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Why do I always feel useless and unloved after a breakup?

21 Answers
Last Updated: 07/14/2020 at 12:39pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Evelyn Coker, MSW, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I am down to earth and enjoy working with all clients. I have a special passion to support teen girls and women. My work is nonjudgmental and provides a safe space to grow.

Top Rated Answers
June 17th, 2015 6:58pm
Well, the hard truth is you were dependent on someone else to share the love with you. It's like if you can't stand by yourself, and every time the person you lean on walks away, you fall and wait for the next person to support you so you can stand. It's the same with love. If you love yourself, you support yourself, so everytime someone breaks up or leaves, you won't feel unloved and unworthy because you know your worth, and your value
February 20th, 2015 5:49am
Breakups are extremely difficult because they are a time of transition. Though transition can be a really good thing, it is often uncomfortable. When we are in relationships, we often find our self-identity and self-worth in the relationship and that other person. After experiencing a breakup, we have to learn how to readjust to life as an individual. It's not easy - and naturally we can feel useless and unloved. But once you change your perspective and learn to love yourself for who you are, and not what relationship you're in, the gray cloud lifts. Focus on taking care of yourself and you'll never go wrong...
January 5th, 2016 3:19pm
It's a natural thought process after every breakup. The one person who meant the world to us has let go,or we have let go of them. First thing that comes to mind is if we would ever find that same connection with someone else. We feel like there might be no other.
February 16th, 2016 1:22am
someone used to give all his/her attention to when we breakup no one give the special attention. We lose our bestfriend and someone important to us.
February 20th, 2015 11:21pm
Breakups are always hard because it can never be ended with the words 'I want to break up', there is always the question of why? is it something that you did? is there something wrong with you? You were once close to someone and it is hard to back away from that closeness. And it is ok to be sad and upset, it's normal to go through emotions following a break-up. But it doesn't mean that you are unloved and useless. Should you be struggling to move forward from a break-up, I would advise the self-help guide on this website. It may help you to think about things more clearly and more rationally about the break-up, rather than thinking in terms of how the relationship reflects you as a person.
May 24th, 2015 9:47pm
You may feel that way because you have parted with probably a big part of your life. They most likely have given you alot to remember and loseing that maybe won't have a positive impact on your feelings.
May 30th, 2015 5:04am
This is a normal reaction. Depending on how long you have been broken up the absence of constant affection and support would make anyone upset.
September 8th, 2015 6:42pm
it's perfectly normal to feel "useless and unloved" after a breakup. We invest so much time and worth and love into our partner, and we expect them to do the same. Eventually, their opinion of us holds a lot of weight for us. Breaking up with someone, even if amicably done, can trigger feeling of "unworthiness" because that person no longer wants to be your main focus, or they no longer want you as their main focus and it's hard not to take that personally, or emotionally. But that doesn't mean that we cant take the time to regain our self-worth, and establish our worthiness from within! It just takes a bit of time and some healing! Wishing you all the best! Always.
September 18th, 2015 3:18pm
It's normal to feel this way after a breakup. Breakups can be so hard and can really damage our self esteem. But after a while, many find that their happiness and worth doesn't depend on a person, and they learn to be their own friend:)
January 25th, 2016 2:39am
Because you aren't with that person that you loved everyday like you used to. So you aren't used to not hearing from them or seeing them.
June 7th, 2016 10:43pm
It's normal to feel useless and unloved after a breakup. You're still in the process of acceptance. Don't be too hard on yourself. Break ups are never easy. The important thing, after a breakup, is to concentrate on how you can make yourself feel better. Take comfort and power in the fact that you've come out on the other side. You're stronger than you think.
July 11th, 2016 12:20pm
when you no longer have somebody providing you with that support and reassurance of your value, you can feel pretty empty. the important part is that you find outside things and people that can provide you with that in a healthy manner.
January 30th, 2017 6:25am
It's normal to be a wreck after a break up. Someone comes into your life, makes you feel specia, brings light into your life. Then they leave, and they take all that good away with them. The thing is, all that good is still inside you and one day, you'll find that out for yourself.
November 20th, 2017 9:36pm
When someone who means so much to you tells you they don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore, it's easy to feel like you are not worth it.
January 30th, 2018 10:56pm
It is natural to feel so after coming out of a relationship where 2 people are dependent on each other. However, humans are great at adapting, you need to feel what your mind demands you to, don't repress it. And then, you continue with an experience you can value later and will help you in the future.
April 10th, 2018 3:21pm
I guess, little bit rejection shadows the self esteem and worthy. So no worries, with time it comes back.
April 17th, 2018 6:57am
If you are on the loosing in its not going to be easy. In the past i used to get so upset. This is life. It is hard but i learned o stay positive and busy. Do things that you feel you can to better yourself. It takes time. It is a learning experience. Try to make you a better person and a as time moves on try to do things that make you happy. Surround yourself with people who are positive. Find out more of what you need to know more about yourself. Its ok to cry. Just you are in charge i realized to forgive and be happy. You deserve to know that you are in your own life and you are aware that you are responsible for your life. I had to learn this and for me it was then i can move forward. I needed to make it through what i had really good or not to hate myself and be happy. After that i can love again another.
July 3rd, 2018 8:37pm
That is our body's way of coping with things we go though different stages after a break up shock sadness grieif and freedom
August 7th, 2018 12:01pm
At a guess from personal experience, because you blame yourself for everything. You think that because the relationship didn't last, you must somehow have messed up and are therefore no good at it. That's not true - people are complex and sometimes things just don't work out. As for feeling unloved, losing romantic love is hard as no other love is quite the same, but spend time with friends and family and tell them how you feel - hopefully they can help you see that you'll always be loved.
May 19th, 2020 6:14am
When you're in a relationship, you're used being with someone who's essentially your best friend. Someone you tell everything to, and hang out with all the time. Someone you laugh and cry with. When you experience a breakup, that communication isn't going to be the same and it's that connection that's going to make you feel unloved. That feeling is completely normal, and there's nothing wrong with feeling that way, especially when going through a breakup. Eventually what happens, is you get unused to all that contact and get used to living without that person, and that's how moving on happens. In order to do that, the most important thing is to focus on other things.
July 14th, 2020 12:39pm
In my opinion its because the other person makes you feel useless and unloved and that results in emotional instability, sadness, negative thoughts, emptiness, irritation and lack of interest in common things and even things that we like to do. But it is normal to feel all of this. What one must understand during this time is not to beg for love and attention. It is important to believe that you deserve and can get better. You must try to stay positive and think positive towards each and everything and when you put the required efforts for making yourself feel better you'll definitely be haapy :)