Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Why is it so hard to talk to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend?

257 Answers
Last Updated: 05/13/2022 at 8:30am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Portugal
Moderated by

Jennifer Patterson, LMFT

Art Therapist

Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
May 7th, 2021 12:25am
After a break up talking to an ex can be hard , even thou you know that they are the same person you were in a wonderful relationship with but now that you are not you can not differentiate what to tell them and what to not and it gets difficult to talk to them because you dont know if the bond that was shared still exists . Those emotions and feeling and the commection that were felt may or may not be there causing mixed feelings making in hard to talk to an ex boyfriend or an ex girlfriend.
JakeBlueSky
May 8th, 2021 6:38am
What's stopping you from talking to them? Reasons of why it's so hard to talk to an ex will vary wildly from person to person. Think about what's upsetting you most about the thought of speaking to your ex and try to work through the reasons. When you're ready to speak to your ex, it's a good idea to do it over the phone, rather than in text messages or face to face. Texts can lead to misinterpretation and face to faces can lead to distractions. It's always helpful when planning to have a conversation to write a list of what you want to say before picking up the phone and making that call. That way you'll be able to get very thing you need to say and get all your gripes off your chest.
blissfulHug7338
June 2nd, 2021 11:21am
It's hard when you are not completely over your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. And it's totally normal if you are feeling it hard! It takes time for certain things to happen! So don't be too hard on yourself as it's completely natural for people to feel hard to take to their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. Once you are over them you won't find it hard yet all and even you can try being friends with them! Just be sure that you moved on from them and try to talk to them it won't be that hard! And you feel confident too!
Anonymous
June 10th, 2021 2:48pm
It's not hard the problem is you don't share the conversation anymore and by the time they become your ex it's hard to resist them and ego comes in your way like why would I be the one to talk to so it eventually becomes hard to talk to an ex. Moreover you don't know if they even want to talk to you or not. Let's say you called your ex and he doesn't answers you then you will have the fear of rejection so for that too you don't want to talk to them. So apparently it's hard to talk to an ex
duubi
June 24th, 2021 8:17pm
It can be very difficult talking to an ex. This is because you know that inside, their feelings are hurt. You will almost always want to talk to them, but you don't want to hurt them more or to be hurt more. You might not even know whether they still care about you or not. Many people find it hard, so you shouldn't blame yourself if this happens. Talking to a person when you don't know how they are feeling can be very hard for everybody. You might never talk to them, and that is your choice. It is very hard.
Grace973
July 2nd, 2021 8:04am
It's normal to feel that way that's because maybe we have invested so much of our emotions in them and we had expected the future of our relationship to be beautiful and had many dreams related to it. So it seems to be very hard to accept the fact that they're no more in our lives and I can understand it takes much more time to accept these facts and happenings, as our emotions are not as fast as our thoughts. Emotions need time to be the way we want. But eventually we'll go through this phase and will be in peace with him/her.
specialForest3129
July 27th, 2021 6:48pm
It can be difficult because of the chemistry and bond there once was. There was a strong history back then and it is hard now because it almost feels like there is nothing to say without giving up the idea that you want them back. It is like a broken relationship that feels kind of awkward. It is the best when people are able to keep a friendship after a breakup, but it is hard. Especially in the beginning. It takes time to first heal the breakup and then to transition to being friends after lovers. Time is the best thing to use first then move on to friendship
Anonymous
July 30th, 2021 8:56am
I feel like, they become your ex for a reason. It feels like you do not recognize this person anymore and there is a clash between who you knew them to be and who they actually are at the moment. It builds a lot of anxiety over the big question of 'Who is this person actually?' and that unknowing makes it harder to connect with that stranger/familiar person. Even otherwise, you feel restricted to be yourself around that person because they knew a lot about you too once. Let me know if someone thinks otherwise or agree with what I said
Anonymous
July 31st, 2021 2:46am
It depends on what kind of experiences have defined you during your relationship, and the relationship itself. It is also about the manner in which the breakup had taken place. Our brain has the tendency to associate the positive experiences with the negative ones, which happened after the positive experiences but are intertwined with them, which of course, makes it harder to enjoy solely the positive experiences. In order to do that, I propose separating the experiences and viewing them as individual remote ones, while looking at the relationship as a joint of lessons, growth, and shared emotions which is specific to this relationship because each person is unique, logically 2 people will create an unique bond. This is my complete opinion on it.
Anonymous
September 10th, 2021 11:38pm
I think it will depend where things were left off at. Did you end on a bad or good note? Was there a lot of pain in that relationship? Do you still have feelings for that person? There can be a number of things that can be holding one back from communicating with an ex lover. Depending on the situation its never easy, especially if you want to be back with that person, sometimes its best to avoid so those feelings that you feel may come back. Regardless, with growth you should be able to have closure and give yourself that
sia1325
December 31st, 2021 11:05pm
It's hard to talk to your ex perhaps because nothing can change the fact that you have created some memories together that may remind you of your past. Sometimes there is this fear of falling for them again which you may not want to. Some people also believe that talking to their exes could make it hard for them to move on. Apart from that, in some cases if there the break up was due to some arguments or misunderstanding, you may also be afraid to hurt the other person's feeling and end up suppressing your emotions. You may also think that they may not like you anymore or your text would antagonize them. It's definitely not an easy task to not to talk to someone with whom you once had a very special bond.
Anonymous
January 19th, 2022 5:23am
The feelings are still there so having a conversation with an ex will always be difficult while feelings are still there. In most situations, it is hard for both parties to deal with conversing with an ex but is even harder when one party cares about the other one more. It is also difficult knowing that the ex may have moved on or found someone else. Your mind overthinks a lot when talking to someone you used to date and so there are plenty of reasons to overthink or get nervous and not know what to say when talking to your ex.
Anonymous
January 27th, 2022 4:02pm
There can be many reasons why it's hard to talk to an ex and since there is history with your relationship which can be good, bad, or both can make it harder should it be bad history. Unresolved feelings linger and may arise when you talk to them. Maybe you just don't know what to say because it feels really awkward at the moment. Sending an email might be easier to break the ice and allow you to think about what it is that you want to say. But the best thing to do is, ask yourself "Why do I want to talk to my ex?'' "What do I want to talk to them about?" When you answer these questions it will be easier to reach out.
energetic4unicorns
March 6th, 2022 2:11am
Personally, I feel it is so hard to talk to an ex-partner because of how the relationship ended. If the relationship ended on a positive note, it's probably easier to talk with them. If the relationship ended badly, it's probably harder to talk with them. Also just the fact that you two were so close on an emotional level and suddenly ended is what makes it harder to talk to them later on as just a regular person and no longer your partner. Because I had a toxic relationship, I personally do not ever want to talk to my ex again, and if I did, I know it would be extremely difficult.
Anonymous
March 10th, 2022 1:00am
There are a lot of reasons why it might be hard to reconnect or talk with exes. At one point there was a lot of emotions in the relationship. A romantic relationship and a friendship have a lot of different expectations and emotionally connections. This can make it very hard to transition between the two. There are a lot of feeling involved in this and sometimes one person has some feelings that the other person doesn't. This can make it awkward or difficult to talk to the person without remembering the emotions. It can also just be plain awkward because of previous events.
Anonymous
March 17th, 2022 9:08pm
Sometimes, getting overwhelmed with emotions creates hesitation, the number of emotions we have at that time makes things harder, especially if it's after a bad experience. Anger, frustration, confusion, excitement, sadness yet happiness all at the same time. You don't know what to expect, will they be friendly? Are they considering coming back? Are they going to talk about stories from the past? Or did they even forget everything and went on their own way? It's hard to deal with all of these emotions at once, which makes it generally so hard to talk to an ex–boyfriend or an ex–girlfriend.
Anonymous
May 13th, 2022 8:30am
being with some in most cases means sharing with them more than you would with someone who is just your friend and as a result the longer your relationship is the more the other person gets to know you and in some cases they might end up knowing you better than anyone else in your life. you share with them every detail with them but whats interesting about relationships is that contrary to normal friendships that end more gradually, you drift apart, you get accustomed to it etc, these end abruptly and so the person who knew everything about you, you stop talking to. they end up walking around with all your secrets but act like you're strangers. so it's so hard talking to an ex because of your history.