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Why can't I learn to open up to people?

169 Answers
Last Updated: 09/26/2020 at 3:02am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2005 with a diverse group of clients, all ages, races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
August 19th, 2017 5:50am
Some are shy and some doesn't trust. I'm a person with trust issue. Opening up to people is hard. Some needs to earn it, you opening up to them. You just need to accept yourself and them, and you will open up to people.
Nabbunk
September 14th, 2017 2:51pm
Opening up to someone is a hard thing to do. It's always a good idea to start small. Tell a family member about your day and how certain things made you feel. This way you start to get comfortable with talking about small things and learn to open up about things that worry you
Anonymous
November 30th, 2017 10:19pm
Apps like 7 cups are extremely helpful with that stuff. Talk to your listener! And I’m sure you’ll get it figured out.
WMM
April 7th, 2018 11:50am
Maybe because of fear of being judged, misunderstood, taken advantage of.. many things can be the case really
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2018 9:52pm
It's hard. Sometimes we feel like the other person won't care or can't provide the support we need. Or sometimes we're just scared to. But it's okay.
Raspberrycheesecake
June 13th, 2018 10:55am
It is a very hard thing to do. It can be because you have had a bad experience or that you find it hard. Doing it in small steps can help. Maybe either speaking to a listener here and then finding the courage to talk to someone you know and open up about things.
Kassy7cups
October 25th, 2019 4:08am
Opening up to people is sometimes a daunting task. It can be even more challenging when you’ve received negativity in exchange for doing so. Finding someone in your life who has a good sense of boundaries and self-awareness can be useful when you’re looking to reach out. You may wonder what boundaries look like. As people, we can only take so much on our plate. It may be overwhelming for you to spill out your whole life story to someone you barely know. During quiet moments in your life (ex. riding in the car with your guardian, hanging out in the park with a close friend), share a bite-sized chunk of what’s on your mind. You’ll find your connection with that person strengthen even more and you’ll get helpful support too. This can be even more effective if you both make sure you’re ready for a heart-to-heart talk.
Kim
November 1st, 2019 5:03am
Just writing this is hard, as a person who has grown up in a large family, I was often told that I was the "rock", and that I was great for emotional support that I never cried. What people do not realise is that they were reinforcing this behaviour, making it a positive trait when one should really be comfortable to ask for help. Opening up is harder to do as you get older, because people who struggle are often taught at a young age that they should not; some people learn this in their teen years when they try to open up to somebody only to have their trust be betrayed. To answer; you can open up to people, you're just struggling to learn. You have probably suffered in a situation where you have tried to do so, but experienced something negative, or you have been taught from an early age to keep your emotions and your life to yourself. Now imagine for a moment - If you were sat next to your 10 year old self, what would you sat to them now?
Anonymous
September 15th, 2016 4:30pm
Because its difficult at first. You'll get through eventually. Try having a simple conversation and it'll grow from there
Anonymous
October 9th, 2016 9:16pm
I dont trust people easily. Or at all. Ive been cheated on in two relationships and my parents relationships arent a good guideline to follow.
Anonymous
October 23rd, 2016 10:10am
Trust issues? Maybe you've been hurt before, and you're just afraid of it happening again. Just give it time. :)
CassandraLouise
October 23rd, 2016 5:39pm
There may be various reasons people can not learn to open up, this can be down to past experiences, lack of trust, but often opening up to someone you are not in a close relation to can be much easier.
Anonymous
October 27th, 2016 1:26am
Because you have to choose whom to talk with, if the person is trustworthy and open-minded then go for it. People nowadays are gonna judge you without even knowing who you really are so it's hard to open up with these kind of people.
Anonymous
October 27th, 2016 1:40pm
I was the same way and still am at some points. Your past can have a lot to do with with it. Just take little steps and it will get better.
CosmicCalm
November 2nd, 2016 3:03pm
Sometimes it can be hard to open up to people. Whether you fear rejection or judgement, you will still find that a lot of good can come from opening up to those who show you they truly care.
alaskaa
November 4th, 2016 6:40am
because you are afraid to let people in..let go of the fear and you will notice that you can learn to let people in
Imfluffy
November 20th, 2016 3:44pm
Personally, I find that I'm being a burden to people when I open up to them. I think it takes time to find the right people you're comfortable opening up to. It'll take time to find these people but they may be around. You just don't know it yet ;) Also, when you open up to close friends and family, it may seem like less of burdening them because you'll be sure that you can support them as well.
Anonymous
January 4th, 2017 12:25am
Maybe you've had traumatic experience which has caused you to be this way. Like you're scared of being hurt, maybe your afraid of not being good enough, etc. Learning to open up to people takes time, and you'll see a change as time pass by. But you wont see any changes if your not insisting on trying your best.
Xhanced
January 4th, 2017 7:02am
I think that opening up to people is hard for many people, mainly because its hard to open up to ourselves, opening up is just a way of telling who you are, and if you don't know yourself it may be hard to share. If you do know yourself and are scared I think that you should learn trust, because with trust anything is possible.
bitsymhk
January 21st, 2017 3:58pm
Sometimes they respond in the way you weren't expecting, and this can be surprising and scary. This is often the case, and you feel judged, isolated, and disliked. The thing is though, its almost always a misconception of either person.
scenicSunrise87
February 2nd, 2017 11:13pm
Opening up to people is one of the hardest, most reoccurring fears we have to face. Each individual we meet is inwardly filtered through past people we've interacted with. Often times, we are apt to remember the more negative things that have happened with people we've opened up to than the positive. Could it be that you're afraid to open up simply because we've done it before and been hurt for it? If so, it's understandable. It is also important to remember that the person standing before you now is not the person, or peoples, who stood before you in the past. Each new person we meet deserves the opportunity of our trust. If they abuse it, then we know to shut that door and move forward. If they don't, then something spectacular has happened and a new friend is made! We must let go of the past, embrace the present, and let it lead to our future.
PatientPersistence
March 10th, 2017 1:54pm
It's hard to open up to others, because it means making yourself vulnerable. You take the risk that they will reject or even mock what you offer to them. You have to decide - in each case - whether or not you feel that risk is worth the possible reward.
GracefulSoul34
March 19th, 2017 5:24pm
Opening up to people requires trust. Trust in the other people, but even more importantly, trust in yourself. Trust yourself to be a wonderful person who is interesting, has nice ideas to offer and who is someone that deserves to be liked. Sometimes you have to take a risk and open up a little bit. Trust yourself, keep practising bit by bit and do not give up. Be positive of the outcome. You'll soon get nice experiences and rewards.
EmpathicSammy
March 23rd, 2017 8:02pm
Sometimes we are apprehensive about meeting people, and being judged or liked. We end up being closed up due to these fears.
Rakune
March 29th, 2017 6:29am
Based on my experience, it's because we lack self-esteem. We believe that others don't care about what we feel. I feel like I'm simply a burden to others, so I don't want to open up.
peacefulkat
April 5th, 2017 4:39am
Maybe in the past when you used to be open towards people they have broken that trust and have caused you to feel as if your problems don't matter, they may have made you feel like you don't mean anything to them and that may be the reason why you feel it is difficult to open up to people about anything.
Anonymous
April 27th, 2017 4:13pm
That's no problem being shy. It's even positive at the beginning, because it makes the whole careful to not get to wrong people. You should tell new people that you just need some time to find confidence in them.
Chocoholic247
May 11th, 2017 5:48am
I think our experiences lead to the choices we make at least, I find that to be true in my life. No matter how much you embrace how unique you are and try to be comfortable with it, there are people in the world that will try to tear to you. I suppose that showing a person my vulnerable side has never quite been accepted the way I'd like for it to have and hence opening up is a struggle. I hate having to be pushed and when someone pushes me to open up, I withdraw more. I think I'm just waiting for someone who I know will not judge and it is extremely difficult to understand if a person is like that because I've found that people change in an instant.
dancingReeds12
May 12th, 2017 12:57pm
It's not a matter of learning to open up to people, it's a matter of overcoming your fears, that you will be judged. You might feel silly talking about what's bothering you, but you shouldn't. Everyone struggles with something in their life and talking about it is the first step to dealing with the problem.
DanDan1991
May 18th, 2017 11:59am
What most people don't realise is that opening up to people is a skill. It's not something that comes automatically to everyone as there can be fear, trepidation or apprehension surrounding it. But like any skill, it can be developed with practice. Try opening up to a listener on here, even just a little. You'll find as you open up, have someone who is there to listen and help, you'll be able to open up more freely in the future!