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Why can't I learn to open up to people?

169 Answers
Last Updated: 09/26/2020 at 3:02am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2005 with a diverse group of clients, all ages, races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
March 2nd, 2018 11:54am
I was someone who had a hard time opening up to people. And that was primarily because of the trust issues I had.. I always assumed that any person whom I opened up to would use what they know about me for their own motives and that telling more about myself would put me in a state of vulnerability. Now, I have always tried to maintain a brave front ..and posed myself as a very unemotional or indifferent person just to avoid being vulnerable. And this is precisely because i wanted to avoid every possible situation where I could be hurt. I literally feared being hurt. And opening up to people means also being open to being hurt. But i realized over time that not being open was a pretty toxic to my overall being. I had a hard time accepting people .. getting close to people .. making best friends. But a few people in my life helped me open up ..very slowly. I realized that's it's probably one of the most beautiful things that people can have between ..the ability to have a free conversation.. without the fear of judgement.. without the fear of being hurt.
PerfectlyDelirious
March 29th, 2018 2:12pm
Talking to people can be a little scary, espescially cause we dont know how they are going to respond. Sometimes, practicing by talking to yourself can help you learn how to hold the conversation and talk with others.
Pumpkin74
April 6th, 2018 11:28am
Its scary to open up and be vulnerable to people! We are always afraid of being judged or different than others, but the truth is, we all pretty much have the same feelings and thoughts. If you are insecure about your thinking and feelings, it might be best to open up to a professional such as a therapist who can help you organize those thoughts and assure you as you go through the process.
YourFriendforever
April 7th, 2018 7:21am
There is nothing wrong if you don't want to open up to people.. Everyone takes time and trust to open up.. And I feel when a person opens up too easily that might not be a good idea.. So don't worry it's normal.
Anonymous
April 11th, 2018 3:53pm
It might be something in you, maybe you've had bad experiences in the past, maybe you're afraid of what people can do with such fragile information. Which I understand. I think you need one or two people you can open up to, if you wish to open up to people in general, try talking to people you feel most comfortable opening yourself up to. I hope you get better at this, for your own sake of course!
CalmingRosewater
April 12th, 2018 10:28am
If you have been hurt by someone before, that could do it. Your conscious or subconscious is not allowing you to get close to people or trust people.
Anonymous
April 12th, 2018 1:16pm
Sometimes it's hard for us to open up because we may not be happy with ourselves in the first place. You need to be happy with you before you can share yourself to the world
GamerXIana
April 14th, 2018 7:53am
That was me before 😱 but I'm glad that I'm not like that anymore 😊 I think it's because you're afraid that they might not understand you and just judge you when you open up to them
Ameera411
April 21st, 2018 7:26pm
There can be a couple of reasons.But the good thing is you can really change all of them.You can't open up maybe because you're afraid of what people are going to think about your opinions/ reactions.You're being really conscious all the time, the reason why you feel that "okay I'll just stay quiet" . Which will never get this rid of you trust me.You need to be confident about yourself, and love yourself.Only then you'll make an impression infront of people.You'll be frank with them.But it all starts with you, as to how you want to make yourself appear infront of everyone.Stop caring with what people will think, and you'll see how much well things get.
Anonymous
April 25th, 2018 4:18am
Probably a lot of reasons. I'm going to share a few times when people come to me telling me that they're afraid to share good news with people. The person tells me: "I have been dieting and have been eating normally for the first time in months" and I tell them that's great. It really is so great. That is a person who is pushing their boundaries and overcoming an obstacle. I think part of not opening up to people is afraid that they won't care or acknowledge you. Because when I hear people are hesitant, I ask why and its usually because when they tell people, they never get encouraged. The person seems to devalue it. So there is probably so many reasons why you can't learn. If you're an honest person who is really trying, then this might be why.
RobN42
May 5th, 2018 11:04am
You may need to find people who share common interests, and enjoy the same things you do. Be confident in yourself , and take pride in what you do. I personally have thought of myself as shy most my life, but I've learned majority of people don't share the same mindset as me an I'd rather be quiet than have meaningless small talk. When you find someone similar to yourself, opening up will happen by simple conversation. You'll feel comfortable when you believe the people listening actually care about what you have to say.
Anonymous
May 13th, 2018 10:29am
Opening up to people can be a difficult task, I totally get that. Trusting a person enough to be able to tell them things or how you're feeling can be very hard. These things take time and practice. Choose a person you feel completely understands you, is patient, and trustworthy. Practice through them. Don't worry, you'll get there soon.
Anonymous
May 16th, 2018 1:07am
It is hard opening up to people, especially after being betrayed by a friend, or someone close. Sometimes it can be fear of rejection or getting hurt from opening up to people. Maybe try going slow and opening up to someone you are fully comfortable with and trust.
SupportiveSockMonkey
May 19th, 2018 10:40am
This could be for many reasons. The main reason is usually the support either hasn't been previously provided for you or they have shut you down. Sometimes it is due to fear of being rejected. It all depends on your life experiences.
WoundSoother
June 6th, 2018 10:14pm
You might have fear of being judged or rejected. Believe it or not, everybody got judged and rejected many times. It's perfectly fine. You should focus on yourself by creating anchors to relate to. One of the anchors can be "I'm a nice person regardless how others think". When you open up to others and you start to feel they're judging you always remember that their opinion doesn't really matter because your anchor says you're a nice one. A universal rule says that your actions define you only, therefore when say or do or act in a good way to others it means your a good person. If you say or do or act in a bad way to others you're only doing bad to yourself not them. So open up to people and remember if you're afraid they're judging you, trust me, they're judging their selves not you :)
graceffa16
June 15th, 2018 5:52pm
opening up to people can be hard, open up slowly, talk to your closest friend first, if it’s hard, maybe give them your trust first
Alidoruta2help
June 21st, 2018 12:57am
Figure out what is holding you back from doing so. What is your biggest fear? If you open up, what do you think will happen? What would others find out? Analyze your own thoughts.
GAddams
June 24th, 2018 6:21am
Being completely open with anyone can be frightening. It takes courage and self-confidence to share your true self with others.
Anonymous
July 6th, 2018 6:45pm
Opening up to people can be very difficult, A lot of the reason why people find it so hard to open up about their feelings is because of fear of judgement or fear of not being understood. The best way is to find a professional who you can trust and build a good bond with.
porsxh22
July 11th, 2018 10:30am
It takes time and this comes with trust issues. Opening up to new people can take a lot of time especially with trusting them.
kindSun777
July 12th, 2018 9:38am
It's not a process of learning. We can only open up to people when we feel fully safe with them. And having faith in someone is never easy.
insightfulCaramel21
July 20th, 2018 4:58am
As a listener it sounds like you may have some sort of anxiety. Of your feelings like if you open up you may have opened up too much and they will use that against you and they will not open up to you like you have them and also maybe you’re feeling like you can’t trust anyone and that sometimes you feel like I’m ready to open up but you don’t fully feel like it’s OK to open up because you still have that thing in the back of your mind when you got telling you don’t do it you’ve got hurt in the past it’s time you don’t do it again or just come back and bite us don’t do it so maybe if you come talk to listener we can help you out and we can listen to you we can guide you
athenacleere
July 21st, 2018 1:54am
It can be more difficult for some people when it comes to opening up to someone and that’s not always a bad thing. No one can make you open up besides yourself but i believe if you did open up to someone you completely trust, you’d feel so much better about any situation.
RumpleSteeleSkin
July 21st, 2018 9:33pm
Opening up to people can be very hard, as that means you are trusting them some and bringing them closer into your comfort zone. Maybe share this with some people that its uncomfortable sharing, can maybe they be patient with you.
Anonymous
July 22nd, 2018 9:12am
Some times it's scary to feel opened up to people because they may take advantage of that. But get the fear out of the way and be you and if they dont accept that, thats okay.
Anonymous
July 22nd, 2018 2:31pm
It needs social activities to be practiced, progress could be slowly but the result is awesome.hanging out in groups helps.
Tianna17
July 25th, 2018 9:43am
You are afraid of being hurt or judged so you build up a wall so you don’t get hurt. But building up that wall will only keep them away from you. I understand you have trust issues, everyone does.
Nansidrew
July 27th, 2018 6:10pm
Social anxiety is very real and a difficult thing to overcome. But, exposure is key. Just try and put yourself out there more!
magicallyNutella29
August 8th, 2018 10:39am
Opening up to people isn’t something you learn. It’s something that everyone knows how to do. It’s just finding the right person to open up to. You are probably scared about what the persons reaction would be to your problems.
MeganForbes
August 8th, 2018 6:33pm
You may have experienced a bad relationship. Sometimes it can just be your personality whether your an introvert or extrovert. We self-reject before we give others the chance to do it because we are afraid to be judged. You can simply just not be able to explain how you feel.