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Why do I feel like I'm cheating on him still, even though we broke up months ago?

172 Answers
Last Updated: 05/07/2022 at 1:54pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
India
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Smita Joshi, BA Psychology / MA / Advanced EFT Practitioner

Counselor

I am empathetic with my Clients going through emotional overwhelm and passionate in helping them. I am supportive, openminded & interactive in helping my clients.

Top Rated Answers
itshaley
February 21st, 2019 11:22am
It means you’re not over him, but there’s nothing bad about it. He was your love, and just because things didn’t work out as expected, doesn’t it mean you can’t have feelings for him anymore. Perhaps take a break from dating for a while, focus on your friends. Talk to him maybe? Maybe he feels the same way? Breakups are hard and sometimes it’s very hard to get over him, but you have to try. I know I said talk to him about it, but you still can get over him. Be aware that you guys aren’t a thing anymore, so you can date whoever you want though!
PeacefulPanda
April 12th, 2019 2:00pm
Emotional attachments can last a long time. Grief can also last a long time. If we form a tight bond, then moving forward can feel very unusual because we have formed very strong neural connections around that person in our brains. It will change with time, we don't forget them but our lives grow around our past so that our past forms the history and grounding for our present experiences. Try to practice self-compassion and self-care in the meantime. If you are happy with the progression of events and are not wishing for things to be different then remember that you are not cheating on him and that feeling will change with time :) Good luck!
Anonymous
July 6th, 2019 12:12pm
This is because it’s still fresh and you haven’t given yourself the closure that you need in order to move on without the guilt that you are cheating. Ask yourself if you are happy the way things ended and you got the answers to questions that were left unspoken. You have memories and happy moments that you will hold onto forever, you don’t have to forget them just because you’ve broken up. You can still hold onto them, however you may feel like you are cheating on him because of the memories you are holding onto. The next step is learning how to move on without the guilt of holding onto the memories
Prakashyourfriend
August 9th, 2019 4:01pm
Maybe because your heart never really broke up with his.Maybe your heart cannot break up with him or just cannot fit someone else in. You can try focusing your thoughts and feelings by meditating. i t can really help you to find out what you really want in life. It is not always very easy to understand our feelings but not finding the solution is not the option. Maybe you can try removing his memories from your mind. I know its not as easily done as its said but you have to try. Thats the best thing i can tell you.
Cody17
August 16th, 2019 8:13pm
Because your heart is still there. Maybe you need to take time to learn and understand yourself before you move on. Life is too short to be unhappy and to not love yourself. Maybe you still have feelings for him and love him despite the fact you broke up months ago. You can also be feeling grief if you broke up on bad terms and therefore your mind may want to clear the air with him before you move on. Life can be difficult and therefore it is sometimes hard to understand our feelings. Don’t rush into things with someone new if your heart still isn’t recovered
Anonymous
September 5th, 2019 1:35am
Breaking up with someone can and might take some time getting used to especially if we where with them for a longer period. The feeling your cheating on them might be because of the connection you had with them. I know when I broke up with my partner of 7 years it took me a very long time to be able to move on. I know for me during that time self reflection and self care was very important I did what I needed to do to make me happy. I do hope all the best.
Anonymous
September 5th, 2019 9:09am
If you feel like you have been cheating your partner even after you have broken up with him/her about months ago. That would be because you are still not moved on. Basically you are still in love with your partner. Your heart and mind still feels like you should be loyal to the one you love. It can be very frustrating at times. However, its good to realize that life is not all about being the same person forever. Sometimes we have to realize that somethings are better off without us and we need to leave it as it is if that is causing us any harm or mental torture.
lilpuppy
September 27th, 2019 7:37am
Maybe, because you still feel emotionally connected to him. In your mind, you are still together, though in reality, the situation is different. It takes time to move on from a break up, especially if the relationship was a significant one. It's okay to feel those confusing, mixed emotions in the aftermath. And there's no shame in feeling what you are feeling or thinking what you are thinking. Give yourself that time and space to heal and to recover. You might not be able to forget someone you once shared memories with, but over time, the attachment tends to lessen and slowly, day by day, things seem to be getting slightly easier. So, take that time.
Anonymous
October 3rd, 2019 3:37pm
Maybe the guilt stayed with you even after you broke up. You may be feeling guilty that you breaking up was the cause of you having that relationship. Guilt is ok. It shows you know what you did was wrong and you feel the slightest bit of remorse. As time goes by you may learn to shed that guilt. You will eventually not feel guilty and you will learn to understand how to move on. To forgive and forget. It is never easy, but time will tell and show you soon. Good luck with your soon future relationships!
Anonymous
January 5th, 2020 4:29pm
That's probably because you still love him honey and you just can't accept the fact that it's over between you two so it's only logical that you see him in other guys and his on your mind everywhere you go so please baby girl it's not to late maybe he feels the same way and you can still find out whether he still likes you. You are in love and you deserve all the happiness in the world so I say go for it love you only live once and you need to get your answers and when you do you have to leave happy.
bellarina74
January 31st, 2020 9:15pm
You still have strong feelings for the person you were involved with and may not be ready for new relationships yet if you are feeling this way. Take your time moving forward. Grieve the loss of the previous relationship and become independent of your ex partner. Finding yourself and reflecting on your previous relationship will ensure you are trying not to repeat the same behaviors which contributed to the break up to begin with. Try spending time with friends and family who are independent of him and have your best interests at heart. You will be surprised how quickly you find yourself again when you surround yourself with people that care for you.
brightRiver5164
February 8th, 2020 8:39am
Maybe your heart still beats for him. it is better to move on. Do not overthink about it. clear your mind from all thought of him. Do what you like, involve yourself in activities that keeps you busy, do not avoid places where you visited with him. keep a good friend close to you, spend more time with your friends. go out places and enjoy weather,evening and your favorite food. Cut him completely from your life. Do not make a full stop on your life just because someone betrayed you. Don't stop and keep doing good work in your life.
sunshineGrotto7327
March 18th, 2020 8:00pm
Its happen when we are attached with someone strongly,so its natural.Due to strong affections sometime its feels like that but its doesn't mean u are cheating with him.Love is the strongest feeling that we have. Whenever we leave our beloved someone due to some reason or without any we need some time,someone we treats us in a better way.its help like healing a wound. They works like ointment. When we don't have such people in our lives we automatically miss that's part of our daily life routines that we have leaved.so that is the basic reason why we miss or feel like we are cheating.
Niktu58
April 10th, 2020 2:26pm
There are several reason a person may feel as though they are cheating on someone that aren't intimate with any longer. It can be difficult to move on from someone we have loved and cherished and planned to have a future with. Perhaps you are a loyal person who doesn't give up on the people around you that you care about. The attachment to your ex- boyfriend was/is stronger than you expected. It might be that you aren't quite ready to move on from the relationship having left something unresolved; or your heart is telling you that to focus on yourself- taking a break from a relationship. And it may be a combination of all of these things depending on the day. Everyone processes a break up in there own time be patient with yourself.!
DrMcKenzie
April 10th, 2020 8:58pm
Sometimes when we are so attached to someone it is hard to annul those feelings. We associate them with every aspect of day to day living, so when they are gone it seems wrong to do those things without them. We find it hard to disassociate them, especially if we did not get closure in the relationship. I find it helpful to try and associate those situations with smells, or emotions, maybe even a color that is popular during those activities. There is no defined way of erasing someones memory, and most of the time we don't want to. We just want to enjoy life without them.
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2020 12:13am
It can be very challenging moving on from a relationship that meant a lot to you. Even after several months you can still feel as though you haven’t moved on from the relationship. The best thing to do is to put yourself and your mental health first, deliberately engaging in positive behaviours, and only move on to dating other people when ready. I can understand that it is frustrating feeling as though you should have moved on from something which is still affecting you, but remember that you will be okay, and that although everyone heals at their own pace, you will heal.
gredondo
April 23rd, 2020 10:22pm
It is normal and completely valid to have some lingering emotions for a person you had relationship with, and shared so much with. Think about the dynamics of your relationship, and how some behaviors might have been bad for you or unhealthy. Sometimes, the past stays in our mind for long, and inhibits us to work on our current task. It really helps to be mindful, to live in the present, not the past or future. Think about how you could improve and work on yourself, instead of focusing on what others think about you. Always remember your feelings are valid but not necessarily rational.
LaylaB
April 25th, 2020 11:57pm
This simply shows how sincere you were in your relationship. Us women tend to love with all hearts, very deep and clearly there are some feelings still there which is perfectly normal. The question depends on many factors ...the type of relationship you were in, was it a mutual decision to end the relationships, were there any issues that could not be resolved or are you having second thoughts in that you feel it is worth rekindling something you may have both dismissed too early. Identify exactly how you are feeling and why ? Name your emotion. If the best thing for you was to move on, then I think it is fine to be having these blurred lines but you deserve happiness and you are now single. You deserve to do what works for you. The only way to move forward if it has been over months ago, is sometimes not to look back and to live in the present and look forward to your future. Enjoy yourself and do not feel any guilt about it.
kindperspective23
May 3rd, 2020 3:40am
You feel this way because deep inside, a part from any hardships you two may have faced, you still care about him. You don't want to let go of the love you had with him and feel guilty finding love somewhere else. Time is the best way to heal. Work on yourself, then love someone new. And if you take that time and still feel this way then maybe try reconnecting, tell him how you truly feel. Maybe he will feel the same for you as well. If not, love yourself. No one will love you as much as you.
Easylistener
May 24th, 2020 7:07pm
Sometimes we feel guilt because we haven't come to terms with the breakup. But it will pass, when you work on your feelings regarding the relationship. The hardest thing can be feeling the loss of the connection which will color your behavior going forward. Looking inside yourself is the key to working towards healing, and being honest about your feelings. We often try to fulfil objectives we had in a relationship even though it might be over, which can create feelings of guilt. Talking to someone helps, and journaling your feelings is useful too. Often you can resolve these issues by sharing how you feel with someone else.
ChrisAdvice
June 18th, 2020 4:16am
I do not know the full story, who ended it and for what reason. But sometimes there was never any real closure. Some unanswered questions as to why things worked out a certain way or why a decision was made. So many emotions piled into one conversation can prevent that from surfacing. But at the end of the day he must have been a big part of your life for a certain period, and a new chapter can feel weird and odd but through time you move on. If it was ended for the right reasons then you must look ahead.
Anonymous
June 21st, 2020 1:41am
You may still feel a connection from when you were together even though you broke up. How do you feel about the breakup that you had with him? And have you resolved everything with him? You feeling that you were cheating may be a sign that you still feel like you are together and that can lead to you feeling like you are cheating on your previous boyfriend even though you broke up. Even if you broke up months ago you still have that time that you spent together and you may still feel like you are together because of the memories you had with him.
AveryMichelle
July 23rd, 2020 1:15am
You may have not taken the time to process the breakup. Take some time on your own to process your previous relationship! It's best, I feel, to give yourself that closure you may need that's making you feel like you're cheating on him. Even if you don't get the closure from him, you can always give yourself some. You should give yourself time to heal wounds from your past relationship. I don't think you have given yourself time to do this. While that is not a bad thing, it can be dangerous, because your brain won't be able to fully move on from your ex-partner.
Anonymous
August 7th, 2020 4:04pm
You may feel like you are cheating on him even after being broken up for a few months because before the breakup, you and you partner were together for a significant amount of time. This person became such a significant person in your life and doing something now like talking to someone else may feel like you're doing something wrong knowing he would not like that you're doing this. You may still believe that he, in one way or another, is still in your life and you talking to or being with another guy will be considered cheating. Maybe there's something about him that you are still holding on to. Let it go, all of it, everything to do with him and try starting afresh.
wishfulPeace4422
August 7th, 2020 4:10pm
You have that feeling because he was recently part of your life, someone that was the one for you and even after a month you have the same feeling because it can be unusual change for you. You have a feeling of replacing him with someone else and the thought that he was recently the one next to you. Cheating can only apply to an existing relationship. If you break up, even temporarily, all previous relationship agreements not sanctioned by the state between you are then are usually considered voided until you get back together and agree to terms.
magicalrose22
August 8th, 2020 11:37pm
It could be that you have not resolved the feelings within yourself regarding your cheating so these unresolved feelings within you are still there even though you are no longer within him. Remember that you are not a 'bad' person for cheating. Everything that has happened in your past is a lesson - it is an opportunity for growth within yourself. Use acceptance as a way of releasing the past. Accept that the situation happened. Accept the way that you handled the situation. Use acceptance to move forward. It will not happen straight away but in time the feelings you have towards the situation will ease. Just remember that you were doing all you knew at the time and that time has now passed and maybe you would have done things differently now. If you look back and feel that you could have handles things in a different way that means you are learning and that is life! Be kind to your heart - no matter what you are loved.
Samanthax916
October 18th, 2020 12:17am
Usually after breakups, you still feel that attachment that you had with the person because you are so used it. It's okay to feel this way. It just takes time to move on. You shouldn't rush things to make it go away. Especially if you think dating somebody else is going to take that feeling away. Learn how to heal and find your independence. Your worth is what matters. Once you've worked on yourself internally and became the best person you can be, you wouldn't feel the need to stay loyal to your ex lover. You wouldn't feel that attachment that became a routine for you. You can get through it just trust the process.
sunnyForest6481
November 11th, 2020 10:15am
Ahhh! That dreaded question. I'm sure a lot of us have felt like that although we are not actually cheating. "Cheating" what do we know about it? We know it's bad, wrong and shouldn't be done. But do we really know what constitutes as cheating? To me, and many others, cheating is the normal hooking up, sleeping with or doing "something" with another person that is not your partner. But is there more to that definition. I think so, for some cheating can be as simple as messaging another person. But when does that become too much? Well for me, no one wants someone that is controlling to the point they can't do anything. And I can definitely say, if you are in relationship with anyone who is constantly trying to control you then GET OUT! But back to the original question. If you are feeling as though your still cheating on him even though your no longer together, it usually means that your connection or bond was stronger than you originally thought. Although that does not mean he feels the same way. If you want to talk some more. Just look me up on 7 Cups. I will get back to you as soon as possible. Hope this helps! @sunnyForest6481
DarkPiT23
November 14th, 2020 1:09pm
The simple solution is to accept the reality that anything you and your ex had is now over, that your relationship with your ex is over and you should move on. Alternate solutions are to stop speaking to another girl, as if that's the cause for you feeling that way, stopping that behavior will likely stop that feeling. Or go back to your ex, which is what I'd guess is what you want to do and hence the reason why you feel this way. Maybe after your ex tells you that "it's over" for the Nth time you will finally realize it and that it's impossible to actually cheat on someone who you have really broken up with (not just a break, but a full break up). Accept the fact that your ex is exactly that. Your ex. Your past. Stop the denial. Maybe you secretly hope to get back with her without the two of you having lovers in between the break. If you go to someone new you then have to accept the fact that she will too or maybe has done so already!! She probably already did. They recover and move on faster than guys. She can get a tinder date one-night stand in as quickly as 15 minutes regardless if she’s pretty or not. Move on brother. Life is short. Live the experience before it’s gone
Anonymous
December 9th, 2020 11:04pm
Maybe you just still feel connected to him. If your not together your not cheating so don’t worry or feel bad about it. You don’t own anyone any explanations. If your still talking or if he’s still in your life or maybe you just feel connected to him in a way you might be holding on to that. What your feeling isn’t abnormal. If he isn’t in your life any more and you want to get your mind of him or the break up try to focus on yourself, other relationships, or friends and family. Hope this helps you