it as a big thing. It's the different perspective we have within ourselves. In an other answer, we may somehow see how it was worth. Not all small things aren't useful. They are useful too, even a glimpse of change can alter one's future. :)
confusedcigarette
December 22nd, 2017 11:51am
We fight because of some differences we have with another person. These little things are sometimes the things that counts the most. Things aren't always as they same, one thing could be stupid for you but it could mean the world to someone else.
Anonymous
December 28th, 2017 2:56am
That's a good question; it's possible that there is a larger, underlying issue that has yet to be discussed and is showing through in superficial arguments. It is also possible that these are two different personalities clashing.
Anonymous
January 5th, 2018 4:23pm
Maybe personalities clash. You might be really alike so the same things trigger arguments. You need to just try to be the bigger person and approach the situation that causes the argument in another way.
soulTaco29
January 18th, 2018 3:58pm
Often, fighting over 'small and stupid' things is an indication that there is a bigger problem. When we are emotionally healthy and are in a good place in our relationship, smaller issues are easy to deal with - we can approach them rationally, their emotional impact on us is minimal, and they don't usually lead to big blow-ups. Though if this is something that is frequently happening, it could be helpful to consider what might be the 'real' issue and focus on dealing with that. Then you won't want to fight over small things.
J4ck
January 19th, 2018 10:01pm
Sometimes relationships can reduce into a thousand small arguments between each other. It doesn't mean that it's not working or it isn't right, you just need to address the issue together and move forward. From experience, embracing and holding each other can sometimes be enough to calm you both down and then you can look back, laugh, learn, and move forward together.
lovetoff09
January 28th, 2018 3:26pm
Sometimes when you get stressed, anxious, worried or tired, you may not always talk about how you feel or what's on your mind. This means that the smallest things can bother you because you're already thinking of the other issues going on and then you end up taking it out on the person closest to you. From personal experience, communication is key in any relationship and friendship and it helps to stop the arguing if you just let the other person know you aren't feeling great today. At the same time, sometimes you might just be incompatible with someone so you may need to take a step back and think why this keeps happening and if you're truly happy.
calmingMist38
January 31st, 2018 3:57pm
There are so many reasons why people fight over trivial things. I've found that usually when something else is going negatively in a person's life, they tend to take it out in other ways. They displace their emotions. Sometimes dealing with that particular situation becomes too difficult or frustrating and the way to vent would be to argue over things that don't matter whatsoever. On the other end of the spectrum, maybe there was just some miscommunication taking place. Either way, communication is always key in order to figure out what is wrong (what the problem/issue is) and how best to fix it!
Mushu74
January 31st, 2018 11:22pm
Its natural for us to have arguments, we're human! However it is also good to be aware of healthy and unhealthy relationships
Anonymous
February 1st, 2018 6:11am
Well in my experience the people might be changing, evolving and just end up growing apart. There are a number of reasons just depends on what fits you.
victoriadestiny
February 2nd, 2018 5:39pm
Bad communication skills. There's a difference between being assertive and being aggressive. If you approach an issue calmly, 9 times out of ten, it won't lead to any arguments.
Anonymous
February 7th, 2018 6:31am
because it makes us feel alive sometimes there are things we don't want to fight over but we do anyways simply because we feel alive doing this
Hope39
February 7th, 2018 7:37pm
that is normal in relationships to fight over small and insignificant things. focus on what you both want and try to hear each other out because it is the small things that mean the most and can lead to bigger arguments over worse things. if one person feels unheard for example, try to listen and understand your partner
Anonymous
February 23rd, 2018 11:56am
Everything in life is worth fighting for sometimes we are clouded by the bad times and it's hard to see that it can all change so quickly if we work hard and keep pushing through.
Anonymous
March 1st, 2018 1:59am
Possibly because you aren't looking in their prospective as well, try seeing a counselor to try to figure this out as well.
Cpcoleman1WSU
March 1st, 2018 10:35am
Because your relationship is either so great that you don't have anything big to fight over, OR, and actually worse, you are looking for reasons to pick at each other because there are inadequacies you notice in each other that are bothering you, and rather than confronting each other on what they are you half unknowingly cover them up by fighting over the small stupid things
Anonymous
March 29th, 2018 8:41pm
From my personal experience many times when we are faced with a problem we tend to vent out even at the smallest things in life that has absolutely no importance for example if I'm making a sandwich and somebody accidentally puts Tomatoes when I have said I don't like tomatoes how hard is it to just simply remove the tomatoes from the sandwich. Many times we take things too critical when we need to just learn to relax
Anonymous
March 29th, 2018 8:53pm
Well, maybe another question that needs to be brought up is, are you guys fighting over the right stuff? The important things? Maybe, is the fighting over the small stuff a way to dodge other things?
AbreeSmiles
March 31st, 2018 12:20am
To us, these "small and stupid things" are actually "important" to us so we tend to fight over them.
caringGrace11
March 31st, 2018 1:09pm
Because sometimes even these small and stupid things make big and meaningful impact. I believe there is no small and stupid thing that can trigger a fight, there's always some reason behind it. Not every one has the same perspective on different matter, no matter small or stupid it may seem for some.
TheCynicalOptimist
April 4th, 2018 8:45am
Because its easy. Distracts us from the large and scary things. But wars are won one step at the time, so fighting over small things isnt as bad as it sounds.
Anonymous
April 12th, 2018 7:33pm
There may be an underlying issue that needs to be addressed. Try to identify what that is and try to talk about it and work it out.
Anonymous
April 15th, 2018 11:59am
maybe you guy are fighting over small and stupid things because you guys don't talk though it maybe talk though your problems so you guys can work it
Anonymous
April 26th, 2018 2:28am
If you keep doing that there is some sort of incompatibility issue you need to solve. I once knew a couple who made an annual income of close to 300,000 dollars per year. They were financially sound. They had no kids. But, they argued every day, even about the brand of oranges they would buy. When you look at it that way, it becomes clear that there is some sort of problem with the way they treated each other. If you believe that you are fighting about insignificant seeming things, you want to revisit how you're treating each other on a more simple level.
Anonymous
April 26th, 2018 2:29pm
You hadn't mentioned who you are fighting with, it is the same for mostly everyone. If you two aren't communicating and something is up and bothering one of you, then that is bad. You should talk with them and if something is happening to you, then try and talk it out. If it's the other person, however, ask them.
thankyouforcoming
May 3rd, 2018 12:59am
It's a common thing for couples to go through, it might not even be those things that you're fighting about but maybe something larger and its important to note that. You should take sometime to just talk with your partner.
Moondust673
June 24th, 2018 9:20am
Sometimes, when we are tired ir overwhelmed, we easily get irritated over small things. When you feel that you are about to get mad, take a deep breath and think of what you're about to say. If you think it will hurt you if someone said it, then don't say it.
HannahBackward
June 25th, 2018 12:30am
What feels small and stupid to one person may feel big and important to another. In our everyday lives, the little things can grow to assume enormous proportions - because an accumulation of little things is what makes up our days!
Anonymous
June 25th, 2018 11:30pm
It happens. Fights aren't great but they are part of a healthy relationship. Fighting means you care or sometimes it means things are just not right. When I tend to fight with someone over small and stupid things I am annoyed or bothered or I just need my space.