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Why is it so hard to talk to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend?

235 Answers
Last Updated: 04/07/2021 at 4:54pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Jennifer Fritz, LMSW, PhD

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Day to day life can be stressful and overwhelming and my strength is assisting my clients in a supportive, empowering and practical manner.

Top Rated Answers
May 10th, 2018 2:26am
I think it's hard to talk to an ex because of all the feelings still involved. Breakups are often messy and recovering from them can be a pretty weird journey. When one has to talk to them it can bring all that stuff back up leaving one flustered and full of emotions that are hard to deal with.
May 12th, 2018 12:24pm
It is so hard to talk to an ex because he or she had such a big role in your life and then they just disappeared. It is natural to feel as though you have lost part of you for this reason
May 12th, 2018 8:26pm
its hard to talk to a ex because you may still have pent up aggression towards them and after a break up you may want to still fight and argue with them
May 25th, 2018 4:04am
I think it's because of the past you shared with that person. Usually there are good moments even in a bad relationship which can lead to conflicting feelings regarding that person.
June 8th, 2018 8:58pm
Why is it so hard to talk to an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend? Well for starters, some people are just not easy to talk to. Maybe there are still some unresolved issues that need closure and with time maybe it will become easier to have a cordial conversation .
June 9th, 2018 7:03pm
Many reasons may be attributed. The damage that has happened between you and ex that lead to breakup might be huge that you believe you can't even talk to them. It could be your ego preventing you from talking to your ex. It might be the fear of their reaction and rejection. You might be reflecting your past experiences with your ex into the future thinking talking to them will lead more troubles. You might be hurt so much that you can't talk to them anymore.
June 16th, 2018 7:40am
In my opinion, I would find it hard when there are unresolved tensions or breaking up on a bad note. Also, I find it difficult if there were years spent together with that person and seeing them would bring back memories, good and bad. I feel once I gained more experience and more self awareness, it made things easier for me to be civil with an ex.
June 27th, 2018 12:12am
There is a big difference between friend and partner, and this radical difference makes it hard to interact with said person when you go from lovers to friends, perhaps due to things you knew by being their partner or because of how the acted around you when there was still a relationship
July 29th, 2018 12:58am
Because you get over them bc they dumped you or you left them and feel bad for them or you still have feelings
August 17th, 2018 12:35pm
ex-boyfriends/girlfriend are usually always difficult to talk to. You may have done so many loving, compassionate, and intimate things with each other. And now you may not be seeing each other in the same way. You may have not talked or seen them in a very long time, and you may have previously lived this person. It will always be difficult to be in an awkward situation with someone who you used to love and care for. They may have hurt you, or you may have hurt them. But the listeners in 7 cups will always be here to talk you through and help with what you are going through.
December 22nd, 2019 1:09pm
The longing to be with them, the nostalgia of the memories you shared is all reminded every time you see them, then you remember they are no longer yours and no longer theirs. The pain of needing to be with them and the love you shared all ended. The feeling that your no longer their number one or their favourite person, and not feeling loved. Talking to them brings back the good and bad memories that make you want to restart everything all over again, or rewind to the past. Talking to them makes you feel that they are still around but all that love is gone and never will be the same. It hurts so much and you wish things didn’t end. Also wanting to start things over but either they don’t want to or you know it’s bad for you, so you can’t and hurts.
February 28th, 2020 5:25am
It's hard to talk to your ex because you have so many moments with that person - Happy, sad, embarrassing, hilarious, basically all sorts and as soon that person becomes ex in your life those moments just become the memories that hurt. And when it comes to facing that person and talking to him or her, we just get scared that she will give all the flash backs of those moments and you might want her back in your life and maybe the person won't feel the same way. Maybe that person will not want us back and that fear of rejection or being shown no empathy haunts us.
June 27th, 2020 12:01pm
It can be hard to talk to an ex because of multiple reasons. It could be that you have never really fully dealt with your feeling towards that person. If you didn't allow yourself to have any closure, by the time you meet them again, all the feelings that were locked up resurfaces and it's difficult to get pass that so you'll have a hard time thinking about talking normally when you hold some grudges. It's possible that you had closure and that everything seemed clear, but even though you're fine in your current life, exes are reminder of the past, the good times you've had and the mistakes that you've done in your life. The lines are always blurry because those are people that you loved for some reasons. The breakups were also there for a reason but when meeting them, you want to make sure the line stay clear so that's why it could be difficult to process while talking to them.
July 9th, 2020 10:00am
It is often incredibly hard to go back and have a conversation with an ex partner if you ended on bad terms and have not been talking since. This is because your first interaction with the person will bring back all your memories of the person - both good and bad - making your first conversation back with the person definitely awkward. This can be avoided by hanging out amongst a group, so the pressure is kind of taken off both of you to hold a conversation and allows both of you to remain quite if the conversation stalls without it getting too awkward.
September 1st, 2015 9:23pm
It can be very difficult to speak to an ex, because you have so much history between the two of you and things have changed so much. You might be confused about what your "label" is, or perhaps even jealous if they have been with other partners.
May 16th, 2016 2:05am
Because they are your ex fro a reason. Whatever the reason may be it is still a reason. If it was a bad 1 then its better for you to keep away.
September 11th, 2016 7:26am
it is hard due to the fact that this person used to be in love with you and either isn't or things aren't the same anymore. things change , people change , love changes.
September 17th, 2016 10:27am
I believe it is hard to talk to them because you closed off a really strong bond with them. It can feel really awkward or scary, since you might be afraid that you weren't good enough and what they have now is better.
September 21st, 2016 6:16pm
Because they might still have feelings for you or they could be in another relationship. Some people want to forgive and forget
September 24th, 2016 10:43pm
Mainly because you both have so much history that talking to them especially immediately after a break up can be a painful reminder of what both of you have lost.
September 30th, 2016 1:26am
You had a past filled with good and bad memories. When you see someone that you've made memories or have spent so much time with it's hard to ignore.
October 5th, 2016 3:20pm
I think it depends on the nature of your relationship before you got together and how the relationship ended. Messy breakups tend to leave things in an awkward state. I have found that my partners that ended on mutual terms and who were my friends first have been the easiest to talk to afterwards because there are no hard feelings and we had a foundation of friendship built before it developed into a relationship.
October 8th, 2016 10:33pm
Probably because you've been itimate. You know each other very very well probably to well. So you feel very reveled. So this makes it expremely arqaurd for you both. Or it ended badly and you just dont want to go there again so you just scared it may happen again. Or maybe you feel you'll get feelings back for them and you dont want that to happen.
October 19th, 2016 8:45am
Personally, I think it's because when you talk to them, it reminds you of your past feelings for them. But once you get used to this and work past it, a friendship can begin.
November 7th, 2016 10:59am
Because of the awkwardness. Maybe you and your ex broke up in a bad way, I mean not in a good or peaceful way with mutual agreement. So, you might still have the feeling of hate toward him/her, and perhaps the awkwardness because he/she has left you.
November 9th, 2016 4:31pm
Because you've spend a very intimate period of time with them. That's not something that is easily forgotten. You are behaving very differently around them than from before and that can be awkward.
November 17th, 2016 4:36pm
Because there's so much history. There's good and bad days and since it's all memories now it might be hard to overcome the past and live in the present. Talking to them will remind you of who you were before and usually, it's not a better version of yourself.
November 23rd, 2016 9:25am
A lot of times with ex partners, you sometimes can end on a bad or awkward note so it'd be hard picking up back you once left off. Even if it's just as friends.
December 7th, 2016 10:58pm
The reason is because you still have feelings deep down and knowing you dont have them anymore is hard.
January 1st, 2017 12:26am
Well first off, it's hard to talk to someone who you either still had feelings for, or once had feelings for. It's all awkward. They could possibly have a new girlfriend/boyfriend and talking to them is awkward too. It is hard to not think about 'second chances' and what might have been, which may cause some tension. So I suppose the short answer is: it's awkward.