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Why can't I learn to open up to people?

169 Answers
Last Updated: 09/26/2020 at 3:02am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2005 with a diverse group of clients, all ages, races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
Kendracormier
June 10th, 2017 4:56am
Sometimes our brains are worried about the way people respond. It's the only completely natural way that we know how to keep ourselves safe. Or what we think is safe. Try opening I promise to someone who has previously opened up to you and you might feel more comfortable
Ashipie15
June 11th, 2017 8:23am
Because sometimes opening up can be hard No matter how much you try, its hard to trust others. And that is normal and something you can overcome
Anonymous
June 24th, 2017 6:59pm
Because sometimes, the fear of the unknown can take a toll on your abilities. You probably are not ready to share how you feel to people who you think will not understand it.
Sanar
June 29th, 2017 10:47pm
Opening up to people often requires a sense of trust in the person you're talking to but more importantly, a sense of connectedness to the person that you are. If you don't feel secure in who you are, it's difficult to let others in. Perhaps building up who you are and recognizing your strengths and what you have to offer will allow you to share yourself more openly with others. Recognizing that each person has their own unique gift to offer--that's unlike anyone else's--is a great first step.
5thousandmiles
July 13th, 2017 11:54am
It's not something you "learn". Opening up to people takes time, especially if your trust has been broken by people in the past. Just being around people, getting comfortable with them is a great first step.
TobiasNorth
July 26th, 2017 12:11pm
It's hard to open up to people for a lot of reasons. You might not feel comfortable sharing personal details about yourself with people who aren't family or close friends for fear of judgement. You might also fear that anything you tell them will be used against you at a later date, whether to hurt, betray or backstab you. Ultimately, you should only tell whatever you want to whoever you want whenever you feel entirely comfortable sharing that information with that individual. Don't worry too much about feeling like you're being 'closed off' or not 'opening up' enough - at the end of the day, your business is nobody's but your own!
BlindFaith
August 11th, 2017 6:59pm
When we don't trust we can't be honest and open to others. We are afraid we will be ridicule, rejected, laughed etc. It is the unknown that scares us from opening up.
Medit8ion
August 16th, 2017 8:06am
Everyone's personality is different. You should be you. If you want an emotionally intimate relationship, you may need to push outside your comfort zone. But, let others know it is hard for you and that you are trying to learn to be more open to benefit the relationship.
SoulHealing
August 18th, 2017 4:38pm
Maybe you are scared? Being hurt before? Just relax and open up only to those you trust and if you feel you cannot trust just open little by little until you feel they are trustworthy
sliverofPower
September 22nd, 2017 12:23am
I think it's a slow process requiring small steps. You're not going to be able to trust people over night. It's a very scary thing to open up but if you take small steps I'm sure you can develop a natural relationship with others through a careful cultivation of trust.
Anonymous
September 22nd, 2017 8:12am
It's not easy to open up to somebody when you are someone who generally do not do so. It takes time and effort in opening up and you can do it slowly by telling your close friends and then maybe a parent who are close to.
Danielle999
October 8th, 2017 6:38pm
Opening up to people is really tough, because when we open up to people we are vulnerable to them. Part of the reason why you can't open up to people might be a fear of being vulnerable. Is there something that has happened in your past that has made you mistrusting of others? Were you once rejected by someone for opening up to them? Try to identify where you are stuck, and it might help you open up.
DreamsOfWonders21
October 22nd, 2017 12:55am
It's okay if can't you shouldn't force yourself to open up to people. It takes times and let them know if it's okay that you can't open up easily and hopefully they understand.
freshOcean13
November 4th, 2017 6:41am
Opening up to people is really difficult especially if you have been taught all your life that your feelings do not matter. The reason many people keep things bottled in is because when they try to share they feel they are getting judge or the person / people they are talking to seems like they are uninterested. It would help if you found one person just to be able to listen to you. 7 cups is a great sight for free online listeners.
StephyC17
November 8th, 2017 3:31am
Different circumstances could be accountable at hand. Find ways to open up to yourself first. Helping others will help you in the process. Let others open up to you, and in a way, you will begin to learn the same routine for yourself. Hope this helps. Stay positive. :)
CalmSea8
November 10th, 2017 11:29am
Most of time it is because you are not trying actually to open up to people. There is always a fear to start speaking your mind which should be ended.
WatchingOverYou
November 15th, 2017 9:31am
I can't answer that with perfection, but I am sure of one thing: if you start to give up on opening up to people it is least likely that they open up with you. I myself have difficulty in opening up to people that I don't know very well/that are not my love ones, and I found out that 7 Cups provides a magnificient training for that. Maybe you can start by that.
windfox3
December 1st, 2017 6:48am
"Opening up" is a very subjective ideal to have. To some, it means sharing information like our birthday and our favorite color. To others, it's sharing our deepest darkest secrets, flaws, fears. There are a lot of ways to, "open up" to other people - so do not discount yourself as closed off so easily. Opening up, in the most productive sense, means finding common ground with another person. Types of music you both like, foods you enjoy, etc. Start with common ground, there you will find topics where you can easily open up and share your thoughts with others.
allnaturalUnicorns70
December 13th, 2017 8:36pm
Opening up to people requires a level of comfort for everyone. Some people require more comfort than others. Making sure you feel safe will make it easier for you to open up, so consider what you think it will take for you to feel safe enough there?
Illfindaway
December 16th, 2017 8:33am
Opening up to people might be quite challenging especially when trust issues and unfortunate past experiences interfer. Having a small circle of friends-people who you can trust- is all you need. It is not the number of people but the quality. Learn to open up with things you are mostly proud of about yourself; A favorite band,book and place to be at. I wish you keep your secrets , any personal whether sad or happy evebts to yourself until you completeley trust the other person. It is alright trust issues may seem hard to cope with. But people need each others to heal ;)
Johnnyace1300
December 19th, 2017 1:24am
Opening up is about letting go of insecurity, being comfortable with sharing your own truths. It also has to do with being comfortable with being face to face with another person. A lot of people have trouble interacting with other people these days because we don't spend as much time in front of others these days. We spend a lot of time in front of screens/
EmilyRN95
December 27th, 2017 9:14pm
You can, but it takes practice. You have to push yourself emotionally to share a little bit at a time. You must push through the fear of rejection and shame you think you might receive in return for your thoughts. Practice with closest friends and family first and start with opening up about superficial things such as your opinions, then working to your deepest emotions. After time and practice, you will be able to open up to people.
Anonymous
December 29th, 2017 11:28pm
Learning to open up to people takes time and exposure. For some people, opening up makes them feel vulnerable and fear getting hurt. Perhaps in the past something happened where they opened up and got disappointed. Sometimes it is good to be closed to people as a way to protect yourself. You just need to know when to open up and not.
Anonymous
January 5th, 2018 9:22pm
Because you are scared of being judged by people and their opinions about you. Realize that you are perfect and people that matters love you the way you are.
Preslie2704
January 17th, 2018 8:11pm
You can, it just takes work. I understand this feeling, and I know it can be difficult to open up to people. Talking to someone you trust or someone you care about is always nice. Just know that people who love you will never judge or ignore you.
Anonymous
January 20th, 2018 10:21pm
There's nothing in this world you can't learn so first of all drop that attitude. Start by minor interactions, take part in mass activities, get involved in public speaking .
snugglyBraid43
January 26th, 2018 6:34pm
Opening up is not that easy since almost none wants to be fully transparent with everything going on in their lives to just anyone due to past bad experiences of letting wrong people in and later finding out the repercussions. We remain closed until we’ve decided who are the right people to let in. Here are some of the reason why people find it hard, to impossible, to open up Insecurities and lack of trust. One may be ashamed of something and have fear of being judged and misunderstood. You are hurt and feel nobody cares, even if you opened up they wont listen or understand you, you feel they might hurt you even more since you consider what you’re afraid open up to as your weakness. Upbringings. Might be some life events, could be something happened to you which taught you and made you all closed up. One may have grown up in a family where none talks much or opens up or they did and you never liked it. Being the only child may have taught you or gotten you used to keeping to yourself and doing things ‘one man army’
AthenaD
January 27th, 2018 1:31am
It sounds like that you are uncomfortable around other people and even shy to be around other people. These two factors make it hard to open up to others.
Anonymous
January 31st, 2018 6:11am
It really just takes time and trust. The more that you trust someone, and the more comfortable that you are around them, the more likely that you will decide to open up at some point.
EllzBellz216
February 22nd, 2018 3:47pm
The fear of being rejected is often a big factor, or the idea of being judged for finally opening up. This voice in your head that simultaneously is crying out to be heard but also fearful of the consequences such an action will bring. Personally that's what I've felt like when I've contemplated such a thing but it helps when your'e knowing either you can ultimately trust who your'e telling, that your'e anonymous and no one can judge you for telling or you know whoever your'e going toped up to hashed the same experiences and was such will not be shocked or react negatively to what you want to say to them.