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Why can't I seem to move on?

141 Answers
Last Updated: 03/19/2021 at 5:24am
Why can't I seem to move on?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Elena Morales, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I believe silence creates a cycle. With empathic and collaborative therapy, we break the cycle. I help clients feel validated and supported passed anger, shame, and anxiety.

Top Rated Answers
Cottencandyice
July 7th, 2018 12:53am
Sometimes, we feel like we can't move on because we keep going back to the same thought, over and over again.
GenevieveLemmon
July 7th, 2018 10:42pm
Subconscious blockages, how much you depend on the person/thing can linger in your heart/mind. It can take a while to force yourself out of a rut but surrounded by positive energies, atmospheres and people you can do it! It will definitely be worth it.
Anonymous
July 18th, 2018 3:39pm
Because your head has problems that are not closed. You are healed when you close all the doors that lead you to be in an bad position. Sometimes you don't even know you still have open doors, but you must keep running and look for them
Anonymous
July 23rd, 2018 7:20am
Maybe it's just the psychology of yours playing with you, maybe subconsciously you are holding yourself back, this isn't something you should blame on yourself, this is something you should be aware of so that you can overcome :)
felixthecat
July 25th, 2018 12:57pm
Moving on is really difficult, especially when you had a close bond with that person. Focusing more on yourself and making yourself happy is a useful tool in many situations.
Anonymous
August 5th, 2018 10:50pm
Moving on is often hard due to the fact that we get attached to people. When you get attached and start to care for a person, leaving them seems like you’re the one to blame, like you’re guilty of something. People can’t move on because of that feeling. They can’t move on because they can’t accept that it’s passed. That the relationship and the memories are just memories, happenings of the past. Once you accept the fact that the relationship doesn’t and can’t exist anymore, it gets easier to move on. Let go.
generousRabbit93
August 8th, 2018 5:26am
you are moving on slowly, the moving on process is so quiet and needs time, at the end you wont even notice that you have moved on
GabrielaaTaker
August 9th, 2018 5:36am
Moving on is something very difficult to do and it is not easy, but remembering to love yourself and always work on you, time will heal.
brightstars42002
August 16th, 2018 3:11pm
Science has proved that once you break up with someone you tend to like them more. I, however, have mixed feelings where one moment I'm angry the next, sad. For me, it's just a confusing mess of wanting the person back and wanting to push him away. I really can't tell you why you can't move one, all I can say is that you do miss them because you once (or still do) card for them, and can't just give that up very easily. For right now, give yourself time, because you're human and time will heal almost all wounds, I promise.
NinaNicolee
September 12th, 2018 4:07am
Moving on can be a very difficult thing to do, since humans are naturally drawn to familiarity. We don't want to have to start over and face the unknown, as we tend to experience feelings of anxiety. When we start to go out of our comfort zones, the fear can be a lot to handle for some people. Although it can be a mentally exhausting process to go through, moving on from old experiences can be a positive and healthy choice to better oneself. Many things can come into the equation when asking yourself "why can't I move on". This can relate back to self-esteem issues, or mental roadblocks. Gaining new experiences in life can lead to new perspectives and can also lead to becoming the best version of yourself.
AustenMia
October 4th, 2018 9:26am
Some of us are in a way "addicted" to sadness. We think we don't deserve happiness, and we don't pursue it. Try to see this day as a day of possibilities, and opportunities to turn a new leaf. Happiness can be around the next corner, don't be grumpy when it finds you again, because of something that happened in the past. The past does not exist anymore, it's gone. You are here, alive, and capable of changing everything! To move on you need to accept that some chapters are finished, having even just a small tiny hope about something that has hurt you before, is ruining your precious present, and present is all you have. Surrender yourself to the mystery of tomorrow, and smile at it, because the next best thing must find you welcoming. :-)
Sunflower036
October 6th, 2018 3:16am
I have personally experienced a situation in my life that relates to this. Not being able to move on can apply to relationships, friendships, and even school in a way. The best advice I can give with minimal words is to list out why you should or want to move on. That usually helps me. If you are still feeling this way then you should try talking to the person it involves and both come to a conclusion in which you are both happy. The main goal is to trust the process and everything will work out the way it is meant to be.
Anonymous
October 6th, 2018 11:55am
Inaction is the cause of stagnation. To move on from something, you must replace it with a healthier activity. For instance, a soda drinker can sip lemon water. To get over a relationship, turn the focus on yourself. Work on personal goals and improve yourself. Then you will attract a better partner. But please do not sit home in PJs eating ice cream or you will feel worse. Go for a walk and enjoy nature, drink 7 cups of tea! You must take care of mind, body, and spirit to allow yourself to heal. Time is needed to get over past hurt.
caitanya
October 25th, 2018 1:06pm
For me, why people can't seem to move on is because they are choosing not to. There is a saying: "If you don't like where you are, move! You're not a tree." Moving on is starting with yourself and how you want things to change. It's okay to cry. Let it all out. But don't dwell on it too long. Life has so much to offer! There are many things that you can divert your time into: Family, friends or hobbies. Try new things that you've haven't done before. Socialize and meet new friends. Travel to places you've always wanted to go but never had the chance. This is the perfect time to find yourself again. It's always hard at first but you can always get back up. Little do you know you've already moved on. All it takes is a little courage and it starts from you.
Anonymous
November 9th, 2018 1:46pm
Our minds have trouble letting go, we're only human after all and it's only normal. This is especially the case when we don't acknowledge how we feel and try to ignore it. Sometimes facing grief, no matter how painful, is the only way we can move forward. Take it one day at a time, and allow yourself to heal, don't force yourself as this has the opposite effect. Repressing certain feelings might result in anxiety, depression, dysthymia, and obsession. When we can’t move on, sometimes it feels like we have no control over anything anymore. It’s important to empower yourself and try to accept the past as we cannot change it, but we still have a future and this might give us some form of hope.
Mellonie
January 11th, 2019 10:32pm
Moving on takes a lot of effort. You will have your good days and you will have your bad days. Some days you may drive out to old places just to sit and cry. And that's okay. Most people cannot move on because they hold onto the hope and emotions that came with the relationship. They want to believe that somewhere, deep inside the person that they lost, they will realize what they have lost and want to come back. That is the toxicity of some relationships. No matter how hard we try, we cannot let go of someone who was once ours. The easiest thing to do for me personally is just talk. Talk to people you trust about how you feel. Talk about your anger, your sadness, how hurt you are. Just talk. Talking is the best way to let it all out, because how can we move on if we hold all this anger and sadness within us? We can't. So talk. Let it all out.
llola3
February 7th, 2019 9:08am
moving on from a person / relationship or whatever it may be is hard especially when you love them a lot but moving on is healthy to do. maybe one of the reasons you cant seem to move on is you are still thinking about them. try to distract your mind and body from them. surround yourself with people / activities that make you happy and make you feel content if you like dancing take a dance class if you like painting pull out the pens and paint if you like singing turn the music up. accept that it’s okay to still have reliefs towards them even if they are not there anymore. it’s a healthy mechanism.
Anonymous
February 7th, 2019 5:45pm
Moving on doesn't happen overnight. When a relationship lasts a long time, you have built a close friend that you have spent every day of your relationship talking to that person and have become attached to them and used to their company. It's normal for moving on to take a while so stay patient. You just have to try and distract yourself by staying busy and not thinking about that person and surrounding yourself with support from friends and family and eventually you will become used to not spending time with that person. Often, or at least in my own experience, we think we cannot move on but really we are just missing that person and their company.
Anonymous
April 3rd, 2019 12:14am
Moving on is hard...life will get you down but you have to help yourself up. What I mean is no matter how hard life gets there will always be another day....a new day to start over. I cant love on from my ex. He hurt me bad but I still love him. Love hurts. Love motivates. Pain doesn't last forever. It might feel like it does but no...it doesn't. Life is beautiful and you won't get to experience it if you stay in bed and cry. You have to be strong and work on you self. No matter who or what hurt you...keep going. I know it hurts...hurts alot...but be strong.
Anonymous
April 10th, 2019 5:35am
It seems like you are holding on to your past and don't want to cut ties. Try to be open to exploring the new opportunities and possibilities. Live your life and you'll find amazing people on the way who will make you feel more wanted and happy than the previous ones but that doesn't mean you should not care about your past. Always respect and give time to your previous friends. But don't let anyone hold you back in any situation, you are the writer of your own story and I think you know best who are the people you want to be with. And you are the answer to all your questions!
Bry3995
April 20th, 2019 9:23pm
Break ups can be draining. You've invested a large part of yourself in another person. You've devoted time, energy, and feeling into being with someone. When the relationship ends, you can't get that investment back. You need to replenish what you lost. That can take some time. Building up your confidence and trust can be difficult. You shouldn't expect to be ready right away. Over time, be it weeks, months, or even years, it should all come back naturally. Good things take time. This is a natural occurrence. If you need help feeling ready, feel free to contact myself or another listener!
Anonymous
May 23rd, 2019 9:15pm
I was with my boyfriend for 2 happy years, till one day I couldn’t recognise him anymore. He turned pretty violent towards me, and it seemed like his goal was to make me cry. I broke up with him shortly after I noticed this change, but I’ve felt empty inside since. It’s been 5 months and I’ve had a short ‘fling’ with someone briefly, but nothing felt right, because it wasn’t him. I still have this ache, and the fact I’m seeing him changing drastically now, turning to drugs and wasting his money on alcohol, and hanging around with the wrong people. It breaks me to see the person he is now. I sometimes just imagine him walking through my door and giving me a big hug, whispering in my ear ‘I’m back now’, but I guess I’m just dreaming. I just do not understand why I can’t seem to get over the same person who hurt me.
Anonymous
May 24th, 2019 1:12am
At times the idea of moving forward can seem scary. Depending on the type of relationship you've had with the other person. Also, people don't like change. Because of this falling in a routine or hold habit can be common. Just know that once you feel ready to take that first step, it will become easier as you move forward. You are not alone in this. It is a process of learning and growing. But I'm sure you'll move forward when the time is right for you. Lastly, know your true worth that is Upmost importance during this time.
Anonymous
August 10th, 2019 6:29am
Moving on from someone is so difficult especially when that person meant something to you. I personally went through the same thing and I want you to know you will get through and to not worry. I think you should try to find in yourself what you can do to better yourself because maybe that person wasn’t good enough for you and that is why you have to move on.
AlyssaAC2001
October 2nd, 2019 1:10am
Sometimes it’s hard to move on, this is because you feel attached not only with your mind, but your heart as well. It’s hard going from seeing and talking to someone every day, to being complete strangers. Breakups take time, and moving on is not easy. Every day will get better, and over time you won’t have to remember the pain that you once felt. We learn from things that hurt us, and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Doing things you enjoy always help keep a positive vibe flowing. Everything is better with time. It takes time to heal, you aren’t alone.
Anonymous
October 17th, 2019 11:19am
I'm sorry to hear this, sometimes we are moving on. we just don't realise our progress. if your feel your stuck in a rut you could use distractions techniques and find out what helps you. maybe you could watch a movie, talk to a friend or exercise. it could also be useful to talk to a family member or trusted friend about how you feel you can't move on. this could help you get more one to one support. maybe you could even try facing up to what your moving from such as a person or fear your worrying about.
kesu90
November 21st, 2019 3:00pm
I have been personally in this situation many times and this is mainly because you are stuck with an old goal/s (achieved or not), respectively you should actively seek new goals and strive for them while not completely ignoring the old goals. Success in life is not a destination but it is what you become. As you achieve success in one goal, its not anymore worth pursuing so we need to constantly keep updating and refreshing our goals. Sometimes when we are unsuccessful in attaining a particular goal, it teaches us a lot more than being successful at first place, whatever be the case we need to constantly keep searching for newer goals and this is how we become better
tranquility03
November 27th, 2019 5:15am
Moving on is not always easy. Sometimes it takes a little while, giving us the space we need to heal and to grow. Why do you think you are having a difficult time moving forward? I know when I am ending a relationship, whether it's by my choice the other person's, closure is very important for me to be able to move forward. Do you think you have been able to find your closure? What do you think you could do to give you the closure you may need to move forward? You deserve happiness. You know what is best for you, you just have to find it within yourself.
Anonymous
December 5th, 2019 4:56pm
Our feelings of love could still be there but instead of cooling it off, thinking more about it fuels those feelings which may lead to yearning. It makes us want what we once had, despite the difficulties that relationship had. I have only been in serious relationships and those are truly heartbreaking when it ended. I couldn't seem to move on as I kept on reminiscing how perfect I thought we were for each other despite the flaws we had. But I cannot continue picturing the past so I distracted myself with good thoughts and productive activities. I surrounded myself with supportive friends and family. Recently, I've learned that it's not moving on but "moving forward". It's unlikely to forget and just move on as if it's easy, but to move forward in life as you carry those burdens, hurts, and the memories of the past. That even if you do not forgive or was not forgiven, it takes acceptance of the reality and to continue on in spite of it.
ToYoungToBeSad
January 8th, 2020 12:32am
Usually moving on requires also moving onto something. For one to move on, they will need new goals, values, focuses or at least something to keep them busy. Most common mistake is trying to move on from something without anything to move onto. My most preferred mentors is finding something that fulfills your values whether is volunteering, other people you care about, new beginning or anything that moves you in your heart to move onto a new better self, life, circle... Visaulise what you are trying to move onto instead of focusing what you are trying to move on from, focus on that instead of loss and pain. Fight with hope instead of heart ache