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Why does breaking up hurt so much?

370 Answers
Last Updated: 02/28/2022 at 10:52pm
Why does breaking up hurt so much?
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
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Top Rated Answers
bubblingFlower55
June 10th, 2016 11:45am
because break up hurt our heart,mind,feelings,sometimes dignity as well. all we can do is to try to heal ourselvs,keep ourselves busy until we recover
Zebrasarcastic
June 10th, 2016 3:17pm
It hurts so much because he/sje was a part of your life you spend time together and you cared about each other ..it will take time but you'll get through it
helpfulGrace74
November 28th, 2017 5:55am
Depends on the breakup, but it can be because you are not used to not having that person anymore in your life
Anonymous
January 8th, 2018 12:39am
Breakups are always hard because you feel love. When you care about and love a person it is always hard to loose them. Even though it hurts it will 99/100 times go over after some time. Feel free to talk about this to a therapist.
SarahF3
September 4th, 2018 11:19am
Love hurts, and is a totally valid feeling, we´re not excent of feeling pain when someone who we used to have close, go away. Is like if we tear apart a tree from the floor, the floor will have a hole. Well, our heart is the floor and when the person go away, left a hole on our heart. It can feel bad, but there´s anything that time can´t heal. And we can use that time to heal the scars and full the hole with good things and self love, learning more about who we´re without that person and what kind of person we want beside us on the future.
Anonymous
June 5th, 2019 11:58am
Breakups are part of growing, learning and evolving our being. It’s a part of life, just like loss of a loved one. It’s means forgetting that loved one ever existed. Though it’s better to be lived in a forgotten memory. Those who can live with loss, become healthier individuals. It teaches us, we are not so perfect. For those who choose to leave, someday hopefully they can change. See breakups teach us, what was not visible. It teaches us what is unhealthy of ourselves and others. It awakens us to see what happened and what to look for next time. If a relationship was meant to last, both individuals would not seek ego over unconditional love. Revenge for karma, and friendship for freedom.
Anonymous
June 16th, 2020 10:40am
Break ups hurt because they basically entail that your bond with someone you trusted and loved isn't going to be the same anymore. Often when we're in a relationship, the simple comfort of having someone to turn to goes a long way. A break up means that they may not be there for you in the same way anymore and it can trigger a feeling of loneliness. In such situations it is always good to reach out to someone and share your feelings so that the loneliness can be chased away, at least to some extent. It can feel tough and might be a slow process and that's normal. The important thing is to keep taking small steps to take care of yourself.
Anonymous
June 22nd, 2020 12:16pm
fMRI studies (read: studies using brain scanners that film activity in the brain) show that the same parts of the brain that are activated in physical pain are activated in emotional pain following breakups. Meaning that a really significant break up is processed in the brain in the similar way to a broken leg. An example? One of the first studies (2010) to looking into this found that the same brain regions (the Insula and Anterior Cingulate Cortex) lit up in people who were shown pictures of a significant ex-partner and those who were, essentially, being burnt on their forearm (had increasing levels of heat applied!). Another study backed up this idea by showing that the brain releases opioids (the brain’s natural painkillers, usually reserved for times of physical injury) when people feel rejected by potential suitors. This study was particularly interesting as participants in the study were looking at people they had never met before. They were shown a set of pictures and dating profiles of imaginary people and asked to state the ones they liked. They were then told by the researcher that their feelings weren’t mutual, the imaginary suitor didn’t fancy them back. This was when the opioids were released by the brain. So, even though participants knew it wasn’t a real rejection their brain responded to the action with painkillers! As though they had been physically injured! This doesn’t mean that you necessarily feel the same kind of pain as an injury. It does however mean that even the slightest rejection causes your brain to be alerted to a potential threat to your survival. A threat at the same level as physical harm. It suggests that our brain has evolved to alert us to the threat and then focus our attention on it (not letting us look away or get distracted), believing that it will keep us safe it is focuses on what it considers to be danger. Three cheers for our brains. Again, thinking they are being helpful when they are really making life kind of hellish (see my other posts for other-ways the brain thinks it’s helping us when it is in fact making us feel uncomfortable and pretty afraid). No wonder break ups therefore feel so damn bad. They aren’t just processed emotionally. They are interpreted as a threat to our survival, meaning our brain focuses on them, fixates on them... treats them as harm.
PositivityAlways01
September 20th, 2020 2:11am
Breakups can be very tough. When you date someone, that individual is not just your girlfriend/boyfriend but also your best friend, so it hurts even more to part ways. Its like cutting ties with the boyfriend/girlfriend and your best friend. No one likes to let go of someone who meant the world to them, someone they talked day and night, planned a future with. But one has to realise that if it was meant to be then the relationship would've worked out for them. It is completely natural to feel that kind of hurt when someone you share a bond with leaves. Sometimes the timing is wrong and sometimes its the people. Healing is a process that is different for everyone so one shouldn't pressurise himself or herself to heal quickly or try to heal in ways others did. Just like every relationship is different and cannot be compared, same way the process of healing for every individual is different. When the person is in that phase it may feel like no one or nothing could ever fill that void but truth be told, such experiences make us stronger and help us grow as individuals. Every relationship teaches us something, something that helps us for the rest of our life. There are always two ways to look at the same situation, it depends on us which one we choose. Some people tend to bottle feelings up which is worse, one should always vent out and communicate after a breakup with someone who cares about them and their well being. No matter how difficult the situation may seem initially, it always gets better in the end when you see how much you've grown as a person. Letting go is a part of life, we could either feel sorry for ourselves or get up and bring out the best version of ourselves.
uniquecreature41
February 28th, 2022 10:52pm
Because you unwittingly moulded yourself around another human. And if for whatever reason they're no longer in your life, that takes some serious readjustment. You're going to miss them physically but even worse, mentally. That's the kicker. Your body and brain have to heal from the split and that's why you feel so sick during the days and weeks after the break up. And what's hardest to understand when you're in that mire is the most important factor of all; you will not always feel the way you do in this moment. Yes, you might still miss them and even still love them in future but it just won't hurt this badly. Time isn't a healer; activity is. Movement will help you move on and it'll help you do it faster; this is a crucial factor in getting you on the road to recovery. That's not to say it isn't ok to wallow for a while, you've earned that right but give yourself a time limit on the pj's and icecream fest. You're a little bit stronger than you know yourself to be and I wish you that realisation during this rotten time. X