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How to deal with people that are bad mouthing me?

202 Answers
Last Updated: 12/30/2020 at 2:48am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Alison Humphreys, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

During the therapeutic process, individuals will learn to manage transitions, overcome obstacles and work towards their full potential .

Top Rated Answers
April 24th, 2020 9:11pm
This may take a 2-step approach. First, it is often a good idea to refute any untrue information or to reframe true information that is used against you, particularly if this is done in front of an audience. While this might not particularly reduce verbal bullying, it will send the message that you aren't afraid of them, and let others who are listening know they are only hearing one side of the story. If others see you letting others tell lies about you, they may start to think the lies are true. It is like being in court. You don't have to take the stand in court in your own defense, but not doing so may convince the jury that you are guilty (even when the judge instructs them to disregard that). The problem with certain lies being told about you is that they can put your life or safety at risk. So you are speaking up to discourage others from bullying as well. Using comebacks can be good or bad, depending on the circumstances. Comebacks can provoke the bully into physical aggression, so it is wise if you use comebacks to use ones that elevate yourself or even the other person than those that only fuel the fire. The other thing to do is to become stronger as a person and realize that these are just words and are not you. In fact, you could see this as evidence that you are important, since why would they spend so much time and energy on you if you truly had no worth? You could use being called names as a way to feel alive since you are proving to yourself that you can endure a lot.
April 25th, 2020 4:16am
I would first ask them why they are bad mouthing me? Did I do something to hurt them? If I did not do anything wrong then, I would express that their bad mouthing is affecting me in a negative way and I would like for them to stop. If they don't I would just remind myself to not listen to them, because what they are saying is just their opinions. It does not mean that what they are saying is true about me. As long as I am a good person and being my best self, I do not need to worry about what they are saying. Although, if they are bath mouthing me because I hurt them, then I would apologize. I would express to them that I will change my behavior, if I did something wrong.
April 29th, 2020 8:09pm
Gossip is such an hard thing to counteract because you are being talked about behind your back. When this has happened to me (and I imagine that there is no one who hasn't had it happen at some point in their life) I first figure out what I might have done to cause someone to feel angry at me. Then, if I can find out where the gossip started, I approach the person directly (if I feel safe doing so I will speak to them in private, otherwise I will have people with me that will listen without judging either of us) and ask them why they so angry with me. If I think that I have in some way hurt them (with words or ideas) I will apologize. If not I will try to have a conversation about the reason(s) for my behavior(s). As far as I know this has only happened in my professional capacity as a registered nurse and so it was part of my job as a manager to make some decisions that not everyone was happy about but I always tried to listen and understand why a person or persons were upset with me.
May 10th, 2020 12:01am
There's a psychological trick to help interrupt someone who is doing that to your face, and that is to compliment them. It's hard to be mean to someone who is being nice, and it's almost a way of calling them out. This can apply in wider situations as well, say only nice things about the person. When people notice the difference in rhetoric between the two of you, they'll likely start to favor yours over theirs and put less weight into what the other is saying. Additionally, the impact of insulting someone who is being nice degrades the character of the person who is doing the insulting. It makes them look bad, makes you look good, and forces them to think about how they're behaving.
May 17th, 2020 2:31pm
Communicating your feelings directly should be a decent start. We don't know how to deal with negative opinions that we may have about people or things we don't like to deal with. Gossip is an unavoidable aspect of life, though it should be used to learn about one another not to garner information second hand. Because you really can't know for yourself unless you find out by the source of the bad mouthing. Ask the people about the comments and why they came about, and see if there is any merit to what was said. So ask about the gossip or you won't know the reasoning behind it. Many times we allow molehills to become mountains. Basically i have no idea, and please let me know if you figure it out. Thanks!
June 5th, 2020 8:45am
dont care about them. they dont deserve your precious time. just let them be. people try to let you down because you are ahead of them. They are confused, small, insecure people who can only feel good about themselves by badmouthing others. However, don’t pity them, it’s not one of those cases. Even if you move away, they will find a new victim. In a way, this whole thing is not even about you. It’s about a very sad attempt to look cooler than someone else. Don’t adjust your life based on what other people think of you. Try establishing a meeting point with another co-worker and going to work together every morning, if you don’t feel safe.
June 6th, 2020 4:08am
When people bad mouth me, I think it is important to first help them see the damage their words have caused me. Right away, I might ask them how they think I feel about it. Then, using "I" language, I would gently explain the emotions and feelings that their words have stirred in me. I would point out specific phrases that they said and ask that they refrain from this kind of talk. If met with continued hostility, I might seek out a 3rd party, or a means to block the offending people from my life. In all this, I would seek community support to help me deal with these negative emotions, either directly or indirectly.
June 6th, 2020 5:31pm
There is little that can be done regarding the actions of others. It's our own choices that is our power, so trying to control others is futile. Rather, the expression "deal with" puts to emphasis back on who matters--you! Dealing with people who gossip and spread slanderous crap are common. Social media has made our opinions an open talking-point and the annonimity often emboldens people. The best ways to deal with people who are bad-mouthing you is to ignore them. People often try to incite ugliness and engaging gives abusive people further fuel. Also, the axiom: "If you can't fix what's broken, fix something else", might be of use. Instead of bad-mouthing people in your circle, try spreading some kind words to those you know need them.
July 9th, 2020 10:43pm
I would always recommend taking the high road. At times, it can be really frustrating, I have struggled with this myself -- but, nobody will ever know you better than you know yourself. People might judge, criticize, point fingers and say every vile thing under the moon - but none of it truly matters when YOU know YOURSELF. You have the power to not let them affect you - remind yourself that you are not their words. Remind yourself that you are WHO you want to be and as long as you're fine with that and as long as you accept yourself, what the world thinks of you is insignificant.
July 17th, 2020 2:10am
I usually just let them know that they are talking rude to me, and that I would prefer they take a step back think about it and then come back to me when they've calmed down, I find when I'm worked up and them someone comes in and start bad mouthing me it all turns up not good. My biggest belief in life is that the key to co- existence is communication. Being able to talk about things that bother you and being able to tell people how that upset you can really make a difference!! I hope this is helpful
July 31st, 2020 6:16am
Bad mouthing exists and will always exist. Despite all your attempts to be the kindest and the most compassionate person, these people will always exist, because it brings out how insecure they feel about you. If you know you are on the right path and even if you did mistakes, if you are able to forgive yourself for it, you don't need to listen. The only time when opinions should matter is when you are looking for constructive criticism. Try and steer away from destructive criticism. There is a huge beautiful world of kind people outside the bubble of bad mouthing people, and also a part of the universe inside you. Try and explore that if you can! :D
August 14th, 2020 10:36pm
it seems that we have two options and to think of the outcomes of both of those options. We can confront the person or let it pass. However, to think about how you would want to confront them and what your hopes are to get out of the conversation. It seems that we have to think about how we want to approach it and what we want as an end result. To think about the best and the worst possible outcome and if we want to take the risk. Overall, it depends on how you look at the situation and how you think would be the best response to their actions.
September 6th, 2020 8:05pm
The best way to deal with this situation is to treat people with kindness. In other words, kill them with your kindness. People don't have the energy to bad mouth people that are kind and if they do they should be ignored. For example, if someone calls you a mean word reply to them with a compliment about them. It is hard for the bad mouther to respond to this in a negative way and if they do continue with your compliments to them. I believe this is an effective way to stop bad mouthers. If this doesn't work then you must ignore them.
September 24th, 2020 3:47pm
To deal with people that are bad mouthing me, I would go tell them how I have been feeling because of their talking. Also, I can also ask them if I did anything wrong to them. If they tell me that they had misconception, I can ask them to stop talking bad about me or if they tell me about my fault, we can apologize to each other. I would also try to fix what he told me. I can take it as a great opportunity to become friends with him because we could share our opinions and we could know better about each other.
October 16th, 2020 3:15pm
If they have no reason for bad mouthing you and you are totally innocent of being party to it then I’d say ignore them. They are only causing trouble and in time other people will come to realise this. You need to be taking care of yourself and not adding to anyone’s drama. Talk with people who you can trust and leave the bad mouthers to get bored and eventually leave you alone. It can take time for the drama to die down, but eventually it will and people will see what a good person you are. Also fill your life with good things, positivity and fun and you’ll not have time to worry about them anymore, you’ll just be too busy.
October 22nd, 2020 5:55am
Just breathe, remind yourself of positive self-affirmations. The people who are so negative against you are using their own insecurities to displace them on to you. You are not a product of their opinions. You should take time and make space between yourself and them before any attempts at conversating, give yourself time to calm down from any hurtful comments. Do not take and on their comments and words as labels to yourself. You cannot control how they act, but you can control how you react and sometimes people are trying to make you give them a reaction. Don't let anyone tilt your crown.
October 28th, 2020 11:52am
I feel like there are a few levels. For example, if they are someone you consider a friend and/or have had a relationship with for many years, make sure to tell them how their comments are making you feel, and that if they value your friendship they would stop. If the person saying the things is a stranger or someone not in your life, I would suggest ignore them. Insecure people tend to project their insecurities towards others, and the best thing you can do is not give them your time. Instead spend that time growing and nurturing yourself.
November 12th, 2020 7:06am
Remind yourself that they're not speaking from a place of truth, they're speaking from a place of bitterness and anger. Don't let your mind dwell on lies. Some people feel the need to tear others down because they think it somehow lifts their own self up in the process. Walk with your head held high knowing that they never got the privilege to know your true character. People that bad mouth you don't deserve any space in your thoughts or any place in your worries. Show grace and kindness in the face of adversity and never stoop to their level.
December 16th, 2020 9:39pm
First of all don't take their response way too personally, these are people who have allot of anger within them and need to release it onto another person. Try asking them if their is anything you can do to help and calmly let them know that in order for you to help they too have to collaborate as well. If the bad mouthing persists then it often means they do not actually wish help but are just searching someone to let their anger out on, and its just better if you stop talking to them. Let them know with a warning why you stopped talking to them. Good luck ;)
December 18th, 2020 2:26pm
It is best to cut these people out of your life completely. People who are "bad mouthing" you are no good for you and shouldn't be involved in your life. They are only out to make themselves look or feel better with no consideration for how you feel. It may be quite difficult but do whatever you can to cut off any contact with these people so their comments can no longer affect you on a regular basis. Your life will improve greatly when these people have been removed and the stress of the situation will be gone. I understand this situation all too well and went through it recently.
December 20th, 2020 3:00am
For every step forward you take there will always be people who feel jealous. For every step backward you take there are those who feel better about themselves. There will always be people who bad mouth you. Unfortunately, it doesn't disappear. The only thing we can do about it is to persevere in face of it. I know it is difficult and it definitely hurts, but the only way to deal with these people who badmouth you is to show them they are wrong. sometimes that's enough to convince them to stop. Other times the best way to deal with people is to ignore them. Above all remember they are talking about you. These people have nothing better to do than talk about someone else. SImply by not being one of them, you are already a better person.
December 30th, 2020 2:48am
It must be hard dealing with people that are bad mouthing you. I suggest you to ignore them, the moment you tell them that what they are saying is wrong, you are giving them what they want which is attention. Ignore them and they will never talk about it again. In life, there will be always people that want to talk bad about you for any reason. But always know that there are so many more people that love your existence and will care for you. The best thing to do is to ignore them so they do not get attention. Although it might seem impossible, after a few days and weeks, they will completely forget about it. I promise. Thank you and if you have any other additonal questions, be sure to ask the 7 cups community and we will answer