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Why is it so hard to talk to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend?

235 Answers
Last Updated: 04/07/2021 at 4:54pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jennifer Fritz, LMSW, PhD

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Day to day life can be stressful and overwhelming and my strength is assisting my clients in a supportive, empowering and practical manner.

Top Rated Answers
January 29th, 2017 7:19am
Because the last time you talked to them, they were your lovers. Someone you used to talk freely to and laugh with so much love and happiness. But now that you're strangers, its awkward.
February 15th, 2017 2:39pm
They were once an important person in your life, and now they aren't. It's hard to cope with that. And talking to them could be triggering.
February 18th, 2017 9:30am
It is hard to talk because it is painful to be reminded of what has been and what could have been. We often feel vulnerable towards them because we have been hurt by them and we have trusted them. We often leave things in the past behind because they have left us scars. But that's not the case for everyone. It may be also the fact that we just find it hard to talk to our ex partners or we just cannot find ourselves doing it no matter how much courage we gather up.
February 24th, 2017 9:28am
Things do get changed with ex , our consciousness remember the reason for a hard and painful decision of break up, and it's hard for it to overlook or just forgive the person , this makes it uneasy to talk to an ex,
March 22nd, 2017 3:01pm
Because you were together in a strong relationship for a long time. This way you both created a bond that whenever is broken, hurts you both a lot. While you talk to each other, you remind to each other that it was harmful for you to end this relationship
April 13th, 2017 2:09am
When two persons share intimacy, they share some aspects of their personalities also. No matter how superficial a relationship may be, you've gaining a part of a person you have once been with. Not one of you two is the same person as you were before. Your ex partner is your conection to your past self and that is never pleasant. It's like looking at a broken mirror reflection. Plus, it is hard to confront with your possible mistakes when it comes to emotion. Every word a person says you understand as an open attack.
April 14th, 2017 5:55pm
Sometimes, it may be hard because there are old feelings there- they could be feelings of love, or of hate. This is someone that you were very close with on an intimate level. It is unlike any other type of relationship. Sometimes it is best to leave some chapters behind. But, if you want to continue a friendship, it will only get easier with time. Make sure you are both on the same page.
June 14th, 2017 5:17am
You shared yourself with them, your true self which you didn't share with anyone and they it didn't end well. They have your secrets and you have theirs. You can't talk to someone where your true self didn't go well, your true self which you didn't hide. You both know too much and it hurts too much.
June 16th, 2017 4:51am
You may still feel connected to them either emotionally or physically, therefore, the bond can be hard to break.
June 23rd, 2017 5:22pm
Hey there! For this, I think the easiest answer would be memories. We hold on to memories of how things were. It's almost like nostalgia- but we often look at things through rose colored glasses. We may try to talk to them, but end up remembering the good times that won't be repeated. This may lead to a feeling of awkwardness or pain. You may find that holding off for a bit before talking again is helpful. Time may allow you to rebuild a friendship outside of the past romance.
June 28th, 2017 3:27pm
Talking to an ex can cause you to reminisce about past times. You generally go back to thinking about the good times and occasionally the bad and seeing them/ talking to them makes you remember those times.
July 12th, 2017 11:37am
it is hard because they were once your world. it is hard because you've been hurt and maybe love is still there
August 9th, 2017 5:43pm
It's hard to talk to an ex, when you still have some feelings there. Whether it be positive feelings (like still having love for them)or negative feelings (hating them for something they did to you, or hating the break up). It's best to work on your feelings, be on neutral ground if you wish to communicate with an ex.
August 10th, 2017 2:15pm
because talking to them reminds us of past memories and fights and how much we cared about them and now it is all over. We also do get jealous
August 18th, 2017 9:32am
Because if a relationship did not work out, there is usually (not always) varying degrees of animosity and its difficult to know how to approach a interaction where people have broken apart.
August 20th, 2017 8:21am
When you talk to or see your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, all the memories whether they are good and bad comes into your brain. There is no couple on earth who had only bad memories in a relationship. At least some of the memories are always there that you need to re-live. Good memories are far stronger than bad ones. No matter how a couple underwent a breakup but if they ever loved each other there is also a small corner of softness still left for each other. That mixed feeling of desire and hatred make the person indecisive about interacting with her/his ex. The feeling makes you want her/him back and at the same time makes you want to ignore your ex.
August 25th, 2017 9:50am
Its hard because there are normally a lot of unanswered questions and emotions that have not been fully healed, it takes a lot of time to be able to speak to someone you once loved without it being pain full or confusing or frustrating, in short its hard because you have not fully healed yet
September 2nd, 2017 4:56pm
I've never been really in a relationship, but from what I've seen and observed, an ex-partner isn't just some person from the past. They're people, who once, became the most important people in our lives. Even after the relationship ends, the memories, experiences, and the baggage will still be there.
October 6th, 2017 12:11pm
It's not easy walking out of a relationship, especially if there are some feelings still left. That could be a reason why is not easy to talk to an ex. It might bring back memories that hurt you.
October 22nd, 2017 11:39pm
Because you have a history with them. That history probably includes sharing feelings, intimacy, fights and so on. After a couple breaks up it's hard to talk to them because all the things you used to talk about, might be harder to touch on as just friends. Friends have a great connection and so does a couple, but they are still different.
October 26th, 2017 2:05am
Because they probably have had all the really good memories along with them despite breaking up. It will bring back all the memories of when they were together and it may also bring back the emotional sadness.
October 30th, 2017 1:26pm
Usually, there are a lot of emotions attached to that person and all that you went through. It can be difficult to remember the past which often occurs when talking to an ex. Some people pass this as time goes by but some don't and that's just as valid and perfectly okay too!
November 15th, 2017 1:50am
There is a possibility that you still have feelings for him or her. That alone would make it difficult plus if they cheated it'll be hard for you not to still picture them with the person they cheated on you with.
November 15th, 2017 5:19am
It's hard to talk to an ex of any sort because of the history involved. You shared a special time together, good or bad, and that is considered history, your past. It's hard to talk to them because sometimes even if you remain friends with said person, it does not stay how it was before, and things changed.
November 16th, 2017 11:04pm
Hahah, i have to go to the same school with my ex, i can assure you that it is so hard just seeking them, i dont prefer to talk to them
November 17th, 2017 1:16am
if you have a history of feelings and intimate experiences with an individual, having a regular conversation can seem very upsetting, depending on the circumstances surrounding the break up.
November 17th, 2017 1:55pm
It's hard because you share so much history together, it's hard to talk to a person like a stranger when you know so much about them! Treating them like a stranger after being with them intimately is always going to be hard but give it time, it'll fet better
November 19th, 2017 2:03pm
Because you fear that you may fall for them again. its always hard to face someone you walked away from or vice versa.
December 6th, 2017 4:52am
because you might not know if they are dating someone and you dont know if they moved on and you havent yet.
December 7th, 2017 11:35pm
It can be so hard because when you see them, not only do you see who they are, but you remember everything you went through with them and everything you thought about them.