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Everyone in school thinks I am bitter. How can I change their minds?

152 Answers
Last Updated: 11/27/2021 at 12:29am
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Moderated by

Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
iGhosted
September 7th, 2019 7:25pm
Be kind to all those around you, even if a lot of people may be unkind to others, don't follow the crowd. Having a positive attitude and praising other people when they do a good job will help you become a likeable person, don't over do it though because you don't want to become annoying. Criticism isn't something people take kindly too. You may say something that is in fact a honest observation but most of the time a lot of people can't handle the truth so you have to put a lid on it, to learn if its appropriate to make such comments or not.
Anonymous
September 12th, 2019 7:10pm
I understand that you are experiencing some hardships in school but I believe focusing on yourself and reaching out to us is a great way to begin your journey.However changing peoples minds is a serious issue and I can understand your struggle but what would change your mind if you were in their shoes? By thinking about this solution you might find your answer and you should start thinking positively about the things that you’ve done against it like reaching to us and being here facing your problem is a really brave start for you on the road to success
Anonymous
September 13th, 2019 11:52pm
You don't have to satisfy them. Let them think you are. Just be who you are and later on they will see that they are wrong. Remember that you really can not please everyone. They will always find some fault on you. Or maybe they are just jealous of you. That is why they made lies about you. I hope that you understand what I have said. If you want anyone to talk with, I am always here for you. You can talk to me and I will listen to you for sure. Smile. I i i i i i
Anonymous
September 20th, 2019 4:18am
Showing the happy side of you showing that you are an amazing person that you do not judge them and you do not want to be judged and return make friends smile be joyful showing that you are not a better person with a wonderful person with a wonderful personality. If that does not work just listen to people mimic their personalities see if you are truly coming across as being better overdrawn if you are change find that happy medium where are you are you but you’re also accessible and friendly to others. Remember you have to be happy but strive to make other people happy as long as it does not affect your happiness in return for the most important person is you
lov3TheW0rld
October 18th, 2019 11:44pm
You can begin by helping around in class, or showing your support to others in situations. Try hanging around other people more, or doing generally kind things to others and yourself. Also, be kind to yourself, try not to be harsh to others as it could contribute to the beliefs. Try to just be your true self, and remember to smile 😊. Just try some of these things depending on your situation, and just try to stay optimistic. Eventually, people will realize that you are not bitter and you will have nothing to worry about anymore 😊 I hope that I could help in anyway!
InsomniacCactus
November 14th, 2019 2:11am
Well, You could try smiling at strangers more often, complimenting people, and even waving occasionally, it doesn't hurt to be kind to people, some people need it and it often boosts their mentality. Some people may not react as sweet back, or exchange confused glances, but don't worry, that's simply because people in schools normally aren't kind enough to smile and be sweet. If someone looks down, you can try picking them up, and if someone looks like they may need help, you could offer it to them. Don't worry, stay positive and keep that lovely smile on your face.
KingAaron84
November 16th, 2019 8:38am
The way you change anyone mind is by changing your ways and the way your doing certain things. Your actions speaks way more louder than anything you could say so start with changing the way you act towards things. In my experience I've dealt with my bitterness by accepting my role in past situations. I've forgiven myself and asked those involved to forgive me. When I feel bitterness creeping into my world I try to find things to that will bring a joyous reaction not only to myself but others. You have to first admit that you are bitter and not deny it above all else.
FrostWire
January 3rd, 2020 7:52pm
Why do they think you are bitter; and, how would you prove to them that you are really a great person? I honestly can understand that feeling isolated from others can be brutal in communication settings where two or more people must work together to accomplish a goal. But above all; how do you feel about this certain situation that life has shown you? I remember how socialism and it's many diverse ethnic groups. When you have a chance, I only ask that you take a small break to actually understand your position and situation; because we don't want or need ourselves feeling like our peers opinion of us are rite.
Anonymous
January 20th, 2020 5:42pm
Continue to be you, do not change yourself for anyone - if you're happy the way you are and they do not appreciate it then that's not your fault and your true friends will recognise that, in life there will be numerous people you may not get along with or there will be people that you simply cannot please but as long as you know deep within that you are loving and you stand by yourself no matter what then these problems won't take over. Stay true to yourself and love yourself for who you are, you are amazing and a lovely person I'm sure.
MSedawy
March 9th, 2020 12:24pm
First you need to know why they think this, and then monitor your behavior and conversation, and try to change your way of dealing and talking with others, it is also good that you write notes about yourself, and make your close friends and family write some notes about your personality, which may help you change for the better, There are many books of behavior assessment that you can use and learn through the art of dealing with others. It could be just an illusion in your mind or just a bully, so check with a psychiatrist for help
hopefulEagle2471
April 9th, 2020 1:50pm
What do they think you're bitter about? Is it possible that you are truly feeling bitter? It could help to work out if you are actually feeling bitter, and then try and decide, if so, why, and what you can do to accept the feeling and to stop it from interfering with your relationships. There may be some underlying cause beneath the bitterness that is making you seem bitter to others. It is also worth considering whether your sense that they think you are bitter is actually a consequence of the fact that you know in yourself that you are feeling bitter. Perhaps you are judging yourself for feeling that emotion, and then assuming that everyone else is judging you too! Things you could do to help you move through bitterness is work out the origin: is it rooted frustration or a feeling of rejection? Did you have some hopes and dreams that you find/found that you couldn't achieve? Whatever it is, find it, and think about whether there's anything you can do to change the circumstances in your life that are causing the bitterness. Best of luck xxx
fantasticWriting8452
April 25th, 2020 5:43pm
Everyone is allowed to form their own opinion and perception. Their opinions and decisions are driven by the actions around them. The best thing would be to promise your self that you are ready to change the driver for their thinking. Try the following: 1. Things don't change in a day, but try to greet others when you meet them. Don't worry about how they react back. 2. Helping others create an aura of positivity. Try offering help to people. 3. Words play a great role in helping people form a perception about you. It would be great to use more positive words in your conversations
whimsicalTurtle37
May 15th, 2020 8:58pm
I've been there before. I remember sitting in class, wondering why no one would come up to me and talk to me, why I had no friends. I later realized that I grimaced a lot unconsciously, and I pushed people away who wanted to talk to me, because I subconsciously felt like they were trying to make fun of me, and because of this, I came off as very defensive and angry. In my experience, most people in my school were terrible at recognizing emotions and their underlying causes. It's a part of growing up and seeing that there's more to people than what we assume at first. It can also be difficult to recognize why we come off a certain way to people. In my case, a school counselor told me why I made a bad impression on people. While you won't be likable to everyone, I urge you to continue putting yourself out there. Join some clubs, volunteer, participate in competitions, maybe pick up a hobby. I assure you that you will find people similar to you, and most days, that will be enough. Plus, you'll learn a lot about yourself and grow in many ways. While I still feel like people hate me for no reason sometimes, I know that my friends recognize me for who I am, and having that group of people who like me for who I am means more to me than trying to please everyone by acting in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable. You'll find that too. Don't give up!
Charlotte996
May 21st, 2020 3:40am
Often times, our behaviour isn't the problem but rather the perception of our behaviour. Other people can't see into our minds, so they can't understand why we do the things we do and say the things we say. It may seem clear as day to us, but that's rarely ever the case. Of course, you can't always account for other people's perceptions, but you can try and make your behaviour as evident as possible so that it doesn't lead to any misconceptions. If you're concerned that they have an opinion about your that may be inaccurate, try and find what it is about your behaviour that may be giving off the impression.
AmbivertedGal
May 30th, 2020 7:27am
First, think of the reason why do you want to change their minds? Then, think of the possible reasons why would they think you're bitter. Maybe you can think of ways to change their perspective about you by doing so. It also improves yourself (if needed). But remember that some people think otherwise no matter what you do. So don't worry and just be yourself. Also, think of the reason what the are to you. Are they really that important in your life that you would want to change yourself for them? If so, then go ahead. But if not, then just stay the way you are.
UpwardOrange
June 26th, 2020 12:40am
You can't. But, hey - that's okay! All that should really matter is how you think of yourself. Trying taking a week and really focus on the things you say and how you act around people. Then, if you truly see yourself in the mirror as being bitter than you can now properly make the change since you acknowledge it in yourself and know that's not who you are. From there, the first thing is to remember that a bitter person is not who you are. The next thing to do is simply try not talking for a week unless you absolutely have to. This will be difficult, but as you gradually build impulses to respond to people around you, it will allow you to limit the negative responses that you deem unworthy of who you really are. But always remember, you are what you do and what you say - not what someone else thinks.
IwillHugYouTight
July 14th, 2020 9:37am
We all want to be liked and appreciated for our many talents, our ferocious intelligence, our good nature, our sparkling personality. But when we start to rely on what other people think of us, and we make their opinion pivotal to our success, we get into trouble. We start tailoring our lives to fit the expectations of others, and from there it's a vicious cycle. Remember, most people aren't paying much attention. People spend more time thinking about themselves than thinking about others. If they're expressing an opinion about your life, it's probably not something they've given much thought to but just a passing thought. Another person's opinion is often based not on your beliefs and behavior but on theirs. What's good for them may be terrible for you, or vice versa. Be who you want to be from your own perspective. Stop asking people what they think of you. Stop worrying about their opinions--especially if they're critical, unsuccessful or unhappy. Most of the time, the negative feedback is coming from negative people. It's impossible to live up to everyone's expectations, so don't burn yourself out trying to do so. Please yourself and let the rest fall where they may. Some people may dislike you. That's OK. The bottom line is we truly have this one life and life is short. Do you really want to spend even a few precious moments of that time worrying what other people think? To live a life where others tell you what you want? Or should you decide for yourself who we are and what you want and how you plan to go out and get it? Take care!
DiyaNigel
September 18th, 2020 7:04pm
Show them your true self, It doesn't matter who you are or what people think. You know who you are and that is what matters the most. When you stop caring about what people think and when you start caring about your self more people will think you are amazing and brave and immaculate. I also had a similar thing in my high school. Everyone hated me and no one talked to me. I felt very sad and cried for months. I finally figured it out that you have to care about yourself first rather than what others think about you. It helped me so much that I found myself and everyone loved me afterwards.
Talktotom
October 15th, 2020 9:09pm
People who are considered ‘bitter’ typically give off a negative vibe and it may be that you talk more about the negative aspects of a situation or person, or just speak more passionately when there is something negative to say. When speaking with people at school, try and balance your conversation more with more emphasis on positivity rather than negativity or try to avoid or at least not to engage too much in conversations on subjects which you feel negatively passionate about. If you feel negative about certain things and you spot a pattern, it may be worth talking to someone here to gauge some honest feedback and explore why you feel this way.
Anonymous
October 28th, 2020 5:09pm
Everybody has their own experiences in their heads. One might interpret a situation differently than you may interpret it. For example, sometimes people think I am shy because I am quiet, when really I'm not shy at all, in some situations I am just more reflective than outgoing. If somebody approaches you and states that you seem bitter, ask yourself, was a bitter or was I expressing something else? And if you were expressing something else, ask yourself, "okay now could that have been interpreted as bitter to somebody else?". Self awareness is the first step. Ultimately though, if you are a good person and like yourself, who cares what people think of you? don't give other people the power over how you feel.
genuineHeart3345
December 2nd, 2020 12:45am
Firstly, I don't think others' opinions of you should be something you stress over. But I totally understand how we all have our fair share of worries of how others perceive us and how we want to be perceived. I think you should just be true to yourself and show others your true authentic self. Often, people make judgments before they get to know someone, but change their minds once they get closer and understand them better. I think just being nice and trying to communicate with others can help you show who you truly are and be proud of yourself!
listeningearishere
January 21st, 2021 6:51pm
The beautiful aspect of this is that you don't have to change their minds. We all perceive things differently based off of our personal experiences and expectations formed by those experiences. You are incredible how you are. It is difficult to not focus our attention on what people think of us, as it is such a prominent part of our society; however, we are ultimately living for us and our well-being, as opposed to anyone else. Sometimes we aren't appreciated for who we are, which is frustrating, heart-breaking, and upsetting. I would encourage anyone to be who they are, their authentic selves, and surround themselves with support.
Anonymous
January 27th, 2021 7:14pm
It can be hard to get through the school day when you are concerned with what other people might be thinking of you. While you cannot directly control what others think, or change anyone's mind for them, one idea that might help get your mind off of what they think of you, and might also help them to not think of you as bitter, is to focus on yourself and finding your own personal contentment. When you are truly enjoying yourself, you are less likely to notice or care about what others might be thinking. Additionally, truly enjoying yourself and finding contentment on your own terms will make it harder for others to construe your personality or actions as "bitter" because you will likely seem happier and warmer.
serenesoul56
March 10th, 2021 9:54am
I can hear you feel incredibly hurt by how you believe others perceive you. As human beings we communicate what our thoughts and feelings about each other are through verbal and non-verbal communication. Whilst it is true that we cannot control what people think of us we can however control our own actions. Take this situation as a pointer and a sign to be more self aware. Try to see if you are showing any signs of bitterness towards people in your attitude. This may sound difficult but through some of your own introspection you can find ways to change your attitude about things and towards people and be more positive. You can unravel your thoughts and feelings through anonymous online communication from a listener or therapist on our site who specialise or have lived experience with what you are going through. Resources such as self-help guides and mindfulness exercises are be provided too on our site. You are not alone in the situation where you feel others misunderstand you as a bitter person. Misunderstandings can be cleared and what this comes from is self-acceptance, diplomacy and compassion.
organticBlueberry5504
March 25th, 2021 9:12pm
First, it should not matter what other people think of you, as long as you know you are true to yourself. That is all that matters. However, if you really want to change peoples' minds, maybe you can really try and see how other people might view you. You can ask yourself questions like: Am I not smiling to people when I walk by? Do I look standoff-ish? Am I not giving off a friendly vibe? You must be honest with yourself and dig deep to do some internal inventory and work on what you think can be changed or altered.
TheKindKaylafly
April 3rd, 2021 9:54pm
Sometimes when people have an opinion of us even if it is not true, it can make us feel annoyed and that we want to stop it. Unfortunately we cannot always change how people think of us but we can try and be kind and show that you are not bitter. I think that kindness is something that can help to influence people to not be scared of us or hold a grudge. If it is something that is making you feel anxious or unsafe though, it is very important to talk to someone for support and advice. Listeners on here cannot give advice but we are happy to listen and support you. :)
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2021 4:47pm
I can't give you advice because my advice might be wrong. you know what you should do the best. if you really don't know what to do then put it this way: Your friend says that everyone thinks she's bitter. how can she change their mind? This might help. Lots of people think different things and it's probably not right to judge. Everyone think whatever they want but it doesn't mean they're right about it because that's just judgement. Only you, you know yourself best. If your not bitter and you know it then you don't have to prove anything to anyone else
Smilyfern
April 23rd, 2021 12:20pm
talk calmly with everyone, share food, smile to everyone on every new day, remember to appreciate good deeds, help everyone and speak those words only which you yourself like to hear. once we started to appreciate good deeds and helping the fellow, everyone love you. plus when you say something in polite manner, by using please in front of any sentence, people love to talk to you and help you as well. so to change someones mind, we have to feel our mind with gratitude, happiness and good thoughts + lots of positive vibrations which we transform to others
Smilethepainsaway
April 28th, 2021 7:25pm
Dear friend, Proving yourself will shot down everyone's mouth. Stay calm when people mock at you. Walk steadfast towards your goal. Someday sure you will reach success. There are various ways to prove yourself. You can either excel at studies. You can go for sports. You can also choose anything you prefer. You can excel at painting ,dancing , singing, etc., There are numerous paths to success. Choose the right one for you. Prove the best of you. You only need a little motivation to walk towards your path. But never lose hope, just remind yourself your ultimate aim, to shut everyone's mouth.
Anonymous
May 16th, 2021 7:10pm
You can evaluate maybe why they think that. Is it reasonable for them to think that or have you really done nothing wrong. Self-awareness is key. At the same time, you can't always control what people think and what people do. Focus on yourself and bettering your own attitude. When you do that from within, then most likely everything else will fall into place and people will see that you are a good person. Maybe not everyone will change their minds, but that is not something you can control at that point. Just remain being your positive self and everything else will fall into place.