Why does breaking up hurt so much?

365 Answers
Last Updated: 09/04/2018 at 11:19am
Why does breaking up hurt so much?
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
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Top Rated Answers
CaseyCloud
September 22nd, 2014 9:54pm
Nobody likes goodbyes. It's important to acknowledge that all relationships are meaningful to a degree. When we choose a romantic one (being more than sexual), we implicitly say to ourselves, "this person could possibly be someone I spend the rest of my life loving." Dating can just be a sexual relationship, whether exclusive or not. Romance is when we volunteer our whole self to another person, expecting them to do the same, and show each other who we truly are at our core. Naturally, this makes us feel vulnerable; that this person sees and judges our true self. This is why honest and open lines of communication are critical to relationships; no one wants to be judged for being something they aren't. So whether mistakes were made or things just didn't work out, it hurts to say goodbye to such a meaningful relationship. However, the most important thing after a break up, after the crying when life goes on, is to not let it affect our behavior negatively. A weak person let's their past experiences hold them back because of what other people (the next relationship) might do. A strong person makes the past experiences teach us about what we will do next time. Moving on, forward, and up is all we can do to be healthy again and start anew.
Zah
October 24th, 2014 12:26pm
When we fall in love, we tend to give our all to our partner. So when they hurt or leave us, our body and soul dies. It's sad that this pain is unexplainable. Hope things will be okay.
Anonymous
March 31st, 2015 5:21pm
People can be perfect you know, and still somehow the stars just seem to be unaligned. You think about all that you could have said or done, that you didn’t or about those 10 seconds of courage that could have changed everything. Don’t you ever wonder as to why you didn’t go for those 10 seconds of courage? Well I do. Maybe cause it wasn’t meant to happen. Nobody thinks about that. I mean you keep your thoughts fixated on the one you like so much, that you just fail to see the reality. You just keep wanting and wishing and waiting for something that’s probably never gonna happen. I mean you still hope against all hope that it will happen one day. But if it was that way, you would never have had these thoughts in the first place. Cause sometimes it really doesn’t matter how many coins you toss in the fountain or how many shooting stars you see. Some things are just not meant to be. No matter how much you want, wish, cry or try. Maybe these thoughts go away eventually. Maybe if it was meant to be, the stars would have aligned for you. Maybe if it was meant to be, against all odds, It would have been.
Anonymous
November 9th, 2014 2:21pm
It's because when you're with someone, you end up becoming dependent on their so much, that when that person is not there for you, it feels as if part of you is missing.
Hayward1998
April 16th, 2015 7:38pm
Because when you're in love with someone you become attached and comfortable. You get blinded by love, you get so caught up with that person you wouldnt want to Imagen life without them, you open up your heart, soul and life to this person. They become your life, your world, your everything and in a split second the thing you thought that was impossible happens. The relationship breaks down, you lose that thing that you made your life revolve around, youre so attached and to let go hurts so much, you feel your heart drop and the pain feels like it physically broke. Your stomach turns and drops and you can feel it. like all the butterflies just died. Truth is, Time really does heal a broken heart, maybe not completely but youll learn that some things are not meant to be, youll start to pick yourself up and stop constantly thinking about them, the memories will be there but you will teach yourself that you need to focus on you and your future. I know it hurts right now but time will help. when a dentist pulls your tooth out even month after you tounge runs over it up to 100 times a weeks or even a day but just because sometimes you miss it being tere doesnt mean that it should be there.
Anonymous
October 29th, 2014 9:58pm
I think it hurts because you are losing a person that is very important to you. It can be difficult to fill that space that they held in your life, especially if the relationship seemed to be going well. Unexpected changes can be scary.
Anonymous
October 30th, 2014 6:59am
Because you lost the person you weren't willing to give up just yet. This person was your world and without them you feel lost and loss itself. Love is a strong emotion.
Youarebeautiful77
August 24th, 2015 1:23pm
Breakups aren’t just a bitch. They can be debilitating, confusing, depressing, refreshing, exciting, saddening, disappointing, even life-questioning. I know. I have been there. I have been that girl sobbing on the floor, feeling purposeless and lost. In time I healed even stronger an better than I had been before. And then I found a love that I never imagined I could have, or even deserved.
Kathrine101
November 3rd, 2014 10:31am
Breaking up hurts someone because you have already "bonded' with them. They already made a huge impact on your life and its almost like a shock for everything to change and be without them. It's okay to cry and be hurt but remember that things will get better and you deserve so much more.
Nisha14
October 25th, 2014 7:11am
Because you are seperated from someone you grew attached to and came to care for over a long period of time.
Em
July 25th, 2015 2:20am
It hurts because you've had a life until that point that not only revolved around that significant other, but was imagined around them. You've seen a future with them, a life with them, you've seen your separate worlds become one big conjoined world, and then.. Now, you're feeling like you're left with only half of it. Healing from a broken heart means, in part, learning to grow that other half of you that was torn away with the break up. It's tough, but it's such a big growing experience. It's life changing, and eventually, it's amazing.
ImNick16
January 7th, 2016 6:19am
I suppose it's different for many people, but if you're the one that's being broken up with, sometimes you get the feeling that you weren't good enough, that you weren't making your significant other happy enough so they broke up with you. If you were the one who is ending the relationship, perhaps it's the thought that it's potentially emotionally harming the person you once were really close with. If it's a mutual decision to end the relationship, perhaps both parties think it's for the best and they can move on easier. However, sometimes people have to break up while they still love each other due to distance and lack of time and such, and it's one of the worst feelings. I've been unfortunate enough to go through a break up while we were both still in love, and I can't describe how I felt, but it was just painful. Very very painful. Not having her with me though we used to be so close, it's just saddening. I've been trying to recover, but it is very difficult.
Anonymous
August 12th, 2015 3:50pm
A relationship is a belief. You believe in the relationship and when you break up it's like your belief was a false one. It's shattering at times because of a broken trust. You trusted that it would last or be better.
AliciaJ
February 4th, 2016 4:31am
Breaking up hurts because your loved one will probably not be part of your life and future any more. It's completely normal to feel heartbroken and incomplete. But hey - your world doesn't revolve around somebody else. If you think you've lost yourself in this relationship then now it's the perfect time to find that missing piece again. It's hard. It will take however long it needs to take. But you will be happy again if you actively start the recovery process. Stay away from your ex, clear your head out and figure out what went wrong. Calm down and find happiness in your own life again. Talk to a friend (or even me) if you need to. Remember that no one but YOU have the control over your own life. Breaking up may be the end of the relationship between you two, but it's certainly not the end of your life. You deserve to be happy :)
AGreatPerhaps
September 16th, 2014 2:43pm
Because up until that point, that person meant everything to you. And then suddenly they're gone, with only some incomprehensible explanation.
samairann
November 3rd, 2014 6:08pm
It hurts because that person is the closest to you. you share all your things with that person and suddenly when you find out that the person you loved the most has being cheating on you or maybe cause of some other reason you have to break up. It hurts a lot.
Tarafee
October 1st, 2014 8:17pm
your break up hurts so much because you opened your heart to that person, you loved that person en could be yourself with that person! losing someone does hurt especially when its your love
Uniqueg
October 30th, 2014 9:25pm
Because your losing someone who had an important role in your life and heart, and your used to them being there and without that feeling it hurts.
ImHereToHelp1
September 13th, 2014 5:28pm
Because wee get too connected to the past, and its feelings, we forget about moving on and moving forward with out lives, that is one reason, moving on will be difficult at first but in the future this break up will be a source of strength and confidence.
RYBH
October 27th, 2014 12:27am
The relationship and friendship you have built up in a relationship is so hard to just break away from when breaking up. That is why it hurts to break up.
Anonymous
November 12th, 2014 1:47pm
Because it comes from the person you least expected it from. We include that person in almost everything we do in our life but after a break-up we then realize it was all worth nothing.
Anonymous
November 20th, 2014 6:22pm
because the person you thought is the one left you...the person you think who completes you, left...and simply because you love. Love can make us happy and can also make us hurt 100 times like you've been hit by a bus
sereneWaves56
February 12th, 2018 4:16pm
when you get attached to someone like you never have before things begin to get difficult, when you spend so much of your time surrounded by one person, continuously getting to know that person, finding out their likes, dislikes, hobbies, and learning to love al their like quirks it becomes hard to imagine life any different. when you go to the next step like meeting their family and getting intimate this bond you have created becomes even stronger and more personal. It becomes hard to imagine anything other than what you have, and when this ends all you are left with is those memories you created, the good, and the not so good all associated with the partner you once loved so much become painful and unbearable to think about. I guess breaking up hurts so much because you never expect this person that you are learning to love, and growing with to ever leave. you get so comfortbale within your routine and it doesnt feel like it will ever break, and you dont want it to, but when it does, oh when it does, it shatters you. its because everything youve ever known, which was oonce in place no longer is. reality has become harsh and youve lost something you cherished so very much. I guess nobody really knows how to get over a person but time is a healer.
TrueHelp
October 7th, 2014 6:41pm
When you love someone from your bottom of your heart and had spent your most the time with your beloved. After breaking up you feel to be left alone and with a meaningless life. You feel the pain of your broken heart and yeah, it hurts to be alone and keep thinking about the good times you spent with your beloved.
FreedomInSolitude
August 15th, 2015 9:41pm
When you're in a relationship with someone you get comfortable with that feeling of knowing that it's you and them. After you break up, it's just you. That fact starts to settle and the feelings of hurt begin to rise. Breaking up is a big change. It's scary as you have no idea what will happen next. But just know there is hope, there are so many people out there who are looking for love and one day you will find that perfect person. For now, work on you!
Anonymous
November 15th, 2014 1:24am
Because when you let go of that person you were with, you have to let go of all the good things that were present when you were that person.
Jeevan
April 24th, 2015 9:03pm
Because you start feeling vulnerable again, it touches deep feelings of loneliness, rejection, mistrust, etc.
Anonymous
December 13th, 2015 12:56am
Because you both had become two bodies and one soul and when they apart each and every part of you hurts because you again become two bodies and two souls.
MichaAmy
April 1st, 2015 10:07pm
Breaking up hurts because you are so used to being with that person, so the same happens eventually, you get used to being without them and the pain goes.
Anonymous
July 31st, 2015 6:34pm
Because in a way, it is losing someone you care for. It is the disappointment of getting your hopes up about someone. It is a sudden change of something you were accustomed to. It is having to rebuild yourself alone. But that pain can also help you grow in to someone strong and wise. Everything we go through is a learning experience. We don't have to be bitter about being hurt, we can use it as power and knowledge. We appreciate the good things, and learn to be more aware of the bad.