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Why can't I seem to win his/her affection even though I do everything he/she likes?

18 Answers
Last Updated: 02/27/2018 at 6:54am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
February 6th, 2018 4:13pm
You sometimes just can't "win" someone, no matter how hard you try, and the sooner you realize that, the better for you. Instead of wasting all your energy on one person who doesn't care, try to find someone, who'll truly appreciate your efforts!
February 11th, 2015 9:05pm
Sometimes, when giving someone what they like, they realise that they may not like it anymore. It's sort of like... Obsessing over a movie star for ages, finding out what their favourite colour is, what they like eating, what the enjoy doing, and matching yourself with all those things, that can be seen as their criteria. Then when you finally, after many heart-aching years, get to meet them, they don't seem interested in you, or you may not be interested in them anymore! Whyever not, you think. You've "loved" them for this long! Pined for them, fallen asleep looking at a life-sized poster of them. "Why does it have to be this way?", you ask yourself. Sometimes the things that a person likes, just aren't the things they would like in a partner. Sometimes they just like those things, and would respect another for like them too, but the "criteria" you set up in your mind, isn't THEIR criteria. Other times, the person just might not be interested in relationships at that time or may be interested in someone else! But it's alright! You can always win their love another time, try to enjoy the life you have in front of you. Perhaps there may be someone trying to win YOUR affection :) And this seems terribly cliched, but be yourself! Be comfortable with who you are! Do the things that you like! Love will come!
June 17th, 2015 3:59pm
Affection os earned through mutual trust ... we don't force feelings it comes naturally so keep being honest and trustworthy who knows you might win the person you love.
May 2nd, 2016 12:18am
It takes time for someone to become fond of you. If that's not it, then maybe he/she just doesn't look at you that way, but it's okay! Not everyone will like you and you won't like everyone. If this person cannot realize that you are a fabulous person, then they are not worth your time. You deserve to be with a person that truly loves you.
February 27th, 2018 6:54am
Sometimes things just don’t click, and it very much sucks to be in that position. I’ve certainly been there and it isn’t much fun. Sometimes backing off and not trying so hard can help but if it doesn’t just remember that you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t return your affection. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel loved for who you are. Best of luck!
February 16th, 2015 12:36pm
Maybe its because she/he hasn't notice you yet... maybe that person only looks up to you as a friend... Or maybe they had unpleasant past experiences which made them feel reluctant to accept a new person :D
March 25th, 2015 1:30am
Sometimes people just are not meant to be together romantically. That does not mean you can not have another type of relationship with them. Or, in some cases it may be best, and also easier, to openly express your feelings and emotions to said person. Of course that is ONLY if you feel that is what you want or need to do. The main thing would be to stay positive!
May 16th, 2015 8:05pm
Because you're doing it just for your ego. You want her to appreciate you because you're DOING what she likes. Are you doing her a favor or something? If you want someone's affection, you should look past their outward appearances and start seeing them for what they are. Why do they like these things? What makes them feel like it's special?
May 24th, 2015 7:27am
Maybe you should confront them and tell them how you really feel, tell them in detail how hard you have tried. They may not be able to tell when someone likes them, point it out to them, maybe they feel the same.
May 24th, 2015 6:42pm
Winning someone's affection is not a game. Even if you are in synchrony with regards many of your interests with another person, that doesn't equate to instant affection. You need to build rapport with people, be kind to them, try to talk to them and actually listen to them. Having a conversation is sometimes the best way to figure out if both of your are on the same page in life and also increases amicability. In many scenarios, it might not lead to anything substantial, but you always end off better for initiating those positive encounters. There is no equation for building a relationship. Both people need to have the end goal of affection in mind, otherwise you can end up alienating the person and making them feel uncomfortable.
July 20th, 2015 10:02am
This question seems like the type of thing to be asked by someone who believes in the friendzone and how just because you do something nice for somebody,they owe you something.Everyone is attracted to different types of people and although you provide the person what they like and want,this doesn't mean that you have the characteristics that the person desires.
July 21st, 2015 7:15pm
Because in the end, you cannot control other people, just as they cannot control you. They are still in charge of what decisions they make, and not everyone is going to mesh well. That is ok. People are individuals and must live to make themselves happy. Then they can know when they find someone they are compatible with to have a healthy 100/100 relationship.
August 17th, 2015 9:00pm
It's all a question of attraction. If you ex does not come back to you, it is because she is not attracted to you. You need to seduce him/her as you did the first time. Doing everything you ex likes is totally counterproductive. You need to be "the prize" not a lackey groveling for a piece of his/her affection. Take some time apart. Focus on yourself for sometimes and rebuild your confidence. Then contact your ex and see if you can reignite the flame.
November 9th, 2015 11:06pm
perhaps he or she isn't in that particular head space. perhaps everything you are doing that he or she likes, would actually win his or her affection if the both of you were on the same page. so don't beat yourself up it might just be a matter of timing.
December 22nd, 2015 3:33am
You have to know that sometimes its not your fault may be the person u may like may be going through there on personal battle that can be causing them to distant there selves for some reason and is afraid of allowing there self to become vunerable.
April 26th, 2016 2:50am
Affection is given no won. Its his/her choice to give it to you as well as take it away from you. So be wise when you are giving someone to get an affection because its his/hers to give.
June 14th, 2016 12:39am
Perhaps he doesn't like you do everything he likes. You should be focusing on yourself and what's wrong with him (as he doesn't wish to give you affection)
November 14th, 2016 7:45pm
Sometimes you may try too hard to impress, relax and take your time to gain their affection. This may not be about winning it's about who you really like, not who you think you should like