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Why are we fighting over small and stupid things?

180 Answers
Last Updated: 03/18/2021 at 4:20pm
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Maryna Svitasheva, PhD. RP

Licensed Professional Counselor

Psychotherapy I provide is based on a dialog and your active intention to look for a solution with the therapist's assistance

Top Rated Answers
July 25th, 2018 1:15pm
Exactly. Small and stupid things might mean a lot when it doesn't seem like it. But fighting over it isn't the right thing to do at all.
August 10th, 2018 11:20am
We fight over small and stupid things due to egoism. We care for egoistic thoughts rather than understanding the things and move on.
August 14th, 2018 1:54am
Communication solves every problem it just take that one person to sit down and just explain how they feel
August 15th, 2018 3:24am
Because something bigger is wrong but not being addressed and we feel powerless to change it. Or we could just be tired, stressed or overworked.
August 15th, 2018 3:35am
It's a perfectly normal thing for humans to do. I do it myself, because in the moment, I feel like it's important. At times, we lose sight of what is really important because it can attack or values and morals.
September 2nd, 2018 1:29am
Sometimes when we fight over small or stupid things, it is not over the thing itself but instead something that we are trying to prove to the person we are fighting with. The item itself can get lost in the fight When we struggle to exert dominance and power over the other person through fighting about something that is small, mynute, and insignificant. At times we can even get so caught up in the fight we forget what we are fighting for. Allowing ourselves to step back and realize what the real problem is can open our eyes to the fact that what we are fighting over should not be the issue, resolving our frustration with the person we are fighting with should be.
October 13th, 2018 12:58am
That is a very good question. I am not sure exactly why. I have a habit of doing this. My roommates and I have a tendency to argue over the stupidest littlest things, these always seem to be the things that trip us up. I myself believe that the reason we fight over the small stuff is because those are the issues that are always the ones that are always right there in our faces, there's always some little things that get on our nerves and we just kinda snap. Remember it's the little day to day stuff that is always in our faces.
October 18th, 2018 6:10pm
Yeah! Why are you letting that small things ruin ur relationship. Is it worth it? Its not right? So, grow up! Learn to listen to each another. Communication is the key. Learn to say sorry whether its ur fault or not. You will fight over small things a hundred of times, there isnt a perfect relationship. Theres just two imperfect person working things out. And Its just how you both handle it. And a relationship is a choice. So choose him/her and make the most out of it. Show him what its really like to be loved.
October 25th, 2018 10:22pm
There could be several reasons why you are fighting over small things with another person. It could be the reason because of how much time you spend with this person. When we are constantly in someone else space and vise versa it can cause tension. Simply for the reason that you are not allowing time for yourselves. Instead, it begins to feel like you smother eachother which can cause you to start picking on all the things that annoy you, even if its not things you would usually get annoyed about. Another reason could simply be to get your attention. I know it may sound silly but there are many people who do this kind of thing just as a way of trying to grab someone elses attention.
November 15th, 2018 1:39am
There is many possible different reasons. Being easily irritated with your partner could mean its time to break something off, or maybe just a break in general. I know it sucks and it's hard but when its time, its time. Im sorry. Don't sweat the small stuff. You have to make up in your mind that you're not going to argue about dumb stuff. These are those little fights that can turn into big, stupid ones where you can't remember why. See if you're guilty of fighting over these reasons, too. Besides sex, the two of you should have things you like to do together.
December 6th, 2018 11:07pm
Those small things are important to you and the other person, be it something with a show or movie or even a little hobby of yours. If they're offending you in some way, and you're not okay with it, then that gives you the right to say something in return, as long as it isn't vile or malicious. People sometimes don't think they're being harmful to another until it's pointed out and it's not surprising the get defendant for being wrong. As long as you approach them in a calm way and try to help them see that what they're saying is wrong or disrespectful, then there should be no reason as to why you shouldn't point it out to them.
December 14th, 2018 5:54am
Based on my experience I think fighting over small things happens when we forget to give space to each other in a relationship as it’s really important to care about partner’s emotions. As we get ahead of relationship it’s both sides responsibility to make it interesting not the one instead from which he or she gets frustrated and can ruin the relation easily. So the best way is to don’t make things difficult for you and for the partner . Enjoy stupid things with your partner not making an issue out of it. It’s simple don’t force the duties so hard on each other that they run away
January 6th, 2019 4:50am
Growing up, I always considered myself to be argumentative. Quick with a sarcastic comment and even quicker to get angry, I rarely backed down from an argument. This didn’t translate well in my early romantic relationships and I found myself arguing incessantly with the men I dated. I would like a guy a lot, but if we didn’t agree on something then we would go at it. In my (weak) defense, the men I dated seemed argumentative too. Some guys are much too laid back to bicker with their girlfriends or anyone else for that matter, but I rarely dated these types of men (and if I did then I must have pulled them past their limit). The weird thing is, I hate arguing. But I thought that was what couples did. Before my parents divorced, they argued all the time. So much so, that when they divorced, I wasn’t even sad. I was thankful for the peace. As I got older, I realized that there are people in functional relationships who are not arguing all the time. so you are probablaly fighting over the small things because there are bigger things hiding.
March 13th, 2019 3:54pm
People tend to feel the need to be right; it boosts our self-esteem. And sometimes, in order to be right, you feel the need to argue. It's human nature, and it's what happens when you don't have a handle on your ego and sense of self-worth. While being right does feel good, you don't always have to be. And that's what some people don't understand. Also, what seems small and stupid to you might just mean the world to someone else. Perspective is important in any situation, especially in arguments. Something could make or break someone's day, so they feel the need to be right and argue about it.
March 23rd, 2019 1:30am
What seems small & stupid to one person may seem monumental to other people. Sometimes there's just not something that you can let go, even if it seems old or irrelevant. Maybe it could be a simple fix just as sitting down & asking why does this matter to you. But if things are a serious problem, between friends, partners, family etc, seeing a group therapist or couples therapist for a personal opinion/ techniques to deal with your feelings sounds like a positive step! They will help analyze the situation & can ease your mind! I hope you have an easier time!
April 27th, 2019 4:32am
As per me, people create drama by fighting with others. Reason behind it to get attention and fill my with some excitement. Ultimately our every behaviour is to fulfill our human needs. We need to stay away from judging people for it. In stead, compassion and understanding can help in preventing small issue in big fight. I generally noted this in my behaviour lately and stopped creating drama for small things. This has ultimately helped me to have more mental peace and I saved lots of time. I am using saved time to work towards my business, spend time with my family and I am also learning new hobbies. Are you drama maker.? Let me know your thoughts.
May 5th, 2019 1:25pm
I guess fighting over small and stupid things is more convenient than facing a big issue. Small and stupid things are easy to detect, thus easy to pay attention to. We might also feel that if we don't sort out the small things, it will snowball into something big. Before that happens, we want things to be back as they were before. Also, doesn't fighting about something means you care enough to sort it out and be happy rather than letting it be and being unhappy? I would say fighting over any issue is alright as long as it's discussed properly and a common ground can be found.
June 7th, 2019 1:32pm
I think it is because we tend to struggle to emphasize on what would be the bigger picture or perhaps the light at the end of the tunnel. It is also possible that, among a common worldwide population, we don't emphasize on the silver lining, or maybe the positivity of a bad situation. Pain is only temporary, unfortunately, which results in major depressive disorders and mental disorders that circulate around the stigma of severe emotional distress and toxic stress, a major community health problem. In conclusion, it just feels like sometimes, it is the small and stupid things that are prioritized things rather than the bigger picture.
July 10th, 2019 10:47am
I used to fight with people over small things because I felt like sometimes those little things mattered to me as a person, and maybe I could grow from it. I wish that people could see things from the others person perspective. sometimes things that are small and stupid to other people are big and important to me and most people don’t understand that. You can’t just assume that something is small and stupid when it could be that thing or it could be that that specific person has been through so many small and stupid things that it has built up and become a major thing.
October 30th, 2019 2:08am
You might be fighting over small and stupid things if there are larger issues underneath that aren't being dealt with. Are these small fights usually over the same things? Is there a pattern? Are you both being very open, honest, and transparent in the relationship? If there are any concerns on your mind that you aren't being open about, it might be important to share them with your partner. Perhaps getting to the roots of issues would help prevent fights about smaller things. Try to do some self reflection and be honest with how you are feeling about your relationship.
November 17th, 2019 5:44pm
I think that it’s a concept .. the little Small and trivial things to us maybe huge to someone else so they get hurt over it and unleash anger bottled from previous insecurities that tends to turn into a fight . The lack of communication with a certain someone can let this behavior evolve , if we had more understanding we could overcome this . However, not everyone’s personality will allow a smooth conversation to happen without a fight arising in the midst of it. I think we all want different things , we just need to find a common ground and learn how to love each other.
November 24th, 2019 4:11pm
That happens when both parties have some piled up emotions in them that come out bitterly here and there. And both parties get worked up over those small things because both parties haven’t fully communicated what is going on with themselves and what has been making them feel stressed on daily basis. It’s important to check in with yourself what’s wrong and be able to talk about it with the partner if it continues to be a bother. It could be stress from work, family, friends, or any outside source, and it can be talked out loud. Everyone needs to vent sometimes. Or if the stress is from the partner, it is important to plan out how to carefully voice the feelings that have been bothersome.
January 23rd, 2020 1:32pm
Every "stupid" thing is not that stupid if we take time to consider its aspects. There's also another aspect to evaluate: when small things pile up, they build a huge thing. Instead of fighting over them, a good technique is to try to observe without judging. Try this exercise: imagine yourself looking at the sky, peacefully ejoying the nature around you. Look at the shape of clouds: they come and go very fast, there's no need to feel attachment towards them. Once you feel that detachment, think of something that is bothering you at the moment and treat it like a cloud.
February 9th, 2020 6:25am
Usually small fights are not actually about whatever it is that you are fighting over, big fights sometimes too. Usually there is an underlying cause. Maybe somebody is harbouring anger or pain and you are taking it out on one another. Life isn't supposed to be perfect, fights are normal. But maybe analyse your life and see if there is something influencing your need to fight, or ask whoever you are fighting with if they are okay. Being open and honest can change the world. I know it isn't always easy, but kindness and love can do a lot. All the best.
February 27th, 2020 5:40am
I guess because we think we don't have the strength to fight big and critical things. But we do. I spend a good amount of my life fighting myself, then once I discovered boxing, I fought shadows at first, I was fighting the other in front of me. Then, terrorist attacks, and I fought everyone over everything. I was exhausted, broken, but still willing to fight. I just didn't know what. My sister showed me. She had a lot of difficulties in her life. She struggled with school a lot. She has been treated of crazy by other kids at school. I was ashamed of her deep down, and I felt like shit just thinking about it. Then, I wasn't here anymore, she changed school and she got bullied. I could have gone there and beat the shit of the bullies, but I found excuses all the time, and my father always tried to stop me doing things. I think he was wrong in this case. I listened to him maybe a little too much in my life, I just realized that recently. And my sister, that everyone mocked, that even us at home most of the time didn't believe, because she is able to remember everything somehow, this girl became an incredible boxer. Without hate, she shows dedication, she never gives up. She proved me so much. She doesn't know how much she helped me. I wish I could express my emotions to people around me.
February 29th, 2020 11:52pm
Because most of the time we are thinking from our ego rather than our heart or rationale. It’s easy to get caught up in feelings that revolve mostly around our lives rather than that of other which in consequence causes us to misunderstand : misinterpret what another may be trying to express. This is hard to overcome because like I say, our ego is so involved in our thought processes and it’s not easily quietened. If we could find it in our hearts to truly think deeply before approaching : breaching a subject with another. We would possibly find ourselves better understanding their position and overall become less confrontational over matters that simply do not matter.
March 20th, 2020 5:25pm
Because most of the time, we interpret the actions of other persons. When someone keeps on forgetting meetings we wonder whether we are actually important to them. When someone in our house doesn't contribute to the chores as promised we feel like they don't respect us enough to do things that they don't like. And when we feel like that in general, small issues can strengthen those (mis)assumptions. Sometimes, it's also about yourself. When you've had a bad day at work with a lot of bad feedback or something alike you are more prone to fight over something small in order to feel like having control over at least some things in your life. The next time you are fighting over something "small and stupid", ask yourself how the other person made you feel with their actions and try to talk about the underlying issue. A person who understands your problem is more likely to be passionate instead of defensive- And that's a great base to hash things out.
March 22nd, 2020 2:12am
Sometimes we sweat the small things because we have other issues that are more pressing but a little overwhelming. Putting one foot ahead of the other, at a slow and steady pace is a great start to moving forward with whatever may be in your way. It is very easy to see only the negative side to a troublesome situation so try and see if there are any positives. Perseverance is key and not giving up when things become too challenging or difficult. Try and move forward at your own pace and you will get to where you want to go.
May 14th, 2020 12:10am
I feel like sometimes when we fight over petty things, it has because emotions have been building in us for a while and it just gets let out. Much like a straw that broke the camels back sort of situation. From my own personal experience, I find myself snapping at people when I am emotionally exhausted or stressed. Things that used to somewhat annoy but that I would ultimately shrug off become The. Worst. Thing. Ever. I think sometimes we spend so much energy on keeping other parts of ourselves going, that we just don't have enough time and energy to reign in our tempers. This is almost never more evident when we are in pain, emotional or physical that we are unused to, or when we are hangry :)
May 21st, 2020 9:51pm
From experience, couples fighting over very small and stupid things is normal. Couples fight all the time. However, if it becomes a very constant thing, then there is definitely something bigger going on that you and/or your partner haven't discussed. For relationships to really work, there needs to be 100% openness and honesty. As to the WHY aspect, it could be because you're suppressing more important feelings, the small things kind of push your feelings over the edge. One of the worst things to do in a relationship is not being honest with your partner about your end goals, or whatever it may be. I hope this helped clear things little bit. I'm here to listen if you need it! Good luck