Why does breaking up hurt so much?

364 Answers.
Last Updated: 02/12/2018 at 4:16pm
Why does breaking up hurt so much?
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
Top Rated Answer
September 22nd, 2014 9:54pm
Nobody likes goodbyes. It's important to acknowledge that all relationships are meaningful to a degree. When we choose a romantic one (being more than sexual), we implicitly say to ourselves, "this person could possibly be someone I spend the rest of my life loving." Dating can just be a sexual relationship, whether exclusive or not. Romance is when we volunteer our whole self to another person, expecting them to do the same, and show each other who we truly are at our core. Naturally, this makes us feel vulnerable; that this person sees and judges our true self. This is why honest and open lines of communication are critical to relationships; no one wants to be judged for being something they aren't. So whether mistakes were made or things just didn't work out, it hurts to say goodbye to such a meaningful relationship. However, the most important thing after a break up, after the crying when life goes on, is to not let it affect our behavior negatively. A weak person let's their past experiences hold them back because of what other people (the next relationship) might do. A strong person makes the past experiences teach us about what we will do next time. Moving on, forward, and up is all we can do to be healthy again and start anew.
Newest Answer
February 12th, 2018 4:16pm
when you get attached to someone like you never have before things begin to get difficult, when you spend so much of your time surrounded by one person, continuously getting to know that person, finding out their likes, dislikes, hobbies, and learning to love al their like quirks it becomes hard to imagine life any different. when you go to the next step like meeting their family and getting intimate this bond you have created becomes even stronger and more personal. It becomes hard to imagine anything other than what you have, and when this ends all you are left with is those memories you created, the good, and the not so good all associated with the partner you once loved so much become painful and unbearable to think about. I guess breaking up hurts so much because you never expect this person that you are learning to love, and growing with to ever leave. you get so comfortbale within your routine and it doesnt feel like it will ever break, and you dont want it to, but when it does, oh when it does, it shatters you. its because everything youve ever known, which was oonce in place no longer is. reality has become harsh and youve lost something you cherished so very much. I guess nobody really knows how to get over a person but time is a healer.

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Top Rated Answers
October 24th, 2014 12:26pm
When we fall in love, we tend to give our all to our partner. So when they hurt or leave us, our body and soul dies. It's sad that this pain is unexplainable. Hope things will be okay.
July 21st, 2018 12:50am
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March 31st, 2015 5:21pm
People can be perfect you know, and still somehow the stars just seem to be unaligned. You think about all that you could have said or done, that you didn’t or about those 10 seconds of courage that could have changed everything. Don’t you ever wonder as to why you didn’t go for those 10 seconds of courage? Well I do. Maybe cause it wasn’t meant to happen. Nobody thinks about that. I mean you keep your thoughts fixated on the one you like so much, that you just fail to see the reality. You just keep wanting and wishing and waiting for something that’s probably never gonna happen. I mean you still hope against all hope that it will happen one day. But if it was that way, you would never have had these thoughts in the first place. Cause sometimes it really doesn’t matter how many coins you toss in the fountain or how many shooting stars you see. Some things are just not meant to be. No matter how much you want, wish, cry or try. Maybe these thoughts go away eventually. Maybe if it was meant to be, the stars would have aligned for you. Maybe if it was meant to be, against all odds, It would have been.
November 9th, 2014 2:21pm
It's because when you're with someone, you end up becoming dependent on their so much, that when that person is not there for you, it feels as if part of you is missing.
April 16th, 2015 7:38pm
Because when you're in love with someone you become attached and comfortable. You get blinded by love, you get so caught up with that person you wouldnt want to Imagen life without them, you open up your heart, soul and life to this person. They become your life, your world, your everything and in a split second the thing you thought that was impossible happens. The relationship breaks down, you lose that thing that you made your life revolve around, youre so attached and to let go hurts so much, you feel your heart drop and the pain feels like it physically broke. Your stomach turns and drops and you can feel it. like all the butterflies just died. Truth is, Time really does heal a broken heart, maybe not completely but youll learn that some things are not meant to be, youll start to pick yourself up and stop constantly thinking about them, the memories will be there but you will teach yourself that you need to focus on you and your future. I know it hurts right now but time will help. when a dentist pulls your tooth out even month after you tounge runs over it up to 100 times a weeks or even a day but just because sometimes you miss it being tere doesnt mean that it should be there.
October 29th, 2014 9:58pm
I think it hurts because you are losing a person that is very important to you. It can be difficult to fill that space that they held in your life, especially if the relationship seemed to be going well. Unexpected changes can be scary.
October 30th, 2014 6:59am
Because you lost the person you weren't willing to give up just yet. This person was your world and without them you feel lost and loss itself. Love is a strong emotion.
August 24th, 2015 1:23pm
Breakups aren’t just a bitch. They can be debilitating, confusing, depressing, refreshing, exciting, saddening, disappointing, even life-questioning. I know. I have been there. I have been that girl sobbing on the floor, feeling purposeless and lost. In time I healed even stronger an better than I had been before. And then I found a love that I never imagined I could have, or even deserved.
November 3rd, 2014 10:31am
Breaking up hurts someone because you have already "bonded' with them. They already made a huge impact on your life and its almost like a shock for everything to change and be without them. It's okay to cry and be hurt but remember that things will get better and you deserve so much more.
October 25th, 2014 7:11am
Because you are seperated from someone you grew attached to and came to care for over a long period of time.
July 25th, 2015 2:20am
It hurts because you've had a life until that point that not only revolved around that significant other, but was imagined around them. You've seen a future with them, a life with them, you've seen your separate worlds become one big conjoined world, and then.. Now, you're feeling like you're left with only half of it. Healing from a broken heart means, in part, learning to grow that other half of you that was torn away with the break up. It's tough, but it's such a big growing experience. It's life changing, and eventually, it's amazing.
January 7th, 2016 6:19am
I suppose it's different for many people, but if you're the one that's being broken up with, sometimes you get the feeling that you weren't good enough, that you weren't making your significant other happy enough so they broke up with you. If you were the one who is ending the relationship, perhaps it's the thought that it's potentially emotionally harming the person you once were really close with. If it's a mutual decision to end the relationship, perhaps both parties think it's for the best and they can move on easier. However, sometimes people have to break up while they still love each other due to distance and lack of time and such, and it's one of the worst feelings. I've been unfortunate enough to go through a break up while we were both still in love, and I can't describe how I felt, but it was just painful. Very very painful. Not having her with me though we used to be so close, it's just saddening. I've been trying to recover, but it is very difficult.
August 12th, 2015 3:50pm
A relationship is a belief. You believe in the relationship and when you break up it's like your belief was a false one. It's shattering at times because of a broken trust. You trusted that it would last or be better.
February 4th, 2016 4:31am
Breaking up hurts because your loved one will probably not be part of your life and future any more. It's completely normal to feel heartbroken and incomplete. But hey - your world doesn't revolve around somebody else. If you think you've lost yourself in this relationship then now it's the perfect time to find that missing piece again. It's hard. It will take however long it needs to take. But you will be happy again if you actively start the recovery process. Stay away from your ex, clear your head out and figure out what went wrong. Calm down and find happiness in your own life again. Talk to a friend (or even me) if you need to. Remember that no one but YOU have the control over your own life. Breaking up may be the end of the relationship between you two, but it's certainly not the end of your life. You deserve to be happy :)
September 16th, 2014 2:43pm
Because up until that point, that person meant everything to you. And then suddenly they're gone, with only some incomprehensible explanation.
November 3rd, 2014 6:08pm
It hurts because that person is the closest to you. you share all your things with that person and suddenly when you find out that the person you loved the most has being cheating on you or maybe cause of some other reason you have to break up. It hurts a lot.
October 1st, 2014 8:17pm
your break up hurts so much because you opened your heart to that person, you loved that person en could be yourself with that person! losing someone does hurt especially when its your love
October 30th, 2014 9:25pm
Because your losing someone who had an important role in your life and heart, and your used to them being there and without that feeling it hurts.
September 13th, 2014 5:28pm
Because wee get too connected to the past, and its feelings, we forget about moving on and moving forward with out lives, that is one reason, moving on will be difficult at first but in the future this break up will be a source of strength and confidence.
October 27th, 2014 12:27am
The relationship and friendship you have built up in a relationship is so hard to just break away from when breaking up. That is why it hurts to break up.
November 12th, 2014 1:47pm
Because it comes from the person you least expected it from. We include that person in almost everything we do in our life but after a break-up we then realize it was all worth nothing.
November 20th, 2014 6:22pm
because the person you thought is the one left you...the person you think who completes you, left...and simply because you love. Love can make us happy and can also make us hurt 100 times like you've been hit by a bus
October 7th, 2014 6:41pm
When you love someone from your bottom of your heart and had spent your most the time with your beloved. After breaking up you feel to be left alone and with a meaningless life. You feel the pain of your broken heart and yeah, it hurts to be alone and keep thinking about the good times you spent with your beloved.
August 15th, 2015 9:41pm
When you're in a relationship with someone you get comfortable with that feeling of knowing that it's you and them. After you break up, it's just you. That fact starts to settle and the feelings of hurt begin to rise. Breaking up is a big change. It's scary as you have no idea what will happen next. But just know there is hope, there are so many people out there who are looking for love and one day you will find that perfect person. For now, work on you!
November 15th, 2014 1:24am
Because when you let go of that person you were with, you have to let go of all the good things that were present when you were that person.
April 24th, 2015 9:03pm
Because you start feeling vulnerable again, it touches deep feelings of loneliness, rejection, mistrust, etc.
December 13th, 2015 12:56am
Because you both had become two bodies and one soul and when they apart each and every part of you hurts because you again become two bodies and two souls.
April 1st, 2015 10:07pm
Breaking up hurts because you are so used to being with that person, so the same happens eventually, you get used to being without them and the pain goes.
July 31st, 2015 6:34pm
Because in a way, it is losing someone you care for. It is the disappointment of getting your hopes up about someone. It is a sudden change of something you were accustomed to. It is having to rebuild yourself alone. But that pain can also help you grow in to someone strong and wise. Everything we go through is a learning experience. We don't have to be bitter about being hurt, we can use it as power and knowledge. We appreciate the good things, and learn to be more aware of the bad.
January 9th, 2016 12:39am
Breaking up hurts so bad because the feelings aren't over and a fear of not returning to normalcy w/ the person hangs over you. It's a feeling of loss- but worse because they are only so far away. It hurts because you know it wont ever be how it was- how you remembered it to be. It hurts because for you- it wasn't over.
February 27th, 2016 9:08pm
one of the most painful things in life is losing contact with someone we love.It can be heartbreaking. You get used to that person being around and when things come to an end it gets hard to cope up . It literally works like addiction. Its not just a relationship that we lose , we lose a friend and partner; someone who knows and understands us like nobody else. It also hurts because usually at the moment it feels like you might never find someone who will make you happy like that person did . If you're ending on bad terms, you might feel like the other person wronged you; yet you still miss him/her. Experiencing conflicting feelings is confusing and frustrating. It could also hurt because you think they never loved you. All the negative thoughts , fears and doubts take over our mind. But it is mostly also cause we fear being alone cause we think it sucks being alone. It can be tough re-learning to experience things on your own. In the end i ll just sum it up saying , It hurts cause you lost something and someone that mattered. But someday it ll get better, it wont bother as much as it does now . xx
November 4th, 2014 5:56am
because it feels like you are losing a part of yourself when you lose that person. Being alone is always scary after being with someone else.
December 19th, 2015 7:42pm
Breakups are so hard because you're losing someone much closer than a friend. It's like having a part of you leave. Relationships are meant to last forever, ideally. The point of a relationship is to find the person you want to marry, so losing that person is much harder than just losing a friend.
November 4th, 2014 1:56am
Perhaps for some, their significant was the source of their happiness or a 'crutch' in their life. When things such as that end, one if not both people are struggling to find out who they are and figuring out what makes them happy just by themselves. It's a beautiful struggle and a lot of growth can come from it!
July 1st, 2015 6:10pm
Its because when we break up with a person, it means ending the connection between you and that person both.Our human nature is that when we have been with a person for a so long time,we get attached very much and we love spending time with that person and then suddenly that person leaves due to any reason, its a big change we have to deal with.
July 4th, 2015 12:09pm
It hurst so much because you've just lost someone that you love very abruptly and there's usually no way of getting back together.
December 17th, 2015 6:24pm
From my personal experience, I found that it hurts the most because you planned things with this person who you loved, and now that you are no longer together all those things can not happen. Another thing I've noticed about breakups is that there is a fear of ending up alone and or not feeling worthy enough for someone. After a breakup I tend to take time to focus on myself and make sure I do not make the mistakes in new relationships as I did in past ones! Take time to care for yourself and figure out your own truth as to who you are and what it may be that you're really looking for in a life partner!
January 2nd, 2016 5:14am
Romantic relationships are some of the strongest and most emotionally-intense relations that people can experience. It is only natural that after establishing this kind of relationship with someone and growing used to it, suddenly breaking it apart will be painful. There are a series of things that you can do to decrease the amount of emotional pain you feel from these changes. The most important thing, however, is to recognize that there is a chance you will be able to establish strong relations with someone who you will never have to break up with.
January 6th, 2016 7:46am
because you realise in your heart how much they meant to you, how much you loved them and now thats gone
January 6th, 2016 3:13pm
Becuase we don't feel the love and passion that we once felt when we looked in to the eyes of our special someone. And realizing we made the wrong choce hurts us. We feel naked, like we've lost a par of our souls. Brake ups are hard, but one day we'll all find our red string :)
January 11th, 2016 7:23pm
Breaking up is similar to dealing with a death. We are used to having someone there all of the time. We share our deepest secrets, get to know their little quirks as they get to know yours. We give them a piece of ourselves. Then to have all of that taken away leaves an empty feeling inside. You know, the process of a break up is similar to the process of grief. Adapting to change isn't always easy. Especially in the case of a break up because it is usually a change we don't want to have to do. But in time you learn a new "normal" for yourself and heal from it.
January 13th, 2016 3:14pm
Breaking up hurts because you have fallen in love with that person. You have trusted them not to hurt you but unfortunately, they do.
January 27th, 2016 2:07pm
Breaking up hurts because you had an emotional connection with that person and it hurts to throw something like that away. Especially if you were in that relationship for a long time, and he/she are just not feeling it anymore.
October 9th, 2014 12:07pm
because this the part that you have to re-plan, re-dream everything, because you need to do something by your own now.
November 6th, 2014 11:56am
It feels as though all of the time, effort and love you put into someone else has been thrown away. It truly feels as though you have done everything you can to show that you care, but it still isn't enough. Sometimes it can feel like someone has physically hurt your heart, and sometimes it can feel purely emotional. No matter what, it is an extreme pain which needs to be dealt with carefully.
November 15th, 2014 6:13pm
It hurts because we're losing a part of us, the part we shared with that person through the thick and thin
July 2nd, 2015 8:41pm
breaking up hurts so much because of the emotions time and money that you have invested in that person.. it makes you feel like you have lost something precious..
July 17th, 2015 7:56pm
Breaking up hurts.... for many different reasons! Its just the knowing that you can never be intimate with this person again.. whether it be emotionally or physically. Its the sense of lost. But breaking up can be a good thing as well. It can give us a chance to grow as a person! and even learn from our mistakes or accomplishments in order to be a better for the next person we date.
August 15th, 2015 2:17pm
Pretty sure that if you cut something in two, that was meant to be whole it hurts. Just like bread.
November 3rd, 2015 6:33am
brake up with someone you love so much will hurt but it also make you stronger and preparing you for the world and also helping you to understand the way of life i hope this helps a lot or you broken hearts out there i help me a lot
December 12th, 2015 10:45pm
It hurts b/c of the fact that you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with them but they walked out of your life.
December 17th, 2015 3:47am
Breaking up hurts so much because you have to say goodbye to the part of yourself that have loved and cared the other person unconditionally.
December 27th, 2015 11:07am
Because we have formed attachments with someone and give up things for this person and have faith in this person and confide in this one person and he/she becomes our safety so when we lose that or feel like we it really takes a toll on us
December 27th, 2015 1:31pm
when we love someone we give that one a space or a room in our heart however, some people we think they are so special to us and we want to give them more, so we end up to give them more space in our heart and more and more sometimes it can exceed the normal or the healthy level of giving space in our heart for a one person the much space you give, the much it will hurt because our heart can tolerate having so much space of emptiness on it that why its hurt so much that how i see it i never get hurt so much from a breaking up actually i did one time or two times but it was only friendships break up i used to give my friends a big space in my heart but not anymore, i love them and whomever i love or give a space in my heart, i expect that one may leave one day and that i must not exceed the healthy normal limits what is the healthy normal limits ? for me is that to still have other rooms in my heart for me, which must be the larger room than others room , that i still have rooms for my family and friends, and rooms for my own dreams the other thing is if anyone whom i give a room in my heart want to hurt me or act in a way i dont personally like; like trying to hurt those who in the others room or trying to make me reduce the size of my room , i accept to give this person a smaller room or to dismiss this person
December 27th, 2015 2:05pm
Because we become so attached to this single person, they occupy our thoughts day and night, we like the way they used to once make us feel, so special. We used to share everything with them happiness, sadness, doubts, fears, goals everything. And now there will be no one to share anything...the loneliness hurts, the rejection hurts. It breaks our self esteem a little. At first we miss that person so terribly, like it hurts us physically, the separation becomes painful and at times we want to get back together again, but we stop ourselves because we know it's not good to us. But day by day, we miss that
December 30th, 2015 12:18pm
Breaking up is similar to grief, you've just lost someone you deeply cared about, someone you thought would always be there for you, and it's perfectly normal to feel a lot of pain. Just remember that you are not alone, and you can talk about it. Embrace your pain, talk about it, build things to cope with it, and let time heal you slowly, you'll get over it even if it seems impossible to you right now. You can do it :)
January 13th, 2016 4:46pm
It is painful to lose a person you have come to build a bond with. Break-ups cause a lot of uncertainty and are quite demoralising. But the important thing is time heals all and eventually you do get through it.
January 24th, 2016 4:04am
Break up with someone hurts a lot because we believe that the person we were would be forever our love, but it turned out that this has changed over time. Pain is more the lack of someone reliable, and always together than the person
April 4th, 2016 9:25pm
It hurts because you believe that's you're everything in one person. You're in love and it hurts a lot.
Recent Answers
January 30th, 2018 1:43pm
because you fall in Love, and one you get that great feeling of been loved you instantly become attracted to that people. when they go out of the blue it hurts because of how close you once wear and the chemistry
January 23rd, 2018 3:25pm
Because you became fond of that person. And it's ok to feel close to someone! Although breakups then are hard. Sorry you're having a bad time. You'll get through this!
January 8th, 2018 12:39am
Breakups are always hard because you feel love. When you care about and love a person it is always hard to loose them. Even though it hurts it will 99/100 times go over after some time. Feel free to talk about this to a therapist.
January 7th, 2018 10:30am
Because you entrust everything to that one person... You feel safe and you let your guard down easily... And you lose a lot. I'm sorry for anyone that goes through a break up.
November 28th, 2017 5:55am
Depends on the breakup, but it can be because you are not used to not having that person anymore in your life
March 27th, 2017 12:35pm
When we love someone.. We unknowingly become dependent on him or her.. Our life just revolve around them.. They become our first priority ..when that person left us..life become meaningless..emptiness.. Loneliness.. Give us pain and hurt.
January 31st, 2017 10:00am
You're used to being connected to this person intimately. You're used to have them around, likely daily and maybe even hourly. You care for them, and since they're gone it hurts, even more when you love them. It means you're human and have the capacity to love.
December 5th, 2016 9:43pm
Some people may say that one is exaggerating when they break up with their partner. However, in my opinion, age does not matter, gender does not matter, nothing matters except the fact that you've got seperated from some one who was an important part of your life. Letting go of these people is always painful, but never something that you can't get over. :)
November 7th, 2016 6:40am
Because you trusted that one person with everything and depending on how they broke up with you, you might realize you should of never trusted them in the first place.
October 3rd, 2016 2:43am
It hurts because we lose the person we love so much. It hurts cause it was something real, something that really mattered to you. And your heart hurts because of it
August 16th, 2016 4:26pm
We tend to get emotionally attached to the ones we daily talk to/meet,etc. So, sudden parting gives a hard time. Staying emotionally strong can help get over it.
July 5th, 2016 9:24am
Because you're losing someone you love, and all the effort you put in a relationship seems for nothing. But remember if you had a good time together it wasn't for nothing
July 5th, 2016 12:23am
When we feel absolutely devastated by a relationship coming to an end, we should ask ourselves a serious question: “What are we really losing?” Admittedly, one of the most painful things in life is loss, and losing contact with someone we love can be heartbreaking. However, many people decide to call it quits after months or even years of emotional estrangement and physical distance. Then, why is it that couples who rarely show affection or who barely relate often feel panicked at the loss of their partner? Or why is it that a person, who is on the verge of ending a relationship that they are unhappy in, feels desperate and abandoned when their partner chooses to end the relationship first? The overwhelming, emotionally shattering sense of loss that we experience at the end of a relationship is often the result of our having created a “fantasy bond“ with our partner. A fantasy bond is a term to describe an imagined connection a person develops to another person, thereby creating an illusion of security or false sense of safety.
June 10th, 2016 4:00pm
Because it means you have to let go of the person you most enjoy being with, someone you were attached to. You know you will have to let go of the good memories and the bad that made you grow into what you are now.
June 10th, 2016 3:17pm
It hurts so much because he/sje was a part of your life you spend time together and you cared about each other ..it will take time but you'll get through it
June 10th, 2016 1:21pm
When you have feelings for someone, losing them is like losing a part of yourself. Grieving the loss is an important part of healing before you can move on.
June 10th, 2016 11:45am
because break up hurt our heart,mind,feelings,sometimes dignity as well. all we can do is to try to heal ourselvs,keep ourselves busy until we recover
June 9th, 2016 8:23pm
Because we give a little piece of ourselves to them. It is perfectly normal to feel hurt when you lose someone you love :)
June 9th, 2016 6:34am
Break ups hurt so much because you spent a chunk of your life where someone was your everything. Break ups suck for both parties depending on how bad the break up was and its not easy to start a life without someone who was such a large part of it.
June 8th, 2016 10:03pm
Its not only the emotions that follow after breaking up, but the feeling of loneliness. This, ofcourse, is even worse when you are not the one that left.
June 7th, 2016 3:37pm
Typically in longer term relationships we develop what are called "soul ties" this can be either because of the closeness we have developed throughout this relationship or due to the relationship being of a sexual nature, we have bound ourselves to that person. Imagine this if you tied a rope around your waist and the person you were dating and the two of you tried to walk in opposite directions, it wouldn't work because you are still bound to each other. In relationships we give a part of ourselves to that person whether big or small. In a breakup we have to find a way to unbind ourselves from the person.
June 5th, 2016 4:36pm
It hurts so much because you love them and devoted so much time to that person and that relationship that when it ended it was painful to lose that person as a boyfriend/girlfriend. Over time the pain with stop.
June 4th, 2016 9:54pm
Your other half leaving you is always the last thing on your mind, so when it happens, you're bound to be devastated
May 26th, 2016 5:34pm
it just does sister the sooner you realize that the better
May 17th, 2016 2:43pm
Because you just left a person you loved very much and it's difficult to forget someone that gave you so much to remember. But you'll get over it!
March 21st, 2016 5:15pm
Because you are used to your loved ones, i totally agree that its hurts but if even you have a god or cat and it leaves you or die ,you feel so much so its a matter of your closeness, for me, you invest a lot of on your relationship ,you invest your sincerity your loyalty your good time your bad time your money your happiness your sad memories even sometimes you prefer more than your family so definitely it hurts.
February 11th, 2016 7:07am
Because you've loved the person for so long and you thought they felt the same way and to be broken up with, feels like they no longer love you as much or care for you.
February 10th, 2016 11:21am
Because you gave so much to the other person and suddenly it is over. It takes time to heal from the pain
February 6th, 2016 5:10am
Breaking up hurts so much because we lose things that we greatly rely on in our daily lives. We lose the acceptance we once had from our partner, We also lose the security we once had. Loneliness is something that can greatly impact how we live.
February 6th, 2016 1:38am
It's hard to give someone a huge part of our heart only to not have it returned. It hurts even more to have it taken away. We feel inadequate.