Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Why is it so hard to talk to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend?

235 Answers
Last Updated: 04/07/2021 at 4:54pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jennifer Fritz, LMSW, PhD

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Day to day life can be stressful and overwhelming and my strength is assisting my clients in a supportive, empowering and practical manner.

Top Rated Answers
December 18th, 2017 12:28pm
It's because of the past you two share. You spent a whole lot of time together, and sometimes you remember that. It's hard to talk to an ex especially if the break-up is fresh, but after a couple of years, the pain starts to heal and you can eventually talk normally again
January 3rd, 2018 1:05am
Often I find it is because there is so much history, talking to them is almost like a trigger to bring back the unfortunate memories. Especially when I have expelled someone from my life, try as I might it seems the main things I remember about them are negative.
January 6th, 2018 12:17pm
Its hard because its awkward. Becoming an ex means you decided that this relationship wont works. Also pressure from people around you
January 10th, 2018 5:52am
I suppose it’s hard because at one stage they would think you were the most amazing person in the world and would share everything with you and it’s not like that now so you don’t know how to act or how to talk to them anymore
January 11th, 2018 2:58pm
It’s so hard to talk to an ex because you remember all the good they have done. You remember all of your good memories. They became your best friend during the relationship. So it’s hard because you remember that they are your ex now. It’s hard because you realize that you won’t be making any good memories with them anymore. That door is closed and part of you doesn’t want to move on. But the healthiest choice is to move on and take time for yourself
January 13th, 2018 7:13am
Becuase the people you used to own completely are now not yours.. and its difficult to accept it easily and completely let go it..
January 14th, 2018 5:45pm
It's because you are constantly reminded of how he/she meant to you, you reminisce about the past that you spend with them, the memories, the hugs, the cuddles, the laughter, the jokes, the kisses, the make out sessions. It is hard, I'm going through the very same phase myself, you'll get over it once you have another person fill the space, I'm certain of that. For now, try to keep it to minimal conversation
January 18th, 2018 9:24am
I guess its because of the fact that they have been a big part of your life once upon a time. You loved them but it didn't felt like thats enough. It hurts to talk to them again after feeling the hurt the breakup made you feel.
January 19th, 2018 3:47am
The memories are the hardest to move on from. When a relationship shatters, our fragile hearts do the same. There is a trace of that person everywhere. It's hard to talk to the same person again, and pretend nothing had happened--that those memories will stay in the past. It takes courage and acceptance for both parties to open communication again.
January 24th, 2018 3:41am
Because that one person once meant a lot to you. It's difficult to face someone after all of that. It may take time but you'll be able to talk to them again.
January 24th, 2018 11:20pm
There could be many reasons. You've had a history with that person and either you left on good terms or bad ones. Either way, there are many thoughts running through someone's mind; thoughts of anger, loneliness, sadness, regret, maybe even happiness for ending the relationship. Either way, everyone's story is different, but the one thing that remains the same is the fact that a history can make it hard to talk to an ex.
January 26th, 2018 2:54pm
Sometimes, when you have specific feelings for some people. It's hard to accept that you cannot talk the same way to them or about them, that you cannot do the things you used to do, or seeing them with someone else. Some people might not be able to accept the facts that their ex don't need or want them anymore. Especially when you feel so much towards them, and they "used to" feel too. But it's done.
January 27th, 2018 12:22am
Memories of the past that can trigger your happy memories together and sad memories. It mix and you feel attacked by so many feelings.
February 3rd, 2018 7:11am
It's hard to talk to an ex most of the time because of the good times you shared as well as the feelings you once (but may not anymore) share. You gave a very important part of yourself to them during the course of your relationship, but now that you've taken that piece back, it may be hard or awkward because seeing them reminds you of times past. However, tough times don't last; you'll find someone to appreciate you fully for who you are soon if you haven't already, and over time it may get easier to talk to them.
February 7th, 2018 2:05pm
It’s so hard because when you break up, the feeling are sometimes still there and you have all those memories. It’s like in the movie ‘Inside out’, when all these memories used make her happy then, sadness touches them and they aren’t happy memories anymore. Its hard to remember.
February 10th, 2018 12:12pm
It might be hard to talk to an ex because you could still have feelings for them or maybe you don’t want to embarrass yourself
February 15th, 2018 9:45am
It is difficult to talk to your exes because being around them reminds you about your painful breakup it is never a good idea to stay in touch because then it will make things difficult in your life to move on.
February 21st, 2018 9:15am
It's hard to talk to them because once upon a time, you were their world and now, all they bring are memories of when you two were together and happy.
February 27th, 2018 3:13am
This is a really good question! When we experience a break up, good or bad, we naturally go through a grieving period, much like if we had lost a loved one to death. It is the same if you were to see a video of someone who has passed away, the same emotions would arise. its important to let yourself grieve a relationship, and give yourself time to prepare before seeing or speaking with them.
March 1st, 2018 9:15am
Because of the relation ship you have had before and the connection thats why its better to always have at least a week of break to not talk to eachother
March 2nd, 2018 6:19pm
Because of all the past memories that you made with that person, and now it seems awkward to talk with them.
March 14th, 2018 2:56pm
An ex boyfriend or an ex girlfriend is someone wirh whom you were romantically involved.It doesn't matter who ended it but the end of the relationship makes ot difficult to talk cause your previous relationship wirh them is no more
April 4th, 2018 12:05pm
It's just natural that it is weird to talk to someone after your relationship changed, it is new for both of you to be in this role, to not be the boyfriend/girlfriend anymore. And there is probably some negative feelings involved because of the breakup, and the fact that you two have a lot of history.
April 12th, 2018 2:02pm
Because sometimes you might still love them but in another kind of love and it is hard to see someone that got away
April 13th, 2018 2:19pm
If there was a lot of hurt feelings involved in a breakup, there may be a lot of hurt between you. Depending on the reasons for the breakup, it can feel as if there's an unbreachable gap between the two of you.
April 14th, 2018 3:40pm
There could be many reasons, but mostly it happens bcs you have something to share, memories, feelings. You've been bounded to each other mentaly, and that makes you more than two random people. Someone takes it easy, someome has to suffer. Move on, be patient and everyting will be fine
April 15th, 2018 11:48pm
It's probably difficult to talk to an ex because it ended poorly, or even if it didn't, you just feel awkward after it ends.
April 18th, 2018 4:10am
because there are so many raw emotions that you had with that person and i believe if you truly love someone you will always still care for them regardless of what has happened.
June 29th, 2018 1:57pm
Because we used to know them as our significant one but now they aren't significant anymore to us. And it makes everything awkward and strange.
June 30th, 2018 8:47am
For me it was difficult to remember that we no longer had that type of relationship. So there is that stress of remembering the new boundaries. Undoing late night talks, nicknames, and saying I love you after every meeting. It can be utterly awkward. With sometime you can decide whether or not if it's right for you to continue talking with them or if you'd rather move on.