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Lisa Groesz, PhD
Psychologist
With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
January 18th, 2020 6:18pm
Personally, I realized I was sort of bully after someone talked to me and then reflecting upon it. I genuinely thought that I was doing things that friends do to each other by "joking around". However, I didn't understand that my words actually hurt some people and their feelings. Some people may not tell you face to face but some signs to determine that you're acting as a bully is that
1. People tend to avoid you when they can or do things like not make eye contact with you.
2. If people act different with you compared to others (signs like this would be that they talk less or talk when absolutely necessary)
3.If you hurt people, call them names, gossip/start rumors or threaten and humiliate people on purpose.
4. Teasing others on how they look or act
5. I personally think that if you enjoy making others upset and try to do rude things to get a reaction is one of the biggest qualities of a bully.
If you are concerned you might be a bully, that is a great first step to introspection. If you find that you are often trying to put down others to make yourself feel better or if people are scared to be themselves with you, it means that perhaps it is a good time to look within your deepest self for why these things are occurring. Concern for how one treats others is one of the first steps to being caring and compassionate, which is, of course, the opposite of being a bully. And even if you find perhaps that you might not be treating others the way you would like to be treated, this is all something we can work on together. You aren't alone in your journey.
Got an adgenda, usually to make everything about the self at another persons expense. Sometimes doesn’t have to be an adgenda sometimes a person gets triggered with their own issues and rather than deal with them inadvertently take them out on someone else. Some people just feel better about themselves if the other person looks weaker and this is the usual definition of a bully, and probably the worst one, especially if it’s in public. A bully pushes others around to make space for their own fragile ego, rather than facing their own fears puts them on others, a bully is a coward
Anonymous
March 4th, 2020 2:51am
If you seem to be hurting others feelings you could be a bully. If you are messing around with other people in a fun way and they take it the wrong way it could be considered bullying. Looking for social cues when talking to people you have teased in the past is a great way to tell if the person you tease thinks that their bullying you. These social cues could be, awkwardness, shyness, and being uncomfortable when talking to you. If you have 4 any of these social cues pop up when talking to the person you may want to rethink of how you talk to them and or tease them and make sure it is in a friendly manner.
Anonymous
April 19th, 2020 3:46pm
This world is full of people of all kinds. Among the people who you have interacted frequently, you may find that some are never getting tired of putting you down and causing you feeling a strong sense of self-guilt and insecurity. Please flag them. Beforehand try collecting as many evidences as possible to verify the suspicion. Well-rounded people don't bully others and cause discomfort. Bullies are normally living with underlining psychological issues. It is not fair to simply label as "bad people". It is also not practical to expect everyone to be friendly and kind when they are not feeling okay in their heads. If you see someone enjoy making you suffer mentally and physically for fun. You can be sure that you have spotted your bully...Ignore. Respond to facts not their emotions if you have to. Step outside the room. Move on to focus on your own business.
Anonymous
May 1st, 2020 8:58am
I think you have to ask yourself what time of feelings you have towards people and how are you acting them out. If you are acting them out in negative ways that hurt them and taunt them then you have your answer. Being conscious of if your actions hurt others is a good way to know if you are a bully or not. It is important to ask yourself why are you asking this question and what deep feelings you are feeling towards this assumption/question. You can even ask the individuals if they feel that you are hurting them or bullying them with your actions.
Anonymous
May 6th, 2020 6:16am
If I hurt people regularly on purpose hoping for a reaction from them and making me feel better. If I pick on someone for no good reason and cause them pain either mentally of physically. Bullying is very serious and understanding that you are a bully and working out how to stop that and make everything better but helping the victim instead of being a bully I will be able to make the world a better place and reduce bullying. If I am rude to others, pick on people or am mean to innocent people o am a bully
A bully is a person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable. Do you feel like you can relate to these attributes? Sometimes bullies learn to bully from being bullied by others I .e. parents, siblings, other family members or peers. Anyone can be a bully. Do you relate to being bullied by someone yourself? Have you ever intentionally caused someone to feel intimidated or embarrassed or harmed them? That’s the definition of bullying. Have you ever felt like someone else had bullied you? Bullying is extremely harmful to those being preyed upon.
If you're consistently and frequently hurting another person psychologically or physically, even if with good intentions, it may be considered bullying whether it was intentional or not. If you really want clarification, it may be a good idea to ask the person you may think you're bullying if you have been bullying them. They may answer honestly depending on how severe the possible bullying may have been. If you think it was severe and they may not be honest, you might want to ask a bystander, or simply outline what you think was bullying to an impartial person you know.
You know you're a bully when you start doing things that bring harm to others. Physically, Emotionally, any type of harm. Being a bully isn't good, yes. But bullies are just people who are going through something too. If you are going through something then you might want to find another way to cope up instead of bringing it out to others. There are different types of bullying; physical, verbal, cyber, etc. But all of them have one thing in common; they bring pain. And not just to the victims, but also to the bullies themselves. I've written a speech about this matter for our public speaking activity before so yeah. I've also lived through the experience of being bullied and being a bully. And I can tell you one thing about experiencing both; none of them felt good. But they do have lessons for you to learn so that you won't have to do another mistake as you did before. But it's your choice though.
You know that you're a bully if people you're connected to and communicate with are starting to self-isolate themselves from you, shut down, they are silent and don't share much about their life with you anymore. If they are not telling you directly what is wrong you might show some compassion and reach out to them first genuinely asking how they feel about your relationships. Some people are very direct and are capable of telling you that your actions are hurting them but some people are not like that and you have to be bold about it if you feel like they are pulling away from you.
Treacherous and deceiving, a bully could show compassion and compromise in the stages of initiation. But as we interact with others, as we realise the gradual degredation of value people feel among our presence, we must differentiate ourselves; the victim or the bully. It may be hard to come accept a title that society seems inappropriate, but to ignore and remain on this path is to be willing to inflict harm onto others, whether physical or psychological. To know if you are the bully, is to analyse your interaction with people and their reaction with you. Are you respected for your actions are admirable, or from the fear you depart to your victims.
Anonymous
July 15th, 2020 10:10am
Well if you’re a bully then there must be a victim. Think about who in your social circle most likely fits into that role. Then look at the relationship you have with that person. Are you equal or are you clearly superior? Do you tend to push them around or verbally abuse them? Do you think they have as much fun as you when you interact? Try to put yourself into the persons head and think whether you would feel bullied by yourself. But keep in mind that perhaps that person is more sensitive than you so they feel bullied when you wouldn’t. After you‘ve considered all of this the answer should be a lot clearer to you
A self-introspect can help you know if you're a bully but it doesn't help you resolve the issue. Try to understand it from a 3rd person. It is also obvious that if you have hurt somebody with intention to see them suffer, you're a bully. However, if you know what you have done is immoral and unethical, you deserve a second chance. Change is not immediate but gradual. Work towards being a better person every day by listening and helping people out. At the end of every day, reflect on what you have done to make others happy. The first step is to accept the way you are and the second step is to believe that you can change.
I feel that if one sets out with the intention to demean or belittle another person this would fall under the basic definition of a bully. As a person who was incessantly bullied throughout school and in the community, I can speak to how it hurts someone quite deeply. I chose to use my protective mechanisms to mentally block out what they were saying and doing and always remembered my dad telling me that there was nothing wrong with me, that in fact there was something deeply wrong with them. It is important to remember that people often bully because there is something in their lives that is not being met and that they themselves may just need someone to listen.
Has anyone called you a bully? Maybe they do not dare? In any case, you can guess if this describes you in other ways: Maybe people avoid you, or seem to be extra careful talking with you, are scared in your presence especially if alone with you. As long as you treat anyone else kindly, respectfully and as an equal, chances are you are not. If you are often taking a dominant posture, it may be construed as bullying. The best way to know for sure is to ask someone you trust what they think and how your behaviour might be construed as bully-ish.
Put yourself in their shoes, would you feel harmed by your words? if you think you are hurting someone specifically then watch for their reactions as you say something you think is considered bullying. If their reaction seems sad and hurt then you should change your ways. If they genuinely laugh along with you then they must have a heavy sense of humor. You need to know that everyone takes words differently. A joke you said can tear someone apart and make someone else laugh. Remember, humor is subjective, not everyone is gonna get yours, some might think of it as bullying so you need to look out for your words.
Anonymous
December 5th, 2020 3:34am
A bully can come in many ways. Any time you are causing affect negativity to another person. Picking on others just for the fun of it. Finding joy in others suffering. Imposing your opinions, thoughts, feelings onto someone who is not invested or does not want it. Not respecting boundaries of others. Talking negatively about others. Passing judgment by appearance, behaviors, actions to others. Being a bully can look different from one person to another. If you do not know limits of respecting others, you could be considered a bully.
Anonymous
January 1st, 2021 10:29pm
You probably are not since you are asking yourself that question. Bullies often don't care about their behaviour and they don't ask if they actions have negative (or any) reactions on someone's life. They are manipulators, control freaks and two-faced people. They always pick on the weakest link in their or some other group of people. They lack empathy and can get agressive quite easily. They spread malicious rumors and are attention seekers. But, deep inside they are unhappy and lonely people with some sort of past trauma that made them that way. If you still think you are a bully, ask yourself what made you that way since you were not born with it.
Anonymous
January 3rd, 2021 7:59pm
If you are someone who uses power, or money, or any other advantage you might have over others to sabotage them, hurt them, or to control them, you are a bully. Even if you are someone who is fortunate, but chooses to keep it all to yourself, you may not be a bully in the literal sense of the meaning, but you are nothing short of one. To be a nice and kind person, you need to understand the importance of sharing with those less fortunate with you. A quote that I like to love my life by is, "If you are more fortunate than others, build a longer table, not a taller fence."
Anonymous
January 14th, 2021 9:00pm
It's best to examine the people around you. What do they think of you? Often times, I ask myself why people are being so distant from me, why they're talking bad about me, why no one really takes the initiative to start conversations with me. In that case, you've probably hurt someone, at least in my experience. You can learn a lot of things about yourself by assessing those around you. I victimize myself for this, when really I am the issue, I am the one that is bullying others and painting this bad image of myself. I feel like once you recognize that, then you will know the answer to this question.
Someone would know if they were guilty of being a bully by taking the time to reflect on their behaviors and interactions with others. If they found that they engage in or have developed an aggressive self-serving skill set in any of the following: emotional manipulation, isolation and, or gossip, then they might take their actions into consideration. Hopefully they would come to the realization that these behaviors are typical of what is commonly considered a bully. Hopefully they would then take the necessary action to avoid engaging in such behavior in the future. A little empathy goes a long way.
Anonymous
March 17th, 2021 6:15pm
Sometimes it can be hard for us to assess whether we are bullies. However, there are questions we can ask to take inventory of our behavior and hold ourselves accountable if we feel we might be acting in a bullying way. First, consider asking yourself whether you ever make jokes at the expense of other people. Look at where you derive pleasure, humor, and entertainment from. Is it ever from putting people down or mocking them? Do you ever make fun of people or tease them? Even if you are only joking, the people you are joking about might not feel the same about those jokes. Have they expressed any distress about the jokes? Have you asked them how they feel and have they been less enthusiastic about the jokes than you are? Do you criticize people often? Do you find fault with others? Do you pressure people into acting or behaving in a certain way? Do you pressure people into doing things they aren't comfortable with? If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, it's possible you are engaging in some bullying behaviors. The good news is, once you are aware of it, you can work on changing it, should you choose.
if you are continuously teasing someone for no reason or physically hurting someone for no reason over and over every day. that is considered bullying. if you don’t want to be a bully be nice to others and follow the golden rule.
A bully
a person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable.
If that feels like you then yes maybe. If you mock someone and know that it hurts them or upsets them, yet you keep doing so then yes. Do you make others feel intimidated and scared? Has someone stopped doing something they love or going somewhere they like because of you? if the answer is yes you have the power to stop and change. you can apologise and fix the issues with the person as well as ask how to make things right. it takes a lot of courage and listening skills to do so
Making loud noises, pointing bright lights at your eyes, and shoving stinky things in your face can be bullying if the person is doing it with the intent to cause you pain, or ignoring your requests to stop it. They don't have to hit you in order to hurt you.
Causing sensory pain; this may be tailored to a disability such as flashing lights at a photosensitive person or making loud noise in order to watch an autistic person jump and whimper
Trying to irritate an injury, such as prodding a broken arm, or dropping things for you to pick up when you have a painful knee injury
Trying to trigger a medical condition, such as using flash photography to try to trigger a seizure in an epileptic person, or showing graphic content to someone who has PTSD or a phobia.
Anonymous
June 4th, 2021 2:45pm
An obvious red flag that you are a bully would be that you lack empathy. you may not feel remorse or understand how your actions caused discomfort or agitated that person
Although you may enjoy conversations or interactions with someone, if that person is constantly upset around you, or if they get angry with you frequently and complain about your attitude or behaviour, you may have some characteristics of a bully and should reflect on your past behaviours and actions to confirm if you are one. Behaviours such as gossiping vile rumours about that person and deliberately criticising that person's weaknesses are considered bullying.
Some signs that someone is a bully are as follows:
1. You upset people around you frequently, whether that be with your words or actions.
2. You feel confident around those who are insecure, and you make sure those people know where they stand in your perception.
3. You show verbal or physical aggression.
4. You are unable to sympathize or empathize with others.
5. If you are prone to doing things like spreading rumors, misusing your authority over those who may be younger or more vulnerable, or finding pleasure in harming others who you percieve as inferior.
These points are all taken from an article from Newsweek that discusses this question. However, the list I gave bluntly answers your question.
This list doesn't take into account that many people have been at both sides of the spectrum. Having had some bad moments does not make you a bully, although you should acknowledge that these actions were wrong.
The list doesn't take into account that people change. Empathy is something that can be practiced. Being mindful of other's feelings is something that can be developed. Knowing that all humans are worthy and are entitled to respect is something that can be ingrained over time so that it becomes the basis for your actions and interactions.
This list doesn't take into account that sometimes harmful actions come from a place of insecurity, emotional pain, physical pain, and bad life experiences. These things cannot justify harmful actions, but they can explain them. Because they can be explained, there is room to understand and improve.
In the end, it all boils down to whether you can ask for forgiveness from those you have hurt, forgive yourself, understand the root cause of your actions, and use the knowledge you have to strive to be a kinder human, to others, but also yourself :)
Anonymous
July 9th, 2021 9:32pm
By definition, a bully is "a person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable".
Indications of a bully are constantly projecting your negative feelings to hurt others, making yourself feel better from badgering other people's insecurities, and blaming others without taking responsibility.
If you are suspecting that you are a bully, there is something that you feel that you did wrong to hurt someone. Try to reflect on that situation. Maybe you're in the wrong, maybe you're not. But, take a step back and analyze the situation and how you respond to it.
Bullying involves controlling, manipulating and gossiping about others. You might want to ask yourself why you have a curiosity with this question. Did someone personally label you as one? If so how did you feel about this? Reflect on your general perception of bullies and traits they may embody. Could it be you acted in a way that was regretful for you? Think are there people out there you feel you need to apologize to because you did something to deliberately hurt them? You are welcome to reach out to one of our listeners or online therapists on our site for further support. Thank you for your honesty. Wishing you all the best!
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