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Why do I keep going back to my toxic relationship?

285 Answers
Last Updated: 05/13/2022 at 6:18pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
India
Moderated by

Smita Joshi, BA Psychology / MA / Advanced EFT Practitioner

Counselor

I am empathetic with my Clients going through emotional overwhelm and passionate in helping them. I am supportive, openminded & interactive in helping my clients.

Top Rated Answers
EmpathicPiplup
December 2nd, 2021 5:59am
Because it's easy and comfortable. Our heart responds to what feels good in the present, our mind knows what's best for us. From personal experience, listen to your mind. Make hard decisions. Cut yourself off and let yourself feel your new reality. Yes it will suck at first, it will hurt a lot, but soon after, new opportunities and positivity will flow into your life. The temporary pain is worth it in the long run and once you get through the hard part you will thank yourself for making that decision and be a new, better you. May you finally get the peace you so truly desire.
Ezzycares12000
December 2nd, 2021 8:00am
There can be an array of different reasons for why this may keep happening. A lot of it has to do within yourself and it’s important to ask yourself questions that encourage mental and emotional growth. I’ve experienced the same thing and have found comfort and asking myself questions and being able to get to know what patterns are that lead me to this conclusion. You should ask yourself why you continue to allow this to happen and what are patterns you see within these people. Identifying patterns will make it easier to spot them in the future with it potential partners.
Anonymous
December 23rd, 2021 4:21pm
In some relationships, one partner becomes very attached to the other and they feel dependent on the other. The small or big things that the other would do, would become something that they may become so used to, that when it is no longer there, they start to miss it and the other person. You may also feel sort of an obligation to stay with this person. It may be because the amount of time that you have spent with this person. You feel like maybe they may still be the good person you used to know. You may also believe that you don't deserve better than them. But you do deserve better than someone who is toxic.
Anonymous
December 29th, 2021 1:29pm
It can be very scary to be in a relationship, but it can also be an amazing thing to be in a relationship. The thing about a relationship, whether it is unhealthy or unhealthy, is that it can sometimes blind us to how how our partner is treating us and how we should be treated. We might think that how they are treating us is true love, but in reality, they might be treating us like garbage, and we are having trouble seeing that. We might go back to a toxic relationship because we are scared to leave the relationship since it might be the only relationship we have ever ever been in, the only relationship we know, or we are scared the partner might do something if we were to leave the relationship. There can be multiple reasons and is something that you'll need to figure out. I hope the best for you with this.
HealingOasis
January 6th, 2022 8:55am
In my past I kept on going back to my toxic ex to feel love. I have found I search for acceptance where I have been rejected. I have peers that love me and it's hard to accept that love unless everyone likes me is how I viewed it in my past. I know now that not everyone will like me and that is okay. It's healthy to let go of the past to make a new normal. My ex used to come back in my life and waffle between another woman and myself. It hurt but once I finally realized it's not healthy and that I need to find someone that loves me for me and not the idea of me, it was really healing.
Anonymous
January 6th, 2022 6:23pm
I can imagine you are wanting to break a cycle of being in relationship that is unhealthy for you. People may go back into toxic relationships simply as they learnt from childhood that controlling, abusive behavior is a way to display you care or how you maintain relationships. The possibility is that you are probably afraid of being lonely. You are used to that person so just for the sake of that known company, you find it easier to forgive their toxic behaviour. You might also be emotionally attached to them and find it difficult to detach thinking you will hurt them. The truth is that your heart is very wounded by that person and you fee an obligation to stick with them. Perhaps they have apologised to you so much that you’ve forgiven them or told you “It will never happen again” but it does. Some people in these relationships stay with the hope their partners behavior will improve or they fear for their life. You are welcome to talk to one of our listeners for 1-1 support. Hope things get better for you.
YourSoulCoach
January 27th, 2022 6:52pm
Toxic relationships can often become non toxic all of a sudden. We see the best in the other person as much as the worse. But we tend to ignore that part because we feel attached to the comfort zone our mind has created within the relationship. You might be dependent on your partner financially, or emotionally. There are hundreds of reasons. You only can decide what is best for you. Toxic often means abusive, and when you decide to constantly return to a relationship that you know perfectly is no longer good for you, you have to ask yourself if it is related to your childhood. Have you fear of abandonment ? Or are you codependent ? Have you suffered from toxic parents, and you find yourself a similar comfort zone in that relationship ? All you can do if you are seeking help, is to heal your inner wounds, that way you won't turn back to unhealthy relationships.
avacadopink
February 12th, 2022 8:01am
It can be related to childhood traumas or variations of abuse at any age. When pain is all you know, it can be challenging to seek alternative behaviors. There's also the instances in which we are blinded by love. It's easy to get caught up in a relationship, even when it's toxic. Here are some ideas on staying strong—and staying away—when you're tempted to get back together: Acknowledge the loss. You were together for a reason. ... Ride the waves of grief. ... Experience the longing. ... Avoid alcohol and other drugs. ... Forgive yourself. You could try these ways out. please do come back for more queries.
Anonymous
February 19th, 2022 9:39pm
I think you might feel terrible about going back to your toxic relationship, I did the same few years ago. I guess it is just our love for the other person that even if we cannot totally forgive them we find reasons and excuses to justify their actions, that what bad they did to us is not more than the love we share. I realized it after a long time I shouldn't be justifying something toxic and deep beneath I knew, my instincts told me that I was doing wrong but we still do it regardless of thinking about ourselves. I think one more reason that we go back to our toxic relationship is we never loved ourselves enough or we were never loved the right way so we accept whatever comes to us named as love, we are supposed to be loved the right way everyone deserves that. We just need to realize our worth to take up the courage and walk away from what is not good for us.
Nayan07
February 27th, 2022 6:02am
Once you spend a lot of time with someone, your mind gets accustomed to their presence. When all of a sudden you end it, it feels that you are missing out on something in life. It is completely normal and temporary feeling. You know that the relationship was quite toxic but your mind only makes you feel that by going back to your past relationship, things will get better. This is the time when you need to trust on your brain and not go with the mind. You need to remind yourself of the reasons why the relationship was toxic and why you ended it in first place. You can try to indulge in some activities or hobbies that will divert your mind onto something else. With time, you will find the happiness within yourself and won't think of going back again.
StayStrongNeverLoseHope
March 23rd, 2022 10:24pm
I kept going back because I thought he would change, chances after chances were given but nothing ever changed. Same old, same old. He cheated on me more than 4 times. mentally abused me, made me feel absolutely worthless, and like I was not good enough, ever. I gave him everything I could possibly give him, but that was never enough.. but I kept going back time after time after time. Why? I loved him, I felt like he was everything I needed and wanted, I hated the thought of letting go, of losing him.. I was clinging on to hope that he would change, realise the way he was hurting me, hoping that the relationship would go back to being like it first was when we first met and were happy, or at least I thought I was happy... It took me more than a year to finally realise I didn't deserve that toxicity, I realised I was worth it and had to get away from that situation & accept the fact that he would never really change. It was time to focus on myself, on what I truly deserved and it wasn't that pain I needed, nor did I deserve it. It's easier said than done, but if you're getting treated in a way that no person should be getting treated like then you deserve better, You need to leave that toxic relationship. Walk away and find yourself again... as hard as it is to let them go, do it for yourself.
Train1
March 24th, 2022 5:00am
In a short answer it could be a fear of being alone. You may have been in this relationship for a long time and have strong feelings for your partner and you may miss him/her even if you are being treated badly. It is really up to you to set boundaries and decide when enough is enough. You need to understand when the relationship is so toxic that it is affected your mental health or if the behaviour from your partner can be forgiven. It is something that only can do not need to be alone in your decision. You can discuss it with family friends or a listener at 7 cups.
SlothyNorton
April 3rd, 2022 11:18pm
More often than not, our brains like to go back to things that are familiar. When you get so used to something, you like to default to it so that you have a sense of security. Even if they are toxic, at least it's predictable and familiar, right? It's the same concept as buying a new drink from Starbucks or your preferred coffee shop, you know the drink you currently get will satisfy you. So instead of experimenting, you might just default to that instead of picking something new that might be better. This bias allows us to oversee negative traits in our significant other. It hits harder the longer you have been with this person.
bekind0422
May 7th, 2022 1:54am
Hi there friend! I can actually speak personally on this. We go back to toxic relationships for a number of reasons. A big one is because it is familiar. We as humans want to feel comfortable. And so we go back to things that we know and are used to even if they are bad for us. Another big reason is love. Often we love the person even though they are toxic and we so desperately want to fixed it and be loved back the way we love them. Especially if they were way different in the beginning. It's confusing when they go from treating you from good to bad. A term often referred to as "love bombing". But its important to know that you should never stay in toxic relationships no matter what reasons you have. Better things will come. Me personally I went from a horrible toxic relationship that was painfully one sided to a man who finally treats me with all of the love and respect that I deserve and more. Don't ever settle for less. And remember it's better to single and happy then in a relationship and miserable. It took me my whole life to learn that very hard lesson. There's so much joy in life, don't let anyone take it away from you. I'm here if anyone wants to talk! Much love! :)
Anonymous
May 13th, 2022 6:18pm
Scared of being alone– Another reason that keeps you going back to a toxic relationship is the fear of being alone. The fear of loneliness overpowers everything else. For a lot of people there is a very deep core belief that they will always be alone and no one will like them or accept them. They put in your mind you are no good without them and that you cant live without them. I know for a fact because i was in this situation it gets better i promise Just block them and move on. My life was hard for weeks after but it got better