Why do I keep going back to my toxic relationship?

177 Answers
Last Updated: 07/28/2019 at 4:59am
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Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
Erp03
November 20th, 2017 8:46pm
She is a beautiful woman, a celebrity... she makes me feel special when we are together, the sex is the best ever, we have been together for 10 months, she distrusts me all the time, she is aggressive, she is narcissistic, she mistreats me and my daughter, she cheated on me in june... We have broken up this week and I'm already afraid she won't take me back, although I know how bad she is for me and that I have to stop looking for her or taking her back if she looks for me. Please help!
FriendlyJake
November 22nd, 2017 2:20pm
In most cases it's because you were attached for a long period of time and you feel empty when you are finally taken apart. It takes a lot of thought and strength to fully recover from a toxic relationship.
KatyBanana
November 23rd, 2017 12:40am
Dear you believe it is the kind of love you deserve. You've been used to it and you started to believe toxicity is love.
xenabeeena
November 23rd, 2017 9:36pm
It may be becoming the norm for you to have this person hurt you. But that doesn't mean it's right. It's good that you've realized that it is toxic but it may almost be an addiction now.
Anonymous
November 23rd, 2017 11:56pm
because youre dumb and you cleary like your ass to be beat. And you like the dominance of guys choking your dumb ass out
SupportiveSoul88
November 30th, 2017 3:40pm
Because you don't think you deserve better. You get pulled into the feelings of the good times you did have for the other person.
MadamKighal
November 30th, 2017 6:15pm
You developed strong habit in functioning this way. You obviously see it's toxic, but you keep continuing it, and there are a lot of psychological reasons for why you keep going back, it's better question how to break that toxic and make some healthy connections!
blissfulRose17
December 2nd, 2017 8:58am
Sometimes we go back into a toxic relationship because we feel or we think but there is no one out there for us and we don't think we are going to get any better if we go on the other side where the grass is greener in some cases we like the relationship even though it is toxic and we know that it is we just can't seem to shake off the good times and look at the bigger picture
Anonymous
December 6th, 2017 3:16am
I believe that maybe because we feed onto the romantic ideas of love that there needs to be someone magically special to make us feel that way. All of us desire to be treated with care. And at times we forget that love begins within. And we keep looking outside for something we already have. Any relationship can become potentially toxic if we 'depend' upon the other person to fulfill what we inherently desire. And as for it, there comes a time when we must learn to let go and love ourselves for who we are despite our mistakes and give ourselves what we need because no one else can understand us better. Relationships are always there to complement who we are and not 'complete' us.
lovelyGrace17
December 30th, 2017 2:32pm
its very hard to break off emotional ties especially if you've had intimate moments. I more than most have been there. remember your worth. you deserve love that doesn't include constant heartbreak.
resourcefulHoney10
January 10th, 2018 6:33pm
You might be going back to it because it’s the one where get the most attention. Try deleting the toxic person from your life slowly.
loyaltyWithin19
January 13th, 2018 2:41pm
First of all you need to establish how you feeling towards the other person in the relationship. In most cases people go back to toxic relationships because they are in love with that person and therefore they find it difficult to break off from that
Swewi
January 14th, 2018 2:17am
We all want to feel safe and familiarity often provides the feeling of safety even though being safe and happy isn’t necessarily the same thing
greatfulVision47
January 14th, 2018 6:32pm
Fear to go into uncharted territory and leave the known space is what keeps any person bound in a unhealthy relationship.
JasmineApoyarte
January 18th, 2018 4:36pm
Often, we can become attached to a mistake that we've made simply because we have spent a long time making it. In the long run, leaving these kinds of situations in the past will be less hurtful than staying and continuing to bet treated improperly.
Mushu74
January 31st, 2018 11:23pm
Perhaps talking to a professional will be able to help with your feelings and also find ways of coping. However it is good to have a healthy distance for you to heal
victoriadestiny
February 2nd, 2018 5:34pm
Most people go back to those who are bad for them because they're attached and comfortable with them. Even if they treat you bad. You love them so much that'd you'd rather stay, and be hurt, and wait for them to come around and change than leave.
HoneyBee92
February 7th, 2018 1:03pm
We believe that they will change if we continue to give them a second chance and things will turn out differently
ColourfulCarol
February 7th, 2018 10:34pm
Sometimes we go back to a relationship we know is toxic because we worry about being alone, and it is like a comfort that you know will still be there
Anonymous
February 17th, 2018 12:09pm
More often than not, a "relationship" gives us a feeling of satisfaction and belongingness. Depending on our appetite for these feelings, we choose to stay in a relationship even when we know that it's toxic and unhealthy. This is especially common if one doesn't have many satisfactory connections; so it becomes really tempting to hold on to a relationship even if it does more harm than good.
EllzBellz216
February 22nd, 2018 3:53pm
Perhaps a lack of self esteem or a general feeling of low self worth. This negative idea that no one else would ever want you or love you so it's better to keep with this one person who said they did rather than being alone and fearing that you'd never find someone again who will love you.
Anonymous
February 22nd, 2018 10:14pm
It is because you still have feelings for them but you don't want them to find out so you keep it to youself.
SupportivePaintings
February 28th, 2018 4:04pm
If you tend to go back to a toxic relationship, it is a force of habit that you should break. You might have a mindset of "I know that they will change this time" and you need to stop that. If you are in a toxic relationship you must break apart for the benefit of yourself and keeping you safe from harm.
Midnightcity83
March 2nd, 2018 12:20am
You must take care of yourself before trying to have a relationship. A lot of the times people accept the love they think they deserve, if you think you deserve anything less than than a healthy relationship, then the possiblity of you neglecting your self-being is why you return to toxic relationship. This goes for the side of the relationship that makes it toxic.
Anonymous
March 7th, 2018 11:48am
Because you love them to an extent that they dont feel toxic to you .. Please identify toxic people and push them away.
Anonymous
March 8th, 2018 6:28am
people usually go back to toxic relationships because they believe they can change the "toxic" person. Unfortunately people can't change people only life experience can.
JasonTehPanda
April 5th, 2018 6:35pm
You may feel like this relationship will somehow work itself out. But, it’s not always that way. You just have to do what’s best for you. A toxic relationship, is not.
Anonymous
April 6th, 2018 3:43am
Maybe because you are just too attached to the person. Or maybe you're just in the thought that you love him but ignoring all the other facts how much he hurt you
Anonymous
April 15th, 2018 6:58pm
Because you love that person and no matter how many times they do something to you, you choose to forgive them and love them unconditionally
kallyope
April 19th, 2018 8:35am
I've read some things about this. 1. It might be that you have had a bad upbringing /broken family/ been neglected, so trying to make this relationship a good one is a way to try to resolve the past. Also, it's what you was engrained in you to be "family" and "love" and in a way it makes you feel comfortable cause that's what you grew up with. 2. Maybe you have a good past, but you still can't let go and want to solve it. If you let go you are accepting you can't fix things, it's not in your control and that you are not good enough. Not saying this IS the case, and it's mostly something that happens on an unconscious level. I'm a bit in this situation, so I can relate.