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Why do you let the person who hurt you occupy your thoughts?

22 Answers
Last Updated: 05/17/2021 at 2:56am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Kajsa Futrell, RTC


I specialise in respectfully helping people navigate their way through trauma and relationship issues. The adversities in our life can actually transform us.

Top Rated Answers
November 24th, 2014 5:05am
It is hard to think of people who hurt you, it can take an emotional toll. One reason is that you probably still care about the person. Even though you don't want to think about them because of what they did to you, it is hard when you still care.
November 21st, 2014 5:55pm
The closer you are to a person, the more you're hurt if something happens. We think about the greater pains more than the little ones, so the longer we think about a problem that really hurt us, the longer we think about the person who really hurt us.
January 6th, 2015 3:35am
It's easy to let someone who has had a major impact in your life come across your mind. The question is, are you letting them occupy your thoughts in such a way you regress to the times they hurt you? Or do you think about the person in a way such that you analyze and process the steps you have taken to overcome the hurt from said person. It is about the intent of your thoughts that will produce your actions. Never let someone who intentionally hurt you rule what goes on in your mind. Think of that person as a stepping stone in the past.
November 21st, 2014 7:01pm
Because he was the person for whom we cared or loved . And its impossible to forget a person whom you loved just because he or she hurt you . One can never be hurt by someone for whom they never cared
November 23rd, 2014 1:54am
Its silly really. You think over and over the reasons why someone hurt you and you think what you could have done to avoid being hurt and what could you do to make it better. Its a vicious cycle
December 20th, 2014 7:54pm
Anger focuses our energy and hones our desire for resolution. Unfortunately, by continuing to relive the events and people who harmed us, we only hurt ourselves again and again.
April 3rd, 2015 2:20pm
Because usually the person who hurt you is the one you love the most or someone you don't know at all. Its normal to continually think about the person who hurt you. But you have to try and push them to the back of your mind and forget about them. Thats the easiest way to forget about the pain. The more you hurt, the longer you hurt.. :)
February 7th, 2017 11:10am
Honestly, I don't know - I struggle so much being split between obsessively going over what went wrong, how did I deserve it? and then spinning into bitterness about how unfair it was, how I didn't deserve to be hurt and then wishing they felt like I did. I think when someone hurts you, the 'social expectation' is that you have two things - 'answers' and 'fairness'. You know why something happened (so you can prevent it from happening again) and then you get justice (because the bad guys get their just desserts right?!) and a lot of the time keeping I'm keeping hurt in my head and my heart to turn it over and over because feel like, if I can at least 'figure it out' then maybe I can finally make my peace with it.
March 13th, 2015 11:14pm
Because it's natural that we think about people who had a big impact on our life. Being hurted by someone leaves memories, and those memories will probably fade away one day, but unfortunately that person will occupy your thoughts for a while.
January 18th, 2016 2:41am
If the person who hurts you is close to you then it would hurt and disturb you more then a person who is not so close. Whatever the situation is a person who hurts you not caring about how you feel does not deserve any time in your mind.
February 28th, 2017 7:49pm
Because that's what most people are comfortable with. They can relate to that similar feeling of hurt and pain, they want to keep that comfortable feeling with them so that they don't have to change who they are.
April 11th, 2017 11:37pm
Well love, we begin to look inside ourselves as we try to understand the why behind actions the other makes. Whether the feelings turn to anger or sadness, they will take hold in your thoughts. However, worry not love, the thoughts will pass as you begin to move on, as you allowed yourself to forgive. Forgiveness isn't about forgetting love, it's about accepting, acknowledging, and learning from it as you move forward.
June 12th, 2017 3:16pm
It's funny, When humans grab something that hurts them, they quickly let go of the offending object, in order not to be hurt by it. However, the problem is, they still need to heal, from the damage that was caused by it, and of course learn not to grab that object again. When you think that all life forms are actually objects that are alive.. This question seems a lot less mysterious, and well kinda more easily understood.
May 29th, 2018 2:43pm
keeping them in your thoughts actually makes you stronger. it pushes us to learn from it and become better that them
October 29th, 2018 3:17pm
I think we let the person occupy our thoughts not because they hurt us, but because we love or have strong feelings toward them (that is how their actions could hurt us in the first place). We may think of them because we still love them, which is completely normal, or because we are still haven’t forgiven them for what they did or we still dont really understand why they hurt us. It depends on what kind of thoughts you have when you think of them, negative or positive, the good times or bad. It’s important to let yourself grieve and give yourself time. If you feel like the thoughts are too overwhelming, it’s absolutely okay to talk to someone.
June 12th, 2015 3:19pm
Second chance. Everybody deserves a second chance. Even a worst person can change to a good guy if given second chance.
June 29th, 2015 11:27pm
It is important to ponder over the past to learn from your mistakes and move forward. Sometimes those who hurt us can teach us the most needed lessons.
June 30th, 2015 6:59am
Precisely because they hurt you, and because it was a deep impact you need to process it to move on.
September 7th, 2015 2:57am
Its hard to separate your feelings sometimes and to make sense of them. But if you were hurt by someone its hard not to think about the fact that they hurt you. If you are having difficulties dealing with those feelings, perhaps speaking with someone you trust, or a counselor or therapist can help.
November 16th, 2015 12:19am
Because after a while of that person hurting me I finally started to believe everything that person was telling me.
June 13th, 2016 1:30am
I had situation like this I let someone to hurt me and destroy me, just because I was in love. And it's so difficult to say goodbye...
May 17th, 2021 2:56am
When someone impacts you life so much. It leaves a piece of them with you. Subconsciously still controlling you even though they aren’t in you life anymore. It hurts and it takes a lot of healing but now I can see that I have grown to be stronger than them. While it’s occurring it might not feel like much but every little action is setting you up to be the person you are meant to become. They do not have control over my actions. I affirm daily to remind myself that I don’t have to listen to my intrusive thoughts, I can make my own.