How do I deal with the feeling of alienation from others?
Last Updated: 06/05/2018 at 7:09pm
Lianne Kirby, MA in Counselling Psychology
I believe everyone should have the opportunity for their voice to be heard. I use a trauma informed, person centred approach in counselling.
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How do I deal with feelings of alienation from others? Well, I guess I go through that a lot. When friends don't talk to me, but talk to others. Or when people turn their backs to me. It hurts. I know that for sure. At school I'm always last choice. I make eye contact with my friend and then they see someone better then me and they will go to them to talk with in the hall between class. It sucks to feel not wanted. One time I was on a school trip and the place was crowded and I was stuck next to some people I knew. The closest person to me that I knew turned her back to me. The only thing someone said to me while I was trapped standing there was a stranger asking me to take a picture of her and her boyfriend. Okay, I know this is stupid.. Why would anyone even read this answer? I didn't even answer the question. I basically just vented. whatever. Well anyways I still struggle with this problem and it really gets to me.
You learn to appreciate your own company. Don't worry about other people too much. The right ones will come to you and you will know it. Until then, focus on you.
It can be difficult to deal with feelings of alienation and isolation. Even if you're self-assured and independent, feeling alone can wear on you. What helps is to get engaged, and stay engaged--whether by joining clubs, taking community classes in areas that interest you, volunteering, or even joining an online community--anything that surrounds you with people who have similar interests. Even if they don't become your best friends, having someone you can relate to can do a lot towards keeping you on an even keel, and, if nothing else, staying active in your community can give you a sense of intrinsic purpose; doing something you enjoy can go miles toward keeping you healthy and happy.
Having confidence in yourself isn't about believing that people will like you, it's about believing that you will be okay with people not liking you. There can be many reasons that a person can feel alienated and if expressing this feeling to the people that are involved doesn't work, perhaps it's time to start searching for another circle to be apart of. The reality of life is that not everybody will always get along.
The way you heal feelings of alienation is by summoning up the energy to explain your experience to others (however hard or unfair you think it is to have to explain your suffering to others on top of experiencing your suffering). Reveal some of the mystery of what is going on deep inside of you. You don’t have to share your whole story, but maybe you can give people a little peak at your process.
I try to remember I am my own unique person and you either accept me for who I am or you don't. I am not here to make others happy or to try go be a carbon copy of someone else.
Feeling alienated from others could possibly be from feeling powerless, unique, or meaningless. It could also come from excessive stress at times. Sometimes people even alienate themselves by pushing others away without realizing it. I understand this and have done this myself. Could it be possible to have a few selected friends that you trust instead of a large group of acquaintances? Also, many times, I have felt apart from others, then after some reflection, I came to realize that this was only my perception. Take some time to reflect and find a select group of people that you can trust. Try meeting together with others that respect you and care for you no matter what you are going through or have been through.
Try socialise more ask people questions how they have been what have they been up to? Everyone knows how it feels to be alienated once and while the best thing to do is try find common interests with those other people and maybe your feel better about them and less alienated.
Although it is difficult, making the decision to be more open to people is a good start to feeling less alienated. If it's being alienated from a specific group, there may need to be discussion on why and if this group is healthy to you. In a general sense, you may need to evaluate your situation. Are you shy? Are you giving off the wrong impression? Is there some common topic you can bridge the gap with? Perhaps being the one to take the first step is the way to go sometimes.
Try to include yourself, or find places you fit in. It can be really hard to handle that, and pushing too hard just makes it worse. Try to slowly reach out to people or find things you like to do and partcipate in them. How you approach the situation helps decide what happens. Patience and an open outlook at people, and why you get alienated helps. Sometimes we have stuff we need to improve on, it doesn't make an excuse for the people who alienate others but it can give us the chance to grow and move past those issues. Just be strong and find your place.
Being alienated is a horrible feeling. It is not easy to go about your day, especially in school where you have to see the people everyday. Sometimes, you alienate yourself because you feel uncomfortable from them or they alienate you. I did the former because I got uncomfortable with my group and they finally pushed me away because of it. No matter which way is it, the pain is still there. And the best way to deal with this feeling is to tell yourself that you are better than them. And show that you are better than them. Tell yourself this is all temporary, especially when you are in a school. Being unique is amazing. So, be yourself. It is okay if they want to push you away or alienate you, do things that make you happy. Read a lot of quotes to lift yourself up. Listen to songs that make yourself (recommended: Invisible by Hunter Hayes). Just remember: people alienate because you are different. But being different means you are being yourself and being unique. So tell yourself that it is temporary and it is them do it to you. Even if you got alienated because of you became uncomfortable, like me, it is still not your fault because the people who alienate you did not make you feel comfortable in your own skin. So, be yourself. Go out there and put the best attitude you have towards them. And, remember to kill them with kindness, because that will make you an even better person.
I think it takes time. I have always felt lonely due to my autism and queerness, and though it hurts, there's also a kind of acceptance that goes into it. Understanding that you're not understood, and moving forward with yourself for company. Cultivating an inner life. Usually there are people out there who are like you- people to find- but even if there's not, you're going to be okay.
Well first I had to understand that there is a big difference between being alone and feeling lonely. I had to find ways to be alone and still be content. I would read a book, write some poetry, and listen to music. I would find things that make me happy when I'm alone or away from others, then I wouldn't be so lonely. Plus, I bonded with people over the things I liked doing when I was alone. Trying to "fit in" by becoming something I wasn't, never worked. In fact, it made me feel even more lonely. I realized I just had to stand out. I challenged myself to try and say hello to at least to three new people every day. This helped me find people who were in my situation! All I can say is to never give up and embrace your uniqueness!
I am not sure. I have been the victim of an in-law's hurtful, cruel forms of social alienation for years in situations where the rest of the family are just silent onlookers. I have stood up to this person, which is always helpful, cutting off any nastiness right away. I have been silent. I have had some helpful witnesses once in a while and have shown them gratitude. I have read a book while at the family table while the bullying has gone on. I have stayed out of the bully's way.
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