Why do I always say things I don't mean?

106 Answers
Last Updated: 11/11/2019 at 12:01am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Alison Humphreys, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

During the therapeutic process, individuals will learn to manage transitions, overcome obstacles and work towards their full potential .

Top Rated Answers
December 1st, 2018 12:57am
Reasons you may say things you don't mean are because you're upset, crabby, or want to be cool. You might just be upset for whatever reason and take it out by saying things you may not mean. You also might have woken up on the wrong side of the bed and are always in a crabby mood, therefore taking it out by saying things you don't mean. Another reason may be that your friends are bullying someone and you are too so you're included with your friends. If you're upset or crabby, you can take it out other ways. If your friends are bullies, you need better friends.
December 6th, 2018 9:30pm
Too many of us like to try to "one-up" others regardless of the situation. If you feel that you're always saying things that you don't mean, try asking yourself why you feel the need to say something that has no meaning or bearing on the conversation/situation/etc. That's always a good start. You can always also try to think back to a few past events where you said something that you wish you hadn't and try to figure out what led you to saying something that you feel shouldn't have been said. There's a reason for why we do the things we do. It's up to you to try to figure out what your reason is.
December 9th, 2018 3:11pm
Sometimes I say them as a defense mechanism to protect myself. If someone has hurt me I want to retaliate so that it does not hurt as much, but I end up saying things I don't mean. Sometimes we can't help but say the things we do not mean but when we do, we should apologize as soon as we can so that we do not hurt the other person. If you are looking to stop this, try walking away when you get frustrated so that you do not get frustrated enough to say things you do not mean.
December 13th, 2018 5:54am
I say things I don’t mean sometimes because I don’t understand what I’m feeling. To have insight enough to know this and to ask for compassion and understanding with oneself (and hopefully, from others as well) is essential, because as feeling beings, we all know what it’s like to be confused about our thoughts and feelings. It does occur to me though that perhaps we say things we ‘don’t mean’, because on some deeper level, we do or did mean it. Perhaps what we said has more to do with us than with the person it landed on. Asking oneself the question ‘what part of me might have meant what I said’ is helpful, as again, perhaps, we did mean it, but didn’t use the right words, or didn’t realize what we said had more to do with us - our own stuff - than with anyone else. Another useful question is, ‘what part of me is asking for compassion about what I said that I wish I had not said’. This one lends a lot of insight. It helps to be kind and gentle with ourselves when we are confused about who we are and why we do the things we sometimes do.
January 9th, 2019 8:21pm
Its natural to confuse your words with what you actually mean or want to say. Sometimes you can feel pressured to speak and act in a certain way. Or you could just struggle with explaining your ideas/opinions correctly. If you're in a situation where you feel forced to act in a certain way then address that to those people because you should never really feel forced to do anything. However, if you feel unsafe doing so then talk to someone outside of the situation. Talking goes a long way. If you are on the other spectrum where you find articulating your words properly then just simply practice. Go over them in your head first and form the sentence you want to.
January 27th, 2019 12:43pm
Those things that you say even when you don't mean them, are sometimes the thoughts of your inner mind. We all an inner mind whose thoughts are not always felt by everyone. So maybe you're just saying the things that your subconscious mind wants to say. But there could be times when you end up speaking up things that are totally inappropriate. At those times, take time for yourself and talk to yourself when you're alone. Ask yourself why you said those and you will be astonished to get your own answers as on why you end up saying such things. Hope this helps.
April 3rd, 2019 3:49am
You may say things that you don't mean because you are in an emotional or confused state. When emotions get the best of us, they can make us do things or say things we don't mean. Anger is usually the number one emotion that can trigger something like this. When we are angry we tend to say things to hurt another person regardless of our relationship with them. That is why its always good to let your anger out in productive ways such as boxing or listening to music. Even small things like taking deep breathes and clearing your head can make your anger die down.
May 11th, 2019 9:58pm
Sometimes people say things they do not mean, in order to get approval, or avoid a difficult situation. Often times, we also say things we do not mean out of anger. If you find yourself saying things you do not mean, then try to find a way to reflect, and see how you can overcome this issue. Something that is always helpful to me is to stop and think how the things that I am about to say, may effect my future. It is a helpful reflection tool, that will often stop you from saying things that you do not mean. Hope this helps!
May 15th, 2019 10:06am
Hello. Sometimes it's okay to say things as they come to your mind. There are different reasons why you might say things you don't mean. You could be mirroring behavior which was done to you by someone dear and you have taken it as your own. You could have had a difficult experience which makes you more skeptical about being honest. You might not be in touch with your emotions and therefore feel a bit careless about the words you say. It's also possible that you feel uncomfortable and therefore feel the need to fill in the air. the question is very broad and there are so many more answers which could be possible. It would be a good idea to look at "who" you say those things you don't mean, "when" do you say those things. "what" do you expect out of saying it and "how" do you feel after the even has passed :) I hope this helps move forward
May 30th, 2019 10:58am
Dang it! I found Talk less is the best strategy to deal with this problem. And many times it serves really effective when spoken after a silence. It is always okay to deep breath and take sometime before speaking. Sometimes, it feel awkward, however, it isn't as bad as you think. Even though we do this technique we end up saying something we don't mean. sometimes visualizing what we say or write putting self in other's or audience place. This objectivity helps a lot for the leaders, speakers and actually anyone all the time. A conscious practice will eventually make you an effective communication.
July 7th, 2019 8:02pm
There are many reasons why people might say things that they don't really mean. One of those reasons could be because they are trying to fit in or be accepted by group of people or an individual. Another reason could be because they want to believe that what they are saying is true even if it really isn't. Sometimes I find myself saying things that I don't mean when I am really angry. The truth is that under the effects of anger people can lose control of their actions and their words. This is why in the heat of the moment people might blurt out things that are in no way, shape, or form true. Those are just three of the many reasons why you might say things that you don't really mean. If you ever want to talk more about this then don't hesitate to shoot me a quick message, I would love to touch base with you on this topic and hear your side of things. ♡ ♡ ♡
July 28th, 2019 7:06am
I relate to this question quite a bit. I find that I tend to overreact and overthink things a lot so I go to drastic decisions that I don't really mean. The best advice I can give you is be more conscious about thinking about what you're going to say before you say it and be careful about who you say it to. If you tell the wrong things to the wrong person, that can get around and then more people know something that you didn't really mean. It is hard to do but it is so worth it in the end. :)
October 24th, 2019 12:12am
From my own observation, I believe it is because of our unwillingness to be vulnerable or seeing others being vulnerable. For example, in many social situations, we exchange many pleasantries that we do not necessarily mean. We may make benign white lies because we want to avoid confronting with situations where uncomfortable feelings may arise. Another example would be when we lash out to others, feel sorry later, but have trouble apologizing afterwards. In this situation, we are afraid to show others that we are sorry because we fear that others would take advantage of us emotionally. So, in this way, words are often used as defenses to protect us from experiencing difficult emotions.
October 25th, 2019 6:50am
There’s many reasons why we can say things we don’t mean and it’s important that you find out what’s yours! It could be because of ego issues or impulsiveness or just anger issues. A lot of us tend to say things we don’t mean when we’re angry and I’m guilty of that as well. Perhaps you could try to evaluate and think of the moments when you’ve said you don’t mean - why did you reacted in that way? Was it because you didn’t like what the other party say and you wanted to give your stand? All the best in finding out! Please engage a listener when you’re comfortable to talk about it.
October 30th, 2019 3:37am
It's normal to make mistakes like these where the words just don't come out right and they sound more mean or opposite to what and how we were trying to communicate. Every human being goes through this. And I know you may feel like you always do this, though I'm sure there are times when you said things correctly, even if it's a question, a greeting, a reply, a message, a chat. Do you actually "always" make those mistakes, or do you mean you do it commonly? How common though? Maybe they're just made occasionally, though you may remember and keep thinking about the times you felt like messed up in saying something, and so you remember it better than the times you said somethings correctly. Because like I said earlier, it's normal to make mistakes like these and every person does them. You're not alone going through this. 💕
November 11th, 2019 12:01am
I try not to consciously after devastating mistakes....All of which were due to anger or rage or deep sadness...Not to mention being on drugs...Bottom line is that words are like daggers...My regrets have increased my awareness of what I say and how I say it...I am far far from perfect...I only try be a little better and do a little better than last time........ I for one do forgive what people say...I have been on the receiving end of SO much verbal assault that I am almost numb to it...I try to be honest with everyone, but also tactful and aware of the power of words...