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Why can't I seem to move on?

155 Answers
Last Updated: 05/13/2022 at 8:17pm
Why can't I seem to move on?
1 Tip to Feel Better
India
Moderated by

Jui Shankar, Ph.D

Psychologist

My worldview offers a systems perspective that values diverse clients and their struggles. I believe supportive and nonjudgmental therapeutic relationships empower clients.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
March 7th, 2018 1:56pm
There’s still a tiny shade of hope inside you, that things will change to your favor. You are afraid of being alone.
Fluttrr
January 5th, 2018 1:16am
I think that in most cases, people take the wrong approach to moving on. People repress their feelings and try to rationalize the pain away, while that only pushes the pain away instead of removing it. You don't heal, you just avoid. In order to properly move on, you need to embrace the pain, let yourself feel bad, admit to yourself that you did something wrong and cry in bed about how dumb you are for doing what you did, no matter if it's true or not, just anything your heart tells you. This might seem counter-intuitive, but it really does work, even for the moment, because you quickly stop thinking about it if you do it this way. This doesn't mean you should lose hope though, that is still really important. I think that if you do this, you are on your fastest way to properly move on, I sure hope you will as soon as possible though.
Anonymous
February 28th, 2018 3:08pm
The broad nature of the question asks many other questions that can only be answered by converging to a general answer; the reason for the question is usually the answer. You need to search for the basis of the question to enable you to understand the reason for the question. If you then insert moving on into the context of the answer you can then formulate a means to approach the way to ask yourself what am I moving on from? What can I do to enable myself to move on? and How can I ensure I do not fall back into the same question? The answer really falls with yourself. You need to probe to understand what you are moving on from, how you can enable yourself to move on.
Scarlett15x
May 26th, 2018 5:58pm
You may not be able to move on because you don’t have closure, or maybe it’s because you didn’t get say what you wanted or just need to talk through the relationship with someone?
brightHeart99
November 29th, 2017 9:11am
Because were still holding on to that memories or so were still holding in the hope we have, if we let it go even it hurts, little by little we can be happy and move on.
HeartshapedboxX
June 29th, 2018 4:00am
Moving on is very hard.Love is a strong emotion and it is hard to hard to get over a person,especially when you loved them.
Anonymous
September 26th, 2018 3:13am
We sometimes find it very difficult to let go of things that once meant the world to us. We love the memories and refuse to forget about them and that's ok but it won't be ok when you lose touch with reality.. it's totally normal to not want to move on, whatever your reasons may be , but it's important you learn when to let go when you are hurting too much. Ask yourself is this really worth my mental and physical health? Is what I refuse to move on from contributing positively to my life? If the answer is no then you must let go. Seek help if you must
positiveXia63
August 17th, 2019 2:59pm
The reason most of us can't seem to move on from something that was toxic to us, is simply because of the regularity and routine. Take a breakup for example; people tend to not miss the person themselves, but they miss the routine of when they were with them. The always having someone knowing they'd be there to listen, always having the plans with someone, and without it, life can start to feel lonely because we feel as if we couldn't make it work on one thing, we'll never succeed in another and that's just not the case. The truth is, we will be okay, but it will take time to get back to what makes us happy for ourselves rather than focusing our energy on other people.
Katsgaloree
March 3rd, 2017 12:04pm
You're stuck in the past. The lovely memories that has since past. You desire to recreate them. You're trapped in that fantasy world filled with happiness and adoration. Only time away from that person can heal you until look at them as a memory of your past.
EsperanzaGP
February 15th, 2017 8:52pm
Sometimes there are strong emotions that can get you stuck in situations that have shocked you or made you sad while you relive them in your head over and over trying to make sense of it. It can take quite a bit of strength and time to learn to put your thoughts aside and concentrate on something else instead, but it can be helpful to remind ourselves that we can't change the past, but we are still in control of our lives.
Eclipsa93
January 18th, 2020 7:10pm
When someone doesn't want to move on, it could be linked to many things like regret, fear, hurt, or sometimes just not being ready. First, figure out if you really want to move on. If you decide that you don't, then it's okay. In order to move on, you have to be mentally, emotionally and physically ready to move on. When you've gotten yourself ready to take the next step, analyze why you can't. Ask yourself questions like "why am I still holding on?" and "What the pros and cons are to letting go?" Accept how you feel and try to keep yourself busy. Idle hands make for wandering minds. Focus on yourself and do things that make you happy and better your situation. Remember that laughing is the best medicine. Share laughs with those that you care about. I have a hard time moving on so I had to learn to make myself happy and if it's meant to be it will be.
Anonymous
October 8th, 2020 9:14am
I think there may be a couple things going on here. For many people, the only way to move on completely, is to get into another relationship. It's just how humans are. There can be a person shaped hole in your heart, and you need someone else to focus on specifically to get your thought processes past the past. You loved that person. It is probable that this person was an almost good fit, BUT for some big reason that interfered with the long term. This happens all the time. Humans have feelings. And nothing is more difficult than having to realize that what we want we can't have, or is bad for us. Re-framing your thoughts would help. eg. Mary was a good person, but she couldn't commit. That's OK, she has to live her life, I have to live mine. I will do better. Why Can’t I Get Over My Ex? If the person was truly a bad force in your life, please seek some therapy. Continually choosing cheaters, abusers, addicts, or people doing criminal activities is a cycle you want to break. There is a drama aspect that can make these sorts of relationships very exciting, and so addictive. A little CBT, and you can learn to alter your thoughts to be more real in your own life Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) If you are having anxiety, you can also try EFT Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) - Emotional Health Many people have found relief in this simple method of redirecting your thoughts.
Anonymous
December 17th, 2016 5:37pm
Please excuse the cliche "time is the best healer", I know that it is easly said and much harder to allow. From my own personal experiences I can admit that its very true that it takes time to move on. Try keeping yourself active through this time with hobbies or mindfulness exercises as they will help. If your finding it really hard then please contact a listener or therapist for support.
Anonymous
May 2nd, 2017 10:29am
It's often hard to move on from someone you love and from someone you thought you would spend the rest of your life with. Usually it's hard move on because we hold on to memories. Try keeping yourself busy
incredibleTurtle3588
April 16th, 2020 7:56am
The truth about not being over it, about not moving on, about not being able to let someone go is simply, because you aren't ready to. It means you aren't ready to face a world where you will be okay without them. You aren't ready to see the instances where they were not right for you. Maybe we should see the bigger picture. Accept the fact that this wont work. Maybe you still have a hope of him/her coming back, which clearly will not happen. So you should accept the fact and let it go. Free yourself from his/her thoughts and focus in yourself and your growth. And soon you will do great.
FakzWift
June 14th, 2018 2:43pm
There is never a definite answer as to why someone cannot move on. It is different for every person and every relationship.
krishna9762
January 18th, 2018 5:30pm
Moving on is not based on how we think about ourselves or how we try to change ourselves to the surroundings. Moving on is when we decide that what we have been doing so far is not the best for us and we are able to see a better future.
Anonymous
October 9th, 2020 4:46am
I think I have moved on after all those hurdles of life. If I tend to push myself then it will happen eventually. Nothing can be as important that someone will self harming ones own motivation. So we always have to look beyond our limits to find those colors that will make us feel lot more better about ourselves. If we do not help ourselves and understand ourselves, who else can. We just need to give ourselves thag time and patience that we have always invested for others. Sometimes that helps us to grow from within. It also reflects how we have Hopes to love ourselves like we want to be loved
Thegirlwhowrites101
March 1st, 2018 1:17am
When we go through something, sometimes its hard to move on. It takes time to heal and move on from something.
Anonymous
September 24th, 2020 3:26am
yes its not natural that's rightyes its not natural that's rightvyes its not natural that's rightyes its not natural that's right yes its not natural that's right yes its not natural that's right yes its not natural that's right yes its not natural that's right yes its not natural that's right yes its not natural that's right yes its not natural that's right yes its not natural that's right yes its not natural that's right yes its not natural that's right yes its not natural that's right yes its not natural that's right yes its not natural that's right yes its not natural that's right
Anonymous
May 13th, 2018 10:12am
A few reason: you could still be attached to the idea of the person, the memories you shared with them, maybe being afraid that you may not have that again with someone else. But, it ended for a reason - remember that. Once you stop surrounding yourself with the thought of them or things that remind you of them, then you can fully move on. Don't dwell on what was, think of what could be ( a better, happier, you)
Rebekah029
June 12th, 2020 11:30pm
Sometimes moving on is a lot easier than it sounds. A person may have treated you poorly whether that be cheating, lying, or not coming to you. But sometimes it's hard to remember that and instead you can foxate on the good times, even if there were very few of them, making it even harder to move on. It's important to remember that this is completely natural and one day, it will get easier. Remember you are worth more. And if actually they were good... Maybe they just weren't ready. Always reach out to talk to someone if you can.
Anonymous
July 23rd, 2018 7:20am
Maybe it's just the psychology of yours playing with you, maybe subconsciously you are holding yourself back, this isn't something you should blame on yourself, this is something you should be aware of so that you can overcome :)
Anonymous
December 5th, 2019 4:56pm
Our feelings of love could still be there but instead of cooling it off, thinking more about it fuels those feelings which may lead to yearning. It makes us want what we once had, despite the difficulties that relationship had. I have only been in serious relationships and those are truly heartbreaking when it ended. I couldn't seem to move on as I kept on reminiscing how perfect I thought we were for each other despite the flaws we had. But I cannot continue picturing the past so I distracted myself with good thoughts and productive activities. I surrounded myself with supportive friends and family. Recently, I've learned that it's not moving on but "moving forward". It's unlikely to forget and just move on as if it's easy, but to move forward in life as you carry those burdens, hurts, and the memories of the past. That even if you do not forgive or was not forgiven, it takes acceptance of the reality and to continue on in spite of it.
Bry3995
April 20th, 2019 9:23pm
Break ups can be draining. You've invested a large part of yourself in another person. You've devoted time, energy, and feeling into being with someone. When the relationship ends, you can't get that investment back. You need to replenish what you lost. That can take some time. Building up your confidence and trust can be difficult. You shouldn't expect to be ready right away. Over time, be it weeks, months, or even years, it should all come back naturally. Good things take time. This is a natural occurrence. If you need help feeling ready, feel free to contact myself or another listener!
Anonymous
April 4th, 2019 5:34pm
Moving on is challenging. Personal growth is challenging. Moving on requires healing, forgiveness and confidence. When my heart is broken after a situation that I cannot move on, and think of 'moving on', I have to evaluate myself and understand why does this situation affects me that much to the point that I cannot stop thinking about it, makes me anxious, or it causes me fear. Sometimes it is because we compare ourselves to others... sometimes it is that shock and sense of unbelief that makes us unable to accept what has happened. When we don't dedicate time to analyze, understand, and accept, we cannot heal. When we don't heal, we don't forgive, and when we are not forgiving, we cannot trust or/and have confidence. It is a process, which begins within the heart, and a true desire to be free from negative feelings.
endlesstory
February 22nd, 2019 6:23am
People get attached to things that make them happy, and everyone moves on at their own speed. From personal experience, I know moving on can be difficult, but telling yourself you can helps. Sometimes moving on is harder at first, but once you start moving along, the process can become easier. Just because you have a hard time moving on, doesn't mean you never will. Remind yourself that you can do it, and I know you can too. Everything takes time, but if you are determined, you will be able to move on. Stay strong, and keep going! Goodluck!
kindEars2121
May 22nd, 2020 2:55am
I think there may be a couple things going on here. For many people, the only way to move on completely, is to get into another relationship. It's just how humans are. There can be a person shaped hole in your heart, and you need someone else to focus on specifically to get your thought processes past the past. You loved that person. It is probable that this person was an almost good fit, BUT for some big reason that interfered with the long term. This happens all the time. Humans have feelings. And nothing is more difficult than having to realize that what we want we can't have, or is bad for us. Re-framing your thoughts would help. eg. Mary was a good person, but she couldn't commit. That's OK, she has to live her life, I have to live mine. I will do better.
Vikas
May 30th, 2018 9:35am
Hi dear friend ! My personal experience on this is that its not easy to do so in general, as your existence somehow gets defined / limited by something; i.e, its some sort of comfort zone or, habit or something like that. You just don't want to take risk to explore the other possibilities.... maybe you're lacking confidence or, faith or, just --- you think moving on may lead to further complications, i.e you fear... But believe me ... at times its the best thing to do which can enable you to grow further in life, rather than sticking to something you're not destined for .... Good Luck !!!
Acekismet27
June 3rd, 2020 7:52pm
When I feel like we can not move on from something or progress through something then I try my best to let it go for a bit. I distract myself with an old interest or hobby that is tried and true for me. Get some More fresh air and move my body more. I meditate and make the goal to quiet my mind or focus only on one thing. I ask myself what is it that holds me back? Am I scared? Is there something I am struggling to understand. What is the next step? Can the step be broken into smaller steps? Whats the worst thing that could happen if I move forward? Whats the best thing that might happen?