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How can I help bullies feel better without having to put someone down?

17 Answers
Last Updated: 06/15/2020 at 8:55am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Monique Bivins, MA, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have a real passion for helping my clients to overcome life's obstacles . My work with clients is nonjudgmental, supportive, and interactive.

Top Rated Answers
mikethedj4
September 20th, 2016 8:18pm
I went from being bullied to becoming a bully. In my case I grew up in a violent and aberrant household and talking about these things was a "sign of weakness" as I'm exposing my own anxiety and insecurities to the world. Everyone is different. What helped for me simply having a friend I can trust to talk about these things with; without the fear of being judged or ridiculed. That is absolutely crucial! Showing compassion to a bully can help exponentially; the bully may not want to talk to someone physically but show him/her this site and it can help wonders.
Anonymous
March 5th, 2015 2:28pm
We can work together, by finding the right path, seeing what makes us happy and what has the most effective impact.
Deepsnow
March 6th, 2015 12:48pm
I can help bullies feel better without the need of putting someone down by trying to talk with the bully. This is so that I can get the bully to say why he bullies many kids as well.
justchat
March 12th, 2015 6:45pm
He wants to put someone down because thinks that it will rise his rating. But when, after bullies, his rating stays same, he becomes nervous. You need to help him to find other ways to get attention.
Lanalistens
May 25th, 2015 9:30am
You could start by showing them that you care about them and you're wanting to support, help and be there for them. The mane reason for a bully to bully is the attention, all they want is attention, and you can give that to them.
Anonymous
May 26th, 2015 6:29pm
You can show bullies that there are other ways to feel good about themselves but also show them what they do it to the other person when they call them names. Show them the risks and the outcomes of others that have been bullied.
Anonymous
June 17th, 2015 11:14am
It can be slightly hard to say. Depends on the bully itself. If he/she is willing to cooperate, then i'd say you would have to be open minded to the situation.
Quakey
July 28th, 2015 2:59am
Let them know that though they may be responsible for their past actions, the past is indeed the past. If you can somehow lead them to make amends, they are guaranteed to feel a lot better about themselves.
ConsciousBeing
August 17th, 2015 10:45am
By showing them fearless kindness. Bullying comes from a deep fear of a certain person or idea, and that fear is suppressed and expressed through creating fear in others. And that can only be addressed with appreciation, understanding, and love of the human who is bullying others and giving them the affirmation they need.
Someone2LeanOn
October 27th, 2015 7:57am
Give them a hug and let them know that you care! As soon as they know that somebody cares about them it will make them feel loved and will no longer be a bully! I have personally done this to a few former 'bullies' and it did the trick!
ingeniousLion
December 22nd, 2015 10:06pm
You can take by force, but you can't give. Statistics show that bullies themselves are likely to have troubled families or turbulent past - so aggression can be a defense reaction. That is not to say that they are beyond help - it just might take time and the type of help that you can't immediately provide to relieve that person. However showing kindness to people and approaching them with understanding (even if that means to keep some distance) is always a good advice! :)
Anonymous
December 26th, 2015 2:53pm
Bullies have dark past and they are the people who struggle the most, you can offer a shoulder to cry on or ask them to vent about their problems because some of their problems that they struggle with is thinking nobody cares about them but if you asked them to vent they would feel a lot better and they would know that someone cares about them
Tg119340
September 19th, 2016 12:11am
Ask them what's wrong. Talk to them, but listen more. Figure out what they might be struggling with and help guide them through that or provide them resources to do so. Pain is not something that should last forever.
avocadoallyson
February 6th, 2017 1:00am
Being nice to bullies can be hard, but bullies are usually very insecure and need compliments just like everyone else. Treating bullies like people (greeting them and talking to them) will help them feel better about themselves, and you don't have to put anyone else down.
avanef
March 20th, 2017 9:31pm
Let them know they're better than that and that hurting others isn't helping them and they are a good person without hurting others.
Anonymous
April 24th, 2017 3:59am
You can compliment them and make them realise their worth. Not only will you being kind to them make them feel guilty, they will also see that they don't need to be so lonely and that they arel iked by other people regardless of whether they make others look bad.
Anonymous
June 15th, 2020 8:55am
Understanding that bullies have their own problems, whether insecurity or anything else, and actively listening to their own problems would be my technique to help them feel validated without condoning behaviour that hurts others. Actively listening could unearth problems that they may or may not have confronted yet, and allow for deeper healing. In a way, I think that this would help with cutting the problem at its source. Although it is difficult to say that all bullies bully for the same reason, there is no reason why compassion and empathy towards them should do anything but help. To me, it seems like it can't do any harm.