How do you effectively confront people who are spreading negative rumors about you?
Last Updated: 04/08/2021 at 3:29am
Lisa Groesz, PhD
With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.
Top Rated Answers
If you know who it is then it would be best to confront them directly without much stepping around the issues. Tell them that what they doing is hurting you and that it needs to stop or else you will be forced to take different actions to ensure they stop it. Try to make clear how they actions effect you, maybe ask them why they acting that way. If they try to deflect or tell you that it isn’t them who started the rumor, bring evidence. You can try to talke to them I’m private first but if that doesn’t worke than making it public or semi public would at least ensure that people know the rumours aren’t true. I wish you the best of luck! Things like that can be really hurtful
People spreading rumors is difficult to deal with because sometimes you won't be able to just ask the person to stop and easily resolve it. I had this experience in high school and it really bothered me having my name thrown around behind my back. Luckily, we had mutual friends we both trusted to keep a cool head and mediate a conversation between us. Eventually, we got to the misunderstanding and forgave each other. It helps having someone there who cares about you both and is not emotionally invested in the situation itself. It's not the only way to resolve rumors, but it is one! :)
The best way to confront people who are spreading negative stuff about you is in a compassionate way, let them feel guilty for spreading wrong things about you. When you smile and talk to them gently they may understand what they've done is wrong. Hate leads to more hate, fighting leads to more fighting. The best way to solve this is through love. Love wins all, be gentle and compassionate, talk it out, and don't force the conversation. And if you can, try proving them wrong, its possible in many ways. The more they realise how wrong it is
Approach them nicely. Do not let your emotiond overcome you. Ask them if you ever possibly did something wrong to them that is why they are spreading rumors about you. Talk and listen to one another. Communication will always be the key to everything. Let them know about how you feel, and ask them if there is something wrong. I think it is the lack of understanding that is why some people spread rumors about certain person. It is either they failed to understand how does the rumors will affect that certain person or if they hate you that much they could just talk to you.
As for me, I choose to not confront them. Somehow it made them feel better or was some sort of needful thing for them? If I know I have done nothing wrong then I have to understand that it's a "them problem" and not a "me problem". If they felt the need, that badly to behave that badly, I can only imagine they are doing these things to others as well. I think it's really unfortunate, but when I find out this is something that has happened to me, I can only see it as a gift and that I found out sooner as opposed to later, and it would be the time for me to no longer invest more in the friendship. People have their own problems and issues, things I am unaware of. I keep moving forward and try to still do my personal best.
Confronting someone that spreads negative rumors about you are never easy. Sometimes there are situations where confronting them will lead to even more issues. In my experience though, the best way to confront them is with honesty. Talk to them about what's going on and how it is hurting you and I find that often brings the negativity out of the situation. It's easy to hurt people when you're not confronted with the reality that they are human just like you. It's much easier to do it behind a keyboard, for example, because you're not dealing with any sort of consequence you can directly see. Once you know someone is being hurt, and saddened, it often brings them back to the reality of the situation.
In this circumstance I would say talk to them in person, one on one and ask politely why they seem to be saying negative things about you and where they are getting that information. I would say do not make a big scene about it just ask in a nice, casual way that doesn't create more drama. Try seeing if they are mad at you for some reason, or if they are trying to get revenge for something they think you did. Try to figure out a solution without making the issue worse. If you two cannot figure it out, then take it to someone in charge such as a teacher or parent to see if they can help.
I would confront them directly in hopes to gain an understanding of the truth from them. Having a discussion that is productive and stays on the topic is helpful. The hardest thing to consider would be to keep feelings aside. The reasoning behind them spreading rumors may be that they are uncomfortable and/or looking for something that they don't have and believe that by spreading rumors they can obtain. I wouldn't be afraid to hear them out and after they tell me their side I would share how the rumors made me feel. I am one that believes it is important to learn from the situation and maybe this discussion will allow them to see that spreading rumors in the ends is negative for both participants.
Confronting people who are negative don't always end up working out for the best because confrontational people usually like to taunt and follow people who don't seem to want them next to them. It depends on the person and who they are welcoming of. When someone spreads rumors about you with malicious intent it's usually a sign that they are immature or unaccepted and they need your acceptance. It's like they're way of craving for your attention to accept them. They'll usually try to get the best of you but most likely can't since they're normally undesired and they know that. They can sense that they are not wanted and will try to attack unless it's a case where something unordinary happens. Why confront them? Notify the authorities, that's usually the best thing to do. Being assertive isn't a bad thing but don't give into things like, getting in their face and getting aggressive because that's usually a disaster. Try to ignore them, set boundaries and if they can not understand those boundaries then you need to tell someone about it or many people about it if you need to so they can get away from you. People spread rumors about others all the time, it's unfortunate but it isn't far from normal to them since they are usually unable to find other things to do other than that. Good luck!
First of all, I'm sorry that this is happening to you if that is the case. You have 2 options, confronting this person or letting it go, but it seems like you would rather confront them. My advice is, gather evidence that they are doing so, and show them that you are aware of the rumors they are spreading before you confront them. Remain calm and present the facts when you choose to talk to them about it. On the other hand, confronting this person and responding to negative rumors can potentially bring unwanted attention to them and make it harder for you to get rid of it. Hope you get through this, good luck.
Even though nobody likes to be negative comments about, gossip is a natural part of human societies. People talk about other people for all kinds of reasons, from insecurities and depression to conformity and a simple desire for entertainment. It can hurt to be the subject of gossip, no matter what the reason, and it can be especially painful if the perpetrator is your friend. Confronting someone who has negative comments about you can help to clear the air and allow you to set the record straight and move on. so move on is the best way to deal..
It is always best to make sure you do not confront them in front of others. This can lead to embarrassment and may make that person go into defense mode and not want to talk about it rationally. It is best to pull the person to the side and ask if they are saying negative things about you. Give them the benefit of the doubt and the opportunity to come clean first. Then ask them why they are saying those things about you. Remain calm and do not try to use judging type words. Instead, listen to what they are saying and understand why they are saying those things.
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