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Why do women cheat instead of breaking up?

184 Answers
Last Updated: 02/20/2022 at 3:51pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
caringIceCream67
January 5th, 2016 2:19pm
Not all women cheat instead of breaking up. And maybe some people think brealing up to be a form of cheating... so its all about perception.
magnanimousEyes39
January 19th, 2016 11:26am
Image result for why women cheat Women, she says, tend to have an emotional connection with their lover and are more likely to have an affair because of loneliness. "Women tend to be more unhappy with the relationship they are in," Fisher says, "while men can be a lot happier in their primary relationship and also cheat
Sretiya
October 14th, 2016 12:01pm
It's easier to seek comfort and affirmation with someone else than facing the issues in a current relationship head on
Brandyn
October 16th, 2016 5:16am
Possibly because they don't want to hurt you initially but they want to be with the other person, or they just don't want to break up with you and they don't think it will be that bad if they're with 2 prople, some of them do break up instead to a avoid hurting their partner later when they find out
spottydogs15
October 16th, 2016 11:27am
There are many reasons a woman may cheat instead of breaking up. Sometimes women cheat because they are bored, sometimes it's because they are lacking something in their relationship or life. Sometimes it could be because they don't want to be in the relationship they are in but it offers some form of security and stability, but they are lacking the excitement and fun that cheating can provide. Also, it could be because they aren't ready to settle down into a monogamous relationship.
EmilyWayward
October 28th, 2016 11:57am
I have never cheated myself but I know my sister has. Her reasons are that she feels scared at getting too close and two serious in the relationship so she unconsciously wrecks it by cheating to stop this.
Anonymous
November 3rd, 2016 2:32pm
Women cheat because they are most likely scared to tell you or they do not mean to. It is a sudden feeling that happens that they are missing from their lover. So they go to someone else who has it.
SpeakingEasy
November 6th, 2016 1:11pm
In my experience, the feeling of needing to feel loved and values is so much more important at the time and can also be a call for attention.
Anonymous
November 11th, 2016 8:31pm
Women do not usually cheat in my opinion but if I have to say, it will probably be because they are afraid of letting go. They do not want to actually make a final decision that would cut off all ties with that other person so instead, they cheat.
Anonymous
November 16th, 2016 10:14pm
I haven't exactly known why people (not just women in this particular question) cheat instead of break up. I guess people try to think that they can "multitask" (if you will) with two people in their lives and figure out that way, even though it's a much better choice to just talk to them about it because it could prevent even having to break up, but in the end of cheating you break up anyway and it's just worse on both ends that way.
TrendingUpwards
December 2nd, 2016 9:17pm
I don't think this solely happens just from women, men are very much capable of this too. I think people cheat instead of breaking up with people because they are unsure of what they want, and are scared to make a mistake. This may sound crazy, but I think a part of them wants to know what its like to be single again but they are scared to take the plunge and actually break up with their significant other, so they test the water in an unfaithful way. It is very selfish, and I don't condone the behaviour, but I think it all boils down to fear. Then if they know they are still attractive and can get attention, they may break up with their SO or if they realise otherwise, they will hopefully confess and see what is left of the relationship to salvage. Its a complicated one, but fear of being alone will drive people to do silly things.
Anonymous
December 9th, 2016 4:08am
The question is a bit sexist as men cheat just as often. I think the lure is seeing what else is available without having to leave your comfort zone. I don't think it's ever about hurting the person you're with.
CatharticSerenity
February 1st, 2017 6:05pm
From what I understand, for people in general, is that sometimes though they love the person they are with, or loved them in the past, there is something they are not getting in the relationship that they need. In either case (in love with partner or not) there is something that about being comfortable with someone, where you can truly be yourself,that is hard to leave behind. I think people weigh this love of comfort (what they have built with their partner) against what they are missing and become conflicted. I think in general, people are kind and don't want to hurt others but in some sense we are predisposed to be selfish the and the mind has a way of getting what it wants. The allure of having something that you are missing can be powerful, especially when opportunity presents itself. Don't forget that we are all human and thus, fallible. Life is more complicated than the media and others would make it seem.
Anonymous
February 11th, 2017 8:39am
There are many reason depending on the person a few could be that she has commitment issues or maybe is unhappy in the relationship and wants out. Another reason could be that she doesnt want to be with you but doesnt want to hurt your feelings.
Rakune
March 31st, 2017 3:16pm
Some women feel like they love whoever they're with and the other person. This applies to men as well. Although some would argue that it isn't love when there is no commitment, love can be rather subjective. In a strange way, the woman wants to take care of two people. There's also the other case where they prefer the person the cheated on, but feel like their relationship with who they're actually supposed to be is stable and easy, so they prefer to keep it.
warmWaterfall22
April 21st, 2017 7:46pm
LIke men, they enjoy the thrill of the chase. Once they've attained their prize, they lose interest and ditch the person, often going back to their original situation or chasing after another.
Anonymous
June 28th, 2017 5:42pm
I think that cheating is never something someone WANTS to do - it has to deal with trust and love. People make mistakes, but if someone in a relationship is cheating, they are not being honest with themselves and their partners.
Journey2Healing
July 21st, 2017 5:50am
People usually cheat because they feel that there is something lacking in their relationships. Even though they may still want to be in the relationship because of love, convenience, or another reason, they also want their wants (like attention and pleasure) met, which is why people look elsewhere.
Baker16
July 28th, 2017 2:10pm
It's important to remember that it's not just women who do this, both males and females do this and not all of them. Unfortunately, some people just don't do the right thing and there are many reasons for this. It's better to respect your own morals and know that you wouldn't do that to another person. I'm sorry if this has happened to you and I hope you can find the respect you deserve from another human being who treats people better.
SmileMoreLovelies7
August 2nd, 2017 8:06pm
Not all women cheat, just like not all men cheat. Some women cheat because they have feelings for another person but they also have feelings for the person they are currently with, and do not want to let go. Other reasons could depend on the situation. For example, if there was alcohol involved, the woman could not have been in control, which is not an excuse. Another reason is that she may not have feelings for the person she is currently with and is too afraid to break up with the person because she does not want to fee like a bad person. All of these are reasons that a woman may cheat, but it does not mean that they are excusable.
Anonymous
August 18th, 2017 10:59pm
Because sometimes it is easier to find solace out of a dying relationship than go through the pain of actually breaking up. Sometimes, they also want to identify it intimacy is the reason behind why their current relationship is not working out. And cheating is just being closer to someone else instead of your partner. Women get closer to another person while they drift apart from their partner and end up making the mistake of cheating and then they break up realising a. They either cheated, b. They are happier with the other person or c. They need to take a break
SonnySky
September 19th, 2017 10:44am
Some women or men want more than one person's attention. This isn't in every case, but some people don't see the error in what they're doing, and sometimes just see too many perks in not leaving and "having their cake, eating it too", as they say. Sometimes the other party needs to assert that that's definitely not okay and leave the cheater. It can be very hard, but a love with no trust isn't a love at all. I've been cheated on because i was the primary breadwinner in my relationship and I was used and they didn't want to leave because i had a lot of disposable income that i used on them and that relationship was very toxic. My life improved almost instantly after the grief of the break-up.
CountYourBlessings1by1
October 16th, 2017 8:46pm
Not all women cheat instead of breaking up, and the same can be said about men. It's generally thought that women cheat instead of breaking up, because they feel as though they don't know how to break up with out hurting the other, or feel weak about what to do.
magicallyShell29
October 22nd, 2017 4:53am
The reason women cheat instead of breaking up is because they feel stuck. They may still like the person they are in a relationship with but they may feel like they are forgotten about. Now this is only one reason why but just try to ask them why they cheated and don’t feel bad it wasn’t your fault they cheated.
UntilThen
November 2nd, 2017 7:13pm
The use of the phrase "cheat instead of breaking up" shows a general misunderstanding of why people cheat. Cheating doesn't always mean the person doesn't want to be in a relationship with their partner. It's a hurtful thing to do but the people who do it aren't doing it to hurt anyone. Women do not cheat instead of breaking up: people cheat because they want to experience something different than they're used to in a sexual/romantic way.
Anonymous
November 8th, 2017 4:58am
Because uprooting a complete relationship might seem like a snap response as compared to a little something on the side.
Anonymous
November 16th, 2017 4:10pm
Relationships tend to have good and bad aspects throughout. By a woman cheating they maybe trying to ease the bad without eliminating the good. Also, it could simply be a case of the relationship has died but, they may have ties in the relationship such as children, home, money so therefore it’s easier for the woman to become thrilled again than leave.
aestheticbeebo
November 18th, 2017 3:13pm
Uhhh it's like a two way thing. Women don't ALWAYS cheat. It's not like men don't. We are all humans at the end of the day. We all like to do anything but deal with our emotions. So we go for not dealing with it at all.
SimonX
November 24th, 2017 10:00am
Because they dont know how to tell their boyfriends about it, it's hard for them to tell the person who trusts them that they have feelings for someone else.
Anonymous
November 30th, 2017 11:44pm
They dont want to leave someone and stay with empty hands! She cheat part of the time for have different adventures, and the other part for looking for the next correct couple.