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Why does this have to happen to me?

34 Answers
Last Updated: 11/28/2020 at 12:47am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
August 27th, 2018 8:52am
Depending on your background culture, this could be a punishment or a lesson to learn. I suggest you treat this neither as a punishment or a hard lesson: think of this as a path and a chance to discover yourself more deeply and genuinely. You are getting stronger each step you move forward and you have the precious perspective given from sorrow. Instead of feeling stuck, look around yourself in a "less personal" way. Take it as an exercise: there must be good aspects, go find them. Among bad aspects, there are some you change in a very subtle way: dare to change them.
February 5th, 2019 1:31pm
It will help you grow as a person. Although you may think this is a bad thing, something much worst may have happened, so you could actually be lucky. Just try to make the best out of things as they are. And it might not be happening to just you- reach out and see if it is happening to others. You can build a wall of support and help each other out. You can make a difference in others lives by sharing your experiences, and this can help you relate to others. Just keep moving forward and soon you'll see how you can make the most of this situation you've been put in.
August 18th, 2020 5:02pm
It happens to everyone. There are just different ways to handle it and go through it. Every experience helps you grow and become better at achieving what you want in life. It helps you internally as well as externally. Once you are happy inside you can work on improving your relationships, your work and life. You can create a balance between mind and heart. And that's the most important of all. It happens to you to help you grow and become stronger. Sometimes its just what you need to help you learn how to fight back. Keep going. Keep fighting.
November 28th, 2020 12:47am
When something awful happens to us, our family, and especially our children, “Why” is the question we first ask. And the event can be disastrous like death, disease, infections, or simply unfortunate like the loss of employment or jobs, damage on new cars, etc. Risk is the baggage of all our actions and inactions. Looking at it this way, good things may also happen to us, but we rarely appreciate the chance of those happening. Our brain is wired to notice negative consequences more than positive ones, as recent research suggests on the topic of loss aversion.

Regardless, the fact is that “Why” isn’t a good question at all, because it doesn’t have to happen to you, it just happens to be so. If you can abandon that question, you can now ask a much better question: “How do I respond?” According to the best-selling book “Man’s Search for Meaning” by author Viktor Frankl, everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. Underlying every unfortunate event are opportunities to rewrite your story from that of a victim to that of a hero. There is power in putting your mind’s attention to being responsible for your life and instead of asking “Why,” you respect yourself enough to go on the path of freedom from victimisation. This ability to respond wisely is one of the many practices that you need to cultivate for weeks and even years to bring joy in your life. So hang in there, buddy!

Sources: Kahneman, D. & Tversky, A. (1992). "Advances in prospect theory: Cumulative representation of uncertainty". Journal of Risk and Uncertainty.