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Why do I always say things I don't mean?

169 Answers
Last Updated: 03/11/2022 at 6:47pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lisa Groesz, PhD


With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.

Top Rated Answers
April 18th, 2020 5:52pm
I think that I end up saying things I don't mean when I react out of my emotions. I know from previous experiences and even now, when discussions get heated, we just react instead of taking a step back, breathing, and thinking about what you will say next. It's so easy to just let all of your emotions fly out of your mouth and before you know it, things blow up and then later on regret what you said. I also think, sometimes, when you say things you don't mean could be just a front so your real feelings are not put out on display for others to see the real you
April 24th, 2020 9:19pm
Usually, people will say things they do not necessarily mean nor believe is due to the belief in denial. It is inevitable because of the judgment and ridicule people will envelop within themselves; Therefore, deception will pop in and say things while the "host (AKA you)" will be in autopilot, this then can and will show those people questioning you that you are either doing alright or whatever feeling that the deception believes the emotion should be in any circumstance within the conversation with that person or persons. Some may even believe that this deception in your brain is a good liar because of the ability to calm people down when on the verge of a panic attack or something worse.
May 3rd, 2020 4:20pm
It is simply because of our emotions. I don’t know a scientific explanation to this but it happens sometimes to us . Our emotions tend to say something we don’t really mean . Sometimes the things we say just happens instantly. This is mostly when we are mad at someone right ? You’re so angry that you couldn’t say something anymore. Maybe you where hurt in what somebody said to you .. so in return you say something bad back to that person.. also.. sometimes there are times we don’t mean it but It already formulated in the back of our minds . So when we say it to a person It sounds bad but it was just your comprehension
May 9th, 2020 10:55am
Saying things we don't mean are things that happen to everyone. Everyone gets mad, everyone gets annoyed, everyone says things that we don't mean. There are also some simple ways we could perhaps try to prevent ourselves from saying these things. We could try counting to 10 when we get mad and try to get that mindful sense of all the negativity draining from us. Or, we could try telling the person we're possibly mad at, "I feel as though..." - saying "You did/You are" never ends well as it can come across as accusative. We could even try both of these and see which works best for us.
May 30th, 2020 10:44am
Sometimes, saying things we don't mean is our brain's way of protecting ourselves. Just like my friend. She is always mean and rude but she is a really good friend when you get to know her. When we went to our retreat, the priest said that she's only being like that because she doesn't want herself to be hurt in any way. It could also be that you have a problem expressing yourself to others. Maybe you need someone to assist you. Take time to think about the things that trigger you to say something you don't mean. Also, think of the words carefully first before talking. That way, you can refrain from saying things you don't mean. You could also let people know that you don't mean the things you just said. Try to make people understand you more by giving them clear explanations, slowly but surely.
July 2nd, 2020 1:28am
Sometimes, we don't always mean to say things that we don't intend to say. In my opinion, our emotions sometimes tend to get the best of us. When you feel really angry at a person, sometimes you can want to hurt them verbally and emotionally the way they hurt you. This is one of those instances of saying something you don't mean. It's hard to control, it takes a lot of practice. I believe that with practice, you can overcome the difficulty of saying things you do not mean. Try to put yourself in the person who is receiving what you are saying's shoes. Would you want to hear that? Would that hurt your feelings?
July 10th, 2020 2:31am
It sounds like sometimes you respond to people in ways that you later regret. What feelings lead up to you saying these things? Would you say this is done out of anger or frustration, or are you not even trying to be hurtful during these instances? How do you later wish you had responded instead, and what do you think gets in the way of you responding this way initially? I can't really give you advice about why this is, but I can try to help you think about it in different ways so that maybe you can answer this yourself.
July 24th, 2020 7:42pm
You say things that you don’t mean because of a few different possibilities. One you may not be thinking, two you may be mad, three you are sad, four someone said something about you so you just think you should say it. Something you can do if that does happen is to say sorry and explain what you did and example is... I am so sorry for saying that mean thing about you I am just going through a hard time and was not thinking clearly please forgive me and is there anything I can do to get your trust again? Thanks.
July 25th, 2020 6:46am
Sometimes I say things I don't mean when I let my emotions overcome me. When I'm in those situations I always take a step back and think through what I'm saying to see if its rational. For example; if I am getting in trouble sometimes I will yell things back as a result of my anxiety often leading to more trouble then before. Often snapping back causes more damage than taking a moment to think aboutwhat you are saying. Everytime I slip up and say things I don't really mean I take it as a learning experience and look for what triggered it to try and combat that next time.
July 30th, 2020 3:10pm
There's quite a few possible reasons for this. Maybe you paniced as you didn't expect it to happen and you've just said something that just slipped out of your mouth which is completely normal, most people expereince something similar to this. Or maybe it was due to anger and you're saying things with a purpose at that present time but thinking back you're regretting it. Most of the time if something like this happens, I believe there is a reason or at least a subconsious reason to it. Take a look inside yourself, what are you feeling towards this situation.
August 6th, 2020 6:49pm
It's most likely because you may have trouble portraying your real feelings because you're scared to, or you're worried about being judged so you say things that you think other people want to hear and before you say anything think will this hurt the persons felling or will it make them happpy and if you have said something you didnt mean say sorry then work on what not to say next time as you dont want to make the same mistake 2 times and its ok now and again to say some thing you regret just say sorry if you do
August 22nd, 2020 12:03am
You may say things you don't mean as a defense mechanism towards your true feelings. Certain people or situations may trigger a strong emotion that you are trying to cover up. In your attempt to cover your true feelings you may be telling someone a lie or being harsh with no regard to their feelings because you are subconsciously protecting your own. Try to take the time to think back to certain situations in which you have said something you don't mean to someone and see if you can notice anything that may have triggered a strong emotion. Were you feeling jealous about what someone had or got to do? Maybe someone's trauma triggered your own emotions to a similar situation you had which caused a harsh response because you wanted to move away from the topic. Sometimes our brain is so focused on protecting ourselves that we forget how to be empathetic towards others. Don't beat yourself up over what you have said in the past, instead focus on what may be truly bothering you and reflect on those emotions. It's okay to not be okay all of the time.
August 22nd, 2020 10:37pm
You might say things you do not mean because you are afraid of saying things you do mean. Speaking things you mean is portraying your real feelings. You might be too afraid and scared to say what you think because of what other people think. You might be afraid of being judged or criticized for what you believe. It could also mean that you are restraining yourself from expressing your true emotions. You always see these characters in television that are emotionally unavailable and usually, they have a hard time speaking what they truly mean and expressing their actual true feelings.
August 23rd, 2020 7:14pm
Sometimes we do say things that we mean - at that we want others to know exactly how we really feel, and at that moment we have the courage to share that. Conversely, when we say things we don't mean, it is often because we are either scared for various reasons to share how we really feel - scared of how others might react or judge us for sharing that - or for a different goal than communicating what we really mean, like trying to come off a certain way or evoke a desired reaction from others. One instance where I would say things I don't mean was with romantic interests - when our emotions run high, our desire for a certain emotional reaction often also increases. Similarly, we are especially sensitive to judgements from those that we think highly of, yet at the same time haven't yet developed the trust and confidence to fully share ourselves with them.
October 8th, 2020 6:34pm
We sometimes are so concerned and worried about what others think of us that we say things that are not true to our feelings and more of what we think we should say, even though that is not what we mean. Losing confidence in your own words can create the opposite reaction of saying what we really don't mean and can cause more conflict than there was initially. Be kind in your words and compassionate to the other person, but be true to yourself and your feelings and not cause more anxiety or stress on ourselves than needed.
October 16th, 2020 7:29pm
Human nature has a weird way of causing each of us to be impulsive in our own way, including saying things that you don't mean. It is likely that you may need to give yourself more time to process what you are going to say without just letting it come out. Before responding to another person, take a deep breath and let your thoughts gather then you may notice you will have an easier time saying what you mean instead of blurting out the first ideas that pop up in your mind. I find that giving yourself the few extra moments makes a bug difference.
October 17th, 2020 2:38am
Sometimes we have moments where our emotions override what our brains may deem rational. Everyone does it, so don't beat yourself up about it :) it's okay to regret what you've said, but be sure to show yourself compassion and empathy when reflecting. When I tend to let things slip, I try my best to avoid saying those things again. It takes time to work on not making irrational statements, and we have to have patience with ourselves when navigating those rough waters. For now, take a deep breath, and let yourself know that you are not defined by your mistakes.
October 18th, 2020 10:02pm
First of all, it's completely normal because you're human. Sometimes our anger, sadness, or pain can make our minds cloudy. Pain and anger are really strong feelings and you can easily fall into their arms seeking to elevate your ego so that you can feel "okay" in the moment. So, it's not a bad thing, you do it to protect yourself. The thing here is that it's important to let people around you understand that you don't mean the things you say when you're sad or when you're mad. Communication is everything and talking to them can help your relationships a lot.
October 29th, 2020 6:01am
As i would i always say to myself and others "Our brain is biological machine, it will do the way we program it to do", so the environments we are exposed to are filled with this naturally where we often sometimes out of anger or frustration say things which really dont reflect how i want something to be done. e.g If a child had stolen some money out of his/her fathers purse, mother gets angry and she says she would cut his/her tongue off, so she didn't meant to cut off the tongue, sometimes it is a result of improper language and mismanagement of emotions and thoughts..
October 29th, 2020 9:44am
Simple logic is when you gets hurt emotionally you want to show it and hurting others sometimes is a sign thah you are hurt by them but you are unable to express it and now you are saying things you don't mwan to hurt them equally, to show them how much they hurt you. Sometimes when we are emotionally attach with someone and that person does something bad or not giving us the equal love and affection we are giving to them makes us vulnerable. To solve that try to find a path to express your feelings in a positive way. Don't hold back and wait for the situation to get worst
November 11th, 2020 6:44pm
Speaking does not come easily for many people. Even people who are eloquent and well-spoken sometimes have difficulty expressing themselves meaningfully or appropriately. So, your concern is a very common difficulty. When we say things we don't mean, often it is the result of feeling pressured, having to speak quickly without adequate time to consider our answers, or simply not having reflected on what we wish to communicate and how we can best communicate it in a kind, honest, and tactful way. Some solutions you might consider are not allowing yourself to feel pressured or rushed to respond at the drop of a hat, or, setting boundaries so people don't expect you to. One response I use when I don't have the answer I feel would be best is: "That's a great question, and it's important to me to answer it meaningfully. I want to give that question the time it deserves, so I'd love to get back to you about that." You might also consider hashing out different likely conversational topics, so you know what you want to say and how you mean to say it, in advance. Reflecting on your own about your feelings is also a great option, so your feelings don't get away from you mid-conversation causing you to say something you don't mean.
November 15th, 2020 8:09am
I have always had issues with lying. It was pathological at a certain point, I would lie to Starbucks baristas, to my friends, to anyone really and I never realized it was an issue until a loved one reacted poorly to the revelation I lied so often. I realized (a long way into my recovery journey) that lying was a way to protect myself. From difficult conversations, from heartbreak, and most importantly from not being perfect. If you lied about yourself, even small details like what you ate and what you were doing or interesting stories that aren't true, you get to control everything and make everyone think you are perfect, even when you know you're not. And while saying things you don't mean may make you feel like a bad person and it could be something you want to change desperately, be gentle with yourself. Your brain is trying to protect you, it's always trying to protect you and sometimes white lies are what you need to do to make it through that particular moment. And surviving is nothing to be ashamed of.
November 15th, 2020 9:00pm
Sometimes it is hard to hold back things you want to say on impulse even if you do not mean them. It is easy to act and say out of impulse, especially in a stressful situation. We are complex and our emotions tend to take over in certain situations. It is easy to blurt or have quick responses without thinking through the weight and meaning of the words that are said. It might be easier to take a moment and think about what will be said before speaking out loud and not being able to take those words back.
November 22nd, 2020 7:22pm
If you want to stop saying things without thinking, the first step is to become more aware of the behavior. Spend some time noticing the things you say each day and try to identify the times when you said things without thinking. Both can be true. However, most often we say things we don't mean when we are angry. Anger is what neuroscientists call a hyperaroused state. ... However, most often we say things we don't mean when we are angry. In a fit of anger or in frustration, we say things we don't mean when we lose control of our emotions. We act first instead of thinking it through and hurt the other person with our words. We all say things we don't mean - to our friends, family, or even strangers. When you say something facetiously, you don't really mean it — you're joking.
November 26th, 2020 3:40pm
Well, sometimes it is well-intentioned, and is perceived as an insult. You can say YES or NO and the person can think you are being facetious. This can happen to listeners, to members, to anyone in the real world out there. Sometimes you feel two different opinions, or emotions, and one of those just comes out, For example, apples are good for you, but eating too much apple sauce, or eating the chemicals on the peel, might be bad. When you say "did you wash that apple?" or "eating apple sauce (or apple pie) again??!" might come out like you are hating the person, but, in reality, you are actually saying something so as to try and prevent pesiticide or insecticide poisoning, or preventing obesity. Also, if you are yourself hungry, you might be jealous and want the apple. We have to realize we are born sinners. People need to be forgiven, and we need the Lord's Prayer more.
December 4th, 2020 6:30pm
Your emotions might be influencing your words. It's important to pay attention to how you feel so that those feelings don't become overwhelming to the point where you can't control them. It's also important to talk about problems so that they don't build up on you. Holding it in will just make it worse and you'll end up bursting. It's often advised to think before you speak. But I think it's more important to consider both your emotions, as well as the emotions of the person you're speaking with. That way, you can communicate without hurting anyone. It all comes down to managing your emotions and making sure that they don't override your thoughts and actions.
December 9th, 2020 7:28pm
I think this happens when we get lost in our feelings and don't know how to express it. The words you say can come out more harsh than in your mind and that is perfectly ok. You must find a method to control the anger you feel and maybe calm yourself before you speak. When we say things we don't mean it's usually because we always have that voice that says the opposite of what we want in our mind. When rage takes over the voice does as well and we do this in order to protect ourselves. So to answer the question you things you don't mean because you want to say so much but you're emotions are so heightened that you only say a part of what you want to.
December 16th, 2020 6:50pm
I say things I do not mean when I am frustrated or my frustrations have been building up so I let them out all at once, causing me to say hurtful things I would not normally say. It is important to discuss issues or problems are they arise, not after a couple of weeks, because that anger builds up. Another thing I do not say things I don't mean is to write down my frustrations and thoughts, so I can organize them better and understand them. We all make mistakes as humans and say things we don't mean, but we can all work on ourselves and how we feel to prevent this from happening.
January 1st, 2021 12:05am
Sometimes when we feel stressed, anxious or we are not really sure what we are feeling, we tend to say things we do not mean. Nobody is perfect and sometimes things just come out of our mouths and we have no idea why that happened. Most of the time, when people say things they do not mean it is because they are overwhelmed with emotion whether that is happy, sad, angry, etc. and things just come out. It is good to recognize when we say something we may not mean and revisit that to apologize or clear the air with the person who you spoke to. We are all human, humans make mistakes. It is important to learn and grow from those mistakes to become better versions of ourself.
January 8th, 2021 11:37am
It's difficult to control yourself sometimes and it's completely natural. By finding the right ways and the motivation you can change that. There are also very good exercises like numbering before you say something or breathing techniques you could use in order to achieve a control. Although it's impossible to control completely your mind because of our nature as human beings! You can always talk and discuss with other people who will understand and don't forget that we all do that it's the power of the high sentiments. Sometimes it's so difficult to be under control when you are furious or very sad, overwhelmed so don't be ashamed of something this natural. Consistance and motivation is the clue!