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Why can't I seem to move on?

148 Answers
Last Updated: 01/26/2022 at 10:32am
Why can't I seem to move on?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Elena Morales, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I believe silence creates a cycle. With empathic and collaborative therapy, we break the cycle. I help clients feel validated and supported passed anger, shame, and anxiety.

Top Rated Answers
October 9th, 2016 2:42pm
I can't seem to move on because I'm stuck. I can't get out. Something keeps pulling me back. It's not about him anymore. It's the memories we had. It's the laugh we shared. It's the jokes we cracked. But now he's changed. I don't love this version of him. I loved the loved version. But that's gone. Long gone. So maybe I should be the new version of me. A version that's strong enough to let go,a version that understands life isn't over. A version that knows I deserve better than him....
April 11th, 2015 3:18am
Sometimes we can't seem to move on because we are focusing on what could have been than actually accepting the situation for what it really is.
April 10th, 2015 7:41am
Because you had something and now you lost it. Chemically speaking, you are experiencing a decrease in dopamine, which will physically make you ache and feel sad. The thing is, you can move on, it just takes time. Often when you're in the process it doesn't seem like you'll be able to because it's no fun and seems like it lasts forever, but really you will move on soon enough.
September 6th, 2016 2:06pm
Because you are afraid of not finding someone that will love you for you like your ex lover may have
February 26th, 2017 1:08pm
It's possible moving on is not always the right choice. In an era full of materialism, which promotes attachment to wealth and objects, but disparages attachment to people and memories as unhealthy, this may seem like unusual advice. But I believe it is often inappropriate to move on unless the other person definitely does not love you anymore, or if the relationship is unhealthy. Otherwise, keeping the attachment in your heart is normal. As long as it does not keep you from being attached to other people. You don't have to stop loving them in your mind, or stop remembering whatever it is you are attached to. You can find a new attachment while still keeping the old one, but accepting that it simply won't play out in real life. It may be possible to get the person or thing you miss back. But keep in mind that other people have the right to do what they want also, and that if it truly is right for you to be together, don't beg, and don't trash them if they don't see that yet. Just be your self, and keep your life going, and hope that they will see the light. Don't make them the center of your universe. People are not going to want to be with you if the only thing in your life is them. People want to be with someone who has their own life and their own character. Perhaps you aren't meant to be together in life, and your attachment is simply a spiritual one. An attachment doesn't have to be played out in real life, or formulate a relationship, to be meaningful. There are many people in our lives we are attached to and will always care about even if they are not in our physical presence.
September 17th, 2016 11:35pm
If you're still in contact with this person, then you're hindering your chances of moving on. No Contact can be difficult, but it's worth it in the end. It's hard, but try not to spend your energy wondering what he is doing. As hard as it is to accept, he's most likely already moved on. If he's not focusing on you, you shouldn't focus on him.
November 30th, 2015 1:48am
Because a part of me wants to know what I did wrong and how I can fix it, even if it isn't fixable. Or even my fault. But I still hold on and dissect each part and pray I can make it work somehow.
March 27th, 2015 5:09am
It does take time to move on. Don't rush, just wait. Time will heal the pain and one day waking up, you'll find yourself no longer haunted by the past.
June 18th, 2015 5:58am
Because you want to hang on trust me when i say so...because it might be that you think you are ready to move on but your heart isnt really i think first you should ask yourself if you are fully motivated to move on if not tell yourself y u should move on ...
June 23rd, 2015 3:34pm
You can't seem to move on because you have your memories in the back of your mind..and it seems like you always trying to remember everything about it..when the person you love the most leaves you.. I bet you will remember every single sweet moment when you both were together..and the more you're trying to forget, the more it'll hurt you.. what to do? I know it'll be impossible to forget someone you love immediately, but limit the thoughts of him/her will do. Remember, you'll have a better person in the future. :)
March 3rd, 2015 4:14am
Finding the courage to trust in your abilities to be able to care for yourself in the absolute best way possible in any situation is hard. You have to have faith in yourself which is a challenge when you are use to self sabotaging. It comes down directly to Self Doubt. If you don't believe in yourself you won't find the courage and determination it takes to move on. No one knows what is best for you better than you. No one can live your life better than you can. No one is better equipped to determine your well being and abilities than you. So if you tell yourself you can do it and you will succeed even if it feels like a lie, at first keep telling yourself that til you believe it. You do it enough, it will come true because you willed it.
June 4th, 2015 11:14pm
The past can be very painful and affect you for a long time even many years later. Therapy could be one step towards moving on.
October 11th, 2015 7:15am
Moving on seems like a giant, impossible task to tackle. I thought so, too, just a few months ago. I couldn't seem to get over my past relationships and I could still feel the sting of the bad relationships. And I always felt incredibly guilty, because my current boyfriend would always have to hear about it. Then, one day, he sat me down and with a blank face he said, "Tell me everything that happened." At first, I denied. It seemed incredibly selfish of me to do that. I thought, "He doesn't need to listen to this. I need to keep it to myself." When I denied telling him, he kept pressing me until I did. So I eventually told him everything on my mind. All the ups and downs of past relationships. All the sting and the pain and laughs and the tears. He didn't comment at all. He let me vent. And at the end, I just cried. I hated bringing everything up and feeling all that pain again. I told him I was going to sleep. A few days past when I had realized that I hadn't thought about my past once. At all. I was completely over it. I guess my point is to bring it all up. Bring up any issue or memory you have of the situation. Tell it to someone, either out loud or through text. Tell someone. No matter how badly you don't want to, you will feel a million times better. Stay strong
April 15th, 2018 12:01pm
because your still in love with the person and its to hard to move on, trust me i've been though that many times and i feel like my heart will break in a million piece if i move on
December 15th, 2016 11:00am
For many people, the only way to move on completely, is to get into another relationship. It's just how humans are. There can be a person shaped hole in your heart, and you need someone else to focus on specifically to get your thought processes past the past.
December 4th, 2017 1:45am
Maybe you can't move on because your scared too. Moving on is like opening up a new can of worms scared another heart break is going to jump out, or maybe you keep focusing on what you or, what you could of done. When we should be focusing on what's next without that asshole
March 3rd, 2015 9:31pm
Moving on takes time and time is the biggest healer of all. You need to love yourself in the process of getting over someone. Nobody deserves to be unhappy.
February 9th, 2016 12:16am
I found it hard to move on from someone who was hurting me and I realized it was because I thought he was the only one who could love me. I know now that I was wrong. I love me and it isn't your own fault that you feel you can't move on, sometimes getting over people is hard.
May 12th, 2017 2:57am
Such a simple question, but with many unreasonable answers. I'm the same way, in all honesty. Moving on is difficult for many of the people I know, and I haven't quite gotten a grasp on it yet. You see, it's all part of human nature. When you grow close with someone and have a close bond, you possibly won't ever forget them and the times you shared. Whether it's an ex or an old friend you grew apart from, they'll always have a small piece of your heart. The human heart is confusing in many ways, but the brain is so much worse. When you least expect it, memories and buried emotions can come crawling back. Into dreams, thoughts, and words. You may think you're 'over it' or that you've moved on, but in reality some people never move on. Memories can play over and over again, without us knowing why. Moving on is a sign of forgiveness, understanding, and acceptance. Without those three key things, we may never move on from what's holding us back.
October 22nd, 2016 7:30am
Moving on needs acceptance. So learn to accept what happened before going to the moving on stage. :)
September 16th, 2016 4:36pm
Because she/she was once there to love you and you love. Ex was there to comfort you and make you feel like the happiest person on earth. But remember he/she is your ex for a reason. Move on and try to reopen yourself to the other people and the world. Try to find yourself again before getting committed again.
September 14th, 2016 8:02am
Usually, the answer lies in one's inability to recall the bad along with the good. As soon as you start remembering both, it gets easier to move on.
September 22nd, 2016 6:03pm
Perhaps you should ask instead: what's wrong with staying? When someone cannot move on, it just indicates that you're still attached to something, emotionally. In order to move on, you need to uproot those emotions which cannot happen overnight. Perhaps a life change needs to happen, or being open to a new perspective before one can truly leave all behind.
October 24th, 2016 7:30am
You might be repressing these feelings. Try to give yourself time to mourn or be upset. Even if it's just setting aside 20 or so minutes a day to think about it, it can help you get over things. When you repress it, you're unable to give yourself closure and consequently, unable to fix the issues.
September 7th, 2015 10:08pm
If you can't move on, there's a chance you are focusing on the past too much. If you want to move on, you need to focus on the future and what you can do to be happy now and in the future. I promise you, the past has nothing to do with that and once you realize that then it may be easier to move on.
October 16th, 2016 11:24am
Moving on can be difficult for anyone. Sometimes moving on involves change and that can be a scary thing to many people. But it's also important to embrace change and move forward. Sometimes it's difficult to accept that moving on is the best thing to do but if you don't, you could end up stuck in a rut, never moving forward.
February 17th, 2017 7:55pm
Moving on is hard, it's not something that happens over night... It takes time to unwire the wires in your brain that connect you to what ever you're used to, be it bad or good. You will move on eventually if you really want to. And saying that... In order to move on you must own the decision to move on. Don't cling on the past, don't hold on to it. The reason you feel like you're not moving on is because you're still affected by your efforts to do so. But then, sooner or later. You'll realize that you already have achieved your goal and didn't even noticed. It's weird like that. Best of luck.
August 10th, 2017 3:48pm
Because your still stuck in that zone and you can't seem to forget it , but one day you will overcome it , that's a promise .
November 9th, 2017 7:25pm
Forgiving the ones who hurted me the most. It has been years, but it still hurts but I need to find a way to cope with it.
September 23rd, 2016 5:04am
Sometimes you can't move on because you are not ready. When you are ready, you will move on. But until then just accept that you aren't quite ready. You'll know when you are.