Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Why is it so hard to talk to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend?

235 Answers
Last Updated: 04/07/2021 at 4:54pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jennifer Fritz, LMSW, PhD

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Day to day life can be stressful and overwhelming and my strength is assisting my clients in a supportive, empowering and practical manner.

Top Rated Answers
October 5th, 2016 11:48am
It is hard, because for a while after a break up there has been a break in trust. It is possible to stay friends, but you will need a little space and time to heal. A potential friendship is possible because you likely had things in common which brought you together romantically. However, there is no pressure either way. Usually these things have a way of working themselves out.
December 30th, 2016 5:11am
There is always going to be memories, be it good or bad. Seeing an ex or hearing their voice tend tends to bring those feelings and memories back to the surface.
April 27th, 2017 3:48pm
It is so hard because you have loved this person once. It doesn't matter what happened, but you can't just switch off feelings. It's so hard at all because there are still and there will be always feelings for this person, even if it isn't anymore love.
October 8th, 2016 3:37am
There may still be feelings or hidden anger/confusion (depending on the breakup) sometimes it's easy to be friends with an ex and sometimes it's hard
October 26th, 2016 12:10am
It's so hard to talk to a ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend because of how close we once were. They know about everything about us. We get choked up from the time we start to talk to the time we stop talking, finding it hard to have a steady conversation. The best thing to do is to wait for them to come to you
June 11th, 2017 2:08am
One of the main reasons in my mind to talk to an ex-significant other is due to the memories. When you see that person you either experience happiness from looking back at what you had and you wish you had it again, which in turn makes it hard. Or you could experience pain or sadness from bad memories that really hurt you and you want to distance yourself from.
April 2nd, 2018 11:39am
I guess its so hard because, even though you might have been friends before, its just not possible to get back on that friendship level, at least not right after the breakup. So you two try, and maybe for one of you it's easier cause they were the ones who broke up, but you can't just switch off those feelings for them. And suddenly you don't even know how to talk to them anymore, is it okay to compliment them? Can you still call them by their nicknames? Is it weird to say good night and sleep well, or not? I think you were just so used to talking to them in a certain way, that its hard to just change that from one day to the other, and its hurting you, because talking to them in a neutral or friendship kind of way just reminds you of your loss.
May 2nd, 2018 1:09am
It all depends on the way you broke up. Your going to feel hate towards them if they cheated. You’ll feel regret if you dumped them. Multiple answers to your question.
May 27th, 2018 4:01am
Its hard because 1) You may or may not still like/love them. If you do still love them it makes it nearly impossible to look in there direction(if they left you)if you left, its out of embrassment. 2) Awkwardness. Love or hate, you two are awkward.
June 23rd, 2018 6:16am
It is hard only when you still have feelings for them. If you don't have any feelings left, I believe you can talk.
June 24th, 2018 9:22am
When you have shared so much of yourself to someone and you end up getting hurt, you feel betrayed. It becomes difficult for you to open up again to the person who hurt you.
July 6th, 2018 8:50am
because you have had memories together that you loved and when you loved him or her or them it was a special time
September 28th, 2015 12:28am
It is hard due to the relationship that you had with with. You collected a series of memories that are and always will be a part of your life. It is hard due to those memories that have been created.
October 26th, 2016 3:36pm
Because when you speak to them you can easily be reminded of your past with them, and may miss that. You may see the things you used to love in them and want them back, or just be reminded by your breakup and any hurt you've had because of them.
December 30th, 2016 5:40am
Memories hurt. And it will always come back to you because at one point, that person was someone you love and someone who brought you so much happiness. No matter how it ended, it's always difficult talking to them again knowing that once upon a time, they were the one of the most important person in your life. There will be so much 'what ifs' and 'could've been' but everything is not the same anymore.
January 7th, 2017 1:47pm
I think this depends on the situation you have been in with this person, If it has been a difficult relationship then being friends with someone after a bad breakup is very very hard, but there is things that can be done, you have to be sensible with one another, and discuss the break up in detail how it made you both feel its like having closure on the situation so you can then move on.
March 16th, 2017 5:50am
A lot of feelings and unanswered questions can linger long after a relationship has ended. It can also be hard to know if the other person is at the same or a different place than you in their healing process. All of these feelings are natural, and it's important to be patient with ourselves as we work through them.
March 16th, 2017 1:20pm
It can be hard to talk to an ex because you might still carry a lot of hurt or love for this person... or worse, both. It can be difficult to not think about the relationship during every conversation you have with them.
May 28th, 2017 7:59am
I personally feel when one emotionally invests themselves on any one or is emotionally dependent and that support is lost one does not know how to handle the situation. There are too many memories attached to everyone we love and once they leave we are heartbroken. Talking to exes often revoke a sad nostalgia which creates a longing for the unrequited. That's why it's hard to talk to exes.
July 7th, 2017 1:44pm
Are you still uncomfortable with it? Have you tried talking to him or her? Are you not yet over with him or her?
August 2nd, 2017 5:45am
It is usually difficult to talk to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend because sometimes there are remaining feelings there. Other times, the break up was rough, and it is difficult to get over. If you want to remain friends, it may be difficult, but you should simply apologize if harsh words were used and be sensitive until it feels you can ease up again.
November 11th, 2017 10:54am
You're attached to what they once were. Your memories are better than the actual person. Personally, my heart breaks every time I talk to an ex-girlfriend, because I remember what we once had.
November 18th, 2017 12:17am
Talking to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend can be difficult because breakups are often painful. If the break-up was recent, feelings of anger and disappointment, among others, may still be quite strong, making having a normal conversation quite challenging.
February 17th, 2018 2:11am
Because when you talk to an ex (at least for me) I remember all the good times we have had together and then the fact that it ended which makes it hard, especially when they have moved on while you haven't.
March 1st, 2018 2:39am
Well i think because your scared to go back to where you just lost from that you dont know how to deal with the pain before.
March 8th, 2018 12:40am
It depends on who chose to end that relationship or why it ended, but mostly people find it so hard to talk to thier EXs because he or she didn't or couldn't move on yet.
March 14th, 2018 1:35pm
In my persona experience the fact that you used to be so close with someone (exboyfriend or girlfriend) makes it way harder to set up new boundaries or the simple fact of you having to accept that the relationship its over while you still have feelings for that person can make it way harder than it should be.
March 30th, 2018 5:52pm
Because of the feelings lost. It could be painful because of all the good memory's overpowering the senses so it becomes scary to repress the emotions from someone once loved.
April 21st, 2018 9:30am
It is hard to talk to them because you once loved them. You may still love them and they just don't know it.
May 2nd, 2018 11:45pm
Talking to people from your past that you were emotionally invested in is difficult because it stirs up those old emotions and opens Old Wounds