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Why do I feel like I'm cheating on him still, even though we broke up months ago?

172 Answers
Last Updated: 05/07/2022 at 1:54pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
India
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Smita Joshi, BA Psychology / MA / Advanced EFT Practitioner

Counselor

I am empathetic with my Clients going through emotional overwhelm and passionate in helping them. I am supportive, openminded & interactive in helping my clients.

Top Rated Answers
violetvioleta
May 12th, 2018 3:25pm
It is okay to feel this way, I had the same experience after my breakup. Your heart may still think about them and it may just mean you need to take time for yourself more.
Anonymous
May 16th, 2018 1:06am
Maybe you still have not let go completely of the relationship and moved on. That would bring you to feel like you are cheating on him when you're no longer together.
Suenami
May 19th, 2018 7:45pm
You’re still hung up on your past relationship and you can try to get that back or move on. Don’t be in that standoff. Take control of your life. If you’re not in a relationship you’re not cheating
Anonymous
May 20th, 2018 11:41am
Maybe you are trapped in that past, like you think you aren't enough for him because of what you did? Whatever you need, you can count with me to help you more deep into this
Caroline1908
June 24th, 2018 4:24pm
It can take a while to process loss, and that's exactly what's happening when you experience a breakup. Even though the person may not be dead, it's still a loss because you're not with the person anymore and it takes time to process that. When you go out with other people, you may not fully be emotionally detached from your ex, which is why feelings of guilt may come in. When this happens, it's best to take some time away from dating to let yourself heal from what you've been through. Talking about it, journaling, etc, are great ways of coping.
Anonymous
June 27th, 2018 6:58pm
There is no time frame on your emotions. You don't have to feel guilty for having unresolved feelings, you're human and don't have an off switch for your emotions. However, you should probably discuss this with your current partner in view of all honesty. And if you want, venting or discussing this could help you get closure!
loveRecklessly
June 30th, 2018 4:38pm
I understand completely and went through something similar in my past. For me, I had to take time to realize that they will always hold a piece of my heart and they should cherish that piece because it is beautiful. But, it was only a piece, they do not hold onto you anymore and you have the right to try and find happiness with someone new and so do they.
Anonymous
July 1st, 2018 1:06am
you might feel this way because you still have the image of you guys together. which causes you to feel this way
Anonymous
July 24th, 2018 5:41pm
Maybe you aren't over him yet? Maybe you still hold a connection with him in your heart. Or you could just be so used to him that someone new feels too foreign.
kindElementary11
July 25th, 2018 6:05am
It might be because you still feel that there's an attachment with him. Part of you hasn't let go of him yet.
Allears247
July 25th, 2018 10:08am
Because when you grow accustom to being with someone and the relationship ends it can take a while for you to feel like the relationship is emotionally over. If you feel like you are still together and see someone else it will cause this feeling.
uniqueOasis12
July 28th, 2018 3:11am
Perhaps you still have feelings for him? I believe in order to completely move on, you must make sure you have deleted any and everything that reminds you of him including pictures, messages, letters, etc. This may be very hard but in the end, it should be a lot of help.
StayStrong152
August 2nd, 2018 4:11am
If you're still emotionally involved with him, or still physically involved with him- its going to feel like you're betraying him.
Eveninglivvie
August 2nd, 2018 10:53am
It sounds like you still care about him deeply and may still be in love with him. I would take a day to truly try to understand how you really feel about this person.
magicallyNutella29
August 8th, 2018 10:44am
You are most probably not over him, if you and him are still close then it might feel like the relationship never ended. Also, in your new relationship you might feel that something is missing and that it isn’t as good as your old relationship.
Anonymous
August 8th, 2018 3:42pm
I had something similar happen to me a while ago. I was nursing wounds from a immature relationship that lasted for 3 years. I was practically dumped. I had a hard time believing that she was gone. Whenever I d meet someone else, I felt like I was cheating on her and always imagined that she would come back one day and look down at me for moving on. I think the reason it feels like cheating is because you still believe that you can get back with him. Reason it out. If it's over for good, take your time to accept that.
goldenApple91
August 15th, 2018 3:33am
I guess you haven’t let go or think there’s still hope or you know it will hurt him. Also it might hurt you to know he’s with someone else.
LovelyNebula
August 15th, 2018 4:39am
You may have those feelings for him still. You are stuck in that thought of still being with him. But there is nothing wrong with that at all. Just remember that you guys are longer together so you are not cheating despite those feelings.
Anonymous
August 23rd, 2018 5:35am
I believe that this is because emotionally you are still invested in him and your past relationship, so much so that it feels wrong to be like that with anyone else. At this stage, you are still healing from your experience with him. Just remember, time heals everything and eventually feelings fade, it's still fresh with you right now as it has only been a few months. Focus on yourself and loving yourself before trying to love another person, especially if you haven't had enough time to mourn your past relationship. I understand how you could feel guilty, like how cheating would probably make you feel, but just remember that you are moving forward x
Anonymous
August 26th, 2018 10:29am
It is normal to think of a past partner for quite some time after a break up. It may take some time to fully get over a past love, so be kind with yourself. We quickly form strong attachments on a physiological level, so there needs to be time to heal your heart. It is a part of the reacclimatizing back to you. Focus on growing yourself and being reflective about what that relationship taught you, don’t just look for another partner to shift away from any longing or heartache you may feel. You will build a self-resilience if you own the feelings and thoughts that surface from time to time. Be kind to yourself and resist judging yourself for your mind wandering back. It’s all a part of being human. Focus on what you learned about you from that relationship so you feel empowered over victimized.Things happen for a reason, accept it and make peace or deny it and ruin your mood over something that you don't have any control. Your happiness matters most other than your relationship status. The faster you move on,the more your Future you will thank you, believe me.
Anonymous
September 6th, 2018 7:33pm
Because you still feel a sense of attachment to him. Even though you are not with him anymore you still feel attached. Maybe the relationship was ended recently so the wounds haven't been properly healed. You can find time to think about it more and see ways in which you can move forward. Either by moving on or reconciling. Its up to you. Or better yet find yourself so that you can know what you really want and that what you do is for your benefit. In the end its normal to feel like this if you were close or in love with the person.
Anonymous
October 14th, 2018 1:44am
You most likely still feel committed to him. You most likely cared about him and have still yet to let him go. It is sometimes hard to let go of relationships especially when you enjoyed them. Guilt is hard to let go of, it makes you feel like you are in the wrong, even after the event has happened. If the person has forgiven you, then you need to forgive yourself. It is hard but you should realize that it isn't impossible for you to forgive youself, even in these situations. Anxiety over this kind of thing is common.
Anonymous
October 20th, 2018 10:44pm
When we are in a relationship especially a long term one, we have a tendency to carry those feelings with us. When we truly care for someone it can be incredibly hard to put our feelings for that person aside. When we find a new relationship those feelings can crop up and cause us alot of confusion. No matter how hard we try not to think about it those feelings are a part of us and we feel like we are cheating on someone we cared about. This can be very confusing and painful and lead us to thinking about the other person.
ryanjsmith
October 21st, 2018 3:05pm
Letting go of someone can be difficult, especially if you were with them for a long time and felt really in love with them. They become a part of your life, more like a lifestyle, and when that gets taken away it can be tough. You need to remember that you don't owe him anything, and you two are seperate now. You deserve to be happy and therefore you need to do things for yourself to stay happy, or else you'll be stuck with these thoughts forever. You might still feel attached to him; it can be difficult to let go, but you're free to do what you wish now, so just try to enjoy yourself now and forget all about him.
Anonymous
October 27th, 2018 6:31am
maybe you're too attatched, grasping on to the idea that youre still together when youre not. taking time to address the fact that you're not together is the best you can do. imagining the little things without him, trying to grasp ahold of a future without him. breakups are a hard emotional overload on anyone and everyone, so what youre feeling not abnormal, talking to someone wether its a counsilor, a therapist, friend, family member, or even a colleague. talking about youre emotional distress is not a sign of weekness but a sign of 'im aware im not alright and need to talk to someone' which is a good thing.
9hereforyou9
November 23rd, 2018 2:32pm
I think you just got so used to being with him and it’s hard to break out of that mindset. It is kind of simillar to a routine. You get used to it, but once you change routines it’s a little harder to remember what’s next. The thing is that you changed your routine for the better. You did this so you can go out and have some fun, and enjoy lige. It is completely natural for you to miss him or feel bad for going out. You may think that a month is a long time, but when you think about it, not that long has passed since your split. It takes time. Don’t worry. :)
colourfulWillow64
December 2nd, 2018 5:36pm
You may feel this way because you may have loved him. In a way you are still connected to him and still hope he comes back. Honestly, you are not cheating it only feels that way maybe because of the way it ended. You could try and get closure from him and see if there is any way you can get back together if you still have feelings for him. Ask people for support maybe try to move on if thats what you are seeking. But this really sounds like you still have feelings for him if you are feeling that way
radiantShoulder34
December 13th, 2018 10:20pm
This is more common than you'd think. Sometimes we get so used to relationships that even when they end it doesn't fully register in our brains that its over. It is hard to go back to single life without feeling a little bit of guilt. I think the first thing to do would be to acknowledge that you shouldn't be feeling guilty. The second would be to realise that if you are still thinking about your ex while with other boys then you are probably not over him and its best to take some more time off before jumping back into the game.
dazedonlife
January 10th, 2019 9:20am
From my experience, Your mind and body would be use to the routine of waking up, With him being the first thing on your mind and the last thing as you sleep, Your lips would still have the shadow of his pressed against yours, The point i'm making is, Depending on how long you were together your mind has not realized you aren't together, Or maybe its lingering on the chance that there is hope, To rid of these feelings, Its best you take a vacation, Even if its just to your own mind, Find an hour in the day, Play music, Any genre, Mine personally would be the rock genre, And feel the pain, feel the love, Cry and scream, Shout it all out, And don't stop till his shadows are gone :)
Danielle1975
January 27th, 2019 7:40pm
it sounds like you may not be completely over him, it take time to heal from a break up and sometimes pushing yourself back out there doesn't help you need to grieve properly you have lost a person in your life and it god damn hurts. like anything it takes time just take one step at a time. You're not cheating on him but it does sound like you're not over him 100% try removing him from every social platform delete your pictures together and his number it all starts from removing him from your life completely good luck :)