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Why do I freak out in relationships so easily?

200 Answers
Last Updated: 10/08/2021 at 2:59pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Johanna Liasides, MSc


I work with youth and young adults to help them improve depressive symptoms and self-esteem as well as effectively address family, relationship and peer conflicts.

Top Rated Answers
November 3rd, 2017 6:10pm
Probably you have commitment phobia, and hence find a relationship too restrictive. I guess this is something you need to confirm by asking yourself, then you can start by committing yourself to small acts of commitment going from short term to long term. While doing so, try focusing on the positives of a relationship- support, trust, reliability, structure, companionship etc.
November 10th, 2017 12:15pm
I think that past experiences could shape how we react to certain situations. A negative past experience in relationship could subconsciously alter the way you react in a relationship no matter if it is real or it is imagined as such.
November 22nd, 2017 4:57pm
Based on my experience, I can definitely say that freaking out easily is definitely a sign of insecurities. One step forward is to acknowledge them and try to understand why they exist there. From there on it should be a continuous path towards better self-knowledge/creation and improvement.
November 28th, 2017 7:57pm
If you have been hurt in the past you probably fear to be hurt again, or you could just not be used to the love and commitment relationships take
December 22nd, 2017 7:50pm
In my experience it's because you finally have something good. It terrified me because in my hands was something I've been looking for and yet I could lose it in an instance, all in one mistake. That's why every single thing just garners an over-reaction. Late by an hour, no messages, it became so clear that I wasn't doing any good to myself as to the other person, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to lose it. And that's why I think it happens. Because the most precious things are what scares us the most to lose.
January 6th, 2018 3:33pm
I can understand what you are feeling. It is okay to freak out.But it is important to understand why and what the triggers are.
February 8th, 2018 3:54am
Whenever there is a situation that you feel like you are freaked out, you must stop and think for a while that is it because of my partner or is it me who is responsible for my own condition? Be honest with yourself because its the matter of your own life. Once you find the answer, then start thinking about what makes the responsible person to do so. Reasons could be many. It could be that you dont understand each other, neither u ever try to understand each other. There could be a conflict of thought also behind it. Yes u may love each other, but that doesnot assure that u understand each other also. So to love any one is an unconditional thing. Its impulsive. But to understand each other for the sake of growing that love, you have to work on it. Dont wait for ur partner to take the initiative. You are lucky enough because atleast you realized that there is something wrong. So take the initiative and be open to ur partner. Make him realize where u flawed first. Cuz if u start accusing or blaming him or her for the situation, it will neber work out. So first keep ur flaws at the front, discuss them. Ask ur partner that does he or she feel that this flaw exists in u? Ur partner would also start realizing that we are on right direction. Then after sorting out ur flaws, you may ask ur partner abt pointing out anythig which he or she feels wrong abt him or herself. Ur partner might not agree on it first. Dont force for any agreements. Keep working on it.. and make ur partner realize where he or she stand wrong. Finally he or she would realize and if he or she sees improvements from ur side, he or she would also start working on their own mistakes.. in this way you could be in much better relationship than before
February 13th, 2018 3:04pm
Because of breakups. This is the main reason. Insecurity also plays a part in this. Past experiences that haunt us and affect relationships, future relationships.
February 16th, 2018 3:08pm
Because you might be unsure of your feelings, or just unconfident. You need to love yourself before to love someone else.
March 1st, 2018 6:01pm
This could be due to the fear of abandonment or that you freak out due to the possibility of getting close to another person. Relationships are difficult.
March 2nd, 2018 2:36pm
Without knowing you or what the specific trigger is that is a difficult question to answer. Most of the time this is done out of fear, likely fear of loss. Everyone has their own trigger points for when their stress hits a high enough level and if you find yourself freaking out often you need to talk to your partner about happened and figure it out with them. Keep their feelings in mind too, remember they are a complex person just like you and it might take a little doing to get them to understand.
March 15th, 2018 12:51am
Hi! Some people can handle relationships really well. Other people do struggle, and it seems your having a bit of a freak out about a realtionship and im so sorry to hear this. Why not try writing down all the things that freak you out in a relationship, and try and work from the beginning one by one to see whats causing you to freak out. Try and also talk to your partner as they may also be able to shed some light for you as an outsider and pick up on things that you may not. Please remember, you are never alone and there is always someone here for you to talk to. We are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year. You are always welcome to talk to us and we will always be listening. Hope you find the best outcome to your question soon. Take care and Good Luck! Lots of love! SammiieSmiles~xx
March 18th, 2018 9:48pm
The main reason behind freaking out in relationships is unnecessary expectations and lack of understanding. The better we understand our partner, the fewer problems will arise and its both way process.
March 29th, 2018 12:22am
You may be concerned you will not meet up to your partners goals. It’s ok to be nervous, but confidence is key to less anxiety or freaking out.
April 9th, 2018 7:25pm
Relationships are tricky, and they can be quite difficult to know how to best navigate. Many people feel stressed when in relationships, both romantic and platonic, so I hope you do not feel as though you are alone in your feelings. One of my biggest points of stress in relationships has come from the fear that people will get to know me and then realize they do not really like who I am as a person. Because of this, I have had to work diligently to build my own self confidence and know that if someone does not like me for who I am, that is their problem. The struggles that I have had with respect to relationships have led me to be careful about what friends I choose, as well as learning to be happy with myself as a single person who does not need a romantic relationship to be fulfilled in life. The people you spend time with will have tremendous impact on your life, so it is important to choose those people carefully and wisely.
April 11th, 2018 3:58pm
Its easy to overthink and get overwhelmed in relationships. We put so much pressure on ourselves to do everything right which causes a ton of stress.
April 20th, 2018 4:44pm
Past experiences can influence how people treat relationships and that can affect how they end up acting in them.
April 22nd, 2018 1:49am
Relationships are hard and full of all sorts of stressful emotions. It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed
May 3rd, 2018 7:55pm
Maybe that's because you have been disappointed so much in the past that you find it so hard to trust again
June 7th, 2018 7:02am
Maybe because you can't trust that person you're in a relationship just yet. Just learn to trust that person, and let them know you don't wanna rush anything.
June 20th, 2018 7:01am
Maybe because you are scared to lose that person. Are you jealous? Maybe you never found the right person or you are in a rough period of time where all your emotions come out at once as soon as something more exciting happens
June 22nd, 2018 2:53pm
Can you explain this a bit more? Are you saying that, when you start getting close, you start self-sabotaging. What do you start telling yourself when you find yourself getting close to someone?
June 27th, 2018 2:46am
You may be nervous about messing something up or trying to be perfect for your partner/friend, it's fairly normal to want to be good in a relationship.
June 28th, 2018 11:41am
This happens to me in relationships a lot. When you start to freak out, try and see if there are any triggers that make it happen. Additionally make sure you communicate with your partner exactly how you’re feeling. They shouldn’t be offended, rather glad that you trust them enough to share this with them.
June 30th, 2018 3:15pm
I think you are afraid of loosing the person you that creates a freaking out behaviour in you which makes you freak out often.
July 12th, 2018 10:41am
Its because you've been hurt before. You've anticipated every situation to turn out a certain way, and your reaction comes accordingly.
July 19th, 2018 3:33pm
It is completely okay to get nervous in relationships, it's normal. You may just need time to get comfortable with being yourself around the person and then you shouldn't experience nervousness.
July 27th, 2018 9:46am
It might be that you haven't been clear enough about your boundaries and are afraid of your partner overstepping them. This is extremely common in relationships. Try to talk to your partner about what's scaring you and discuss what you two can do about it.
July 29th, 2018 2:02am
There could be some distrust between you and your partner. Try figuring out why, and discussing it.
August 24th, 2018 9:21pm
Sometimes it can be due to what you have expierenced in your past which can cause you to freak out, freaking out in other terms could be anxiety and worrying about what could happen even if a situation hasnt even occured yet . But remember you are not alone in this as alot of people around the world suffer from the same problem you are facing, I am one of them people so i understand completely how you feel. Maybe it would be best to talk to someone like a doctor or if thats too much for you talk through it with your partner and try and come up with a plan on how you can both move forward from what you are experiencing.