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Why do I keep going back to my toxic relationship?

285 Answers
Last Updated: 05/13/2022 at 6:18pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
India
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Smita Joshi, BA Psychology / MA / Advanced EFT Practitioner

Counselor

I am empathetic with my Clients going through emotional overwhelm and passionate in helping them. I am supportive, openminded & interactive in helping my clients.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
September 8th, 2018 10:03pm
Believe me I did this to. It’s mood because you’re a kind person and you want to be with the other. If you’re really in love with this person but it’s toxic maybe it’s time for you to leave or talking over with the other. How much trouble will go through and you will thank me later when you get out of that relationship don’t keep going back if it’s it’s toxic no matter what go back you need to stop immediately and go get real help or just follow my advice and leave the other
Hurricane67
June 3rd, 2018 5:34am
It’s probably because you are scared of change and want to live with something you are used to. Leaving a person would mean making a major change and your entire outlook on life could be affected, but normally change is a good and healthy thing. If you push yourself to explore your options then there would be so many benefits.
TheHoneyDoll
September 24th, 2017 5:19am
I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years but kept constantly going back because I felt as though he was all I deserved and that maybe things could change and so on even if they never would. It is not uncommon but with time, realizations will eventually arise and you will learn to be without this person and see that there is better for you.
Anonymous
May 23rd, 2018 4:12am
I guess because is toxic and creates you a dependence. The best is trying to work on making your personality stronger and try to live a happy life on your own before being attached to a relationship.
Anonymous
September 26th, 2020 9:31am
Maybe you miss the physical affection...but dont worry! That's okay, everyone's experienced that at least once. Try to forget them, burn pictures and delete chats and work on realizing how bad they really are... this will help you realize and keep yourself from getting hurt over and over... trust me I've been the same situation, I know how hard it must be... but dont worry you'll get trough this.. we can set up daily meetings and I can help you get through this step by step and day by day...if that's what you'd want of cours. :) How are you feeling ?
naturalNaturalNutella
January 6th, 2019 4:51am
Because you are a caring, considerate person, who likes to see the best in everything. You don't like to give up, especially on something you love so dearly. That's okay, because that shows resilience and loyalty, You don't run away when times get tough. The problem is that you're not showing this care and consideration to yourself, and if it's toxic, the other person isn't showing it to you, and possibly towards themselves too. They take your good nature for granted. They feel that you will always be there for them no matter what...until one day, you aren't. It isn't because you don't want to be, because once you love someone, that's it, you can't undo it. Its because you've reached your limit, you've given all that you could and now you're empty, and have little to give. Your tolerance levels waver, and soon it all becomes your fault because you allowed it before, and now you're not allowing it.
Anonymous
May 4th, 2018 4:43pm
Because it's hard to move on from one person whom you've loved with all your heart as you werent aware of how the relationship would turn out to be but since you love them, you keep focusing on the good side of the relationship which makes you always go back even if it hurts you. Just like a moth and fire.
Serenittyy166
November 22nd, 2018 1:12am
I find that when I love someone I give chances time and time again because we fall in love with the idea of what could be and not what is. That’s a hard thing to accept for anyone. We all want this ideal image that we create for what could be that we accept the things we know we don’t deserve in front of us to try and get to that place without realizing that might never happen. Sometimes we accept what we think we deserve and put up with it instead of continuing to search for more, really .
Anonymous
May 4th, 2018 5:46am
Sometime we get caught up in toxic relationships due to trauma bonding or codependentancy... we need to really take time to learn and understand what it is we are seeking or trying to get ... moving forward can be scary. Change is scary. Life is hard, however if we can at least be aware of trauma bonding and want change we can learn and change.
charmingGrace08
September 9th, 2020 5:53pm
It'd be because you cant escape from him. May be not because you love him so much or you can't live your life without him but because you feel "guilty" to start breaking up with him. I have also faced like that kind of situation. You may be afraid of becoming a bad person when you start breaking up. You might also be afraid of what other people will judge about you behind you. Or another possibility of going back to toxic relationship can be like we might think that we can change that person's behaviour. We may try to believe that he or she can change his bad characters because that person loves you. And we are waiting for him and going over and over again back to toxic relationships. Another possibility is that you feel so sorry about break up that you easily get back together with your partner when he or she comes to apologize you.
Anonymous
November 28th, 2020 4:30am
Because so times you love that person so much but you don't want to let them go so its like it fells like you would never get over that person because sometimes u won't but you just have to try and you might just like a toxic relationship but if I was you I would never go back because I went back to a toxic relationship and I just really loved that person but if u ask me if I wanted to go back my answer would be a maybe because me looking back on that toxic relationship I seen what was wrong with the relationship so now I really don't want to go back.
jessa411
November 28th, 2020 12:55am
Sometimes we would rather be with someone than to be alone. There are times that we focus on the positive parts of the relationship instead of thinking about the consequences & how it will effect us emotionally and spiritually. Focusing on the positive parts, when there are so few of them in the relationship can harm us in the long term. Its important to ask several questions; Why are going back to this person? Do you feel worthy or desirable? Do you feel loved most of the time in this relationship? Do you or have you ever thought of self love? And what does self love means to a person that is in a toxic relationship? What is going to change when you go back this time? What will be different?
bubblegumPuppy68
November 19th, 2020 6:14pm
The reason that you keep going back to this troubled relationship is because it feels comfortable and familiar. It becomes a habit and habits are hard to break. The mind and body love to operate in its comfort zone. It feels safe and it feels. We tend to not like change nor do we like to feel pain. Most of us quickly find something to relieve us of the pain. Our minds are the same way What is the root of such. a thought process is that it is faulty thinking, and unhealthy relationships. Lack of self-esteem, not feeling worthy of anything better. We may not even be aware that we are harboring these faulty programs
Imanol101
November 19th, 2020 4:35pm
I use to go back to my toxic relationship because I thought that I could fix things. It took me 2 years to learn that you can't change people. The only thing you can do is communicate your feelings and hope they can understand. In my case, the person never understood what I was trying to say. They also wanted something different for their life than I did. So our goals never matched and caused more friction in the relationship. I personally found it helpful to look back to when I was not with that person and see that I can do things on my own.
Anonymous
November 19th, 2020 2:06am
Toxic relationships, as harmful as they are, are familiar. It's what you know and grew comfortable around. It makes sense you wouldn't want to break out of that comfort zone, even if you know it's bad for you. And sometimes the consequences of leaving the toxic relationship forever would be even worse, and lead to things like blackmail. It's really easy to fall into old habits and go back to what's familiar to us, even if it's not healthy for us. It takes a lot of inner strength and self discipline to leave your comfort zone and discover new things
Anonymous
October 25th, 2020 7:56pm
You're keep going back to that toxic relationship it is because you really love the person and/or you want of feeling being inlove. Another possible reason why you're going back its because you are still hoping that one day, that relationship will become okay. Another possible reason, you keep going back its because you love them more than yourself. If you really know what you deserve, if you really love yourself, you will choose to cut him off in your life even though you love the person because you know your worth and you love yourself. If you really love yourself, you will not let yourself to settle for less.
Anonymous
October 23rd, 2020 3:06pm
Returning to our exes is a pattern, and it’s a toxic one that can be broken with some understanding. From comfort to raging insecurities — these are the most common reasons you keep going back to your no-good ex. It’s comfortable The world is crazy right now, and it doesn’t seem to show any signs of slowing down. In environments filled with protest, conflict, anger and heartache — our relationships can become a comfort-point, which provides us with safety, stability and reassurance. Even if those aren’t the things our relationship truly provides, it can still feel comfortable enough to slide back into, even though we know it’s full of holes…just like that old sweater you had to throw away 10 years too late. Obsessed with validation Relationships can get competitive, and we can even come to see the life we’re building with a toxic partner as a bit of a “challenge” to overcome. When that relationship breaks down, we might still feel as though we have something to prove (either to the other person or ourselves). In that state of mind, we become tempted by the idea of picking up where we left off. As though that somehow validates all the obvious mis-match going on. Easier than starting over Believe it or not, sheer laziness is another common reason that people go running back to partners and spouses they know aren’t a good fit. Even when things are toxic and scary, going back to something you already know how to deal with seems like an easier deal than starting over with someone new. The problem there, though, is that it’s not easier; because you’re putting in even more emotional labor, being unhappy and existing in a state of conflict and pain. Failed visions of love Ask three separate people what “true love” means to them and you’ll probably get 3 separate answers. We all see love in different ways, and we all want different things from our partners and from our relationships. When these ideas of love are bent, broken or skewed, however, it can seriously impact our partnerships. It can also force us back into relationships that are filled with misery or are otherwise an unhappy fit. Unresolved trauma Trauma has a funny way of coming up time and time again until we find the courage to face it. The same is true for relationship trauma, and the thousands of constant battles we always seem to be waging against the past. There are those who go back to toxic partners, because they are attempting to validate themselves against the injuries of their previous experiences. There is no moving backward, however, only forward toward healthier partners. Raging insecurities When you’re dealing with low self-esteem and self-worth, it leads you to form a low personal opinion of yourself. These raging fears and insecurities eat away at your strength and make it easier for abusers and toxic people to get inside and take advantage of you. Running back to the same toxic partners? Your self-esteem is probably playing a part.
bekind0422
May 7th, 2022 1:54am
Hi there friend! I can actually speak personally on this. We go back to toxic relationships for a number of reasons. A big one is because it is familiar. We as humans want to feel comfortable. And so we go back to things that we know and are used to even if they are bad for us. Another big reason is love. Often we love the person even though they are toxic and we so desperately want to fixed it and be loved back the way we love them. Especially if they were way different in the beginning. It's confusing when they go from treating you from good to bad. A term often referred to as "love bombing". But its important to know that you should never stay in toxic relationships no matter what reasons you have. Better things will come. Me personally I went from a horrible toxic relationship that was painfully one sided to a man who finally treats me with all of the love and respect that I deserve and more. Don't ever settle for less. And remember it's better to single and happy then in a relationship and miserable. It took me my whole life to learn that very hard lesson. There's so much joy in life, don't let anyone take it away from you. I'm here if anyone wants to talk! Much love! :)
Sweetirrific
October 9th, 2020 1:58am
I keep going back to my toxic relationship because its comfortable. I know him, I understand him, and he understands me. He tells me its different this time. That he's changed and he'll try harder and it'll be so much better this time around, and because I trust him, I come back, expecting a change. The change never happens though, as the old routine comes back slowly but surely, and soon you're back where you started. So you end it again but he comes right back with the words you hear every time but also believe every time, and you take him back, knowing deep down that it'll come back to you being hurt, but not caring because in those moments he gives you the attention and love you deserve. And thats enough for the time being. Thats not right, we should all stop
Anonymous
October 3rd, 2020 12:05pm
After a few months, I realised that losing you wasn’t really a loss. Losing you made sense. Losing you was inevitable. I lost you because I never really had you. You were never really mine, you were always searching for something away from me you were always thinking of someone else when you were with me. I lost you because I would’ve lost who I was if I held onto you. I lost you to find myself. See, I learned that it’s better to lose some people than to hold on to the hope of them coming back, because a person who doesn’t want to lose you, will never let you slip away. But you didn’t fight. You didn’t try. And in turn, you made my decision for me. You made it easier for me to think of losing you as another way to find myself another way to save myself. And for the first time, you made me realise that not every person you lose is a loss and that losing can sometimes be winning. For the first time, you made me realise that losing someone is sometimes the only way to love yourself. For the first time, you made me realise there is so much more to be found in losing someone who was never meant to stay. Losing you was hard, but keeping you was harder. Losing you was a lesson but not a loss. Losing you was my favourite win.
AmarahSofia
September 25th, 2020 1:27am
There will be two possible reasons why you kept going back despite knowing the fact that is a toxic relationship. First is, you were afraid that after you left. You will never met someone who will love and accept you. We are afraid that staying in the toxic relationship will somehow give us the feeling of security and love but no. The right person eill come at the right time and the right place. We should never be in a relationship wherein you never grow as a person and you never grow as a couple. Couples who seems to have longer relationships has the most challenging situations. You should know when is the time to give up and help find yourseld again that you once lose because of loving that person. Second is, you think he is the only person that could ever give you love. Some people stay because they are longing for someone to love them. They are looking for that love that thry cannot get from their family and friends. More of acceptance. But remember, never lose yourself in completing your partner. Both of you should complete each other, help, grow, and develop together. Relationship works because two people decided to give their best and efforts. It will never work on one sided.
Anonymous
September 23rd, 2020 7:59am
Sometimes we go back to our toxic relationships hoping that the person has changed and will treat or love you better so you are drawn back to them for clear validation hoping they did love you.For others, they go back because they know the pattern their partner plays, they understand there toxic game so they are at ease with this rather than finding someone else who is quite unpredictable which admittedly is quite frightening. It's hard to just stop loving someone no matter how toxic so the care you hold for them takes you back to them.All in all there is always hope for those in this situation all the while remember to put yourself first.
bouncyFlamingo2068
April 22nd, 2020 5:42am
A person may keep going back into a toxic relationship because maybe they don't want to lose the sense of familiarity or because they fear of change. Maybe the other person manipulates you into staying in that relationship even though your common sense is telling you not to. Sometimes, the person who is trying to leave over thinks the situation and gets to the conclusion that the don't deserve better, that they are meant to be hurt (either physically or emotionally). Toxic relationships can quickly transform into abusive relationships, it is crucial to notice the red flags right away and seek help.
zealousWinter25
June 4th, 2020 1:29pm
Toxic relationships are a difficult cycle to break out of, and that is why they are referred to as toxic. When in a toxic relationship it becomes addictive because of its familiarity and when we are invested in it, it's a really hard addiction and cycle to break. The constant drama can also provide you with adrenaline rushes which can also be difficult to break. Toxic relationships are important to get out of and only you will know when enough is enough. I am speaking from experience as I was in one for a while and it nearly destroyed me, but I began to realise I deserved better and it was small steps. Eventually I was waking up and not constantly thinking about it, all day every day.
ashlyntheordinary
June 3rd, 2020 10:05pm
It's honestly quite understandable why, it's probably because you miss the memories you've had with them. I used to be in a toxic friendship and when I left, I thought I would feel happy but I didnt, it definitely felt like a piece of me was missing and I think that's what makes you wish to be with them. It's because of a part of you isn't letting go and doesnt want you to move on. When you move on from it, it's the best feeling in the world, trust me. You will feel more like yourself :") and start to feel hopefully that you can live your life without them in it.
Anonymous
May 24th, 2020 1:19am
I’ve had several toxic relationships that I continued to go back to. I think that they made me feel like they were the only people who would ever be there for me or “care” about me so that’s why I stayed. This might not be true for you, but I think realizing the relationship is toxic is a great first step. You have to decide what you want for you, and what is the best decision for you. Then, focus on the steps it will take to get you to that point. It might be a hard journey, but it will be better in the end.
Island28
April 30th, 2020 6:16pm
I kept going back as I was made to think I was not good enough for anyone else. I was scared to take the risk to move on. I was told that no one wanted to be with me. I was threatened to stay in the relationship. I started to believe that I was not good enough. I just didn't have enough energy to start all over again. Out of 30 days, I only had 3 or 4 good days. I made myself think that this was ok. I was holding on to those good days to think this was all ok. When I wrote down the pros and cons and wrote down how many good days I had compared to bad, It was very clear I had to get out of my comfort zone. I reached out for support and I made the leap. Some days It wasn't easy for me. I worked hard to take care of myself and love myself first. Some days for sure was hard, other days it was easy. I made small goals and reflected back.
Anonymous
April 30th, 2020 3:29pm
Why do people keep going back to a toxic relationship. Is it because it’s comforting. Is it because you spent so much time and effort in that relationship that the fear of starting over is more scary than actually leaving. We will never know someone’s background as to why they don’t need it we’re just here to support them. Be there for them listen to them help them get through it. Not everyone has the strength to leave right away. Show them the positive show him what a relationship should be. They’re great guys and girls out there who are willing to date you. You just have to have faith in yourself you are worthy and you are worth knowing
Anonymous
April 26th, 2020 12:51pm
Beacuse you have created a toxic bound, a vicious cycle this is not healthy and you must stop. Just put your foot down and let the other person know that enough is enough. The toxicity must have arrisen because of a mismatch in between you, or one person is asking something which the other cannot deliver. This gives rise to toxic chase, I think you should give each other space gradually, by stoping to talk to each other and see the benefits, and your sure to get out of it. Best of luck to you ☺️. May you find the strength.
Anonymous
February 28th, 2020 12:28am
I did the same thing. It is very hard when you love some one but it is an unfortunate situation some people are not meant to be. It is hard as sometimes it feel as though it will change the next time you re enter the relationship. But trust me it is not going to be good for your mental health in the end. You deserve better and I am here to listen. You will find someone sometime soon that you are going to love just as much if not even more and the relationship will not be toxic. Keep your head high.