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You both know you want to break up. But neither of you want to do it first out of guilt. How do you approach the topic with breaking hearts?

21 Answers
Last Updated: 09/14/2020 at 3:31pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Amelia Winsby, PsyD

Psychologist

I often work with clients who experience a wide range of emotions and difficulties. I am non-judgmental and enjoy working with individuals from all walks of life.

Top Rated Answers
goldenLight64
March 6th, 2015 1:09pm
Honesty. Start by saying "We have to talk". Let the conversation flow from there. If you are both honest with each other and put your feelings out there, you can break it off and remain civil and even friends.
fancifulSalamander20
December 21st, 2015 5:40pm
I would get in a quiet setting with my partner and tell him we both know this is not working and we should do whats best for each other.
flowsINYou
March 5th, 2015 9:59pm
Well, it will be very hard, but go for it, tell them you want to break up because there is no point being in a relationship that none of you want to be in
Anonymous
April 29th, 2015 1:36am
Ask him/her if they're truly happy, ask them if they really see themselves going on forever with you. Make sure you put your needs first :)
Anonymous
May 29th, 2015 9:20pm
I honestly believe there is always one in the couple that loves more. Usually that's the person that always calls, says sorry, does stupid things sacrifices everything for the loved one.
Theoneguywholistens
June 3rd, 2015 9:40am
You just have to talk about it with your (ex)partner. If you don't address this issue then both of you will suffer and be sad. Just talk to eachother
tavidragonheart
June 6th, 2015 9:32am
You have an honest open conversation with each other. Though both of you love each other, its not enough anymore and you've both moved apart. Approach it with fondness of the time you spent together.
SallyAnn0125
June 22nd, 2015 3:33am
I would probably approach the topic by asking your partner where they think the relationship is heading and if it's everything that they have been wanting in a relationship.
MandaP
July 6th, 2015 6:56am
Honest conversation about both the pros and cons of the relationship. Allowing that to lead into the advantages of breaking up and an acknowledgement that it is what you both want.
Anonymous
August 4th, 2015 10:53am
"I believe we learn something from every relationship, it can teach us what to look for next, what we admire about someone, what we need from someone, and what we want to avoid. Breakups are always hard but each breakup teaches us about who we are as individuals, so eventually we can find someone who is perfect for us, and i don't think we're perfect for eachother, but i do think i've learnt so much about myself and about you during this relationship, so thankyou for teaching me and thankyou for making me happy, i just think we both need to find someone else to learn from now"
mystic94
September 21st, 2015 1:38pm
Breakup is always tough there is no denying that. But so is living a lie. What is the point of relation when both the parties are looking for an escape plan? So be honest and open about it! Dont say that you want it too and play blame game just clear your side of things and the other partner would also grab the opportunity to come clean :) Best Of Luck (y)
Rasenchidori
September 22nd, 2015 5:04am
There would be no easy way to do this but you could say something like "I know that you know that this relationship is coming to a close but I don't want to leave on a sour note. I am thankful for you being there for me and shaping me into who I am today. Even if it was only for a short while I was happy that our paths crossed. I sincerely hope we can still be friends."
BlackPumpkin
December 1st, 2015 5:20pm
Talk to them face to face. Ask your significant other how they feel about the relationship, and then tell them what you think you guys should do.
Anonymous
March 22nd, 2016 2:58pm
By talking about the future of the relationship...both of us would then begin on a positive note...rather than ending the relationship by blaming each other...
Greatlistener87
August 2nd, 2016 2:22am
You have to leave each other or neither of you are gonna move on. The guilt that comes from the breakup is not that of you hurt that person but its of why you did not let that person go early to move on. Be honest with each other and talk about it, make a decision and stick with it.
tiffanyyrosee5
September 27th, 2016 7:51pm
Approach the situation in a civil way, try to say things like "can we remain friends after?" or "where can we go from here?"
Anonymous
October 30th, 2017 4:02am
It is important to consider the feelings of not only your significant other, but also yourself. Although it may be painful, it is best to do what will benefit both partners in the long run.
Anonymous
November 20th, 2017 2:34am
Listen I get that's is hard to bring this up but just seat down with your partner and bring everything out get everything out of your chest is none of y'all are happy then is time for both of y'all to take your way don't hurt both of y'all more if y'all don't want to be in it it's ok just be honest
bouncyBeach42
December 24th, 2018 7:59pm
Unfortunately, in these cases, I do not think there is any way that someone in the relationship is not going to be hurt even if both parties want to break up. However, the damage for both parties can be mitigated if honesty and clarity is applied. When I was in this situation, I finally realized that the easiest way was to sit down with my partner and say, those magic words, "I really, really like you but I do not think we should be together any longer. Then you wait for your partner to give a sigh of relief and agree that you will remain friends, but move on.
Kiandn
July 6th, 2020 1:42am
Maybe openly addressing and acknowledging the tension and come to a mutual separation and/or understanding. You do not necessarily have to have one person enact the break up. If the other party feels the same way like you assume, It won't offend them may even lift some stress off their head as they may not have known themselves how to bring it up. A breakup on mutual terms might preserve a great friendship if there is one to be had. Hope this helps you think about it in a different light. I am sure whatever way you deal with this it will pan out alright.
EmpatheticJewel
September 14th, 2020 3:31pm
Staying in something out guilt does not bode well in the long run for anyone. You should approach the subject with the respect it deserves which will give both of you a chance to get closure. The relationship has run its course and you should move on to something that you both need. Trying to work on a relationship and forcing something are two different things and we some time forget that. Remember every step of your life will have something new for you. Allow yourself time to grieve. It is okay to be sad for a lost relationship.