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How do I know who is genuinely interested in friendship,as opposed to 'using' me?

18 Answers
Last Updated: 03/01/2022 at 4:32pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
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Graham Barrone, ICHP, MCBT


If you've found that your quality of life has reduced because of anxiety, fear or some kind of mental hurdle that you just can't get over then lets chat.

Top Rated Answers
May 11th, 2015 10:14pm
Actions speak so much louder than words. How do they treat you? If they only call on you when they need something, they are probably using you.
April 9th, 2018 6:29pm
Body language and facial expressions. Overly fake gestures, or many requests or favors needed does pinpoint the fact that this person wants to use you. Real friends stick around, joke with you, have crinkles next to their eyes because they laugh with you for instance.
February 27th, 2015 9:47pm
a true friend will be there for you when you need them. someone using you will usually avoid being there when you need them to help you with anything.
April 5th, 2015 3:02pm
They will always root for you no matter what. They will be there to lift you up when you need it. They will also except the same treatment from you. They will have the relationship be 50/50. When they need something they may call on you, but this is okay as long as they were there when you didn't have much.
June 2nd, 2015 7:17pm
See how she/he looks to you and how she talks. I've got some disappointment in friendship, but i always think that i need to trust in someone. Really Really need it. So, I open my heart to at least every one, but only with who i am interessed to get to know a little bit more, i really give my heart. I know it's only a friendship, but i think about a friendship even much more serious and caring than a loveship. The answer of the question is: read carefully him/her eyes and you will notice if she/he is lieing. Or, I hope it for you! have a good but also bad experiences, they will make you stronger enough to re-start everything and to have an another happy experience with someone who is worth enough for you ;) lots of love, bye
July 28th, 2015 3:02am
Usually, if someone will listen to what you say, rather than kind of sliding around it, and they at least seem to care, they're worth a shot. All you can do is try them on for size, and if it doesn't work out, you can always choose to break off the friendship.
November 12th, 2015 4:27pm
People who are there for you, no matter how much they disagree with your values. People who are there for you, not wanting to change you into being more like them. People who really help you to grow into becoming better at what you want, not what they want. These are a few aspects that will help you catch their intentions quickly. Just pay attention at how they are behaving.
January 4th, 2016 3:23pm
If they ask you to come out and don't expect anything other than your company. If you go out and they ask you to pick up the bill on the first day or they ask for a lift to a friends house etc, they're likely using you.
February 1st, 2016 4:07pm
Let their actions speak..take some time before opening up. Someone who is just there to use you or even not so serious won't bother putting much efforts in knowing you as opposed to someone who is genuinely interested in you. You'll find them right next to you even though you keep pushing them away.
June 28th, 2016 5:12am
If that person is taking care of you the say way to take care of her, it may be sign that person is genuinely interested in friendship. For example, if that person always ask you to borrow you things or to ask you to get her a ride, and when you ask to do the same for you she efuses, it may be a bad sign. In both case, you can talk about it with that person because maybe she doesn't know herself she is doing this!
July 5th, 2016 9:32am
If they ask weird questions, Example: if they repeatedly are asking for stuff or money instead of having a fun time together.
July 25th, 2016 4:17pm
Helps you when you are in need. Asks you how are you feeling. Never compares you with themselves or with other people.
August 22nd, 2016 7:23pm
You will mostly feel it. Really. Trust your guts. When you have friends, you can really feel them caring. You feel warm instead of empty after meeting them.
January 23rd, 2017 5:52am
The biggest thing I use to judge whether a person is interested in genuine friendship with me versus just using me is reciprocity. Are you getting out of the friendship as much as you're putting in? Most the time people who are genuinely interested in being your friend will pour as much of themselves into the friendship as you are pouring. People who are just using you don't usually make the investment into you; they are only in the friendship for what it provides them.
May 9th, 2017 4:59pm
People who keep going back to those who do them harm, keeping secrets about said people as well as things in general, are using you. With all your best efforts to steer them in the right direction, they do not listen, and when they become defensive and accuse you of what you try to get them away from, it's time to let go. Severe intervention by authorities are needed.
December 18th, 2017 4:28pm
First you need to assess their behaviour towards you, expectations they have from you, how they treat you and others around you. If for example you ask them a favour and they demand something in return everytime, or they want to know everything about you, even if it's quite personal and you don't feel comfortable sharing that type of information with them, and you don't feel respect in one way or another, then that's not really a friendship. Friendship is made up of mutual respect, understanding, being supportive, committing their time for you in spite of inconvenience and always reassuring you that they will be there for you in times of need, and that you can rely on this person.
January 23rd, 2018 9:17am
A friend would want to help you all the time, no matter how it affects them and their reputation. A friend will be very honest of what they think about you which includes saying a negative thing because they want you to become a better person. A friend would stick by you at all times, even if they are getting late for something. Someone using you would rarely do any of those things.
March 1st, 2022 4:32pm
That is a good question. There is a saying that goes "It is easier said than done" and it is basically saying that people can say what they want to, but its harder to actually do it. So if they clam to be a friend, do their actions match with their words? Do you feel comfortable enough to open up to them and they won't dismiss your feelings or try to use that to attack you? Are they genuinely happy in your success and does it motivate them to be greater? Do they put you down for succeeding? These are just examples that can show a true friend or not. And it doesn't have to success, you can put whatever word in that sentence that you like, but the principles still apply: are their actions matching their words.