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Why can't I just let go of them, even if they've hurt me?

18 Answers
Last Updated: 01/11/2022 at 8:02am
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Theresa Gulliver, Registered Clinical Counsellor


Problems cannot be solved using the same level of thinking that created them. We must try something different. Gently, we turn your challenges into opportunities for healing.

Top Rated Answers
January 25th, 2016 1:10am
You might be wanting to know why they have hurt you. There is no time for that. They have hurt you that is the truth and it would be in your best interests to get as far away from them as possible.
February 23rd, 2015 5:09am
We often get emotionally attached even though we know they hurt us. It's in our nature. I believe, personally, that we don't like to let go because we don't wanna start over with someone new. What if we can't find someone new? It was hard enough opening up to someone then getting hurt. We don't like moving on, opening up, and possibly getting hurt again. So we hold on.
July 19th, 2015 5:41am
This is a question I ask myself a lot. I have a boyfriend of almost 5 years and we have been through a lot together. He has hurt me in ways that I can't even explain and yet I still can't let go of him. The reason being is because I still love him. Sometimes it's not a good thing to stay with someone even if you love them, it just depends on your situation. With some people they can't seem to let go because of lust and the fact that they had someone to be up under. For me it was/is love and that's what kept us together at the end of the day. We put everything in the past. Nothing is perfect between him and I, but things aren't as complicated. Another reason could be because you care for/about them. I know I care about my boyfriend and that played a major role on us staying together. When you truly care about someone it wouldn't matter what they did to hurt you and what they put you through. To me caring is no different than having love for a person. In my opinion you love because you care and you care because you love.
December 1st, 2015 12:40am
because you feel empty without them. you they almost held you together for that period of time. so when they leave its almost like a wall being taken out of a building. the building falls. but dont worry you need people that care about you and you should be fine. just let them know how you feel and they will be by your side every step of them way.
February 1st, 2016 8:17am
A lot of times a memory of them is what you may still be In love with. A smile that comes back to mind, or a place you've been to reminds you of the times you've shared together. It may be hard to let them go because you're holding on to those beautiful memories that you once shared. Those moments where everything felt so right.
January 11th, 2016 2:11pm
Letting go of anyone is difficult, especially if that person meant something to us in the past. It is normal to miss them even after they have hurt you or let you down, because there will still be a part of you who will remember the good and not the bad within that person. It is important to remember that forgiving someone that has hurt you is okay, but that does not mean that that person deserves to be part of your life and over time the feelings of missing them will subside and letting go will get patient and do not be hard on yourself, because moving on is as difficult as letting go in the first place!
July 10th, 2015 8:21am
Sense of being a loser, my ego being hurt, disparing at the time wasted, scared of being alone and gaving to go through the weary process of finding another mate.
April 10th, 2015 4:24pm
You have a specific feeling for them and they were the love of ur life the one u want to be with forever so that why
November 9th, 2015 10:29pm
Most probably because we have grown dependent of them and we don't know where to start off without them. Do not be afraid to look forward, it will take courage and patience. Best believe, freedom from 'them' is liberating. You deserve better if you are even considering letting go.
June 6th, 2016 3:38am
When a relationship and connection is build with a particular individual, it is tough to just cut off that connection. Because its like loosing a part of you. The idea is to gradually leave, then forgive and lastly move on.
February 23rd, 2015 9:44am
I guess that is normal. All of us spend most of our time with them, so we are emotionally or even physically attached to them. Their presence its there with you and me. I guess the best way is to live or work in a new environment :)
December 15th, 2015 12:03am
One of the most mature things one can do is forgive those that hurt them. If you feel it is best and your only option to drop them, it is understandable. But it is even more challenging and brave to pick up the broken pieces and put them back together.
April 4th, 2017 9:39pm
Most people find that holding on is easier than letting go. You are afraid to let go, because you deeply care for that person. Just embrace them being gone. You can, you just, deep down, do not want to.
March 11th, 2019 8:23pm
I’ve had the same problem, I understand how you feel. There’s this metaphor I like to say to my friends, that sometimes it’s like being a dog. Sometime you accidentally step in your dog’s tail, and it still loves you. There’s this idea of unconditional love, that’s keeps you going back to somebody who has hurt you. I don’t know your exact situation, but if it isn’t healthy for you- leave. You can still care for somebody, and separate yourself from them because it’s whats best for you. And yes, it’s hard to let go of them. It’s going to feel like losing a piece of yourself in a way, but you’ll heal, and despite how it seems, you’ll be okay.
March 12th, 2015 6:46pm
Maybe because you care about them??
June 4th, 2018 8:08pm
You can't let go because you are the person with emotions and because loved them too much to let go.
April 7th, 2020 1:43am
The people who reach out for help are hurting, confused, or ashamed. Sometimes they need the perspective of a good listener to help them choose correctly for themselves. For a listener to let them go, it would only cause their wounds to be worse than before. Even if the person seeking help lashes out, we must not take it personally. Anger is often a part of the healing process. It comes about when the person seeking helps faces their fear, doubts or feelings guilt. Often lashing out is the sign that a breakthrough is near. A sign that we’re helping.
January 11th, 2022 8:02am
Letting go of someone is not easy. It is a process to let go of someone. Letting go of someone is a form of loss and all losses need a period of grieving. Even if someone has hurt us, our hearts will still miss who they were in our lives, sometimes the hurt can make it even harder because of the pain that is carried too. It is important to be gentle with yourself and allow yourself this time to grieve what was*. It is also important to give yourself some understanding and compassion as to why you are struggling to let go, to explore those parts of yourself in order to truly let go.