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Why can't I learn to open up to people?

209 Answers
Last Updated: 05/28/2022 at 10:31pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
October 27th, 2019 10:23am
Opening up to people is definitely not easy! When you open up to someone, you’ve to let your guard down, be vulnerable, and allow the other person to know more about you. Perhaps you’re uncomfortable with this, you could open up with things you’re comfortable with first. It doesn’t have to be something major that makes you uncomfortable! :-) it also has to depends on why you’re unable to open up to people - could it be because you don’t trust this person enough? I think it’s important to find your reason and look out for patterns! All the best :-)
RainyMemory97
October 30th, 2019 3:47am
It might be because of your previous experiences or maybe you just don't feel comfortable opening up to others anyway. That's fine. ❤️ You don't have to open up to people as soon as you meet them. And I understand that you feel like you can't open up. Though do you feel like maybe you're closer to some people than others like family or friends? Have you ever opened up to them before? You can also start to open up about something that you feel least uncomfortable about, and something that you might think the other(s) might have in common with you. Even if they haven't said anything about it before, maybe by you saying it, they can open up about how they feel and their opinions about that topic too.
Anonymous
May 11th, 2022 12:51pm
You can learn to open up to people. Sometimes it takes time and that's okay. To open up to people it's good to start with someone you truly trust. Or even opening up to yourself first. Journaling is a great way that helped me learn to be honest with myself. Many people struggle with not opening up to people, and it can be hard to start. Feeling stuck is normal. You are not alone on this journey. Your feelings are valid. People are there to support you, and help you on your journey to being more open with yourself and others. We believe in you.
allnaturalApple350
January 29th, 2020 10:56pm
For some it can be hard to open up. Anything from past experiences to the fear of not knowing can cause this. If you have opened up before and had a negative experience this can make you not want to open up again. Trusting someone with personal information is very difficult for a lot of people. This doesn't mean something is wrong with you it just means that you're going to have to work on this. It will take time to get comfortable enough to open up to someone and you also have to find the right person for you.
ceciliamalone
February 20th, 2020 2:53pm
Maybe you're just shy or you are not good with socializing or maybe you don't trust anyone with your feelings which is completely normal. You should try to start with normal conversations and elaborate only if you're comfortable. Or else if you really need to vent, you could maintain a journal or you could record yourself, listen and come to a conclusion. After all who can get you like you. There are also another options you could try, like listening to songs which feel like your current mood. Because trust me listening to that one same lyric and saying "mood" is a whole ass mood and a mood lighter.
Angel750
March 19th, 2022 11:44am
Opening up to people can be extremely challenging and takes time and trust, especially if you have had previous negative experiences when opening up to people. Although not being able to open up to people may be frustrating, you should never feel pressured into it or feel shame for not being able to. You should share what you feel comfortable with and with who you feel comfortable with, which may be a friend or a listener here on 7 cups. Just remember you should never feel shame about opening up and with time and practice it will get easier.
JoyeuxAnge
April 2nd, 2020 1:59am
Opening up to people may feel like hard word. Expressing what's going through your mind and feeling exposed, may be difficult at first but once you've overcome it, you'll probably realize that's OK to speak your mind, and that probably you're not alone on the road. There's nothing to fear, when you're being yourself, regardless of everyone else's opinion; who you are is what makes you special (even when it doesn't feel that way). Opening up to someone you trust, might be a little easier, the important thing, (specially if there's some struggle) is to look for support when you need it. Remember, you're not alone :)
Helpyouhi
February 25th, 2022 11:25am
It’s by practice. One day I was like you, I wasn’t able to open up to people, I felt shy and I didn’t feel I trust them enough to talk to them. Although that was how I feel but I was dreaming of having friends and people who I can open up to and I was dreaming of having close friends who I can enjoy time with. Now, I am much better because I forced myself the first few times to talk out loud, to say what is in my mind, to not be afraid of rejection, to show my own personality that I am confident about as long as I am not hurting anyone or abusing them. It’s all about you, practice and go out of this fear because you are stronger than it. Good luck
LilySoft
April 9th, 2020 5:17pm
Opening up to people can be difficult, especially if you have just realized that you struggle with being open. For me, I have always been a reserved person that generally doesn't open up about my inner feelings, not even to my best friends. I realized that I have a hard time opening up to people when I met my now significant other, as he, when we were only friends, really helped me speak more openly as a person. Admittedly, it was a struggle to be open with him at first, but after we got even closer, I've found it much easier. What I learned from that experience was that it's alright to take a while to figure out how to be open, as it takes time. Maybe as you grow closer to others, whether they're friends or family members, you may find that it becomes natural to be more open.
WrenSimon
April 12th, 2020 8:04am
Because it’s challenging to be vulnerable! We don’t live in a society that normalizes the honest expression of human emotion and that can be frustrating and isolating. Just try to remember that we’re all human at the end of the day and we’re all made out of the same stuff. It can be scary to open up to somebody when you don’t know if they will be receptive or understanding. But just try to keep in mind that even if that does happen (and I hope it doesn’t!) there are plenty of other in the world who will be more on your wavelength. I’m always here if you feel like talking to me about anything, this is a judgment free space. It’s safe to share here. But no pressure! Everything at your own pace.
Anonymous
May 8th, 2020 3:20pm
Being in a new space is scary because it feels foreign and uncomfortable, and I used to be afraid, but being the person you are and putting yourself out there, introducing yourself and interacting is more than enough. Sometimes the feeling of being judged holds you back but deep down, we are all human and no one is perfect. Not everyone will like us but some do. The person you are afraid to talk to might feel the same way, afraid to open up. Sometimes, just saying simple words can make someone’s day, it’s the wonder of embracing fears.
warmSky30
May 21st, 2020 5:16pm
I cannot open up to certain people because of my trust issues. I have been betrayed and deceived by people who were pretending to be someone they are not. My terrible experience has affected my judgment of where I shall lay my trust. I guess it is one of the reasons I cannot open up. Another reason why I think so is because of some traumatic experience in childhood or past. It inevitably causes other mental health issues. Insecurities also play a major role here, The fear of what people or the society may think of can also contribute as factors.
Anonymous
May 29th, 2020 10:35pm
You are always able to learn new skills! Learning to open up to people is just like learning how to ride a bike. It is something that some people learn at a young age, but it is also something that some people may choose not to learn although it is a useful skill. Being an open book does not come easy to everyone, but understanding your own feelings is the first step. Once you know how you are feeling and even possibly why you are feeling that way, it will become easier to share those feelings with other people. The biggest thing to remember is that no matter what you are feeling, there is always someone out there who is willing to listen to you and that has maybe even been there themselves.
Anahach
February 18th, 2022 9:29pm
Ah, this is a poignant question. I am currently very much in the throes of trying to open myself up to others after coming to the realisation that despite being close to my family and friends, I am completely unable to tell them when something has negatively affected me unless it is debilitating enough that I have no other choice. I was made aware of this when, after having been struggling with depression for years, I made an offhand comment about liking sad music to which my mother responded with puzzlement: "You feel sad? When?". I felt that to bring up that I wasn't feeling well in conversation would make me a 'downer', and I just never knew when the right time to say something was. I just didn't want to be a burden. But I have realised that in doing so, I was just pushing people away. I was neglecting the people I care about of vital parts of myself, and if you aren't feeling well then it is never a burden to a friend (or listener) to help, or at least listen. I want to be better at this communication, and finally worked up to asking for therapy, where you have no choice but to talk and open up. Practice in sharing these intimate parts of ourselves is the only way we can become more comfortable with sharing.
Anonymous
May 30th, 2020 6:40pm
I think it is very hard to open up to people especially if you have gone through something in the past that caused you to feel this way. If you have opened up to someone in the past and they broke your trust, or they took your opening up the wrong way, it is definitely very easy to feel this way. There are also a lot of societal standards that contribute to this because if you open up and be vulnerable, it almost creates a space for people to use that as your weakness and it can turn around to you. Just remember that, there are people out there that love you and support you, and even though you might not have that in your life at this specific moment, you will.
endearingLight6463
June 10th, 2020 4:19pm
Perhaps this is because it is not something your parents/guardians encouraged growing up. But it is never too late to develop and grow. It takes some self-discovery to understand why we do what we do, but it is an important process in getting to know ourselves and develop past our limitations. Sometimes our wrong beliefs and negative self image about ourselves can limit us opening up to people. Change the way you see yourself. See a therapist if necessary. If you are a Christian spend time in the Word and ask see what God says about you - you are fearfully and wonderfully made etc. And then make the effort to step out of your comfort zones when it comes to opening up to people - this would apply to people that you can trust. You will see a change in time and will be glad you made the effort.
Anonymous
June 14th, 2020 8:04am
Did you ever try opening up and it may somehow failed? Someone who by his or her words made you close up even more? It might be really hard to open up sometimes because you might never know if this person you're opening up to is trust worthy, would actually accept your feelings without judging you and would actually listen sincerely without getting bored or giving you advice or turning the story to make it about themselves and their experiences. You probably want someone who will understand you and give you space and time to open up, you are scared and that's totally fine. Maybe even confused on why you find it so hard and you're being hard on yourself right now, feeling that something is wrong with you, but there isn't anything at all, trust me. I've been there, you're not alone
Anonymous
June 25th, 2020 7:49am
It is always hard to open up to people especially when you are the type to be a listener, rather than the talker. Opening up to people may take time to getting used to saying what has been bothering you or what’s on your mind. Learn how to go by your own pace on talking to others wether it be to someone you know, or someone here from 7 cups. You are the one who knows what your limits are and how to explain what you are feeling, and we are here to provide the support you may want.
soothingBlanket3694
July 19th, 2020 3:02pm
Maybe we have grown up feeling all insecure and never learned how to connect with people. Maybe we never learned to love ourselves but to criticize. Maybe we remain so vigilant about every tiny bit of the self that we forget all the skills of socializing while making a connection with other people. We are so scared to get hurt that we find it easier to keep everything inside us. Somehow we have learned that it's better not to be us than to get hurt after they refuse us or leave us. Maybe we find it safer to stay distant than to get hurt while at the same time we are longing for being able to make a connection to another human being. Whoever is living on this knife-edge, I want them to know that they are not alone. That we are trying our best right now. Love.
Evertonest
July 31st, 2020 2:41am
During your childhood, perhaps there were moments where you opened up, but got hurt. Perhaps when you opened up, your parents yelled at you, or your peers made fun of you. So your mind has 'learnt' that "Hmm, if I open up, I will experience pain. Opening up is dangerous. Therefore, I will make sure this person (you) are afraid to open up to protect them from being hurt." Perhaps it's not that you can't learnt to open up to people - perhaps it is harder to open up. You are probably able to overcome your fear of opening up by revealing more surface-level parts of yourself (e.g. your hobbies) to certain people. Once your mind 'relearns' that opening up to others is not as dangerous as it thinks, you can start revealing deeper aspects of yourself. It will be scary to start opening up, even a little, but the best and only way to overcome this fear is to face your fears directly.
cooperelizabeth
August 21st, 2020 5:02am
Learning to open up to people is a hard thing to do and many people struggle with it. This may be because you have some trust issues or have a fear of being vulnerable. By opening up you are letting people into the private parts of your life that many other people don't get to see. When opening up these people see your weaknesses and fears that may subconsciously be causing you to believe they will use these against you. This can make you have your guard up constantly which can make it difficult to open up to people.
Anonymous
January 12th, 2022 9:47am
Because you think of so many things that are not really relevant. You feel that you can't trust the person or the person will judge you for an unknown reason. It's at the moment you let go of those scary thoughts, thoughts that the person will use it against you, thought that it's plain useless and wasting of your precious time. When you leave those thoughts, that's when you'll be truly free. Actively sharing your problems, releases the burden on your side. You be more happy and healthier. You learn to trust others more and those thoughts might eventually fade away.
Anonymous
April 28th, 2021 5:31pm
It can be difficult to open up to people, especially if you're a quiet or introverted person, or if you've been hurt in the past. Sometimes, it is hard to open up due to trust issues, or because you, yourself, don't feel you have much to open up about. A good way to tell why this is hard for you is to ask questions of your self like: 1) Do I have things to express to people that I hold back or don't express? 2) What makes those things hard to express or unlikely to be expressed? 3) Do I see value in opening up to people? 4) Do I have fears about opening up? If so, what specific fears do I have, and what are they based on? Are they realistic fears? Answering these questions may help you get insight into why it is difficult for you, in particular, to open up to people.
Anonymous
April 18th, 2021 6:32pm
When it comes to opening up to people, you don't have to do it with every person that comes in to your life. We all hate to be vulnerable. If you come across someone who consistently overshares their personal business, they’re the odd one out, not you. Most of us from early in childhood are not entirely trusting of anyone. Have you ever seen a toddler hide behind his adult of choice when confronted with a stranger? Infants in their cribs become agitated when approached by someone they consider a threat, and they do that based simply on the inborn facial recognition software that tells them when a person isn’t friendly. Experiments were done using balloons with faces drawn on, and infants were clearly upset by the frowning faces and drawn to the smiley ones.
Anonymous
April 9th, 2021 3:56pm
it's not that you can't learn to open up to people, it's that you're frightened to. you're letting you nervousness take over your entire personality as a whole, which is causing you to feel like an outcast, isolated from everyone else, or shying yourself away, as some people would call it. i feel that to be able to open up is to have confidence about yourself on the inside & out and to be able to trust others. in order to trust others, you have to be able to trust yourself. to conclude, the reason for this is bc we just cannot simply open up to ourselves.
Anonymous
April 7th, 2021 8:17pm
Sometimes it helps to ask others questions and listen to them open up to you first. Listening to others may provide you with some commonalities and help you realize you can safely open up to them and share some things about yourself. Finding that common ground can help both you and the other person relate and feel comfortable together. Especially if you find it difficult to open up, discovering that you have more in common than initially thought can help to start the process of you opening up to another person. It helps to start sharing one small thing about yourself if this is difficult for you. As it enables the other person the opportunity to enquire more about yourself and slowly begin enabling you to open up more about yourself.
BlueOasis420
April 7th, 2021 11:01am
You can! Opening up and trusting people is a skill literally everybody can learn. And it isn't just you. Maybe you have made bad experiences in your past and that's why your brain doesn't want to open up. That's okay. We can fix that. First of all, what helped me too opening up to people, is viewing it at another perspective. Showing yourself vulnerable makes you feel and seem strong. Have you ever seen people being completly open with their flaws or with their disabilitys? These people aren't just born like that. They only trust. If you can do that, other people will think you're strong and likeable as well. It isn't that likely that people will betray you when you act like it isn't such a big thing. Mistakes, flaws, illnesses etc. are completely normal. They only become your weaknesses, if you act like they were. But they aren't I wish you best of luck.
Anonymous
March 17th, 2021 12:44am
Hello, great question. The simple answer would be opening up is very difficult when you do not want people to know or are uncomfortable opening up at all. I don’t believe anyone has to open up. Only do what is right for you when it is right for you. Maybe you are not trying to open up to the right person or people. I speak from experience answering this very question so maybe you would benefit from opening up to a listener such as me. Please do check out my profile and decide if I might be the type of listener you would want to open up to. All the best :)
Anonymous
February 12th, 2021 2:15am
Hey. I see your issue. What do you feel when you have to talk with a person? I have been in your place many times and I promise you there is always a way out. I think you should try not to care about what others will think about you if you open up a little bit. You can’t live by everyone’s expectations because no one is perfect which is totally normal. Try to work on being more confident, write a list with pros and cons on it about yourself and what cons you don’t like work on it. The most important is the love yourself and be confident about iy
Jannahreign
March 3rd, 2021 5:14pm
Learning to open up to people is a hard thing to do that takes a lot of practice. You have to want to learn and take baby steps of opening up and 7cups is a great place to start that since it is anonymous. By starting with baby steps such as just stating when you had a hard day or you get a bad grade you may find it easier in the future to open up. And by starting small on resources such as 7cups you. may be able to build up the confidence to start confiding in your friends or family.