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Why can't I learn to open up to people?

169 Answers
Last Updated: 09/26/2020 at 3:02am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2005 with a diverse group of clients, all ages, races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
August 10th, 2018 6:15am
Sometimes, especially if you have been hurt in the past when trying to open up to people, it can be really hard to trust someone with your issues, but if you spend enough time with that person you will learn to trust them, and they'll learn to trust you as well
generousRabbit93
August 11th, 2018 8:36am
its something very vunerable to do, you dont want that to be taken advantage in any way so you try not too
mitchinthebox
August 12th, 2018 3:16am
Opening up to anybody can be a very difficult thing to do. For me, I find it best to understand limitations. When talking to somebody, make sure that you know who that person is to you. What their role in your life is. Make sure that you understand anything that they think of you will be based on what you tell them. If you're not comfortable sharing your deepest fears, then don't. That being said, don't stay closed off to everybody you meet for the fear of rejection. Those who matter won't care and those who care don't matter. That means, if someone judges you for who you are, they clearly aren't meant to be in your life for the support that each and every individual needs and deserves.
Kindenergy74
August 22nd, 2018 6:25pm
We all tend to preserve ourselves from what we believe is going to hurt us. Being in a comfort zone seems to be less risky but it brings us less growth and less self knowledge as well. Preserving yourself from the world can protect you from getting hurt but it will also stop you from living wonderful things. There is no guarantee that absolutely everything will work out, but there are reassurances that something will work out. Pick one good idea which brings good emotions and work on it. Just one small thing at the time. It all starts with an imense desire of being happier. One little thing can open up one´s heart and change his entire world forever. And that is so true!!!
HayAwake221
August 30th, 2018 1:15pm
I think personally, the reason has always been a fear of what opinion people would have of me. I'm always afraid of talking to someone about my problems or how I'm feeling because I'm scared that they'll then think less of me. That's basically it. But you have to know that by sheer numbers alone, you will never be able to please everyone you meet. There is bound to be someone who will not like you for whatever reason. So the important thing is to let go of that fear and realize that your problems and your seeking a solution to them is more important than what someone might think of you.
Anonymous
September 6th, 2018 10:23am
Maybe something in the past has happened which has made You weary of people around you. If not maybe you Shevardnadze seen it happen to someone before ? I guess learning to opening up to people is difficult becusee it can easily be caused by a certain situation or just be a personality trait. Trying to trust people and trying to not care and let go of what’s holding you back will help you to open up. Just think is they are not the sort of person I thought they where before I opened up then it’s not your fault. You learn from things in life and mistakes are normal, not your fault for opening up it’s there’s for not being trustworthy
sunnyBerry24
September 16th, 2018 9:39pm
Opening up to people can be hard because of the fear you can face around their opinion of yourself. For example, you may have anxiety around a specific topic and worry that by opening up, you will get shamed or hurt. This manifests itself as an extreme fear of opening up. It takes time, motivation and trust to bring down those walls. It can be a struggle if your anxiety decides to take over and you go back into your shell. Sometimes people also believe that they are not being heard or valued and this can lead to them shrinking back into themselves and not wanting to open up.
Anonymous
November 7th, 2018 5:04pm
I can't learn to open up to people because I'm so afraid of them judging me for what I say or who I am. All these worries run though my brain: What if the thing I think is weird? What if I accidentally offend someone for some reason? I've tried to open up to people in the past, or even really just talk to people in the past and they've judged me, and I've been letting that experience dictate my life and what I say to certain people or what I want to tell or not tell people, etc.
Zoewnell
November 17th, 2018 9:03pm
Opening up to people isnt as easy as it seems. When you have a personal experience with opening up to someone and either getting hurt or let down, it is normal to not open up again because you constantly live in that mindset that you'll get hurt. It is a long process and it will only work if you are willing to take it step by step. You've probabaly been through alot and shouldn't be upset with yourself if you have a hard time opening up. I personally find it hard to open up to people that aren't considered close. I even have a hard time opening up to those who are very close to me. Surrounding yourself with good people is a good start
angelFace94
November 23rd, 2018 3:32pm
Because opening up to someone is not an easy thing to do at all. Some of us find it easier to keep it all to ourselves instead of telling other people how we feel, which is totally normal. Opening up to people is not something you can learn to do, because your problem most likely isn't just trouble opening up. Sometimes, the problem that we have is anxiety, which can be the whole issue behind not being able to open up to others. And that is something you can overcome, simply by working on it. Some of us naturally keep it to ourselves more than others!
SpaceTornado
January 6th, 2019 4:37pm
Sharing your emotions with others is a complex experience. Putting what you feel into words that others will understand is extremely difficult. In addition, it is very scary to share your personal life with others. If you are experiencing this, writing about what you feel could be a beneficial introduction to putting what you feel into words and opening up, even if it isn’t to a human. When you feel ready to open up to a person, listeners at 7 cups are always prepared to hear your voice. Remember, this is a safe place and your information is confidential.
Cleopatra77
January 18th, 2019 3:52am
I struggle with opening up to people myself. I am just now learning as an adult that humans need healthy relationships with others in order to have a healthy, active social life and good support system, as we are social creatures by nature. Sometimes in life we have experienced pain or traumatic situations with others, and it causes us to close ourselves off from forming new relationships and wanting to be around others. Sometimes it can stem from a lack of self confidence or an inability to relate to the environment around you. There are many factors that can be the reason one would feel uncomfortable letting their guard down around people. What I can say, is that with time and healing, you'll allow yourself to eventually trust enough to let another person in your life. It takes patience and it isn't easy, but there is always someone who cares and when you are ready, you will establish those bonds. It's never too late to try something new.
ingeniousPeace79
February 14th, 2019 10:24am
It's not about you being able or not. You are able to virtually do anything. There's a catch though. Materialization of any object, takes a price. We don't know the price, it's too complex that is. But We can pay, and pay, and pay. Until price is achieved. Once the price is achieved, object is permitted to exist in physical world, and also supported (not just sporadically) So it's about payment really. Not if You can, or cannot. Then back to your particular question. You deal with pricey things, big things. And You tried a little, or not enough. You didn't pay enough for the change to appear. And it's the same as it was, for the time being. You have to practice more, understand more about the fear that is activated inside, more effort overall => price will be achieved, at some point. You need to keep going. And You also need to refuse to think or speak in terms of "can't" Better replace "can't" with "want" or "will" or "must" or "need"
sunshineForest73
April 5th, 2019 10:16pm
I have an energy bubble that surrounds me. Inviting other people's energy into the bubble changes the energy that I get use to. It's tempting to just avoid this from happening but sometimes I think of all the opportunities I miss to find friendship and connection. I understand humans need contact with others and that isolation is unhealthy. Jeopardizing familiarity is a big price to pay. I get concerned with safety and the commitment it takes to nurture relationship and I sometimes just skjp it all together and opt for safety and consistency. The more I open up to others and have positive experiances, the more open I am to ithers, feeling secure.
Mary0000
April 17th, 2019 5:11pm
Opening up to people isn't something you learn, it is something that you have to practice. If you have a person that you deem trustworthy, maybe tell them something about yourself that you don't usually tell people. Maybe your favorite ice cream is chocolate chip, or you don't really like the frosting on cake. It starts with minor steps like this, and then as the person gains your trust more and more, you can tell them more things. But like anything, practice makes perfect
ShayLovesYou06
April 18th, 2019 5:33pm
It's because you're scared that people will have a bad impression about you. Which is actually wrong. If you learn to open up to people, you'll see the world differently. Talking to others is the medicine to most of the problems. It's the cure to anxiety. You'll have new paths open.
Anonymous
May 4th, 2019 4:14pm
We are all different. Some are more temperamental, some are withdrawn. We can not all be the same. But it's not right and we are socially inactive. To avoid going to coffee, not to go to the movies, lunch. For starters, I would advise you to try to talk about something that is hard with a loved one. So you start working on yourself. I do not know what your level of self-confidence is? It's important to be sure of the conversation you are entering and have no fear. Then you start contacting other people that you are unknown to. And you try to be close / close to them. It is very important.
Melissame
May 12th, 2019 9:07pm
Humans get used to habits and it can be scary to break this habit. If you’re used to bottling emotions and have never opened up to people before, it can be frightening not knowing how they’ll react, being vulnerable and experiencing something new. Opening up and trusting people takes time and will not happen overnight , take small steps before pouring out your heart and soul - try sharing your thoughts or feelings anonymously first. This will help overcome any fear of being judged. Open up to a professional or authority figure first. Try writing down your thoughts on paper and handing it to the person - this saves you muddling up words or panicking in the middle of it. Keep trying, take things slow!
Anonymous
May 23rd, 2019 12:52pm
Sometimes it's hard to open up to people and that's ok because it can be scary breaking down your walls and letting someone in. I know I was always afraid to open up because I felt like people might judge me or feel like they had to care because I was opening up to them and not because they genuinely cared. I didn't want people to look at me with pity and see me differently to before. It's not an easy thing to do and sometimes it takes a while before you find someone you feel comfortable to talk to. I used to come onto websites like this because no one knew me but I realised I needed someone who really cared about me and I didn't know who that person was and I know that's the same with a lot of people but I promise there is someone out there that really cares about you and is waiting to hear every detail of your life, the good and the bad.
brightRainbows21
June 12th, 2019 11:49am
It's not a matter of learning its something that requires you to feel comfortable and honestly - it isnt the easiest thing in the world to do but If you do find the strength to do it then you are amazing! You are strong ! In an ideal world, a person would feel safe opening up to his family and friends, and would receive comfort and validation from them. Unfortunately, families and even friends are not always healthy. While you may wish to open up to your mother or your sibling or your oldest friend, consider whether or not this person has demonstrated that she or he can listen without judgement.
LC1225
June 20th, 2019 1:31pm
Opening up to people is a different experience for everyone. For many people, it really isn't even something you learn but rather something you just do, based on feelings and emotions. If you want to open up to someone but aren't sure of how exactly to do that you first need to have someone in your life that you trust. This can be very difficult and may take years. Many people never in their life feel like they can trust someone so it's a risk you have to be willing to take. When contemplating whether to take the risk or not you should consider the potential negative and positive outcomes. Try to really look at the big picture and hopefully the good outweighs the bad. Do this sort of calculation periodically. I tried it one month and didn't feel like the risk of possible good outcomes outweighed the bad so I waited. I kept trying for three or four years and finally I felt like I was ready to give it a chance because the good outweighed the bad. As we grow older and experience life as time goes on we change. It is important to monitor that growth and change. You can also smart small with "baby steps" so first starting by just talking to that person more regularly about simple things like how your day went or tell them about a song you like or a show you watched. This leads to positive social and emotional connections which I promise you, works miracles when it comes to opening up to someone eventually. It builds a good foundation to build the friendship and trust upon. The last little piece of advice I have is to not jump into it. Give yourself time to feel ready but also keep telling yourself that you will in fact be ready to open up someday. Today may not be the day but the day for it will come and I'm sure it will be a positive experience for you. Best of luck! :) -LC
Anonymous
July 14th, 2019 1:47am
Who says you can’t? I love talking to people and it honestly had me scared. I was scared I couldn’t do anything. But sooner or later I made a friend. They helped me cope with things I didn’t know I could do. A whole bunch of experiences. It’s not that you can’t learn to open up its that your afraid to do so. I was afraid and just through myself out there. But eventually it went all well for me. I know it seems hard and yes it is hard. I understand how it feels for you. So don’t stop believing and just go for it!
gentleSun78
July 18th, 2019 8:58am
You can't learn to open up to people because it is very difficult to do it. If you open up to people, they can reject you, start to bully you, misunderstand or not understand you, etc. Furthermore, even if they understand you, you need to know that people aren't professionals, counselors, doctors. They can't heal you and expecting something more than some warm, understanding, compassionate words from them is expecting too much from them. Yes, you can quickly expect too much from them. They might also have prejudices and stereotypes which you aren't aware of and then opening up to them can harm your mood more than being quiet.
winterbourne17
July 27th, 2019 8:18pm
Sometimes, after we’ve experienced some rough friendships or other kinds or relationships we find it hard to open up to others, afraid of the outcome. However, the only way to learn to how to open up is to realize that not everyone will hurt you and that opening up to others will benefit you as much as the people on the receiving end. Though it is hard at first, practice makes perfect. It is a slow process, but a very worthy process nevertheless. Be patient with yourself and take care of yourself during it, as frustration can be a big part of the journey to opening up. However, it is not impossible!
Anonymous
October 27th, 2019 10:23am
Opening up to people is definitely not easy! When you open up to someone, you’ve to let your guard down, be vulnerable, and allow the other person to know more about you. Perhaps you’re uncomfortable with this, you could open up with things you’re comfortable with first. It doesn’t have to be something major that makes you uncomfortable! :-) it also has to depends on why you’re unable to open up to people - could it be because you don’t trust this person enough? I think it’s important to find your reason and look out for patterns! All the best :-)
RainyMemory97
October 30th, 2019 3:47am
It might be because of your previous experiences or maybe you just don't feel comfortable opening up to others anyway. That's fine. ❤️ You don't have to open up to people as soon as you meet them. And I understand that you feel like you can't open up. Though do you feel like maybe you're closer to some people than others like family or friends? Have you ever opened up to them before? You can also start to open up about something that you feel least uncomfortable about, and something that you might think the other(s) might have in common with you. Even if they haven't said anything about it before, maybe by you saying it, they can open up about how they feel and their opinions about that topic too.
allnaturalApple350
January 29th, 2020 10:56pm
For some it can be hard to open up. Anything from past experiences to the fear of not knowing can cause this. If you have opened up before and had a negative experience this can make you not want to open up again. Trusting someone with personal information is very difficult for a lot of people. This doesn't mean something is wrong with you it just means that you're going to have to work on this. It will take time to get comfortable enough to open up to someone and you also have to find the right person for you.
Anonymous
February 20th, 2020 2:53pm
Maybe you're just shy or you are not good with socializing or maybe you don't trust anyone with your feelings which is completely normal. You should try to start with normal conversations and elaborate only if you're comfortable. Or else if you really need to vent, you could maintain a journal or you could record yourself, listen and come to a conclusion. After all who can get you like you. There are also another options you could try, like listening to songs which feel like your current mood. Because trust me listening to that one same lyric and saying "mood" is a whole ass mood and a mood lighter.
JoyeuxAnge
April 2nd, 2020 1:59am
Opening up to people may feel like hard word. Expressing what's going through your mind and feeling exposed, may be difficult at first but once you've overcome it, you'll probably realize that's OK to speak your mind, and that probably you're not alone on the road. There's nothing to fear, when you're being yourself, regardless of everyone else's opinion; who you are is what makes you special (even when it doesn't feel that way). Opening up to someone you trust, might be a little easier, the important thing, (specially if there's some struggle) is to look for support when you need it. Remember, you're not alone :)
LilySoft
April 9th, 2020 5:17pm
Opening up to people can be difficult, especially if you have just realized that you struggle with being open. For me, I have always been a reserved person that generally doesn't open up about my inner feelings, not even to my best friends. I realized that I have a hard time opening up to people when I met my now significant other, as he, when we were only friends, really helped me speak more openly as a person. Admittedly, it was a struggle to be open with him at first, but after we got even closer, I've found it much easier. What I learned from that experience was that it's alright to take a while to figure out how to be open, as it takes time. Maybe as you grow closer to others, whether they're friends or family members, you may find that it becomes natural to be more open.