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Why do I freak out in relationships so easily?

202 Answers
Last Updated: 01/14/2022 at 3:25am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Greece
Moderated by

Johanna Liasides, MSc

Psychologist

I work with youth and young adults to help them improve depressive symptoms and self-esteem as well as effectively address family, relationship and peer conflicts.

Top Rated Answers
OfferedLyric
September 26th, 2020 5:14am
Managing not only your own emotions but someones else's in a relationship can be incredibly stressful. At times, it can feel overwhelming and cause us to make decisions we might not ordinarily choose for ourselves. Its understandable to feel this way, regardless of the negative or positive previous expeirnces you've had in relationships. With time, you may find more comfort in them, and acknowledging the stress they can put you under is a great first step towards finding that stability. Try to find kindness and patinece for yourself as you disocver your feelings- The more you understand yourself, the better equipped you will be to face the challenging feelings that surface in relationships.
Anonymous
October 10th, 2020 10:44am
I see you freak out in relationships easily. This can be caused by an assortment of reasons. Are you unfamiliar with them, never been in one, or have trust issues? It is normal to be afraid because it makes you think about if it is best for you. How does it make you feel inside? Is there anything that triggers it? Is there anything your partners do that makes it better or worse? How many relationships have you been in? If the other person is truly for you they will be patient with you and help you through these struggles.
Anonymous
November 13th, 2020 8:23pm
Because I want to be seen from a very high standard. Intelligent-- that is. When I feel I do not come across as such I tend to have a bit of anxiety. My standards are usually very high on myself. Not meeting them leads me into slight sadness, in a way. However, with all this going on, I still try to look on the bright side of things. I try not to be so hard on myself because I know eventually I will get where I need to be one way or another. Simply forcing myself will mot be enough. I just have to keep learning and let time dictate my path.
Anonymous
November 18th, 2020 7:27am
This is a tough question that may require you to think through your life and everything you have experienced. Many times the way we interact with people is based on what we see in everyday life or experiences we may have had. Did you grow up seeing a healthy relationships? Did someone hurt you, which caused you to shy away from other relationships? Sometimes it is good to take a break from relationships and work on ourselves. Work on making ourselves more confident and comfortable in our own skin, once we have fully accepted ourselves and the traumas we may have been through then that might be the right time to get into a relationship.
specialMelody96
November 20th, 2020 9:07pm
There could be a number of factors that contribute to this. First of all it is worth emphasising that a certain level of nervousness is normal - especially if you're new to relationships - but if you are finding it a consistent obstacle that is preventing you from connecting with us it's important to try and evaluate where this feeling comes from. Potentially it could be linked to the kind of relationships you were exposed to as a child, or a past experience with a relationship that influenced how you view future ones. If you can work out what it is that is scaring you and where it originates from, it could be the key to solving this problem.
Anonymous
December 9th, 2020 6:28pm
I think this really depends on the person but it usually has to do with past experiences. For example, have you felt like they could leave at anytime or fear that the relationship could change unexpectedly? From experience I found family life has a lot to do with this. This a challenge that I myself have trouble overcoming but I can tell you that relationships aren't ever easy. Your worries are completely valid and you are not alone. But remember that your significant other does care about you because they want to be with you. They wanted to date you and not someone else. So to answer this question I think its a combination of environment, experiences, and normal new relationship nerves.
Anonymous
January 3rd, 2021 9:27pm
Relationships are difficult because every person has different thoughts and ideas. Personally, for me, it has been difficult to not freakout in a relationship because I put all my emotions on that one person. My boyfriend is my everything and if I lost him, I would be in a very dark place. Knowing this is difficult as it makes me anxious that I might lose him. This is not the most healthy approach however we are both working on it. This fact alone makes every argument more scary than it should be, explaining why I freak out in relationships easily. For other people it may be similar, or it may differ in another direction. Comparing relationships to other relationships may also be a cause for freaking out. Social media pushes this perfect, nuclear couple that may not be the same as your own relationship. This is another cause of freaking out over little issues so easily. In the end, every relationship is build over its own set of bricks and maintained in different ways. These issues may not be directly other's reasons for freaking out however they are common within myself and many of my peers. Learning how to reduce these "freaking out"s will definitely be of aid in the future for building up that foundational relationship!
belladgreys
February 17th, 2021 1:58pm
There are many different reasons that this can be happening. One is that you may have trust issues. If you've been in a difficult relationship before, that may be a reason you're freaking out so easily. Another reason could be that you just aren't ready for that type of commitment. Maybe you should consider taking a break from relationships for a little and take some time to focus on yourself. It might help your overall mood and the way that you act in your relationships. But it is up to you, because only you know how you truly feel.
Anonymous
March 20th, 2021 2:20am
It can be insecurities from past.relationships. I was guilty of that and also my boyfriend does that sometimes but its something that we have observed and we are working on, so you are not alone. Also, the fact that you recognize that is a good start, take a breath and evaluate if it worth freaking out over. .
organticBlueberry5504
March 25th, 2021 9:18pm
a lot of it has to do with your specific attachment style. many people have the anxious attachment style, and we feel anxious when we like someone but don't hear from them quickly enough or if we have doubts in our mind. we are human, and we all crave love and affection, however we must be emotionally and mentally stable with ourselves and know our worth/value to not feel this way when we don't hear from someone. i think it also has a lot to do with our own insecurities. many times, we don't know we have certain insecurities until they come out when we are in a relationship. always know your worth and value and don't let anyone take that away from you
Anonymous
March 28th, 2021 9:25pm
You might be freaking out because of lack of trust or because of a bad experience with a past partner. For me, when it comes to my relationship the beginning was hard for me because I freaked out over the littlest of things all the time. I had trust issues, I wasn't confident, and I was just scared of losing my partner, the person I love the most. It took me awhile to realize why I freaked out so easily and it was also because of the fact that in my past relationships I didn't feel valid or worthy enough. In the relationship I'm in now that is far from the case. My partner always reminds me that I am valid, important, and seen. Just hearing that causes me to not freak out so easily anymore because I have trust in our relationship.
generouswings
April 17th, 2021 2:27pm
There can be different reasons why you think you can freak out in a relationship. The most common of them is something I’d call ‘Overthinking’. I feel that thinking too much can be very toxic for any relationship, let alone a romantic relationship. It just ruins your sense of rational thinking and makes you way more negative. The other reason why a person would freak out is the fear to commit, or even lacking of emotional stability. Some people are scared of emotional attachments from their past, and due to many other reasons they aren’t able to focus on the present. A bad experience from the past can ruin one’s present, and some people aren’t ready to give their best emotionally. With the passage of time, everything feels like a burden for them and then they start freaking out.
Anonymous
May 1st, 2021 3:56am
For me personally, every new relationship is like performance anxiety-emotional edition. I really want my relationship to work out-so I try to be best person I can be. Of course, people don't really work that way. What really ticks for one person doesn't tick for someone else. So inevitably, you hit a small emotional landmine which leads to "Oh no! Am I doing this right? Am I wrong? Am I too inconsiderate" etc of self-doubt. For me personally, I try to remember that there dating is like a job interview for both sides. You're trying to get the job, but so is your partner. Hopefully with good communication and a willingness to work together your partnership will work our.
Anonymous
May 5th, 2021 6:02pm
Many people struggle with relationships. Relationships are difficult for a variety of reasons. Some people struggle with the intimacy of relationships, or the commitment, or even the seemingly constant communication in relationships. It's important to keep in mind though, that relationships are unique and intentional things; they don't just happen, and they can be designed for greater happiness. If you're finding that relationships aren't working out for you because you don't feel comfortable in them for any reason, you might want to look at your approach to how you end up in relationships. Are you building relationships which adhere to a design that works best for you and your partner? What do you feel you need in a relationship or what have you noticed missing? What makes you uncomfortable? Are you setting boundaries which honor your comfort level? What do you love in relationships or what makes you feel more comfortable? Answering these questions might give you a leg up on assessing what you want and don't want from relationships. Once you have an idea of what you want and what you don't want, you can assess relationship prospects by whether they adhere to what you think would work for you.
Anonymous
May 15th, 2021 4:59am
it's pretty normal to freak out, and there are many reasons for it! it might be because of commitment issues, for example. It's good that you're taking the first step to finding out the reason for your freaking out. Some of my friends have experienced being very nervous in relationships, and I can tell you that it's perfectly normal, especially if it's new. as long as you keep up good communication with your relationship partner, you can figure out a solution to your freaking out together. It will not affect your relationship in any way. I believe in you, okay?
hopefulArrow2212
June 11th, 2021 7:46pm
It depends on what the"freak out" is related to. It could be: - Commitment issues. Relationships need a lot of work and that prevents some people from starting or staying in a more serious and long-term relationship. - Anxiety from potential problems. We may hear of the problems in other people's relationships or just worry too much on what could happen. - Get too emotionally dependant. When the relationship gets very intimate and you find yourself at a loss when you're not with your partner or need to constantly be in a relationship to feel validated. I just want to say that you are not made up of your relationship alone. You are your own person and that is what attracted your partner to be with you. You affirm and validate yourself. And no relationship is without its flaws, but it's really how you guys overcome those hard times together that can make you even closer. Relationships do take time but what you do with it is up to you.
Anonymous
July 9th, 2021 11:58pm
In my personal experience relationships can be scary which will make us freak out, anxious or depressed. The thought of being vulnerable, knowing everything you do will affect the other person it sucks; it is scary. When we see we are starting to be vulnerable we are likely to freak out and be like we got to break up I can not stand this. But the magic of actually allowing the relationship to succeed is great. It might be scary at first but at the end of the day it might be worth it. That's likely why many people freak out.
Anonymous
August 27th, 2021 5:18am
Freaking out in relationships is very common because you don't want to lose the thing (your partner) you worked so hard to get. What I've learned as well is that relationships tend to make you think other partners are scarce and the one you currently have is the only one for you, making you freak out. All of these negative thoughts and emotions tend to lead to excessive overthinking. You think of every worst-case scenario imaginable to the point where you freak out and can't even think straight. To avoid this, it's very important to keep an open mindset of acknowledging that women/men aren't scarce and an end to your current relationship isn't the end of the world.
ExpectoPatronum08
September 15th, 2021 7:43am
Maybe the relationships that you have seen around you, makes you not want one. We often connect ourselves to relationships of our friends, relatives or parents. Their lack of communication, compassion and/or commitment can make it repulsive for us! But it is not necessary that we mirror the people in our life in our relationships, romantic or otherwise. Or maybe, it is because you have always met the wromg kind of partners in your relationship, and you just need to find the right kind of company. Incentive is the best magnet. It could also be because you are not ready or not in the right state of mind or atmosphere to be in a relationship.
roseshine00
October 8th, 2021 2:59pm
It is natural to freak out in a relationship quickly. Relationships in general can be tough even if its between friends or even family and this is okay. You need to consider that everyone is really different and it can sometimes be tough and hard to communicate and understand each other. When you freak out just try to calm down and take a step back for a few minutes to reflect. Ask yourself what is making you freak out and what you can do to calm yourself down. Another great step would be to communicate your feelings to the other person.
aaulv
January 1st, 2022 6:06pm
There are multitude of reasons why you could freak out in relationships. 1.Trauma from past relationships 2. Lack of control or feeling like you are losing autonomy or control 3. Fear of abandonment 4. Dreading commitment because monogamy might just not be for you. 5. Fear of being co-dependant. 6 Afraid you will not be good enough for the person you are with. 7. Issues with vulnerability and intimacy due to your upbringing or the environment you grew up in. 8. Trust issues 9. Worried there is lack of effort or reciprocity from you significant other. 10. Low self esteem or (and) being too self conscious
HappinessIsAFirefly
January 14th, 2022 3:25am
I guess this depends on how we define "freak out." If "freak out" means become very anxious, over-thinking, or worried about the relationship, than that's, at least in part, because relationships themselves are good at provoking these emotions. No one wants to loose their partner. No one wants to watch love fade over time, and, yet, these are realistic potential outcomes every time we commit ourselves to someone else. In turn, worrying about these potential outcomes is natural. Attachment styles (anxious attachment), conflict with one's partner, and dissatisfaction in the relationship due to unmet needs can further fuel feelings of anxiety, sadness, or unrest. However, if we define "freak out" as becoming angry, lashing out, or otherwise "freaking out" on one's partner, then this can be caused due to conflict in the relationship, dissatisfaction with the relationship, fear (of losing one's partner, of commitment, of getting cheated on), or other factors. Sometimes, people seek out conflict or sabotage their own relationships due to personal struggles that challenge their ability to form healthy romantic connections.